Uppity Under Cover! Big Three CEOs Have Completed Their Formal Bailout Plan

Copyright © 2008 Uppity Woman. All Rights Reserved.

As you all know, Nancy Pelosi has instructed the CEOs of Ford, GM and Chrysler to return to congress with a viable plan for the $25 billion dollar bailout money they have requested in a panic.

During their first visit with congress, it was very clear that either none of the three had a clue what they intended to do with the money or……..they just didn’t want to admit that they were going to use it to make payroll and maybe take a nice trip the the Bahamas or something. Modeling themselves after AIG, maybe a nice trip to England for partridge hunting might be in order.

Rep. Brad Sherman, D-California, asked the three CEOs to “raise their hand if they flew here commercial. Let the record show, no hands went up. Second, I’m going to ask you to raise your hand if you are planning to sell your jet in place now and fly back commercial. Let the record show, no hands went up.”

So you see, these three turkeys didn’t do very well on that begging trip.

Even Nancy, who would pretty much hand out money for a circus cockroach act if the presenter sucked up well enough and it meant a nice contribution to her next race, was unimpressed with the Big Three CEOs. But that wasn’t difficult even for a money groupie like herself. If any of you watched these three overpaid clowns on CSPAN, you know that their appearance on Capital Hill pretty much debunked the concept that ludicrously high CEO salaries and bonuses attract the Best and the Brightest.

Uppity decided to go undercover and dig deeper into the minds of these three honchos who make more money in an hour than most of you make in a year.

So Uppity tracked the three CEOs, Goniff, Finagler and Swindler, and notest that they went off to a special retreat together in Palm Beach for a little golf, a massage, a nice haircut, a bit of sailing, some new Italian silk suits from that cool tailor they know, and a couple of laughs over how their companies promised to make more fuel efficient cars back in 1980.

In between the Beluga caviar, cold cracked lobster claws with shaved-truffle butter, rack of Austrialian lamb and two of those remaining five bottles of Chateau Mouton-Rothschild 1945, Uppity can attest that they put their three Best and Brightest minds together and crafted their financial plan for the $25 billion. The result was a work of art which only three American multimillionaire CEOs could possibly produce between belches. This was a particularly difficult task for them to achieve in the absence of a large team of lower level faceless eager lackies hoping to get noticed, who actually do their thinking for them on a regular basis, while they hang out at the spa waiting to take the credit for good ideas.

I don’t mind telling you that Uppity was able to secretly infiltrate their meeting and partially record the fruits of their labor between their bashes with the girls in that special company executive suite. Uppity was particularly pleased when they took lengthy off-site breaks such as this, because she was able to set up her covert equipment and partake of the wine and lobster while they were gone.

As you can see below, they were indeed clever enough to craft a money plan that would work well for selected Congressional financial wizards such as Barney Frank of Fannie Mae fame.

Now see, if these guys would only listen to me they would have provided a Plan that Congress REALLY understands: