The “Up All Night Wondering If My Ass Will Be Raptured” thread. Take Two.

Welp, here I am again, about to sit up all night wondering if my ass will be raptured. Again. Only this time, my preparations are Fine Tuned, thanks to the bullcrap May 21 Rapture date I prepared for so carefully, only to find that I still had to pay all my bills the next day. Bummer. This time, I tried to contact that holy person who discovered Jesus on a Walmart Receipt, figuring he/she/it would be able to give me some last-minute advice, but I’ve had no luck. I checked all the important, most likely places too. Shrines, churches and Ebay. Bummer.

Once again, we Yankees have the jump on you people in other time zones, assuming that the Rapture will occur during EST. This means that you heathens in California have three more hours of depravity and debauchery than we do. Nobody deserves those extra hours more than you do, let me tell you.

Again, since the hour is nearly upon me, I am writing really fast, because I want to make sure this post gets published under the wire before midnight, just in case my ass gets raptured at the stroke of midnight.

I am also all dressed in the same May 21 Rapture clothing, in case I fall asleep tonight and get raptured in the morning before I get a chance to get dressed. I did launder the clothing since May 21, though. I’ve always been conscious of looking right. I always get the sense that if I look too scruffy, my late mother will reach down and smack me upside the head, you know? As I discussed in my Rapture Preparatory Plan, I am dressed in warm clothing because it does get rather cold starting at about 15,000 feet and I hate being cold. The problem is, it’s hot as hell here, so I had to crank up the AC. Not that I care how much it costs, since I won’t have to pay the bill anyhow, right?

I also have my carry-on packed and am keeping it attached to my body, so if I get raptured, it will automatically come with me. Otherwise, having been swept right out of my shoes, I might not have time to grab my bag. I hate going anywhere without snacks and a bottle of water.  I decided that, in addition to some easy to carry peanut butter crackers, I am bringing a couple of bananas and apples. Most of those church mooches I’ve known roundly reject fruit and vegetables, preferring greasy high-calorie treats, so I figure I won’t have to share with some lazy, unprepared sponger on the way up. And I can give the crackers to any babbling religious pontificators I run into to shut them up. Let’s face it, peanut butter is great for that.

I also packed a bottle of Pinot Noir. Okay, this time, I packed two bottles of Pinot Noir. I don’t figure they will let me into paradise with the wine, but I plan to finish it off before I get up there and drop the empty bottle. Hope I don’t hit anybody down here like I did last time. I also packed a brand new toothbrush and deodorant. Not sure if we will use that stuff up there, but I always pack those things. 

I even put a bra on and I hate those damned things, but I didn’t want to Diss anybody at the Gates, you know? With my luck,  I might get punished and have to spend eternity fighting off Jimmy Swaggert or  that Crystal Cathedral huckster or something.  I packed my hair blower too, don’t ask me why. I mean, I don’t even know if they have electricity up there. I mean, you can’t blow your hair with the power of some light Under a Bushel, as the saying goes. All I know is I’m gonna look like hell if I can’t blow my hair. And that’s another thing. If I’m going, my hair stylist better be going too. I don’t want to have to go looking for another one who pleases me. I hate when that happens.

Also, I have my ID in my carry-on (or “carry-up, as it were), in case I have to prove it’s really me. I wonder if I will need my passport? Anybody? I am bringing my long form birth certificate for sure, because I don’t want any COLB questions. I might have to come back down here to get the real thing and find out I can’t get back in either place, thereby spending eternity floating around in the sky with nothing but peanut butter crackers–until some lazy-assed, overpaid air traffic controller fails to stop me from crashing into some small aircraft. I don’t think I’ll be running into any TSA problems, since those perverts are mostly going to hell.

The rest of you should be looking for your Rapture Notice any time after midnight. It will look like this.

A towne house next near her, please.

During this second Rapture Run, I decided to also rethink who I would like to meet up there and hang out with. I mean, besides my family members, whom I miss terribly. Except for that one Aunt, but I really don’t think she’s up there anyways.

I haven’t changed my mind since the last Rapture. I continue to choose Gilda Radner as the one famous person I would like to hang out with Up There. Like I said during the Last Rapture,  I’m not usually affected by the death of someone famous, but I was really concurrently bummed out and freaked out when Gilda died. I would definitely share my apples and bananas with that gal.

I still wouldn’t mind rubbing up against Patrick Swayze and having some of that dirty dancing with him either, but, as Gilda used to say: Nevermind.  Still, I’d like to have The Time Of My Life too. And while I’m there, I do hope Kate Hepburn gives me the time of day as well. These are people I would far rather hang out with than that Harold Camping freak who made $80,000,000 on the May 21 prediction and is probably making another 80 right now.  This Rapturing stuff is very lucrative. Who says there isn’t a sucker born every minute? Not Harold! But he won’t be up there anyways. The scary part is he would still be down here with the rest of us.

Okay, so now I’m going to stare at the wall and wait just like millions of  crazy religious crackpots are doing right now. However, I just want to say that, in the event I get yanked right out of my running shoes, I bequeath my dog to NES and UTAH, with joint custody. This is so NES can spoil the crap out of her for half the year,  and then UTAH can recycle her and get her properly trained again. And since she loves snow, UTAH gets her in the winter. NES, you should be reminded not to use my dog as a babe magnet.

I bequeath Bill to the whole lot of you, because it’s going to take all of you to deal with him. And you deserve him. Heh.

So how about you?  Are you ready to Rock and Rapture?

************

More on Gilda. If you didn’t click on these links last time, you are truly despicable and should do it right now.

Final Update with Jane Curtain

Gilda’s Audition

Bawa Wawa

Commencement speech” at Columbia School of Journalism

Prom Night

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141 Responses

  1. Hillary tells Pakistan to dismantle the Taliban and we will fight them with or without Pakistan’s help, whether they are out of pakistan or IN pakistan.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/20/clinton-pakistan-terrorism_n_1022180.html

  2. ROFL! You better decide right now who gets custody of this blog as it might be a bit uncomfortable for NES to have to mediate a blog custody dispute.
    And I call dibs on MKBill. Kozmoe will be delighted to have a tuxie friend again!

  3. Yay Hillary!

  4. No problem, Mom, The blog is yours. Hell, you can have it now! LOLOL. But I was kinda figuring you’d be with me and we could blog from nirvana.

    I would not, however, wish Bill on poor Koz.

  5. Transcripts of the zillion interviews Hillary did today in the middle east, while Barack rested.

    http://www.state.gov/secretary/rm/2011/index.htm

  6. Hillary’s round table with the big boyz in Goatfuckistan.

  7. Bonsai. Hillary on Democratic transition in Libya

  8. Hillary sends a clear message to pakistan as a taliban ‘safe haven”

    http://www.youtube.com/user/statevideo#p/u/5/TjlsZRl7aII

  9. LOL liveblogging the Rapture! I’m IN!
    Hey Koz might be a good influence on Bill. Koz is a very laid back cat. I have kitty snacks and catnip- organic but not Mexican- buy American you know.
    Do I have to get dressed up for this Rapture thing? Cuz I want to be comfortable. Bras are uncomfortable and I can’t wear heels anymore. A pony tail, jeans, a T-Shirt and sweatshirt. My leather jacket. Maybe I should put some long johns on under the jeans. Layering is good.
    My passport expired a long time ago, I suppose a baptismal certificate and long form birth certificate will do?

  10. Goodie! We have another excuse to drink “Raptures”! Here’s the recipe:

    http://www.drinksmixer.com/drinkz159y81.html

  11. Mom I don’t think shoes matter. You probably won’t have to walk. Just float around and stuff. Don’t wear a dress or skirt cause the people left behind will see your panties.

  12. Wow. Fox just showed a whole bunch of photos of hillary in Libya, with all those big boys hanging out with her and loving it. There were even a few token women,, which I am sure she insisted on.

  13. Wow! I just turned on FOX after your comment….first thingI saw was Judith Miller BLEH!!! But then after my stomach settled she said what you said….that Hillary Clinton was just in Libya and “laid down the law”. Wow! Compliments to Hillary on FOX?????

  14. Floating would be good- my doctor said I should float in the pool- and I did – a LOT- at my son’s. it worked really well. Floating around in the clouds should give the same results right? Ok then- as long as I can be comfortable.
    I am afraid the Hillbilly will not be coming though- that beer thing

  15. Maybe it is because Fox isn’t afraid of her running in 2012 so they’re being a bit fair and balanced. When they have an agenda to push they rip her apart and make stuff up and imply outright lies.

    I am so proud of her. Although I hate the idea that she works in the thief’s administration, in actuality he’s left her alone and she’s done an incredible job. I am not looking forward to her replacement whether it be Kerry or Rice. Nobody on the horizon can do what she does. Nobody.

  16. They video title misspelled Dr. Demento. Moron.

  17. Hold the presses…that idiot O’Reilly is on now…I’m turning it off. His lead-in story (after Gawdawful)….”Hillary Clinton Disses Herman Cain”
    back to normal…

  18. Godaffy family album photos.

    http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2011/10/20/qaddafi_dead_photos_secret_archive_family

    You are EXACTLY right about FOX, Karen. creeps.

  19. Fox has a new video of Daffy as they are dragging his ass out of the sewer pipe, all panicky, knowing he’s going to die like a sewer rat.

  20. Uppity- I laughed when I saw the misspelling of Dr Demento- guessed they drank all the beer they filmed for the video.

  21. Video of Daffy being grabbed, begging for mercy as they beat the crap out of him.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-15390188

  22. No rapture for Daffy.

  23. I love Gilda too, thanks for the links Uppity, sometimes we forget what gifts a shining star like her gave us. Hugs!!

  24. BTW I loved Gilda. I was quite upset when she passed too.
    Bea Arthur bothered me as well.

  25. Agree about Bea, Utah.

    Utah, you know my dog pretty well and so you understand her capabilities with respect of playing one parent against the other. Anyhow, I kind of figure that after one season of Coat Blow, NES will be paying you for sure to take her.

  26. Speaking of coat blow cripes Kahlua is driving me mad. Good golly I could have used the fur I took off her last week and stuffed a mattress no kidding.

  27. I don’t even try any longer, Utah. I see one blob pop out of her undercoat and I’m at the groomer’s.

  28. It won’t be Kerry or Rice replacing Hill, karen. Because there won’t be another Obama Administration.
    (Did you lose your talking points? MKBill will tweet them to you.)

  29. Hey, I’m keeping NeedleNose in all seasons and forever.
    Utah’s going to have to sue me for joint custody!

  30. FF, it was quite an EQ for those of us very close to the epicenter. The building shook and lifted — up, forwards and backwards. I, of course, stayed at my desk, writing away. EQs don’t scare me, for some reason.

  31. Can’t wait to get NeedleNose. I’m stocking up on all sorts of gourmet dog food.

    (Now, Upps, that doesn’t mean I want you to get raptured…I’m just looking at the bright side in case you are).

  32. You’re supposed to honor my wishes, NES. Now, you might be a lawyer and a damned celebrated one. But I do wish to point out that Utah can shoot a fly off a twig at 50 feet. Just saying.

  33. Upps, you kill us with these hilarious Rapture posts. It’s even betta than seeing the face of god.

  34. OK, this jolt we just had was a little scary. Really moved the building.

  35. Hey, you’re gonna be sorry you didn’t listen to me on this rapturing thang.

  36. It’s just a pre-rapture rumble NES.

  37. Ah I get Needlenose cuz NES is going to be raptured. I saw it on a grilled cheese sammich . Yea I did !! See you later NES .
    Oh no I think I heard some noise outside . I think it has started. Sure hope that noisy neighbor is flying away lol

  38. Whoa! NES that was a 3.8 aftershock of a 4.0….
    It was on the Hayward fault not the San Andres.
    Today was Shake Drill Day too.

  39. karen (in response to comment on a previous thread) – don’t worry, I’m okay – they’re always skyping naked and flaunting it to me! Hey, I just thought of something – it’s like they’re locking the fridge door on ME!!!! lol

  40. […] considering where he’s polled in recent months…he had no where to go but UP!  (Unless maybe they mean the kind of “upwards” trend that Uppity posted about.  But I can’t honestly imagine Uppity letting Newt tag along with her, can you??…and […]

  41. OMG, NES is gone!!!

  42. Oh Hell’s Bells. Not again.

    The woman is dressed like an eskimo, holding on to an overnight bag and staring at the wall. It must be Rapture time again.

    Thank Dog my food bowl is full. But that won’t last long. I guess if she gets yanked, I will just have to rotate at you Uppityites’ homes. Just make sure I have all the modern conveniences if you want to keep commenting here.

    Personally, I don’t know what I’m worrying about. She’s way too wicked to ever get raptured. But I’m getting sick of this crap. If I ever meet that rapture guy I’m gonna get him in his sleep.

  43. NES and UPPITY! {looks upward and checks for falling wine bottles}

  44. Oh good…Sir Bill….then she hasn’t…………..??

  45. lorac’s not here either…. PMM? FF? DE? karen? HT? mcnorman??……..[whistling….}

    OMG! It’s just me and MKBill!!!

  46. Just you and me kid. You better go shopping. I like my fish fresh.

  47. MKBill…can I interest you in a p-p-p-PIE? :)

  48. Midnite here on left coast.

  49. NES, what do you think about the Hillary/Pakistan article?

  50. But God, I actually go to church……I don’t get it…… will there be another better rapture you are saving me for? yeah, that’s gotta be it. Okay God, what evah!

  51. Well it’s 3:47 cdt in redneck land uh, Alabama. Have heard some traffic on the street so there are a few others around.

  52. Awww man!! I slept through it. Does that mean I don’t get to go? I forgot all about it.

    I did talk to my boss about getting raptured the other day, she said we had too many deadlines to meet, that I needed to say put.

    Bill, you’re more than welcomed to crash here for awhile. The dogs will even share the bed. Now the cat, well, you might have to set him straight. I’m sure that won’t take long.

  53. Well here we are- Rapture Day again. Anybody here?
    tap, tap, taptaptap, tap, tap
    Hmmmm.

  54. I’m here, but not for long. Gotta get ready for work.

  55. On my way up. Not sure which CI (Cosmic Interstate) I’m on, but there must be others?

    No recharging stations for gadgets in site – yet – so live-blogging will be limited – I’ll update later – or not.

    Haven’t passed any Occupy Heaven signs, yet…

    …I’m either an early departure or I’ve taken too many Xanax waiting for lift-off and am still in my closet.

  56. Well glad to see vivien and whynot have checked in.
    I wonder if nirvana or heaven or wherever everybody has gone/is going is on solar power?

  57. Well boo effin hoo Calderon. Boo effin hoo. Keep them on your own side to begin with and we would not be dumping them on the border.

    http://news.yahoo.com/mexican-president-us-dumping-criminals-border-195654498.html

  58. PMM – You DO know that, if it were not for Rapture Days and someone breaking one of her few blog rules, Uppity just can’t find the heart to take a few days off – and leave her faithful stressing too long about what life would be like without UppityWoman (or leave the heathens too long thinking they’ve said something intelligent)?

  59. … we’ll hear from her on Sunday, ya think, unless this is the BIG ONE? lol.

  60. Whynot- yes- she seems never to take a day off. Though here it is after 8 am East Coast time- and she has not checked in yet. Hmmm. But MKBill has not checked in either. Do cats moderators get raptured?

  61. MKBill did go up! I see him floating in the header!!

  62. Bill is going up? I TOLD Uppity to leave the nip here.
    Sneaky news all around the tubz. Rubio life story being “debunked”, piece meal jobs bill failed in Senate yesterday, administration caved to blackmail from Islamofascists and pull references to Islam from terror training materials.

  63. Who is that? Posting Ginger and Fred? I did see a piece this morning that Camping is nowhere to be found. NAH- not possible. If so- Uppity will be right back.

  64. PMM,

    That’s what this administration does best…cave. I wonder if the Chosen One thinks that getting rid of all the despots and terrorists will get him back into the best public housing in the world? Its the economy, stupid–Part Deux. Or with his wet behind crowd that would be Part Duh.

    Oh, and in case you are wondering why the last rapture didn’t occur UW, the wacky pastor said on the news that it was a “silent Rapture.” So you were raptured and didn’t even know it! I wish the media would notice positive things that religious folk do; my church just served its millionth meal at its soup kitchen. Far better than any Rapture.

  65. I’m still sitting on the porch with my suitcase. Wearing a really spiffy outfit and white RayBan sunglasses with palm trees on the sides. When the hell are they going to rapture me? I could really use a latte…

  66. Anthony- lol-
    I think I am safe. It is going on ten a.m. here.
    Unless it is midnight tonight it is supposed to happen?
    Not gonna work for me if this is a late night thing.

  67. Poor Anthony……(pssst….who wants to break it to him?)

  68. Glad I’m not the only one who canNOT pack lightly for a trip. I take everything Uppity packed including the peanut butter crackers. It really looks like MK Bill is being raptured in the header, but maybe he is just watching Uppity go up. I want at least a short term visit with needle nose, maybe when you need a dog sitter, maybe?

  69. “silent Rapture.” well that,s different.mine were always pretty noisy. :lol:

  70. the rapture passed me by yet again…. Not that I’m upset but I was hoping it would get Zeke – no such luck.

  71. http://news.yahoo.com/radio-prophet-gone-airwaves-judgment-day-eve-011922225.html

    ALAMEDA, Calif (Reuters) – An evangelical broadcaster whose end-of-the-world prophecy earlier this year stirred a global media frenzy has vanished from the public eye and airwaves ahead of his recalibrated doomsday date, set for Friday.

    Well that settles that. I just can not see Uppity hanging out anywhere with that guy for long. She will ‘decamp’ in a hurry voluntarily if she has to put up with him for more than five minutes!

  72. HT! Hiya! Glad to see you!
    Looks like walmart did not get an oblowmecare waiver

    http://www.goerie.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20111021/APA/1110210740

    Wal-Mart Stores Inc., the nation’s largest private employer, is scaling back health care coverage for future part-time workers while raising premiums for some full-time workers.

    The discounter says that rising health care costs are forcing it to eliminate healthcare coverage for future part-time workers who work less than 24 hours a week.

    The article is only four paragraphs long- and notice I picked it up at a small local news site- not the MSM.

    But it wll be ok- I am sure walmart will hold extra training to teach people how to apply for medicaid.

  73. Scoff all you want.

    It is only we True Believers that will be delivered from global ridicule and political ass-holiness.

    I’m still on the porch, many empty latte cups littering the steps along with a few Snickers wrappers. Holding out til midnight.

    By hook or by crook, I’m getting the f*ck away from “Teh One”

  74. Anthony- but we would so miss you! Be careful on the latte stuff. Cuz you know how it goes- as soon as you go to the restroom- WOOSH! Might be a bit embarrassing no?

  75. I’m standing on the roof watching this mess. Nobody told these freaks that cleanliness is next to godliness. They’re littering worse than OWS.

    My food bowl is empty. All I can find is half a peanut butter cracker left in the package. I can’t find a trace of the woman except for her shoes.

    The atheist group showed up, took the dog and decided I was too much trouble. I need a lawyer. I know there’s a contract here!

    Somebody better feed me or I am going to be pretty grumpy pretty soon. This is a warnage. I know you know what that means. This Rapture crap is a pain in my furry ass, let me tell you.

  76. Sir Bill! I was afraid this would happen. Surely she left the credit cards? Perhaps you could order some food delivery online? And a limo to bring you here?

  77. Sir MK Bill –

    Care for a latte while you’re waiting?

  78. Wait, wait! The atheists took the dog? I thought NES and Utah got joint custody of the dog. Does NES know the atheists have kidnapped needle nose? Oh boy- there is going to be hell to pay. Oh wait- is Utah an atheist?
    {sigh} I am so confused. I hate this rapture shit. Too messy.

  79. AACCCKKKK! Teh fraud is on TV. click

  80. Wait, wait! The atheists took the dog?

    Heh. I made a little call.

    Yeah Ant. I like a lotta cream.

  81. Utah is not an Atheist so where is my darn dog ?

  82. Meh. *thumbs nose at Rapture crap from the crazies in this world* Sir MK Bill, I have some of that new cream from Bailey’s that I’m going to put in my coffee. You wanna get drunk with me while other folks look silly with their suitcases? :)

    Barky is so desperate to revive his ratings that he’s decreeing that the troops will be pulled out of Iraq by the end of the year. This is going to work out reeeeeaaaallllly well… NOT. Not that I think we shouldn’t bring the troops home, but.. you know. Yanking them out will be disastrous – it’s a no-win situation. Taliban wins, takes over, becomes horrible plague.All those American and other allies’ lives lost for nothing. What a crying shame.

    The stench of Teh One’s desperation makes the whole land gag.

  83. Utah! Damn. I thought maybe you were an atheist and had the dog. Maybe NES is an atheist? Crap. Where is the dog?

  84. The dog is sitting right next to me on the porch

  85. I missed my ride.

  86. Anthony- Thank goodness. I was so not looking forward to explaining the missing dog.
    Now I will let you and Utah and NES sort that out. lol So long as the dog is not with strangers. Whom she might digest. Causing legal problems.

  87. mcnorman- I think this area is on a rain delay or something. No signs of anybody floating upwards. I would know- my dog would bark.

  88. Looks like Uppity lost her crackers. Or did the Rapture border agents confiscate them and throw them down? Surely she is not trying to get MKBill to eat those?

  89. something funny is going on with The Sibyl

  90. If Sir MK Bill is still MIA, he might be at my condo. My mother cannot tell my black and white/tuxedo cats apart and she keeps losing count. MK could have slipped in unnoticed. Plus he would love my place as my kitties and foster kitties his “type” and even better, my mother hands out nip like there is no tomorrow (which for those of you who have been raptured there may not be).

  91. Huff and Puff has a piece up about Wally World:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/21/wal-mart-scales-back-health-care-employees_n_1024092.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl6%7Csec3_lnk3%7C106232

    I find it odd. Walmart was known for considering Medicaid its health plan for part time workers (to the point that they kept the forms on file in HR and would help workers submit the paper work). So what is with the shell game?

  92. UW, not all Christians believe in the rapture theory. No where in The Bible does it say 1/3 of us will be taken. The theory started somtime during the 19th century.
    As a Christian, I know the false christ will be on Earth and that Jesus will return after he is here. So I would say to non-Christians, just ignore any person who claims any knowledge of a date or a time.

  93. Still on the goddamned porch…

  94. hello (((((uppity’s)))))

    You guys are sooo funny—-I really love coming here

    MK and needle nose—get your butts back with your mother,
    once she finds out she’s up there and your down here,
    all HELL is going to break loose.

    I have no idea why I am michelina 51—can I change it / and if so / how

    I was 51 two years agio

  95. Michelina- clear your cache- then just type what you want in the comment box log in. Override any autofill. I will keep an eye in case it sends you to spam.

  96. Still on the goddamned porch…

    Hey Ant. Fetch me another latte will ya?

    And get the g’damned dog a burger or something.

    Got any chicken?

    It’s gonna be a long day, man. Let’s face it. Nobody wants either of us. God won’t take the dog either cause she requires too much grooming and crap. Shoulda let the atheists keep her. Face it, Ant, life is pretty sucky when people fight for a dog instead of Perfect You and Perfect Me.

    Got any ice cream?

  97. Oh no!! Upps lost her crackers. MKBill, it’s still an open invitation. You’ll have to find a ride though.

    You might as well hang it up Anthony, it ain’t happening.

    Michelina, you don’t look a day over 51.

    When’s the next rapture? And will it be silent?

  98. Poor Sir MKB! Don’t worry, you’ll have more fun down here. I love that word “warnage”. Did Shelby Fluffy make that one up?

    Here’s another govt waste program you guys might not know about. We’re getting a new refrigerator this week and when we asked the place we bought from to haul away our old one, they told us to call Edison & they would come and get it and send us $50! Apparently its some kind of “Green” program, they want people to get rid of their old crap and buy new more energy efficient stuff. I’m sure its a govt program, so taxes being used to fund picking up the old and paying us $50 bux a pop! What a scam, huh? They will take away up to two appliances a year! Anyway, they just left. :)

  99. no rapture again!!!!!:(

  100. So, did Upps & NES get taken? Sir MKB, you can come & live with us. You can share lakers room, you should get along just fine. You both like to be spoiled and love good food.

    Mom, interesting about that Rubio guy. I don’t know anything about him, but hear he might get the VP nod. I’ll have to look him up.

  101. It appears Uppity and NES- and possibly FF as well- have gone to the rib eating place in the sky. I guess Mr Uppity went as well- cuz MKBill and needlenose are hanging out at Anthony’s.
    Wonder what’s in Uppity’s liquor cabinet?
    And I am taking custody of any and all tomatoes she put up. The tomatoes are MINE! MINE I say!

  102. Barky’s bringing home the troops in Iraq by the end of the year:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/21/obama-iraq-troop-withdrawal_n_1024108.html

  103. Here’s something about Rubio. He sounds like another bullshit politician. Also, think he’s too young & inexperienced to be VP.

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/marco-rubios-compelling-family-story-embellishes-facts-documents-show/2011/10/20/gIQAaVHD1L_story.html?hpid=z2

  104. I’m an atheist. So, maybe I have the dog.

  105. As a Christian, I know the false christ will be on Earth…”

    Hilly Billy — What do you mean “will be”? I thought that already happened. (Hahahaha)

  106. I’ve got NeedleNose. (MKBill is just putting Utah on a false trail….) NFW am I sharing custody with anyone.

  107. I love Rubio, socal; you should give him a chance. So, he embellished a little. It’s not who he is anyway (not like being a son of anti-Castro Cuban parents makes him special in Miami, where they’re a dime-a-dozen). Fact is, he pulled himself up by the bootstraps and is a good, eloquent and hardworking Senator (with a great future). By contrast, Barky embellished pretty much everything about himself and is no more than his largely manufactured biography. He made prez only because people are stupid and gullible, not because he deserved it. When Rubio’s president, he’ll deserve it.

  108. Ah! There you are NES! Good! Did you share a latte with Anthony when you picked up needlenose?
    This could get interesting- you and Utah in a custody dispute. lol Will there be arbitration? Does this mean you are contesting the webwill?

  109. Funny how we are already seeing an effort to take Rubio down. They still have not gotten around to debunking the bam bam myth.
    Makes me want to go check Rubio’s record of accomplishments as Senator.
    One thing is for sure- it can not possibly be any worse than teh fraud.

  110. Yay, NES is still here! Don’t blame you for keeping that gorgeous dog! We’ll have to get MKB on a plane (not Delta) and fly him here. You guys will love seeing pix of him with celebs and at some famous LA spots.

    Re: Rubio, I admit I know zippidedodah about him, and I know everything about bark is fake. I don’t really care about that dumb story about his parents, I’m just so sick of pols nowadays. If he turns out to not be a conservative nut job, I might like him.

    I’ve been cleaning the refrigerator spot. Gross.

  111. Mom @ 5:20 ROFL!

    Mom @ 5:23 Haha, so true!

    NES, what do you think about Hillary and Pakistan? You should do a post.

  112. Oh Yes! I would love to see an NES post on Hillary and Pakistan!
    Please do NES!

  113. You know, I was thinking on the way home from lunch about thirty minutes ago that Barky’s going to screw himself up more with the Iraqi demob. There will be a blizzard of separations… but no jobs for the ex-soldiers. What’s he going to do then?

  114. More sneaky weekend news- More of our money going down the toilet- an electric car that costs a mint- and they could not find anywhere in America to make it. But by all means give them a green energy loan. To make cars in Finland. Would you be surprised to hear the Goracle is an “investor” in this company? Or that Delaware was supposed to get some jobs out of it?

    http://news.yahoo.com/car-company-gets-u-loan-builds-cars-finland-172441546.html

  115. Allie- very very good! Many of the troops in Iraq are/were National Guard- and I believe if they had jobs when they were called up- those jobs or the equivalent must be given back to them when they get home. But then what happens to those who replaced them while they were deployed?
    Watch for escalation in Afghanistan.

  116. Outrageous about the car plant in Finland. What bullshit that they couldn’t build or retool a plant here. Think of how fast this country’s manufacturers kicked into high gear at the beginning of WW2.

    laker is singing in a show this weekend! Tonite & tomorrow nite. He seems very calm.

  117. Allie, would love your cake recipe, the one you mentioned in the last thread.

  118. Well well well. Uppity gets raptured and the next thing you know the “news” is recycling HER POSTS! I demand an investigation! Where is counsel for the raptured’s estate?
    That yahoo/ABC link I posted about the Finland/Goracle/greenenergy loan? Well they are a bunch of lazy ass Yahoos! Look what I found in Uppity’s archives! Note the date on which Uppity gave us the news about the gore/finland deal! Lazy bastards think because she has been raptured they can just stroll right in and make use of her work with no credit? Useless- the media is USELESS!

    http://uppitywoman08.wordpress.com/2009/09/29/our-loan-to-al-gores-company-to-make-an-89k-car-for-the-people-manufacturered-in-finland/

  119. DUCKand Cover! Falling penguins in the header! They’re coming BAAAACCCKKKK!

  120. Nothing worse than getting hit by a falling penguin…..not like I would know or anything…..

  121. PMM and socal: I have nothing positive to say about Pak. It’s an incurable mess. Hill is speaking to only one or two parts of the power structure, and not the key ones; the taliban elements are run by rogue elements of the power structure and they’re not about to give up their deadly poodles. It may come to war — even if it’s not formally declared.

  122. Love to Laker from his lawyer. Let me know if any of the show participants commit torts against him.

  123. PMM, the raptured one got royalties for it.

  124. Try not to consume the pengys’ ice for your scotches, imust. It helps them stay balanced, and all.

  125. I see you believe the rumors too NES! I continue to proclaim my innocence!

  126. NES- I knew you would get them to pay! Now about those royalties. How much is allocated for nip and how much for grooming needle nose.
    (MKBill wants to make sure he gets his share of the distribution lol)

  127. About the ice. It seems there may be a shortage this year. We have yet to have a frost. Very very very strange. Still lots of rain. But no frost. Normally we see the first snow by Hallowe’en.
    Therefore we shall all have to find ways to conserve ice for the blog penguins until Obama shuts up about the “jobs bill” and the hot air dissipates.
    I am beginning to wonder if Oblamer is running around saying “Bill” as much as he can as a psyop. Cuz all sane Dems associate “Bill” with Big Dawg which we associate with peace and prosperity.
    nah- oblamer is not that smart. And if he had an adviser who told him to do it- he would balk out of jealousy.

  128. I’ve seen the pics, imust.

  129. MKBill gets bupkiss.

  130. MKBill gets bupkiss.

    Don’t fall asleep.

  131. NES- Brave, brave NES.

  132. “…..like there is no tomorrow (which for those of you who have been raptured there may not be).’

    ROFFFFLLLLLL!

    Good One!

    And as for the rapture…it’s clearly a fake. If we can still hear and see Obummer, we all are obviously in Hell.

  133. Once again, I’m still doing housework–just like I was during the last ‘rapture’. Damn, it’s like being on a closed loop.

  134. Just checking in to let you know I wasn’t raptured. (Quelle surprise.)

  135. Ummmm, no rapture here, yet. Ahhh, forget about it. Have a beer or wine, or cake and coffee. Then enjoy the evening as it was meant to be enjoyed. With a special someone, of course.

  136. Don’t fall asleep.

    The woman took command of my vocal cords and made me say it. You know how domineering she can be.

  137. Mom, please see that I’m cremated and scatter my ashes in the Mediterranean, off the coast of Italia.

  138. I have the recipe written in about five cookbooks (it was a recipe my eldest sister found back in the 70s and became a family hit). Here’s the essential core of the recipe:

    http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/chocolate-chip-apple-cake/detail.aspx

    It looks correct when compared it to my memory. The changes we did make were 1) shred instead of chop the apples, saves tons of time, and 2) instead of two cups of apples, more like around four.The more apples, the moister the cake… but also you will want to make the baking time a tiny bit longer. And you wouldn’t think that using grannies instead of red delicious would make much of a difference, but it does, and it’s very subtle. Any variety of apples will do, though, and we actually mixed and matched with whatever we had around. And 3) we just dump the whole bag of choc chips in. In for a penny, in for a pound. :)

    While the batter itself smells glorious, the scent as it bakes is sublime. :)

  139. And oh yes, if it’s to your taste, dump chunks of nuts in the batter – I prefer walnuts in there, myself.

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