Member Why Not? has been so distraught since Uppity decided to take a break from blogging that he/she decided to go on an Uppity Woman hunt! Naturally, Why Not? began the hunt in the most obvious places…….
Just saw Uppity at Walmart. She’s talking to the friendly Walmart greeter – something about how she would rather eat a McDonald’s Double Cheeseburger, laced with grease from Donna Brazile’s mama’s cooking, than blog on her blog about voting for democrat or a republican in this year’s election.
Here’s the alleged greeter that the alleged Uppity spoke with:
“It could’ve been the real Uppity Woman I spoke with……she told me she thought that I had left the building. Didn’t quite get what she meant by that, but she seemed pretty riled up. Have y’all checked Las Vegas?”
Uh oh. She’s heading to produce. OMG! She’s juggling Cantaloupes and shouting: “Attention Walmart Shoppers, Get your Salmonella Cantaloupes before the FDA and CDC recalls them in a month or two!”
‘Yeah, there was a lady juggling cantaloupes here a little while ago….she taught me a few tricks and then asked if I liked ribs…strange question….”
What the hell! She just hijacked a guy’s shopping cart scooter! She’s yelling for everyone to follow her to the pharmacy and “sign up for a reduced-price prescription card – only $10,000 a year – courtesy of ObamaCare!”
“This is Susie Clairol Girl reporting from a local Walmart in upstate New York. Reduced priced prescription cards are now on sale, for a limited time, according to a Walmart employee who would only indentify herself as “UW”. Back to you Jim.”
Geeze! She’s made a u-turn and is heading into the women’s clothing department! Clothes are flying! I can hear her singing: “The last time I saw Paris China…. the smell of sweat-shops in the air…”
Shit! Here comes security… she just stood up on the scooter seat. She’s putting on a t-shirt… that says…
If you think Walmart is a crazy kind of fun place to be, visithttp://uppitywoman08.wordpress.com
….UppityWoman – Deal with it!
Why Not? is not done yet searching for Uppity. Here was her most recent post:
I’ll let you all know when I land in New York. We ALL know there’s only one Needlenose and I’ve got the picture.
I’m renting an ultra-lite for the first few days and hopefully can spot that Scarecrow.
No doubt, from what she says, she can out run me, so once I get the location, I’ll rent a scooter, gas mask, bullet-proof vest, portable wine rack – and definitely have a pack of CIGS on me – to break the ice.
All suggestions would be helpful as we all know this search and find mission falls into the category of Close Encounters of the UppityWoman Kind. So, pray for me with one of those four foot rosaries, light a candle and call the rapture guy to reserve me a spot on the next flight out.
Yes, I know it’s last call for me, but someone’s got to do it. I love you all and will miss you terribly.
Good luck Why Not?!! Godspeed! And definitely keep us posted………
*******UPDATE FROM WHY NOT*****
I just got a call. A mountain-climbing friend of mine said he’s pretty sure it’s Uppity Woman that’s standing on the summit, calling it “BEEN HER!” and writing the 12 Commandments to the Third Wave…
1. Thou Shalt not be so dumb to think that Hillary Doesn’t Speak for You!
2. Thou Shalt not climb onto skyscrapers, call them shoes, break an ankle more than once and call it fashion!
3. Thou Shalt learn to recognize the Yin and Yang in catch phrases like: Hope and Change!
4. Thou Shalt not cast your Vote to repeat a history that hates you!
5. Thou Shalt not Believe indiscriminately
6. (She’s still on # 6)…..
Never mind. It’s definitely an imposter on the mountain.
6. Thou Shalt call Ms. Magazine a “movement”
(She’s probably just having a Beer Summit with the Slugs but, I swear, I’m going to find her and, and, and… I haven’t exactly figured that part out, yet.)
Slug drinking beer………………..
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