You’ve Come a Long Way Baby!

Ladies!  Listen Up!!  Forget the War on Women!  Let’s call a truce!  Wave that pink flag and call in the troops!  Sure we’ve had our own pharmaceuticals, big deal, nothing new there.

My wife, I think I’ll keep her….as long as she can still make breakfast!

And we’ve even had our own ladies only cancer sticks cigarettes.  Meh, soooo seventies.

Safety-smafety….I’m smokin’ ladies only cancer sticks! I live on the edge.

But now….now equality is truly ours!!!  Stand close to your fainting couches girls, here’s the feminine product we’ve all been waiting for……

Be still my heart!!!

Product Features
Elegant design – just for her!
Thin barrel to fit a women’s hand (oooh….baby)

I’m not “faking” it when I say…..I loooove this pen.  And I’m not the only one.  Check out these reviews from Amazon:

Finally! For years I’ve had to rely on pencils, or at worst, a twig and some drops of my feminine blood to write down recipes (the only thing a lady should be writing ever). I had despaired of ever being able to write down said recipes in a permanent manner, though my men-folk assured me that I “shouldn’t worry yer pretty little head”. But, AT LAST! Bic, the great liberator, has released a womanly pen that my gentle baby hands can use without fear of unlady-like callouses and bruises. Thank you, Bic!
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Someone has answered my gentle prayers and FINALLY designed a pen that I can use all month long! I use it when I’m swimming, riding a horse, walking on the beach and doing yoga. It’s comfortable, leak-proof, non-slip and it makes me feel so feminine and pretty! Since I’ve begun using these pens, men have found me more attractive and approchable. It has given me soft skin and manageable hair and it has really given me the self-esteem I needed to start a book club and flirt with the bag-boy at my local market. My drawings of kittens and ponies have improved, and now that I’m writing my last name hyphenated with the Robert Pattinson’s last name, I really believe he may some day marry me! I’m positively giddy. Those smart men in marketing have come up with a pen that my lady parts can really identify with..

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So what if I get paid 70 cents for every dollar a guy gets? Now I can use a Bic Pen for Her when I endorse my sad check and fluorish the hell out of it with a bunch of hearts and curlicues. It’s also comfortable to write with, meaning the only cramps I’ll get are the other kind

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So my wife has always wanted a divorce, but when it came time to sign the papers I stumbled over laughing as she reached for my Bic pens in an attempt to use them. Silly woman, how could she possibly use these pens to do “women’s work”. Did she not know the manliness of the almighty Bic pen? Her hands just couldn’t handle its sheer power and testosterone. Then Bic goes ahead and does something like this. Creating this demonry of a tool to allow woman to write. No longer are the days where I could cast away my wife in the dungeon of my basement. Bic has opened Pandora’s Box. I am now a bitter lonely man. You’ve cost me my marriage Bic! *Shakes fist in air angrily*

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In a world where a woman’s body is no longer her own; where freedom to choose is legislated by dangerous men; where basic bodily functions are no longer a woman’s to command…

One pen will change the world.

Armed with a writing instrument unheard of by modern humanity, she will embark on a journey of discovery. Never. Before. Seen.

Today, a new hero rises to answer the siren call for sanity.

Because sometimes Derek with his stonehard pecs, pulsating buttocks, and flowing blonde hair simply isn’t enough to satisfy her craving for adventure.

BIC for Her. Use the Pen. Be the Pen. Be there. Aloha.

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Umm, has anyone actually checked out the legality of this product yet? I’m worried about ordering them as I’m a single lady and I was wondering whether I would actually be able to use these pens unaccompanied. I’ve heard that in some countries, a male family member must be present and that other countries have issued an outright ban. I think Bic needs to clarify.

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I don’t know about you, but I’m glad I’ve lived long enough to see this myself.  First woman president?  We don’t need no stinkin’ woman president, ERA??  Puh-sha!!……we’ve got our own pretty pen!

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199 Responses

  1. IMUST! ROFLMAO! You are a gem!

  2. Most excellent, imust.

    File this video under “If you don’t laugh at them, you’ll go crazy.”

  3. That video is well done. There is nothing like shocking satire to expose what a Fucking Asshole looks like, especially if the Fucking Asshole is running for the second in command of what is supposed to be a civilized country. Now if that Fucking Asshole had ever been legitimately raped with a long broom handle whilst being punched in the back of the head, he might get the point once they started asking him all about it in the emergency room, just as they tell him that some women were going to analyze his currently disgusting mess of a body, check the latest law, and decide for him if what happened to him is legitimate instead of, you know, a little spat with a wife over her wifely rights to his body, he wouldn’t have co-sponsored a maliciously cruel batshit crazy bill with a certain psycho candidate as his partner. That is, if he even went to the hospital, seeing that he’s too ashamed to admit he’s been raped. But he wouldn’t be running for second in command because he would be too riddled with shame and disgust whilst spending most of his time taking hot showers and trying to scrub the disgust off of him. That would be in between contemplating suicide. Gee! Good thing he can’t get pregnant, have the psycho’s baby and raise it for a couple of decades as a reminder of what a piece of shit he really is! Imagine adding THAT to his numbskull, moronic, borderline-crazy, religious-zealot plate. It just would have been so much better if his Uncle Chip stuck it too him every thursday night while he babysat for him so Mom and Dad could have a night off, and then Uncle Chip would tell him not to tell anybody because that would be bad. That would be way better because there wouldn’t be a mark on him, his dreamy blue eye wouldn’t be bulging out from the beating and the rape wouldn’t be legitimate, so everything would be fine. I just can’t wait to vote for this wonderful creature. I want him to be president next and I know you do too! I just love a guy whose decision-making skills are punctuated with papal bullshit and delusions that God would even get caught standing next to him.

  4. I wonder if those pens come in dayglo! I want one for when I write my little poetry at night! It would also be nice if they were soft to the touch so I don’t harm my manicure. BIC is so cool that way! From now on I’m only going to buy BIC pens because they know just what a woman needs.

  5. Uppity if you like Bic for Her, I know you’ll just go ga-ga over my new keyboard cover!!

  6. Of course the cover is only temporary…..until I save up enough of my pin money to buy this…………….

  7. Sophie that video needs to go viral!

    As for the pens, those particular pens have been around for years. What genius at BIC decided to brand them for women? Obviously a man came up with this idea. If they had bothered to run it by any reasonable woman they would have been laughed out of the room.

    I love the reviews at Amazon, as Uppity said sometimes humor and satire expose how ridiculous something really is.

  8. OOOOOOhh…….squeal……..PINK!!! Imust I’m so J of your keyboard cover.

    Uppity what do you mean you’re only going to buy BIC pens………don’t you mean you’re going to suggest that your husband only buy BIC……..you don’t expect us to believe you’re actually allowed to buy pens do you??

  9. See THIS! A rapist just walks away from his trial. Mind you, he is accused of raping, along with a bunch of his co savages, an 11 yr old girl.
    http://news.yahoo.com/defendant-texas-rape-case-vanishes-during-trial-071454225.html

    He WALKED AWAY???? during a Break in the trial?
    This fu*&ing pig was not in leg irons? How did this happen?

  10. Yes yes, I am so sorry I missspoke, Somebody! My husband maybe will buy these for me so I can write him love notes and feel all Oooey and excited because the pen would make me feel like such a Real woman.

  11. Well that’s more like it. Otherwise, I mean if you were really allowed to buy your own pens…..then we’d know you truly are an Uppity Woman!!

    My husband prefers love notes written in lipstick, but I’m hoping maybe he’ll let me get some of these pens just in case I’m running low on lipstick.

  12. Oh I don’t know, Somebody, I mean you don’t want to anger him by rocking the boat and suggesting pens instead lf lipstick. I wonder if BIC makes Body Pens. You know, so my husband can circle the spots he wants me to be! That would make Our Men so very happy, even though most of the circles would be in the same general vicinity. Still, we women aren’t that bright and sometimes need reminders in our favorite color.

  13. You know, I think I’m onto something. Those body pens could double as markers for things my husband wants me to clean today! Sometimes I am soooooooo confused that way! I mean should I do his laundry or should I clean the interior of his car. It’s all so jumbled, if only I could be shown. In Pink. This would be a great boost for women so they know what to do first when they get home from work.

    I hope in future BIC hears our pleas and makes a pen for us that stores a pressurized tampon in the barrel. You flip the lid and it just……..reconstitutes itself!! For, you know, those emergency moments! After all, these are things women think about day and night. It would make us so secure in our womanness to know that BIC cares about our….afflictions. There could be a pen with emergency chocolate stored in the barrel too! You know, for those frequent times when we have to make a decision and feel so stressed because there’s no man there to tell us what to do!

  14. Ooooooooooooooooo! I want that little laptop with the furry pink! Maybe they will program it for me too, so I can go to all the recipe and housecleaning tips sites!!!

    That keyboard is to die for!!!!! All my friends over at the beauty shop will be so J!

    Screetch! I was sooooooooo disappointed that this item only comes in “Toy”. I want a real one for my kitchen! It would go so well with the gingham curtains. Why should the younger generation of girls have all the fun! Making toast is fun! And educational! And I LOVE LOVE LOVE the hearts. Reminds me that I must make all my decisions with my heart and not my silly empty head. All girls should want to grow up and become a good toast maker, don’t you agree?

  15. I hope in future BIC hears our pleas and makes a pen for us that stores a pressurized tampon in the barrel. You flip the lid and it just……..reconstitutes itself!! For, you know, those emergency moments! After all, these are things women think about day and night. It would make us so secure in our womanness to know that BIC cares about our….afflictions. There could be a pen with emergency chocolate stored in the barrel too! You know, for those frequent times when we have to make a decision and feel so stressed because there’s no man there to tell us what to do!

  16. This fu*&ing pig was not in leg irons? How did this happen?

    You gotta ask?

    I’m kinda glad it’s texas though, because when they find the bastard, he will pay with hell. not for raping a child though, but because he embarrassed them.

  17. Uppity- I was surprised- because it IS Texas. Then I read on- this is the case- I am almost positive you had a post on it when it happened- there was a big uproar cuz of “RAYCISSSTS!” The attackers were AA the little girl Hispanic. And arresting the black guys was RAYCIST!
    I lost track of the story- shame on me. I would have thought all the pigs in that case were serving life sentences with Bubba by now.

  18. You know- we might want to keep these “special pens” just between us girls. Cuz when the imams get word, they will be banned. Just like cucumbers. And bananas. And carrots. Zucchini. Pens. Just like penises.

  19. Don’t be silly, Mom. It was just a girl. A hispanic one besides. Besides, if he didn’t strangle her a bit and make the blood vessels in her eyes pop, it wasn’t really legitimate rape anyways.

  20. Love you all and know you are having fun here and trying to make a point but I can not read this and laugh. Going to take a break from this

  21. Yes dear Utah we are definitely making a point and that point is affecting and will effect our entire livesand rights to the our own life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, if we continue to shrug it off because it’s not ever as important as other things. As if America can’t have two important things to think about at once. xo.

  22. Yikes, what has happened to the Great Room? People ‘at sixes and sevens,’ friends snapping at friends, hurt feelings every where. And, for what? All over an election. It’s just an election guys — it’ll pass. And, little will change, except perhaps the fella in the WH (which, admittedly will make me very happy).

    Let’s hang together guys. Remember, the glue that binds us — our affection for Hillary and Upps — is way stronger than our evaluation or support (opportunistic or otherwise) of 2012 candidates. Most families disagree periodically, but they don’t thereby cease to be families.

  23. NES- good question. It is giving me a headache.
    In 08 we had obots denigrating, shrieking, insulting etc. And now I see a very very disturbing trend. The Rombots are loose with the same tactics. And the Rombots who are doing it are in some cases former Hillary supporters. (Not you NES- you have never tried to paint glitter on Sanitarypad and the right wingnuts- nor have you ever resorted to shaming or bot like behavior.xoxo)
    I don’t want to play.

  24. I know Uppity you are making a point but to someone who has been there this is very hurtful and it is not like I have not been kicked by my own gender for this and for choosing to have the baby that came from it as a result. I have to say that humor about being raped is not funny no matter which side it comes from.
    And I will add that my son is 37 and trust me when I tell you I have paid this price over and over again for the choice I made in having him and not from pro lifers but from the very ones I would feel should have been a bit more understanding, my gender. I mean it. When I have let my dirty little secret out I get bashed for not having aborted. I guess the crime of rape goes on and on and the only loser is the victim no matter.
    I am not sorry I chose to keep the baby not at all and he is not a demon seed he is a wonderful human being and a real supporter of women to boot.
    I just have to say that reading some of the words here hurt like hell seriously and that shit the extreme right say hurts too but to keep using the saying of having their ” demon seed” hurts. Not all rape victims choose abortion and do not have an issue raising that child. Unless you have had it happen you do not know how it will truly affect you and as I said I know you are trying to make a point but can I say from a friend that has been there this is not funny .

  25. Hey imust, I want a fluffy pink thingy too.

  26. All the more, I cannot understand why a platform does not scare you. That is definitely not funny either. That’s why satire is so powerful, Utah. It makes people think and examine and sometimes it is very painful, but so is the frightful thought that a woman could be victimized and told by law what to do. You see what I am saying?

    And no not all rape victims chose abortion, but they ought to make that choice themselves. I know in your heart you agree but really wonder why you won’t say it. Because if I know one thing about you, it’s that you don’t like government in your life and that would include your body. And you know I adore you.

  27. You won’t have to play. I was going to take care of this in the AM but I will do it now.

  28. XOXO Mom. (Love to see the use of “Sanitarypad” alive and well!).

    Nope, I’m definitely not a Rombot — I see him as a useful (and relative to modern Reeps, the least dangerous) tool to eject Obama from the WH. I also confess to a bad case of ODS, which blinds me to a great degree. If and when Romney’s in the WH, I’ll be happy to criticize his pratfalls and wrong turns.

  29. IMUST! Fantastic post. Outta da ball park. :)

  30. Yeah, imust — I want the fluffy pink too.

  31. imust — ROFL. A fabo-brill post.

  32. I was going to take care of this in the AM but I will do it now.

    Upps, are you going to euthanize our cyberselves? If so, can I request a last meal?
    Just kidding…you have to do what you have to do. Sorry you’re so distressed.

  33. Uppity I do know. I do give a crap about government and my choice you know I do. But I guess what I am seeing is a bigger picture here. If we are financially ruined and depend of government to tell us we will be a third world and women will surly be sacrificed. I think the way to an upward bound female is a strong economy. When we are financially sound not dependent on government aid, food stamps, health care etc from the fed we will be strong everywhere. See some of the strongest women in my lifetime and women that are heard and I mean like Hilary are also financially secure and not dependent on needing help from a man financially or the fed. I fear 4 more years of Obama is a shoe in to the destruction of women. The Republicans can squawk about banning abortion and they darn sure do and there are these men out there that stand on this platform but trust me when I tell you the vast majority of Republicans are pro choice and are not going to go for this either. You have women hating extremists on all sides but I just think they can never repeal Roe v Wade unless we lose our ability to remain a free nation and crumble financially. I might be wrong here and it is not like I have not been wrong before but I got to go with my gut. I am more concerned about regaining our financial independence and strength.

    Uppity you most of all know I agree a woman should be allowed to make the choice for herself after all it is she who will have to live with it either way. Abortion does not make it go away but I understand why some choose that path. My daughter did. And I strongly agree that women should have that ability to choose and I have said so in the past. I have said I do not believe in abortion for me personally for me I am pro life . For me pro life is right but I do not feel I have the right to force that on you. If you choose the other I totally accept that as well. It is a personal choice. Yes a choice that needs to be available to women and I believe will always be. I just feel they pull this abortion card every election as much as they pull the race card for a bunch of things too.
    You see I rarely hear about the abortion card until there is an upcoming election just about the same as I hear crickets of the paycheck fairness act until there is an election. This is why I vow never to vote an incumbent again until they stop pulling up the female trump cards.
    As I see this stuff is divide and conquer and it is race, gender, class and religion. It is what is going on and it is working.

  34. You last sentence, Utah is exactly why I am about to rearrange this blog as a no electioneering zone.

    As for roe wade, I always thought your way myself. That was before I saw the zealousness of the far right and the hypocrisy of the far left. Now I would not bet on it remaining in place.

    I’m thoroughly convinced that nothing will change in America regardless of who is president. This is a uniparty, Utah. They all have the same sponsors and dance for their money. We need to stop kidding ourselves that it’s anything else. The only thing these two parties have done for years is trade places controlling the money and sneaking some in for themselves their families and their friends. They are all robbers. If they stole 2.6 trillion from social security SAVINGS that belonged to the people whose savings they FORCED, and if they can punish their VICTIMS for it, they can do ANYTHING that it terrible for the USA and good for themselves.

    In the meantime, I aim to make sure women aren’t further fodder is all. Ironically, none of this even affects me personally, so at least you gotta believe my intentions aren’t personal.

  35. I will not euthanize you NES. I have said before if you weren’t here I would have had to invent you. I am just going to put you to sleep. :)

  36. Yes maybe a break from all this political bat shit will be a good thing Uppity. Hey I have an idea. I think I will write about your exploits with the bear.

  37. Utah- Uppity had exploits with a bear??? Do tell.

  38. Upps and a bear. Please do, Utah. Let me guess – Upps won that battle. She might hate pitbulls but Upps sure as hell acts like them sometimes. And was needlenose there when the bear backed down?

    imust, a thumbs up and a rating of 4 pies. Laughter is the best medicine when the country is going though a sickening choice between death by drowning or fire.

  39. Hey! Lay off the bear story! Cripes just earlier in the week I had to deal with Stonelion offering my identity, phone number, vital stats, you name it, for a couple of joints, some jam and something like 18 bucks and change. I told them right there and then that, while she was otherwise occupied chained in the basement on the rack, that they were lucky that they didn’t try to bribe you because you have so many interesting weapons.

  40. Uppity , You may be right about the Roe v Wade thing and I pray you are not. Agree that these two parties are the same. Once that was not the case. I am going to do my level best to see to it that several are replaced. Let’s face it folks like Orin Hatch , who I once strongly supported have become career politicians and are there for themselves and that is the long and short of it. I will be at that polling booth first thing come election day to cast my check mark against him. I am that strong about any incumbent from local no national and hope others get that plan. Maybe we will scare them like they have been scaring hell out of us these years.
    Scare hell out of grandma, scare hell out of women, scare hell out of you due to your color or lack of it, scare scare scare all to gain for them and hide what they are really doing.
    Bottom line here Upps is that since October of 2008 when Obama got the nomination my financial status went from extremely sound to very shaky. Breaking up the houses and replacing these monsters with new ones is priority to me and then replacing the ones I just put in. Hopefully in my lifetime we will get a good strong third party and a party of moderates that will truly represent all the people and by that I mean women too !!!!!!!!!!

  41. Yes needlenose was there as was her trusty cat. We always bring our family on vacay! But her judgement was impaired because the neighbor was giving her whole fresh caught fish and that seemed to be her number one priority.

  42. He was just a NY black bear. He wasn’t overly mean just kind of….um…..pushy.

  43. that is not to say I didn’t need a change of underwear.

    http://www.dec.ny.gov/animals/6960.html

  44. Goddamn you Utah you are gonna pay for this.

  45. Well Uppity and the Bear is a must. To use a phrase here used often IMUSTTELLABOUTUPPITYANDTHEBEAR. Sorry uppity but I think having some fun at your expense might be a good thing lmao. I have to get ready for work right now gang but I am off tomorrow and Sat. so sorry Uppity but you fricking lose here.
    Karen here is a warning…………..do not and I repeat DO NOT have beverages, no matter what type while reading about the exploits of Uppity !

  46. Goddamn you Utah you are gonna pay for this.

    ROFLMAO my gun is bigger then yours ………………..

  47. Jayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyysusssssssssssssss.

  48. Good old trusty Needlenose is not always so trusty. She can be bribed.

  49. Got to run. The tax man is waiting impatiently to grab that which I have yet to earn lol.

  50. Get to work Utah. Barack is counting on you.

  51. I am just going to put you to sleep.

    ROFL, Upps. Wake me up when Barack has driven out of the White House (in a Volt, as he promised!). Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  52. Just want to say, hugs to <>.

    And, fantastic post, Imust. And Uppity, I loved your comments and Hugo’s picking up on the childless woman issue.

    I keep thinking, if we can all survive until 2016….

    djmm

  53. I meant to say hugs to “all here”. Not sure why that did not work…

    djmm

  54. Just want to say, hugs to .

    djmm — Can I have a hug too?
    Wake me up in 2016.

  55. Tonight they will have a mystery speaker. The guesses I’ve been seeing are all horrific. Palin, Perry, Cain, Thompson, Lieberman, Nancy Reagan, Rush, Bachmann, or Clint Eastwood. The actor would be preferable to any of the politicians mentioned.

  56. I want to know if those special pens come in pink so they coordinate with this tool box.

    I hope they have this with a left handed hammer for my mother.

  57. Hilarious post imust! I saw that a couple of days ago and read several of those reviews on Amazon. Too funny! Also liked the legitimate rape video. It really made the point.

  58. UW…I am pushing Coor’s to come out with a pink beer can, that has an easy opening lid that won’t break your fingernails!

  59. Thank you so much, Hillbilly! You know how fussy I am about my manicure!

  60. MANicure? Why not “WoManacure”? I also want the can to have a small, reflective square on it, so a lady can fix herself back up all purdy after shotgunning a few cans.
    P.S. Start a puppy thread, my little dog just had 5 and I don’t wan’t to derail this one.:)

  61. Puppy talk is ALWAYS welcome John.

  62. Yup, 5 little pups from my smallest dog, Millie. The methhouse neighbors dog got through the fence about 8 weeks ago. I hand delivered four, and the 5th one popped out on it own after I thought she was done. The one I keep is going to be named Bill-Willie. Just because I like the sound of that name when I yell it really loud, when I am drunk. :)

  63. HillBilly has meth house neighbors- that are still alive?
    You’re slipping HillBilly!

  64. You need to get that little girl spayed Hillbilly. Don’t be a Hillbilly!

  65. Yeah what’s with the meth freaks. Get rid of the vermin, Hillbilly!

  66. Cripes my wireless went down with a vengeance for a bit there. WTF.

  67. Rut Roh. Hillbilly isn’t answering. He could be on his way next door with the buckshot.

  68. LOL Uppity- or he set the bigger dogs on the meth heads. (or the CATS!)

  69. I had no clue that the horny little mutt could break through a brand new chain-linked fence! The power of WOOD should never be underestimated I guess.

  70. A dog will dig to china to get to a female in heat Hillbilly. Surely you understand this. lol.

  71. A sad obituary of sorts.

  72. On the yahoo main page they have a poll asking whose campaign seems to be fudging more facts.

    With 265,000 plus votes the results are obama 56% and mitt 44%.

    And in 08 he was touted as an angel against the hillary she devil.

  73. Speaking of stats… UW has 3873600 hits. Heading for 4 million served.

  74. Yes. Oh Noes. For those of here who were here in 2008 (which is a lot of you, including a goodly number of lurkers who are kind enough to come out of the woodwork now and then to let us know they are there), you might recall how Moderator Kitteh Bill’s tenure here came to be. I had posted the now well-known “Moderator kitty disapproves ur submishionz” graphic on the sidebar when our member Indy started to tell her about her Tude cat Bill, who Ruled. And so, I went into the editor and added “Moderator Kitteh Bill On Duty”. The rest is history.

    Bill lived a long and wonderful life because he was so very loved. Fly away, dear Bill. Your legacy will live on here at UW for as long as we are here.

  75. Ah pushing 4 mill. Decent for a snotty bitch who won’t take any shit and won’t let her members take any either. Gee, I guess if we would only sit down and STFU for the boys in the band, we might be 8 million. And the dish ran away with the spoon. Of course we’re part of that nasty old PUMA bunch that doesn’t help Hillary at all because we are so awful. That surely is why her poll numbers are so low. Oh Wait! She’s the most popular one in DC! How can that be with people like awful Us hanging around her neck. Look ashamed you radical fems!

  76. Fly Bill…Fly!

  77. Karen, that poll is the result of the cheeto crowd handing out in Mom’s basement with orange hands and other organs, voting repeatedly. Kinda like what the wonketers did to us when we were surely going to win the Best New Blog award. It’s SOP with these people.

  78. I see Mikey Moore is following instructions and prediciting a romney win to fire up the lazy assed basement base.

  79. We should really have a little service for Bill.

  80. Yes, yes a service. That would be just the thing. Here is the prelude

  81. If FF is not too busy, perhaps a header for the service. MKBill has always been the star of the header.
    Shall there be readings? From the Obama Scriptures?

  82. What happened to Bill?

  83. Bill the cat, from whom Bill got his name and persona, has passed on. See tweet above

  84. I want to get some of those “Bic Pens for Her” for Al but Amazon wants $6.44 shipping for $3.76 pens, fuck that. Maybe Wal-Mart. If she uses Bics for Her can she stop using “Dry Shampoo” during those “special days”????

  85. If you do want to plan a service for the Bill who Made Bill, I will let Indy know. She is really crushed.

  86. Yeah I think you could probably recoup the shipping by not needing the Dry Shampoo, SHV. I know she will reward you for this. She secretly told me tht her self esteem is definitely on the wan every time she handles a male BIC.

  87. So sorry. I didn’t realize Bill was based on an actual kitteh. I will break the news gently to Lily, as he was her mentor.

  88. We should do something Uppity- we all know how it is to lose a pet. And Bill was ours too!
    xoxoxoxo Indy. Has she ever seen RevVet’s history of MKBill?

  89. If you can take a minute to send a tweet of sympathy to Bill’s person, Indy is located at
    @CorgiesRule

  90. Well MKBill lives on. HIS mentor has passed.

  91. Condolences to Indy for her Bill passing. I don’t do twitter so didn’t know who “corgi” was till you said Indy. I remember Indy posting here.

  92. Don’t know if she’s seen Rev Vet’s piece. I’m sure she would love it. If it weren’t for that Bill we would have never had our Bill.

  93. SHV I do recommend the turquoise pen. I can attest that when Mr. Uppity handed me that pen, I felt very…stirred.

  94. That is one of the best things about MK Bill – he is never going to fly away. Lucky for us he is immortal.

  95. Yes he is, Karen. If we’re here, he’s here. And that’s a tribute to Mentor Bill.

  96. Ok, I’m a little slow here. I thought you were retiring MKBill on account of the real Bill passing.

  97. Newt and Callista are each giving one line of their speech as a team. It is hurl-worthy.

  98. She is only wearing a few of her millions of dollars worth of Tiffany baubles. I am sure she would not use a bic wimmenz pen but she surely would use one if they make it studded with diamonds and rare gems. She is stepford wife material and frightening.

  99. No No Sophie, Bill is here to stay and is simply mourning his mentor.

  100. “She secretly told me tht her self esteem is definitely on the wan every time she handles a male BIC.”
    *********
    Office Depot didn’t have them either so she will have to “suck it up” and be happy with the Julia Child meatloaf that I made for dinner. :>)

    It’s hard to predict, she might like girl pens. Her magazine pile on the bath tub includes: Elle, People, In Style, Pottery Barn, New England Journal of Medicine, Victoria Secret, American Journal of Surgery, etc.

  101. OKAY LISTEN UP UPPITYITES.

    IF you want to talk about the Republican Bullshit Convention take it someplace else. The peace is restored for today an I don’t want any reruns.

    I repeat. This is NOT an open convention thread. I’m not cleaning up another convention mess.

  102. Hey SHV you can tell I’m not a doctor because I only have Victoria’s Secret and Pottery Barn out of that list.

  103. SHV maybe next time you could put the pen in the meatloaf.

  104. Anyone volunteering their blog for convention snark?

  105. They are pandering to hispanics big time this convention since the math shows they are going to make a big difference and obama has been going after them with relish.

    Craig Romney speaks fluent spanish. He is a great surrogate for him.

    I am not going to watch Jeb unless somebody turn this on. I won’t suffer alone.

  106. okay upps, just saw your comment.

  107. I REPEAT this is not an open convention thread. We aren’t doing the convention tonight. We finally have some peace here today.

    Once again, if you want to blog the convention, run over to Mom’s place, I just can’t take that BS any longer.

  108. Gee, I don’t have ANY of those magazines. I am a bad bad little woman. I have seed catalogs and gardening mags. Do those count?

  109. We’re going to be a No Election blog by morning.

  110. Fire is not coming out of my eyes. lol.

  111. NO Convention Zone. Catchy!

  112. Yeah, but both of those place have a candidate. We don’t. We detest everyone equally for different reasons.

  113. Trivia….
    MK Bill’s signature photo/avatar is a photo FF found of a lost cat.

  114. Once again you can tweet Indy with sympathy for Bill The First here:

    @CorgiesRule

  115. Mom, give them a link to your place. Safer.

  116. Now then, about these pens and magazines. I am helplessly behind on my womanly duties. I don’t read magazines. I read blogs. And news sites. Well, I may peek at on line magazines if someone leaves a link. But I don’t even watch the cooking shows on the Food Network anymore!
    Pens? Pens? Are those the things with which we write, in cursive, thank you notes? I think I remember pens. Bad memories. Left handed. I always smeared the ink.
    I’m telling you, the Imams will get after us all. Pens. Like Cucumbers and carrots. Handling pens is bound to make us think impure thoughts. Pens. Same as Penis in the minds of the Imams.
    Better get a life time supply and hide them before the menz ban them.

  117. Karen, click on Mom’s link.

  118. Mom I have seed catalogues AND Victoria’s Secret.

  119. You can do the Democratic Bullshit Convention too! Woot!

  120. S’okay Karen, Mom is hosting. I’ll stay here so my normal BP stays that way.

  121. Convention discussion link here at mom’s
    http://commonsensegram.wordpress.com/2012/08/30/hypothetical-question-or-maybe-not/

    I’ll go walk the dog.

  122. ROFL I haven’t seen a Victoria”s Secret catalog in years. It was ok when I had a delusion I looked like those models. Then reality set in.

  123. My BP was 132/82 at the doc the other day. Normal for me is 115/72. Can’t imagine why…….

  124. LOL!
    You want to check your email.

  125. Condolences to Indy on the Original Bill’s passing.

  126. Tweet her when you can imust. She’s crushed.

  127. No Victoria Secret here. Just Land’s End and LL Bean.

  128. Hahah sophie I have those too!

  129. That’s why you have so many Lebanese friends. ;-)

  130. So if I get those magazines I will get friends? I am so confused. So part of my womanly duties is to have magazines?

  131. I repeat. This is NOT an open convention thread. I’m not cleaning up another convention mess.

    What’s a “convention”?

  132. Attention you bitter clingers: I have it on very good authority that Nancy Pelosi knows that Andrew Cuomo won’t run in 2016 because “he will not run against Hillary.” Take that for what it’s worth. I don’t trust Pelousy and I don’t trust that any dick in the Dem Party won’t run against a chick. But, Pelousy did say it and seemed to sincerely believe it.

  133. We’re going to be a No Election blog by morning.

    Will it be pink and furry?

  134. Whoa!…10 lashes for karen!! Bring the purple whip, Mom.

  135. I don’t know. Do you want pink and furry?

  136. Wait. I seem to not have any of these fluffy pink womanly girly traits. Oh oh.

  137. Well that’s a relief. I was worried about Cuomo. I like him.

  138. LOL the guys in the democratic party would run against their own mothers. And smear them.

  139. MOM most of them are catalogues.

  140. Really Sophie? These are lebanese catalogs?

    Should…..should I buy a Subaru?

  141. boooooo hooooooooo boooooo hooooo.
    Mom, socal is being mean to me at the neighbors. Please punish her. (No, I didn’t do nuthin’.)

    socal, come home …all is forgiven. Sorry about calling you out as a troll-hunter. Come whip me here, if you wish.

  142. I don’t know. Do you want pink and furry?

    Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

  143. Pink and furry does. not. compute.

  144. Worry about Hillary instead. Those men in the Dem Party are never going to let her win — she shrivels up their balls.
    Seriously, I don’t want her to run again and be sabotaged from within –it’ll crush me; it’ll crush all of us.
    Please, dear god, let her move on and dominate the world in another way.

  145. If you want NES, we can slap you around before she gets here.

    What is it about that comment section. LOL!

  146. Should…..should I buy a Subaru?

    Not if you want me to continue to respect you. (Just kidding, Sophie.)

  147. Whipping only! I demand whipping!

  148. NES: You scare me with your, umm, affection for punishments.

    And what’s wrong with my Subaru? Too stereotypical? I have Birkenstocks too (since the 70s) and I wear them with socks when I’m in Santa Rosa.

  149. I’m hoping that by 2016, the fake democrats will be shoved back where they belong, in their own FAIL fringe communist and socialists of America parties. And they can start up the liberal party too and call it the Progessives. WHatever, just so long as they get the hell out and take all those bloodsucking pissants with them. They can use Donna Brazile for an advisor.

  150. But but but if I don’t get a subaru how will they know?

    No more whipping. You enjoy it too much.

  151. I have Birkenstocks too (since the 70s) and I wear them with socks when I’m in Santa Rosa.

    Bwahahahaaaa!!

  152. Maybe I should start charging rent for the whips?

  153. dwp, so you’ve been to Santa Rosa?!

  154. Birkenstocks. I draw the line.

  155. Yes Sophie, I read where Subarus are the cars lebanese love most. Unless they can afford a BMW.

  156. Whoa! With socks? Finally…something to see in Santa Rosa! Let me know when you’re next in the area.

  157. I was lusting after the Audi TT for a while.

  158. WhipS?????? Chit! There’s more than one?

  159. Geez. I’m having trouble fitting in with all these new woman things. My poor old working class paws need fat pens. I’m ok with pretty colors and fuzzy fur, but that sleek design is just does not work for me.

  160. Me either Hugo, considering I have the handwriting of a crazed chicken.

  161. Yes Sophie, NES had a TT. Cute thang. When you get tired of driving, you pick it up, put it under your arm, and walk.

  162. So if I show up in those fugly things with socks I get all kinds of lebanese action?

  163. ACK my dog is alllllllllll over me. Why won’t she comprende that she’s not a lap dog?

  164. Who says she isn’t a lap dog?

  165. Who says she isn’t a lap dog?

    My internal organs, that’s who.

  166. I gott ago play with her she’s so cute. bringing me all her toys and plastic jugs and growling and moaning. lol

  167. LOL I have had my share of those moments. The stupid goat tried to climb in my lap yesterday. Nice black and blue from that.

  168. Could someone tell me why a cat the size of a buick would continually come down the stairs with a plastic supermarket bag and give it to the dog? All the while singing like a female calling her kittens?

  169. SophieCT, on August 30, 2012 at 9:57 PM said:
    dwp, so you’ve been to Santa Rosa?!

    Oh yeah! Relocated from NY to Glen Ellen to study Chinese Medicine. Afterwards I moved to Berkeley where i lived for 25+ years.
    I gave my original Birks to a homeless woman I saw in the alley. She was thrilled… But sockless. ;-)

  170. Couldn’t you get her some socks?

  171. This was last year. She was wearing closed ill- fitting shoes, with open sores on the uppers of her feet. I ran to get the birkenstocks. Didn’t really think about sox. Don’t think they would have been comfortable given the condition of her feet. Also think she had better fashion sense than to wear socks with Birkenstocks. :-P

  172. Bahahaha on the fashion sense. So basically she dresses better than sophie.

    It was very sweet of you to do that.

  173. What!?!? I was not even remotely mean to NES. I talked to her like a sister. But if I made her sad I will make it up to her by buying her those special pens. She’ll forget all about it then.

  174. Shut up socal. Let us have our fun beating the crap out of her will ya.

  175. I love Subarus, they have the cool dog commercials, and are comfortable.

  176. You know, this No Politics thing is going so well tonight I may delay my blog closing for renovations. Hope it lasts. Probably won’t

  177. Very sad about the real Bill. Condolences to Indy.

  178. Poor Upps. Sorry we stressed you out so much. You do keep a clean house & that must cause stress.

  179. Only when I have to intercede socal.

  180. In any event, hopefully sending all convention crap over to Mom’s place will make things better. We’ll see. I have the pinup ready so it can ride.

  181. My rescued Mom cat does that crying bit but with lids. She has a whole collection of them. Whenever I here that mommy cry I know she is moving her inventory. I read somewhere that it is not uncommon in cats that have been Mom’s even after they have been spayed. However, that does not explain her daughter doing the kitten cry while carrying her mylar toys except that she is mimicking mom.

  182. Yes Mt. Laurel. Keyword: SHe. My mother’s cat used to sing and bring her the mail. But this cat is a male. So what’s his malfunction?

  183. Clearly upps that male cat is a lebanese stuck in a male body.

  184. To cure the cat, buy him some birks and a subaru.

  185. No he won’t want a subaru. That’s for lebanese only.

  186. You mean he’s trans?

  187. Then how come he’s always trying to mount his sister? I see what’s happening here. This is a really Effed up cat.

  188. Maybe there’s a hermaphroditic thing going on with him. Like with worms.

  189. Upps, you have mail. Oh, no cage…they are out right now. Have to order the size.

  190. First, I’d like to extend my condolences to Indy for the loss of her Bill. I only hope that she can take some solace in knowing that the true undying spirit of MKBill, for lo these 200+ years, still goes on and on and on…

    (((Indy)))

    Now, if I may, I have to get something off my chest…

    BIC Cristal pens? Pens for Her?

    Okay, that is IT. I have had enough. Do you Women need to take over everything?! I mean, where is the equal opportunity for Men? You have it ALL already, and now you want your own damn pens too? Disgusting. Unfair. And don’t give me any of that crap about the old BIC pens being for Men, because everybody knows that the old BIC pens were, at best, Unisex pens. No bias there, at all. Okay, so, right now I am officially calling for a new BIC pen to be produced. I will NOT rest until BIC starts producing…

    MENZ PENS.

    That’s right, you heard me. I DEMAND that BIC give us Men what we deserve – A true masculine pen that any true man will be glad to own! Some features might include:

    MENZ PENS: To be sold in camouflage-colored casings only, so as to remind us of our primal hunting urges. To be very long and very thick to grasp, so as to help those of us (myself, of course, not included) to overcompensate for any inadequacies we may have, um, in other areas. To be sold with ink that smells of whiskey, or, barbeque sauce. To be sold with an auto-correcting handwriting feature which helps to transform any notion of clear cursive style to a nearly illegible chicken-scratch scrawl. To be sold to Men only, with gender verification examinations required before purchase.

    I’m sure there can be many more MANLY features, but I’ll leave that to the R&D guys. That’s it. No more of this sexist shit. I want MENZ PENS. And I want them now!
    ;)

    P.S. By the way, thank you, Imust and Upps, for this thread. After a few rough days, this place again feels like the Uppity Woman blog we all know…and dearly love.

  191. Menz Penz. Camouflage. Long and thick. ROFL.

    Rev you are just a treat. I’d love to give you a big ole hug just for being real. And a Real supporter of women. There is no way you will ever show any other colors. You can’t hide Real anymore than you can hide Fake. I don’t know if you are married or not, but if you are, your wife must simply adore you. And if you don’t decide to write for me one day, I swear i am going to throw myself off a high building. And I’m taking all your BIC pens with me.

    And fall cleaning on a blog is always a good thing.

  192. …………and if perchance you have an ID at amazon, I kind of think you ought to post a Menz Penz review. Just saying.

  193. Quelle Surprise, as fredster would say.

    Seedy Harry Reid is just such an honest guy.

    Now, questions surrounding family ties are flaring again in Nevada around the Senate majority leader. He and his oldest son, Rory, are both involved in an effort by a Chinese energy giant, ENN Energy Group, to build a $5 billion solar farm and panel manufacturing plant in the southern Nevada desert.

    It’s nice when you can pimp the laws and projects that match up so well with your investments. And how about that China! I guess we can forget about asking if this will create union jobs, harry. Nothing to see here. Nope.

    http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/08/31/us-usa-china-reid-solar-idUSBRE87U06D20120831

  194. How nice of Rueters to report what we found out through the grapevine lo those many months ago. Perhaps we should give them refresher on Nancy Ladder Kickers family connections to bo’s green enregy boondoggles in CA?

  195. Awww Robin Roberts Mom has passed away. Poor Robin- she has gone through so much these past few years.

  196. NES, of course you get {{hugs}}!

    djmm

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