“Barry and Big Dawg sittin’ in a tree – No, not necessarily..”

“Uh, What he said…”

Why Obama Needs Clinton

We’ve all been speculating on why Bill Clinton agreed to appear at the Democratic Convention to nominate Barack Obama for his second term.  Customarily, it’s the Vice President who gets to do that, but Joe Bourbon Bite Me Biden, dammit! - (Ahem) Vice President Joe Biden is nowhere to be found.

Instead, the man Obama accused of being “Racist!” more than once is stepping  up to convince us to give him another term (follow that link^ – its juicy!).  I’m so sure he’s sincere.  And I’m equally sure that pigs will fly, hell will freeze and I will wake up straight some day. My mother will be so proud.

And we thought Obama/Biden were Strange Bedfellows…

“I got you by the balls, Barry”

Lets face it – there is a method to picking a VP.  They usually represent your weakest demographic, and you desperately need them to shore up the votes you don’t have chance in hell of wining. Think Kennedy/Johnson, Carter/Mondale, Regan/Bush and Clinton/Gore.  I know I’m not the only one who remembers how Biden chewed up Barack and spit him out throughout the 2008 primary contest. Biden could have been Hillary Clinton’s tag-team partner.  But then Donna Brazile reared her ugly-ass head and said that any Democrat who doesn’t support Obama could stay home, and then reminded us that she gets two votes!

Next thing you know, Joe and Barry start palling around like Thelma and Louise, and Joe becomes Barry’s VP pick – gotta get those white, blue collar male voters, and Biden had them in the palm of his hand. Four years later,  the worm has turned, and now Biden and anyone else associated with incredibly shrinking Obama (except Hillary Clinton) is viewed with contempt.

This Is Better Than Christmas!

“You want me to help you? Dude – seriously? Okey Dokey.”

Obama has now run the Democratic party into the ground, and there is only one person with enough political bona fides (besides Hillary, who is prevented by law from campaigning) that can try to rescue his sorry ass: his arch nemesis William Jefferson Clinton.  Hmmm…  I think I’m going to remind everyone in the AA community that their Hero picked an avowed racist (by Obama’s own words) to nominate him. That should pick off a few AA votes (who am I kidding?).

So why did Barry pick Bill?  Well for one thing, the Democratic brand is in the toilet.  After purging the Blue Dogs from the party and then going on a wild little spending spree, Obama’s narcissistic bungling has taken its toll.  I have it on good account that the hope is that Obama’s deflated base will be reminded of the glory days (see: Clinton Presidency).  It will also shore up those pesky blue-collar male voters that Biden lost simply by supporting Obama.

My source tells me that ObamaKamp believes that Clinton’s presence will trick convince his dwindling base that Obama will be a President who will have the same respect and trust of the GOP that Clinton had.  Me?  I think Bill Clinton will totally dwarf Obama, and remind us what we could have had if the Democrats didn’t kill Hillary’s campaign.  But Bill Clinton is a good egg, and he’s always willing to help. I’m sure he’ll do his best to make sure we see exactly why Obama should have a second term ( )

Maybe ObamaKamp should see if William Shatner is available to help out with the entertainment. Otherwise, they’d truly have to be tripping to buy this crock….

Party Games

AAARRGH!!!  Where’s My Loot?!

The Preezy of the United Steezy turned 51 on Saturday, and boy is he doing it up big this year! Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of Rum Cristal! He’s not even making a pretense of running the country or trying to scare up a few jobs. He’s instead opting to host fundraisers and suck up to all of his rich donors instead.  Like he accuses Mitt Romney of doing.  But don’t take my word for it. The New York Daily News had this to say:

President Obama marked his 51st birthday Saturday with a quiet round of golf – but revealed plans to celebrate it next weekend with a big bucks fundraiser.
Obama, playing golf for the 104th time since taking office, hit the links at Andrews Air Force base before departing for a night away at Camp David.
But next Sunday he will be in Chicago, hosting dozens of donors – some contest winners – at the First Family’s longtime home in Hyde Park.  SOURCE

The article goes on to say how his loyal, long-suffering and equally selfless spouse is doing her part to make sure he fleeces all of his young (and now unemployed) 2008 lemmings donors can still stay in the game, even if  they’re not as rich as George Clooney or Anna Wintour.

Let The Games Begin!

I’ve been wondering about the party games that were planned for this festive, week long spree, and I think I might have found a few that aren’t too far off the mark.

Many donors will bring their children, if only for a great photo-op in the anticipated media blitz of sickeningly sweet photos that are sure to follow.

The “You Didn’t Build A Bear” workshop will keep them quiet while the adults are being fleeced, and the distraction will keep the meds out of their milk.

This little game can keep the kids out of your hair as well as brainwash them into believing that there’s nothing to look forward as long as they keep donating their tooth fairy money to OFA.  It is also the perfect tie-in to what looks like this elections favorite talking point, so I think its a win-win.

Ahoy, Matey!  We’re Still Broke!  Time for a BIG LIE!!

Next we have “Composite Kiss And Tell”, which also shows consistency on Preezy’s part. He’s been ‘splaining that all of his characters in his bio, speeches and entire lifetime are “composite characters” that represent the true America (i.e. his vision of America, like his lovely story “The LIfe of Julia” which I will not link for fear of a trip to the gulag).

So far, Harry Reid has kicked this one off with his lie about Mitt Romney not paying a dime in taxes for 10 years, which has breathed new life into a tired meme that nobody really gives a shit about (see: “We need to see tax returns from your first paper route”)

When Romney’s running mate is announced, you can fully expect a phony sex scandal or two (unless its Pawlenty, who nobody would ever sleep with because he just has no edge). They won’t mention him by name, of course, but will cunningly describe a “Governor of Minnesota who shall remain nameless that can bore you to death so he can take advantage of your lifeless body” or something like that.  All very carefully worded to ensure plausible deniability during the firestorm that Romney’s rapid response team is sure to deliver.

 A Party Game For All To Play!

Pin the Fail on the Donkey.  Nothing like a little bit of good, old fashioned Americana to keep the party going.  Perfect for members of either party, and short term memory loss is no obstacle.  Just blindfold yourself, listen to a pre-recorded Obama campaign speech until your head spins and pin one of the pre-printed tails on the donkey.  Choose from the following fabulous fails:

Stimulus Package
Obamacare
Gitmo
Solyndra
Fast & Furious

So come and party with Barack and Michelle this week.  You’re probably not working anyway, and it sure beats just sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Chicken, Pot and Pie

Image: Twitchy.com

CHOKE ON IT!!

The Chick-Fil-A drama continues and the strangest peeps are crawling out of the woodwork to chime in.  Nancy Peolsi, now known as ‘the cluck heard round the world’, threw her two cents in by tweeting “For the record, I prefer Kentucky Fried Chicken”.  

Just hours before Pelosi’s tweet, the chain’s head of public relations died suddenly of a heart attack.  Were the two incidents connected?

Now look, I’m as pro-active as the next guy but I have to say this whole Chick-Fil-A thing is getting on my last nerve.  I get it – the President of Chick-Fil-A took a public position against gay marriage.  That sucks.  But don’t you think this whole thing is getting blown out of proportion?  When Rahm Emanuel and a few other Mayors jump into the mix vowing to refuse to issue construction permits for new franchises, I get a little nervous.

Even if I HATE the message, the First Amendment gives them the right to speak their mind.  Don’t like the message? Then don’t spend your money at Chick-Fil-A.  But the government needs to stay the hell out of it.

Evangelical Hypocrites Are Tempting Us With Satan’s Fries!

There is only one franchise that I know if in New York, and its downtown near the NYU campus.  I refuse to eat fast food so I can’t vouch for the chicken, but the waffle fries are amazing.  When this whole controversy came to my attention, I thought the responsible thing to do was to boycott the product.  But there I was in Washington square, a little stoned and happily milling around the shops on Bleeker Street thinking “Hmm..  gotta get some of those waffle fries!”

My conscience started kicking in, but my munchies were way off the hook so I did the next best thing – I tried to find some random kid to send in and buy them for me.  Two kids later, no fries and 10 bucks in the hole (kids here are smart and shady), I went in and bought them myself.  I succumbed to Satan!  I ATE THE EVIL FRIES!  There – I said it.  I ate the f*cking fries. Did I feel guilty?  Hell no! (well, maybe later I did) but at that moment I couldn’t have been happier. Since then, I found a Sports Bar on W72nd Street that has the exact same waffle fries.  Now we can all be happy.

Little known fact:  The Chick-Fil-A boycott has been going on since late 2011.  It is not a new phenomenon, but now that politicians are so publicly involved I wonder if it has to do with campaign contributions.  Anyone know if Chick-Fil-A cut a check to anyone? or switched affiliations?

OK, so far, we covered the chicken and the pot. Now for the pie:

Michelle Obama Hits The Road!

Michelle Obama is schlepping to Springfield MA on Friday to schmooze at a luncheon that will raise money for her husband’s re-election campaign against the presumptive Republican presidential nominee, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney.

Those who contribute $1,000 can attend and eat lunch, but anyone who gives $2,500 gets the meal plus a picture with the First Lady. And for the really generous, $10,000 per couple will get you all of the aforementioned plus prime seating at the event. Jesus. I’m speechless.

She Still Wants Your Pie!

Gee, that’s an awful lot of money to spend on lunch in this economy.  Is she crazy?  Oh – I remember now.  In 2008, she let us know all about it with this statement:

“Most Americans”, she said, “don’t want much”.

“They don’t want the whole pie,” she told the women. “There are some who do, but most Americans feel blessed just being able to thrive a little bit. But that is becoming even more out of reach.”…

“The truth is, in order to get things like universal health care … then someone is going to have to give up a piece of their pie so that someone else can have more.”

Give up a piece of their pie, or is Michelle going to take it away? Either way, it’s pretty clear that our aspiring first lady’s appreciation of economics is about as deep as her pride in America. And of course, it helps if you have a slumlord friend to help you get your piece of the pie. As long as everyone has a slumlord friend for such purposes, we all can have plenty of pie.  HT

Well guess what?  After almost four years, I’m all out of pie and your’e shit out of luck, Michelle.  I’ve had to ration each precious morsel so I could get by from day to day.  And the rest is mine. You may not have one bit of it.  The pie I have not yet eaten has to sustain me until the economy is on its feet, and that may be a long, long time.  So don’t even think about giving it away. I will get to it sooner or later.

An Uncomfortable Rumbling

WTF?!

This is not going to be one of my usual light-hearted posts. It won’t be peppered with sarcasm or photoshopped snark. It is meant to be a serious message, and I hope to God we can all stop the clock for a moment and really think about this.

We’ve all blown our stack over the “You didn’t build that!” remark for various reasons; we’ve been insulted and outraged and have shouted back “Yes we DID, Moron!” and then went back to our lives, satisfied by the reclamation of our identities.  In spite of that, an uncomfortable rumbling persists.  It makes me uneasy, and I feel as if the ground has shifted beneath my feet ever so slightly.  My antennae are up searching for the source of that pervasive “Oh shit – here it comes!” feeling that I just can’t shake.

The implication that our individual accomplishments are not our own but instead, the result of a collective (composite?) society could be the early stirrings of “Transforming America” as described by Barack Obama in 2007 (see link). It is a dangerous path to tread and I fear that as this campaign season labors on, that message of a collective society will be so oft repeated that it will accepted as an inevitability.

COLLECTIVISM

According to Encyclopædia Britannica, “collectivism has found varying degrees of expression in the 20th century in such movements as socialism, communism, and fascism.

The least collectivist of these is social democracy, which seeks to reduce the perceived injustices of unrestrained capitalism by government regulation, redistribution of income, and varying degrees of planning and public ownership.

In Communist systems collectivist economics are carried to their furthest extreme, with a minimum of private ownership and a maximum of planned economy.” (emphasis mine)

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COLLECTIVISM VS INDIVIDUALISM

OK, now I know why I’m so uneasy…  Ayn Rand was very vocal about the disparity between Collectivism vs Individualism.  In a nutshell,

• Collectivism means the subjugation of the individual to a group—whether to a race, class or state does not matter. Collectivism holds that man must be chained to collective action and collective thought for the sake of what is called “the common good.”
• Collectivism holds that, in human affairs, the collective—society, the community, the nation, the proletariat, the race, etc.—is the unit of reality and the standard of value. On this view, the individual has reality only as part of the group, and value only insofar as he serves it.
• Collectivism holds that the individual has no rights, that his life and work belong to the group . . . and that the group may sacrifice him at its own whim to its own interests. The only way to implement a doctrine of that kind is by means of brute force—and statism has always been the political corollary of collectivism.
• The political philosophy of collectivism is based on a view of man as a congenital incompetent, a helpless, mindless creature who must be fooled and ruled by a special elite with some unspecified claim to superior wisdom and a lust for power.

I don’t take this lightly.  The President’s campaign message lauding a collective society vilifies not only his opponent but by extension, those of us who don’t agree with his message.  The attack is focused on citizens who have enjoyed the deserved rewards and success that hard work can bring, and the solution is to re-distribute the resources of our labor by the government to others that they deem deserving.

We are now told that individual success is not a reflection of any one person’s ‘grit’ or work ethic; rather, it is the the collective society  that has made our success possible – not the individual.  In short, without Collectivism, we would be nothing.The operative and subliminal message is “those who have worked hard to improve their own standard of living are being selfish, and need to pay more to the government so we can support those who cannot or will not work.” Dude – seriously??

I’m done now.  I’m still uneasy, perhaps more so. I still hear that rumbling.  I hope we can preserve our individual identities in an orderly and lawful fashion.  The alternative would be devastating.

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Anthony Weiner: The Second Coming

While Uppity is off “having a life”, all hell is breaking loose. We’re all doing our best to help out, but there are forces at work that just defy sanity. I first became aware of this story when my friend Mack stopped short in front of a news stand on Sunday and shrieked “What in gay hell is going on around here?!” Then I saw the headline “Weiner Rising!”

There doesn’t seem to be a way that I could write about this without innuendo (I admit it – I have no restraint) so I’ll quote the New York Post verbatim along with their accompanying photo, complete with their odd product placement choice beneath:

Anthony Weiner’s not shrinking from elected office.
The disgraced former congressman — who’s sitting on a $4.5 million campaign war chest — is mulling a bid for citywide office next year and “seriously considering” a mayoral run, multiple sources told The Post.
The cocky pol is also open to the post of public advocate as a backup plan, said sources, who described the Queens Democrat as “desperate” to get back into politics.

Weiner, 47, has even spoken to former staffers about going back to work for him, according to another source. And he wants to run soon because the public match on his campaign funds are due to expire after the 2013 election.
“I’ve heard he is seriously thinking about getting into a citywide race in 2013 and would like it to be mayor,” said a source with ties to Weiner. “In his mind, he’s trying to figure out how to run for mayor.”
He’s reached out to politicos to “talk about the landscape,” said a former staffer.
SOURCE

All along, I thought he was quietly living in shame, schlepping around the house, trying to find things to do – but running for public office? (Mack swears she saw him swilling cheap wine in front of an abandoned Lucille Roberts at a strip mall in Bayside, but I wonder about that).  I haven’t heard a peep about him since his dramatic press conference when he announced his ass was toast he was stepping down

Has He Learned His Lesson?

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I have a wonderful fantasy about Huma and Hillary having a little girl talk; Huma complaining “I can’t stand it another day! How can I get him the hell out of the house? All day, all night – the incessant whining…” while a cool, calm and collected Hillary says “I know – Tell him to run for Mayor! The shame will do him good, make him stronger. Who cares if he has a breakdown? Win, lose or draw, at least he’s out of your hair. How about some drinks?”

I can see him possibly getting away with running for public advocate (because I’m told his constituents have forgiven him for being a revolting assclown), but Mayor??? How do we know we can trust him not to tweet pictures of large sodas?

I hope I’ve kept you entertained while Uppity is catching her breath. Thanks for indulging me

Anthony