A Little Birdie Told Me…………

I was reminded of my interest in Birds as they pertain to charismatic and very sly bullshit takeover artists. It seems they have a love affairs with little birds, deeming them symbolic, indicating that they are indeed The One.

I played with this in my head off and on, but it never quite surfaced in full cerebral fashion……that is, until I saw this tweet:

Now, who can forget that hot day when a little birdie lighted upon Bernie’s water and the old crank swatted it away, instantly regretting it, not because he gave a crap about a little finch in need of water, but because the crowd broke into immediate moans of Rapture, seeing Bernie’s Birdie as A Sign. A sign that He’s The One. Within days the internet was awash with graphics of Bernie and little birds.

That’s when the little bell went off in the back of my head again, thinking of Birds and Socialist despots who become Communists once they implant themselves. ….Birds……..I seemed to remember something about birds and guys who promise people unicorns that crap gold nuggets and much later watch from their mansions as the crowd stands in line for toilet paper – with that “What were we thinking!?” expression on their faces.

But that bird. That bird has gotten around. That Bird even reincarnates at the most opportune moments.

For example, Castro had a bird. A white dove to be exact. Yes, a dove visited Fidel Castro during a most important speech, because he was The One while Cubans were risking their lives trying to wash up onto Miami’s beaches to get the hell away from him before they were killed. But hey, to quote Bernie, “Castro transformed Cuba”. Well, can’t say he wasn’t right, except Bernie means it in a good way. And now, us dumb folks are refusing to let Bernie “Transform America” just like his hero did.

Now you would think that this incident would be a One Time Occurrence in the annals of history. But nope.

You see, one Special endearing thing these charismatic liars — who promise things they will never deliver — have in common is: They admire each other’s birds. You just can’t be The One without a bird. Sooooooo…

Chavez got himself a bird too! Because he was The One. But not just any bird would light upon Hugo Chavez’ shoulder. No sir. A very pretty, even easier to train bird, one who never dared to crap on his shoulder.

But alas, Hugo bought the farm, dying rich, as they all Do, while his people whispered,  “Now what are we going to do?” They didn’t have to wait long. Along came Nicolas Maduro.

During his presidential campaign, Nicky ‘confessed’ that Hugo visited him in the form of a little bird to bless and support him. And this glorious occasion was certainly not lost on the press. But this one is my favorite: Fidel’s Dove is Now Maduro’s Little Bird

“According to Maduro, the bird – which he reiterated was Chavez’s spirit – blessed the campaign and assured him a victory.”

And on the occasion of dead Hugo’s 60th birthday, Nicolas made yet another Birdie Confession:

“I am going to confess once again that a little bird approached me and said… that Comandante Chavez was happy and full of love for the loyalty of his people,”

Now, no one has ever actually seen Nicky’s birdie but obviously, Hugo’s spirit is with him. Because he says so. I think it’s really admirable that Nicky takes the time to give the bird to the people of Venezuela in between removing the legislative branch of government and watching his subjects stand in line for luxuries like toilet paper and toothpaste, don’t you? Especially since they’re so afraid they’ll lose their place in line after so many hours, that they don’t move, even if someone gets shot.

Like I said, that bird gets around.

Enter, Bernie’s Birdie.

Here was a little finch who was in search of water on a hot day, lighting upon Bernie’s water as Bernie’s followers swooned and gasped and looked up to the sky. He was The One for Sure now. Was it Castro’s original birdie? Recycled Chavez’ birdie? An original fresh and new Bernie Birdie hatched specifically for Him? We will never know, because he flicked it away before it even had a chance to cop a drink and hop upon The One’s shoulder. The birdie tried to work with Bernie and he blew it off,  just  like he blows everybody else off who tries to work with him. Thus, the rumor:

So there you have it. As you can see, there is a long-standing history of charismatic bullshitters giving people the bird.

Except for one more. Now here’s the biggest, best,most beautiful bird lighting upon the greatest, most terrific, phenomenal leader in the history of the world. Believe me.


Ah well, sometimes a bird gets it right.

But one thing is for sure: If that recycled birdie could talk, I suspect he (Yes, a boy bird) would tell them, “You are all sooooooo screwed”.

Because that Birdie didn’t like Bernie and was not allowed to truly be Bernie’s Birdie, the 2017 DNC Rules Committee does not include one Bernie Person as a member. To make matters worse, Bernie is no longer the Opening Night speaker at the Woman’s Conference. This probably caused Susan Sarandon to immediately down a quart, and Linda SourSour, who once declared Bernie “The love of my life,” to realize that the time may have come for her to just get a room.

And oddly, I right now find myself softly singing the novelty song, “May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose”.

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“He Really Puts The Ass in Compassion”

Here’s a little Jimmy Kimmel roundup of the big  beautiful president doing a big beautiful terrific job in Puerto Rico.

DLAMsiiVoAAjuPDI don’t care what anybody says, the throwing of paper towels into the crowd will definitely go down in history.

He did point out that Many People Are Saying what a Terrific Job he did with those paper towels. It was Fantastic. I thought he especially inspired confidence when he told them to Have A Good Time.

That is why every desperate Puerto Rican leader couldn’t wait to go up to the mic when he told them to tell him what a Terrific Job he’s doing  even though they are fucking up the USA budget because they’re not Texas or Florida. After all, they’re not even all that White. Not to mention their debt, which includes that $33 million for his own Golf Course Project that went belly up.

So, overall, Donald  is the empathy king isn’t he? He rightfully points out that those g’damned Puerto Ricans won’t drive their own trucks to the port to pick up food and supplies. You would think they would want to help themselves a little bit, hey? I mean just because they don’t have any gasoline, the roads are still not passable and, in some cases their trucks are gone, is no reason not to come pick up their paper towels for Chrissakes!

I also thought it was particularly charming of him to tell them that they’re lucky more of them didn’t die like they did in that REAL hurricane Katrina.

Also, then there’s the Irony thing……

In addition to having the nerve of costing us at least 1/4 of what Texas cost us, those damned non-members of the Master Race, well….

“They want everything done for them!”

The Losers’ Museum

So many statues, so few options!

What to do? What to do!! What to do with all those statues of the Founders of the Misfits Society that later morphed into the varying versions of the KKK, Neo-Nazis, White Nationalists/Supremacists, and other assorted borderline-humans under the partially Euphemistic name of the “Alt Right,” guys who can’t get dates with women who have all their teeth. There is that ongoing inbreeding problem too, but we’ll save that for another day. For example: Think of that joke about West Virginia. 2 million people, 6 last names.

ImTinyGirls never liked them. And everybody knew why. Except them. So all that built up testosterone created angst. They had to blame somebody. They needed something to convince themselves of their own superiority. If only their ancestors, also known as participants in treason, had won that war, they’d have somebody to pick on regularly in order to validate themselves!  I know! Let’s pretend we’re still fighting it! That way we could have big-assed guns, because nothing says “I’m fat and disgusting and my penis is tiny” like a really big gun.

They’re mad. Really mad! Like crazier-than-a-rat-in-a-coffee-can mad!  Just ask one of their leaders, Christopher Cantwell.

He’s a really tough character. Man, I wouldn’t want to fuck with him, you know? I mean he carries firearms in every available body slot, except up his own ass. Well, maybe he did have one up his ass and just didn’t want to bend over and show everybody what a complete asshole he is. But this guy has guns up the ying-yang! See?

This adds a whole new meaning to having a License To Carry. And Carry. And Carry.

Incidentally, that clip didn’t include his remark of how sick it makes him to see that Kushner Jew walking with that beautiful girl that Trump gave to him.

Anyways…..Tough guy! Well……at least he SEEMED tough — until he found out there was a warrant for his arrest. Then he cried like a baby.

Okayyyyyyy. You see what I mean? Nobody loves this guy because he’s not lovable. And he wants love. Any volunteers?

I didn’t think so.

But……but…….He did everything he could to “Keep it peaceful”.  Like nighttime torch marches ala 1930s Berlin and like barring a minister and her church members from leaving the church while terrorizing them. And there was that little matter of one of his crackpots driving his car into a crowd and killing someone. How could we possibly find this sweet man and his Neo Nazi companions offensive? The nerve of us!

Now back to the statues. I digressed from the Statues. I can do that, it’s my blog. So now, back to our post title.

“Beautiful” Robert E Lee

There are all these statues! Or as Donald J. Trump, “The least racist person on earth” put it, “All those beautiful statues”. Because we all know there is something really “beautiful” about guys on horses who were willing to kill and let their troops die for the right to keep and sell slaves. What a guy! Now I could be off-base here, but I find it difficult to see anything “beautiful” about a guy who did that. But hey, that’s just me!

So what DO we do with all those statues of Racism and Treason in bronze? Recently, someone on Tee Vee mentioned the possibility of putting all these Statues of Losers In War and Love into a museum. I LOVE this idea!

We could call it the Museum of White Men Who Went to War to Defend Their Right to Keep and Sell Black People As Slaves.

I’m thinking they could add some realism to the displays. For example:

They could depict General Robert E. Lee getting his ass royally jacked by General Ulysses S. Grant.

…….Or how about showing Stonewall Jackson getting shot by his own dumb-as-a-brick sentinels?

And, what the hell, there’s plenty of room for assholes who think they should eliminate everybody who isn’t an asshole like they are, so they could also throw in General Custer  and depict him getting blown away while attempting to eliminate the people who were here in the USA first. There could be a quote from Sitting Bull saying “We Are Sick Of This Shit”.

“Father Of Gynecology”

They could even include that statue of the Father Of Gynecology, Dr. James Marion Sims. There are statues of him in Columbia SC and New York, New York. The problem with the Father of Gynecology is he performed painful experiments on black women slaves – without an anesthetic- To add realism to this display, I suggest they display the Sims statue along with a statue of a black woman slave cutting his balls off without an anesthetic. Seems fair.

Yes, by all means, do let us gather up all these statues, and I also respectfully suggest we drill a hole in all of their asses and firmly implant Confederate Flags on appropriate-sized poles–right up their ‘superior’ asses. That way we will indeed not erase history.

Post Script: Check out the vice.com full episode of Charlottesville and Cantwell’s “Peaceful as possible” neo-nazi goombahs.











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