Text: © Copyright, Uppity Woman 2008. All Rights Reserved.
Now I know that previous to the Glorious Cause, you tended to be graded based on your performance. This is not fair! It does nothing to enhance the Glorious Cause and it makes your classmates feel badly.
This is very bad.
So from now on, we are all going to be equal.
If you are carrying an A in this class, you are making others feel intellectually inferior. This is very annoying and makes your comrades feel unequal. We cannot have this. Therefore, all students who are currently carrying an A will get a B.
But don’t be upset by this! I am going to give part of your A to anyone in the class who has an F average! So you see, their lot in life has now improved. Doesn’t this make you feel better? It should!
I know you will continue to achieve according to your ability so that you may continue to share your A with classmates who haven’t shown up to class in weeks. It’s the right thing to do.
You students who are currently carrying a B will now get a C. Now don’t be upset. You won’t get into a decent graduate school with a B average anyways. So I am going to give part of your B to the D students. Now they have a C! Just like you!
Everybody has a passing grade! Isn’t that Glorious!??? You will now be able to go out into the world and be equal. Those of you who actually carried an A at one time can do most of the work. It’s the fair thing to do. After all, you have the ability.
From each according to his ability! To each according to his need!
I want you to memorize that quote. We want you to practice understanding The Glorious Cause!
Since I am fully in charge of distributing the grades at my discretion, I am sure you will find my plan suitable.
Any questions, then?
Now one more thing: I want you all to empty your pockets of all money you have. No cheating! There will be punishment for cheating!
We are going to put all of the money in a nice pot and I will divide it up equally amongst your classmates. Now don’t be complaining that you worked to earn that money. This is not important. What is important is that you share.
Boys will get more than girls. Girls do not need money. They can marry and things like that.
Of course, I will take a cut from the total in the pot for all of my distributive efforts. And I will withhold some of the money for later. That way, if you you please me, I will give you a little bit more.
No questions! I hate questions!