Okay Students, Gather Around, Little Comrades and Comradesses!

Text: © Copyright, Uppity Woman 2008. All Rights Reserved.

Very good.

hammersickleI want you all to learn the new way you are going to be graded. Now at first, it might seem unfair but remember, it is for the Glorious Cause!

Now I know that previous to the Glorious Cause, you tended to be graded based on your performance. This is not fair! It does nothing to enhance the Glorious Cause and it makes your classmates feel badly.

This is very bad.

So from now on, we are all going to be equal.

If you are carrying an A in this class, you are making others feel intellectually inferior. This is very annoying and makes your comrades feel unequal.  We cannot have this. Therefore, all students who are currently carrying an A will get a B.

But don’t be upset by this! I am going to give part of your A to anyone in the class who has an F average!  So you see, their lot in life has now improved.  Doesn’t this make you feel better? It should!

I know you will continue to achieve according to your ability so that you may continue to share your A with classmates who haven’t shown up to class in weeks. It’s the right thing to do.

You students who are currently carrying a B will now get a C. Now don’t be upset. You won’t get into a decent graduate school with a B average anyways. So I am going to give part of your B to the D students. Now they have a C! Just like you!

changenotexpectedLook now, Comrades!

Everybody has a passing grade! Isn’t that Glorious!??? You will now be able to go out into the world and be equal. Those of you who actually carried an A at one time can do most of the work. It’s the fair thing to do. After all, you have the ability.

From each according to his ability! To each according to his need!

I want you to memorize that quote. We want you to practice understanding The Glorious Cause!

Since I am fully in charge of distributing the grades at my discretion, I am sure you will find my plan suitable.

Any questions, then?

Good!

Now one more thing: I want you all to empty your pockets of all money you have. No cheating! There will be punishment for cheating!

We are going to put all of the money in a nice pot and I will divide it up equally amongst your classmates. Now don’t be complaining that you worked to earn that money.  This is not important. What is important is that you share.

Boys will get more than girls. Girls do not need money. They can marry and things like that.

Of course, I will take a cut from the total in the pot for all of my distributive efforts.  And I will withhold some of the money for later. That way, if you you please me, I will give you a little bit more.

No questions! I hate questions!

Any questions?

30 Responses

  1. Uppity, oh Uppity, that was fabo-brill, on wheels with knobs on!! I can’t stop laughing. And, everyone in the train is turning around to look at the source of the guffaws.

  2. Priceless! Mind you, the laughing out loud tends to make others on the train look at you very strangely and not so subtly move away, but it’s worth it.

  3. That’s the way you become head of Columbia Law review.

    A few schools I was in used the square root curve when the teachers made the test “too hard.” It is an odious way of norming grades to hide uneven performance. For example:

    100 = 100
    81 = 90 (square root of 80 * 10)
    64 = 80
    49 = 70
    36 = 60

    Yep, a 36 becomes a passing grade under this system.

  4. One major farce. We have nobody but 5 million Republicans that sat on thier a$$# and never voted. Rush :Limbaugh really 8ucked this up big time. Operation chaos, all the McCain bashing, not Conservative enough and then too little too late. Hope they’re all, every last one of them happy now. They thought they would have issues with Hillary??? What a bunch of bafoons.

  5. Yes I have a questions, teacher.

    The student: Can I stay at home and not go to classes at all and still get A???

    The adult: Can I stay at home and don’t go to work at all and still get checks every month.

    The Employer: May I move my company overseas, keep my earning and profit and pay less taxes???

    and after 6 months of Obama’s Presidency:

    Prez Obama : Nancy, why are we having 12 trillion$ deficit??? The chinese wanted their money all together. Told me they wanted to buy in Eurodollars all the way.

    Nancy: No idea Prez Obama, but AxelRut & Ayers said we did everything right. You are the messiah, cantcha do miracles???

  6. Gives new meaning to no child will excel, oops left behind!

  7. I am so confused, because who will be teachign since Obama will be giving everyone money to pay their mortgages and to fill their gas tanks, who will be teaching these nimrod student?

  8. The law’s been changed to Every Child Has a Behind and is Free to Just Sit On It.

  9. UW when you put the Barackistan plan in plan English that I can understand, hey I’m all in.

    The economy has trashed our businesses, WHERE’S MY CHECK BARKY?

    My house is already paid off but gimme some pie MO.

  10. ROFL! That’s spot on Uppity.

    “If you are carrying an A in this class, you are making others feel intellectually inferior.”

    I’ve raised four kids and unfortunately this is still very true and in practice today. As my daughter once moaned to me when she was 15, “Mom, do you want me to have friends or get good grades!”

    Sigh. Sexism meet marxism or whatever the heck this BS is called.

  11. Just watched the video that TWS posted in tips of Maya Angleou saying just like MO that Now America is a great country because of BO.

    It just shows how you can’t fully align yourselves with anyone in public office.

    We all made the mistake of putting our trust in conjobs like Sean Hannity to get the truth on barky out. But he always held back. WHY?

    I tried to listen to his radio show yesterday and was agreeing with what he had to say right up until he said the voters in CA were wonderful for banning Gay Marriage. I slammed the laptop shut and cussed under my breath.

    We really do need a legitimate third party in this county a moderate party.

  12. We all made the mistake of putting our trust in conjobs like Sean Hannity to get the truth on barky out. But he always held back. WHY?

    He had 2-3 one-hour specials on all the rads…Last nite he said bec of Emanuel, we were seeing the real Obama sooner than we thought. I do think they are afraid of being silenced under the Fairness Doctrine–and if “they” try this, we need to go ballistic!

  13. good morning all,

    miss uppity, what happened to that vacay? hope you had fun on your two days lol.

    DE, yep we do need a party of moderates fiscal responsibililty, personal responsibility, strong but seldom used military, smaller government, energy independence, adherence to the constituion as it is.

    social issues (gay marriage, abortion, affirmative action, the way our schools are run) should all be percieved as just that, social issues decided by society.

    ok, so one of these social issues is your pet issue, work on a local level to change the perception, let it ripple from there. don’t saddle the nation with an electee based only on how they stand on your pet issue.

    when we take care of the necessities, then we have time to delve into the “luxuries”.

  14. Ah Kentucky, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks!

  15. Amazing Uppity! So I STILL have to work my ass off???

    I was the cause of many many disgruntled fellow students- my A grades always pissed them off. I well remember the F grades of other students that became D+ due to MY hard work. Keep in mind I went back to college in my mid thirties- so was raising my three kids and doing volunteer work with various organizations. I had no time or inclination to party- of course Mommy and Daddy were not paying for my tuition.
    IMust- that about sums it up! They will continue to sit on their behinds.

    Mediocrity is enthroned- the results of the pyscho-babble crap where-in every child must pass lest their self-esteem be damaged.

  16. lol miss uppity, i think it is just that we politics freaks are energized by the analysis.

    heck, for all the times over their life that my kids have said “do we have to watch the news” all three are still analizing what happened and why. if i have done nothing else in my life, i have accomplished raising three girls with level heads, a respect for history and a love of their country. now instead of my one vote, there will be four, that’s how ya ripple lol.

  17. Mediocrity is enthroned- the results of the pyscho-babble crap where-in every child must pass lest their self-esteem be damaged.

    You are so right PMM…personally, I would not want a ‘close enough’ person being my doctor in an operating room…or for my accountant to be someone who feels good about themselves while messing up the books.

  18. doborah- you betcha! For example, as hubby says, even the “C” student graduates and they do actually get jobs. A few years a go, I had something going on where my entire left leg would turn purple, be cold to the touch and extremely painful even if my clothing touched it. It was definitley related to my menstrual cycle- it got progressivley worse as the month wore on. Every doc in this burg told me it was impossible- the uterus has nothing to do with the legs.

    Two years later I found a doc who listened to me and in five minutes made a diagnosis (femoral artey being compressed by tipped uterus- scar tissue from having my tubes tied) Same doc is the only Ob/GYN in this area who is an advocate of freedom of choice.

    The “C” students cost me two years of hideous pain. The “A” student had me fixed up the next week with a one hour day surgery. We have lots and lots and lots of the “C” student types in our local medical community. Hubby abd I have agreed that anything major comes up- we pay the price and go to Cleveland Clinic.

  19. Mom, if they dumb down colleges any more, our plumbers will know more than our lawyers and doctors.

    As it is, they have dumbed down schools so much that ANYBODY can go to college now. Add to that parents who all think their kids are brain surgeon material, and we have a country full of mediocre doctors and ambulance chasing lawyers. And we can’t find an electrician when we need one.

  20. “Mediocrity is enthroned- the results of the pyscho-babble crap where-in every child must pass lest their self-esteem be damaged.”

    YOU ARE SO RIGHT ON!

  21. “The law’s been changed to Every Child Has a Behind and is Free to Just Sit On It.”

    Hahahahahaha! This is so true!

  22. Speaking of laffing–they had to have a session on whether people can write comedy about TO (The One). Weak weak weak.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/07/arts/television/07come.html?pagewanted=2&_r=1

    Since Stewart was so biased, maybe his career is now over. Aw…whatever.

  23. “Mom, if they dumb down colleges any more, our plumbers will know more than our lawyers and doctors.”

    Uhh, I think they already do, LOL.

    And many plumbers make more money then doctors. No malpractice insurance either.

  24. Yes, malpractice costs and decreased insurance reimbursements have led to vastly shortened doctor visits. Not likely to improve when socialized medicine takes over. You may have to pay your doctor an extra chicken or two when you see him or her, because they will probably be paid 39 cents for each visit under Zer0’s plan. Imagine the squawking in the waiting room!

  25. Hmmmm, any questions?

    Sssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~shushie.

    Tell me, why has this mystery person has rented so much space in my head for such a long time?

    Why am I so obsessed with his origins and resume… why do I care so much about the truth regarding his matters and his credentials?

    I love all the Peoples of this world and especially our fellow Americans. Then and Now. None of us had a choice in being here…this time or this place. ~Or even that time or that place.

    Why does he drive me crazy to the point where nothing much else matters, other than truth?

    Why can I not be la-di-dah…and just deal and get over it?

  26. I am so distraught over this whole obama-president thing, I could spit. I wonder exactly how long it will take for people to wake up and realize what a horrible mistake they made by allowing this miscreat to slither his way into the presidency?? I know I know, I should give him a chance, yada yada yada. Ok, fine – how about I give him as much of a chance and the amount of respect the left gave George Bush? I think that’s fair.

  27. LOL LNC! You have the same problem I have. You just can’t express how you really feel. Hahahaha.

  28. “Why does he drive me crazy to the point where nothing much else matters, other than truth?

    Why can I not be la-di-dah…and just deal and get over it?”
    …because you suspect that something wicked this way comes???????

  29. 😉

  30. LNC, I’m beginning to suspect people will never wake up to Obama, never have buyer’s remorse. It’s a religion. After all, e.g.,the Catholic Church has never suffered the backlash of buyer’s remorse from the overwhelming majority of its billion adherents.

    I also had another depressing realization. Obama’s promise of Hope and Change was nothing more than “vote for me because I’m a black man, and hope that I’ll be president.”. Both his zealous followers and less ardent supporters have always understood this. (It’s only we dissenters, who, bound by the constraints of the English language, were/are in the dark.) So, Obama is the only president-elect who will have fulfilled his campaign promise when he’s inaugurated — he’ll be a black president. Anything he does thereafter is icing on the cake, and he won’t be held personally accountable for shortcomings.
    I hope I’m not right, but I suspect I am.

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