NSF requests $3 billion in “Stimulus” money for more employee self-stimulation

pornguyThe National Science Foundation needs some of that stimulus money. They just can’t keep up with the salaries of all those government funded employees who self- stimulate  all over government owned computers. After all, it’s in the name of Science.

In fact, the problem appears to be pretty common over at NSF. We need to help them now. One guy spent 20% of his work day downloading porn, much to the pride of his mother. And he’s a senior official, leading by example.  I mean, we can’t keep this up unless we give these pigs $3 billion to help them stimulate themselves on taxpayer money. After all, they are doing it for Science!

The “it,” of course, is pornography. And Grassley has seen it deep in a demurely titled section of a report from the National Science Foundation — a report that says NSF employees have been spending significant amounts of company time on smut sites and in other explicit pursuits.

Grassley, the ranking member of the Senate Finance Committee, on Tuesday fired off a letter to the NSF’s inspector general requesting all documents related to the “numerous reports” and seven investigations into “Abuse of NSF IT Resources” cited in the foundation’s 68-page semiannual report.

Despite the less-than-lurid sound of the probes, the employees in question weren’t just logging onto their Facebook accounts or buying birthday gifts on Amazon.com. The report says they were watching, downloading and e-mailing porn, sometimes for significant portions of their workdays, and over periods of months or even years.

In one particularly egregious case, the report says one NSF “senior official” was discovered to have spent as much as 20 percent of his working hours over a two-year interval “viewing sexually explicit images and engaging in sexually explicit online ‘chats’ with various women.”

Investigators calculated the value of the time lost at more than $58,000 — for that employee alone. 

Hey how about that “Senior Official?”. I mean, he needs love too!  A bargain at twice the price, wouldn’t you say? One day all of his minions will be able to spend 20% of their government salaried time on porn too if they play their cards right. I do hope this pig doesn’t have a wife and kids. I also hope that half of his “chats” with “Various Women” turn out to be guys in online drag. That should shut his testosterone down for a bit. I also wonder if  any of them were minors, but nevermind. After all, it’s for Science!

How much do you want to bet that these pigs  STILL get the $3 billion? After all, they can pull a Geithner and just call it an honest mistake. Hell, if that guy could deliberately evade paying taxes that were already pre-paid to him by somebody else,  and still be appointed Secretary of the Treasury of all things, then why can’t the NSF get their Stimulating Stimulus money? Afterall, it’s supposed to “stimulate the economy” and we all know that the porn industry is seeking a bailout to “rejuvinate”, having been “Hard” hit by the economy. NSF could help them out during their work day!

Incidentally, Mr. Grassley sure has come a long way. So many have forgotten when he thought it was a good idea to legalize prostitution and pimping –so we could tax them. So please excuse me if I see this guy as a blowass when it comes to matters of morality.

Oh and one more thing: Avoid buying any surplus computer equipment that hails from NSF. We wouldn’t want you to touch anything they’ve handled.


23 Responses

  1. And the NSF is who we’re supposed to believe about Global Warming. It’s probably pretty hot and steamy in those offices.

    The next report will deal with other global issues:
    Global Stripping
    Global Flirting
    Global Self-Stimulation

  2. Oh and one more thing: Avoid buying any surprlus computer equipment that hails from NSF. We wouldn’t want you to touch anything they’ve handled.

    Aaaaaa, Uppity! The visual! Aaaaaaa!

  3. The NSF said they have taken “action” against those involved, so of course they will get their $$$.

  4. I think they’ve had enough “action”

  5. Hahahahaha! Yes, I believe they have.

  6. Ain’;t Karma a Bitch:

    “President Barack Obama has been in office for just over a week, but already he has managed to upset some top leaders in a key constituency — women’s groups — after he personally intervened to get family planning funds stripped from the House stimulus package.

    Planned Parenthood led the charge, with President Cecile Richards sending an “urgent” e-mail to supporters on Wednesday decrying the deletion — calling it a “betrayal of millions of low-income women, and it will place an even greater burden on state budgets that are already strained to the breaking point.””

    That’s what they get for turning their backs on Hillary and giving, giving, giving to The One.

  7. Hey, here’s MORE to upset our fearless women leaders over at PP and NARAL with:

    Couldn’t believe it when I saw it…,and it’s been buried, of course…I happened Monday…By the way…I called my reps office prior to the vote on the “stimulus” package and told the woman on the phone that all women should rise up…her included!! Then this hit and I really went ballistic!

    The Bush I-Clinton Roadshow Takes the Low Road in New Orleans at Guess Who’s Expense? (Hint: Women, of Course)


  8. NSF’s contract IT boyz didn’t want to ruffle feathers by filtering that stuff. they might be sent back to India.
    that no recreational surfing honor policy works real well.

  9. And the NSF is who we’re supposed to believe about

    Global Warming. It’s probably pretty hot and steamy in those offices.

    OMG! That is sooooooooo funny! You should write about it right now, P4.

  10. Family planning didn’t belong in that bill either, cats. This is supposed to be a STIMULUS package for the economy. But I bet they kept ACORN in!

  11. If only that had been about the National ENDOWMENT for the Arts, we could have had some neat puns. Well, the Republicans at least stood up and said WTF on that stimmy bill. If the Senate throws out some pork or idiocy and there is something to
    “conference,” we shall see the true meaning of lobbyist.

  12. The Senate has spent decades having real sex with pages, so why don’t we reward these geeks for not hurting innocent children? /snark

    If this guy was a senior official, that means he was a paper-pusher not a scientist of value. Why not fire him and hang his perverted ass out in the media to set an example? That’s what would happen in the real world!

    And let’s talk about this seriously – how often are women caught downloading porn? So perhaps the result of the Equal Pay Law ought to be that women get paid more than men, because they jerk off less! How’s that sit with your Viagra, boys?

  13. oh my goddess, everyone’s comments are so funny today!

    chuckle chuckle

    anybody know how much NIH is getting (not NSF)?

  14. This SOB should be hanged with his underpants stripped off, that’s all….

  15. No Fembots, I don’t know, but let’s face it the NIH has to do with health and we know it’s not healthy to go too long without sex. So it’s probably ok if they do it a lot.

  16. NSF taking “action” ROFL. I bet the upper management enjoyed perusing the hard drive too.

    I wonder what action they took? Tying his hands behind his back?

  17. Mem fr m management. Please excuse that my is stuck on my c mputer.

    There will be n m re p rn surfin in this ffice..

  18. when there’s a plan to terminate a manager the IT person is usually called in to monitor activity & collect incriminating data. they may have wanted him out for political reasons.

  19. Well that’s government for you. Where I come from, they rarely fired managers, just kicked them upstairs or put them on “Special projects”. But if they really wanted to get rid of one, they just told him to take the next 60 days looking for a new job.

  20. “The report says they were watching, downloading and e-mailing porn, sometimes for significant portions of their workdays, and over periods of months or even years.”

    Well….perhaps it’s because they had nothing ELSE to do working under the Bush Administration. After all, science was SOOOOOOO out of style.

    That being said, I think they should all go to jail. Maybe with that CIA station chief…

    what …..um, jerks.

  21. OK, now I’m really scared. That looks like my ex brother in law. NO KIDDING. .. YIKES!

  22. well Grassley has balls!
    McCain promised to increase caps during his campaign.

    Microsoft recent layoffs included H1B Visa workers.
    big surprise.
    Bill Gates plans to lobby again for more H1b Visas in April. Congress licked his boots like he was royalty last March. Sen Charles Grassley told Microsoft to layoff foreign workers first before eliminating Americans.
    Microsoft then canceled start of huge data center in Iowa. Obama cabinet nominees & transition team advisors incl Google CEO Eric Schmidt are in favor of increased caps on H1B Visas.


    the economic stimulus plan is stimulating foreign male workers.

    there are plenty of qualified Americans with CS degrees who are laid off or underemployed. laid off foreign workers must find new jobs within 60 days or be deported. they’re highly motivated to take lower salaries than Americans. lots of them are trolling slashdot.com arguing in favor of foreign workers.

  23. […] What does the SEC have in common with the NSF? Posted on April 26, 2010 by Uppity Woman Last year the National Science Foundation (NSF), which requested $3 billion in ‘Stimulus’ money, was exposed (pun intended) when it was discovered that a number of their overpaid employees spent a good deal of time surfing pornography on government computers. You can refresh your memory about this by reading my post NSF Requests $3 Billion In Stimulus MoneyFor More Employee Stimulation. […]

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