2nd Quarter Winners (Them) and Losers (You)

ford_logoWith Q2 reports in, Ford Motor Company, the one remaining American Auto manufacturer that isn’t part of Government Motors,  is looking overseas to increase its profits over its 16% USA market share. Being more forward looking instead of being dominated by government bureaucrats and greedy managers and unions, FORD is holding its own by at least remaining in the black–a rarity in the US economy, it seems. They have also unveiled their own plan to increase fuel efficiency in their  products, unlike GM and Chrysler who are busy waiting for Nancy Pelosi to tell them how many miles per gallon their autos should get. FORD might just make it without Bernanke, Paulson, Geithner and other assorted Obama children and Harvard Dropouts Auto Task Force Drivers of Foreign Cars Czars getting in the way. Somebody had better do something about that.

15_kimberly_clarkKimberly-Clark earned 97 cents a share in Q2, while lower than last year’s second quarter, it’s at least better than this year’s first quarter. I guess that’s the closest the USA is getting to Good News these days. In this crappy economy, economic news is now divided into horrible, terrible, really bad, bad and “less bad”. So things are “less bad” for Kimberly-Clark. Kimberly-Clark makes Kleenex tissues for American consumers, the unemployed and the few remaining tax payers to cry into. They will also come in handy during the anticipated Swine Flu plans epidemic, during which all useless old and disabled people can proudly die knowing they have helped out a flagship American company by paying twice as much for “expanded” tissues–which translates into fewer in the box that “look” like more. Same as toilet paper.

01_amazon-dot-comAmazon shares sold off sharply yesterday after reporting a 10% drop in sales. Apparently reading is rapidly losing popularity. However, this is no surprise. Considering the dumbing down of American Schools, literacy is soooooooo over-rated. Besides, reading will be a health hazard after 2012, when Americans are all forced to live under the yellow bug lighting thrown by CFL bulbs.

capone_alCreepy, thieving, consumer screwer and  member of an elitist  group of  all-around rat-fuckers, including Capital One and Bank of America, American Express isn’t doing so well.  Their earnings fell as credit losses topped 10%. I guess it could have been worse but that they stole nearly $4 billion in bailout money from you. Hold onto your wallets if you are doing business with these thieves and have good credit,  as I am certain you will be Made  To Pay for their losses and have your FICO score messed with besides–that is if they haven’t screwed it up already. So much for “Credit Card Reform”. Thanks Congress. You never let us down when it comes to pretending you are doing something good when you are doing nothing.

ImmeltGE, a company once known for its stability, long-range planning, steady growth and leading edge management, until the the day Jeff Immelt became CEO and dumped it into the crapper, has begun its reduced dividend payouts for the first time since 1938.  Like they say, Everything Old Is New Again. Formerly earning 31 cents a share, millions of also-formerly middle-class retirees who are too old to return to work and who invested their retirement savings in this company for “long term growth” will now have to make due with 10 cents a share. That should help the economy a lot, don’t you think?  What’s a few more homes in forclosure if it only affects useless old people, right? No wonder Mr. Immelt cut the microphone at the last stockholder’s meeting.  Ironically, Mr. Immelt is a member of the President’s Economic Recovery board, as partial reward for assigning the ratings-tanked MSNBC as Barack’s personal Public Relations toy.  I am sure Mr. Immelt is working very diligently to show Barack Obama how to “Improve” the USA in the same way the worse CEO GE has ever known has “Improved” GE. The Board Of Directors, picked by  Friend-of-Iran Jeff, thinks he’s the cat’s ass, since they keep appointing him as CEO in spite of stockholder outrage. Barack likes him too, so he can’t be all bad, right? Mr. Immelt is salivating for Cap and Trade so he can implement his knuckle-cracking plans to profit from phony carbon credits, while continuing to stall the proper cleanup of the Hudson River, which, in addition to yielding mutant fish, has also yielded two types of water for decades,  thanks to GE: Creamy and Chunky. Mr. Immelt also says he’s working hard on reducing the amount of mercury in GE  CFL lighting during his race to dominate the sales of these shitty light bulbs that mean the end of Light as we have known and loved it — when the law kicks in sometime in 2012. We are talking about the same light bulbs that nearly set Deadender’s home aflame yesterday. Immelt is improving CFLs somewhere in Taiwan, no doubt.

microsoft-signMicrosoft loses money– as sales of their shitbag Windows version  known as Vista, which they debugged in the field at the expense of people’s computers — and as the equally un-debugged desperation replacement  system known as Windows 7 receives a “surprise” cool reception. Microshit’s net income fell 29%. That’s the bad news. The good news is, the loss is better than predicted. See earlier paragraph above on the varying degrees of “awful”  that is now used to describe American Quarterly performances. Please don’t forget to try out Bing.com, so that Microsoft can spy on you instead of Google. Gotta have a little variety, comrades.

botoxOn the brighter side, Elective Cosmetic Surgery is a winner. Except for Boob Jobs. Boob Jobs are losers this quarter. Hey, you gotta sacrifice SOMETHING when your Wall Street bonus is reduced to a meager couple of million, right? Things are so bad for these people, that they find themselves choosing between cosmetic surgery and vacations in Paris. Sucks, doesn’t it? However, Botox treatments are up 8%, probably due to Hollywood, Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden. So keep a Stiff Upper Lip. Things are good for the Botox people, Botox Bandit notwithstanding. Hey, you gotta do whatchu gotta do, you know?

screwedAnd the biggest loser of all in Q2 continues to be the  American Public, who have now taken to not using any air conditioning in the heat of summer. Using the terminology that implies people are now “choosing” to enjoy “summer breezes,” Al Gorists regard this as a great thing for Global Warming even if a few useless old people and pets die of heat exhaustion because they can no longer afford to run their air conditioners. I am also sure that those who die during the coming winter for The Cause because they can’t afford heat will also be equally applauded while utility companies raise rates to pick up the slack and continue to enjoy record profits.

There’s plenty more news, but you get the picture.

59 Responses

  1. Uppity. You are the best. Honestly, if you were to syndicate, you could save so many Americans with your outlook and your humor.

    Seriously, this was great.

  2. Brava! I didn’t know there was so much “less bad” news this quarter. Had I known, I would have been “less clinically depressed”, as would much of America, I’m sure.

    It’s good to have you back (even if only for a while)!

  3. Wow – Here’s a perfect example of “less Bad” from the WSJ link to the right

    “The number of workers on jobless rolls is declining in an encouraging sign for the U.S. economy, although the decrease partly reflects people exhausting their state benefits.”

    So, lemme get this right. People exhaust their State benefits, move to the Federal Unemployment Emergency Extension, so are taken OFF the State Rolls….

    And this is good because the State Numbers don’t look so bad.

    And I thought Bush had a monopoly on Orwell.

    Go look at the unemployment chart in the article and tell me it’s “leveling off”

    Amazing.

    I STILL predict 20% National Average before oilsoc is finished with his vision to “remake” America

  4. And this is why we all said “NO F-ING WAY” when you said you weren’t going to blog anymore.

    Great Post.

  5. ROFL! I echo everyone else, great post!

  6. DE,

    Uppity always said she reserved the right to have an occasional rant. Thank goodness!

  7. I met a deadline yesterday, so as a reward for your patience, a rant fell off my keyboard. I had to write the damned thing twice besides, due to WP glitches. I just fixed all my errors. All of you were either polite enough not to say anything, or you are so grateful to see a rant, you didn’t care. xo.

  8. DE I want to see those closeups of that smoldering CFL so I can show everybody.

  9. Only you could make this news funny. Thanks again for a great post.

  10. great post. thanks for your return to writing.

  11. It just has a swollen zit on the transformer section. We caught it before it got too bad, the rank smell from the melting plastic set off a mad search to find what was burning. I could stick it in a lamp and put it outside for some fun video.

  12. Ford is really cooking regarding fuel efficiency. Focus already gets 35 mpg. Don’t know about their other products fuel efficiency.

    ‘Nother topic but somewhat related: Have you heard that CashForClunkers requires that Clunker get 18 or less MPG? Not certain about the following, but Clunker may also have to be 25 years old. And run. And be in regular use.

  13. products’ fuel efficiency.

  14. To my friends in Florida – Heads up

    South Florida Sun-Sentinel.com
    State official: Millions of Floridians could contract H1N1 virus within a year
    The Associated Press

    7:01 PM EDT, July 23, 2009

    TALLAHASSEE

    A top state medical official says 5 million Floridians could contract the swine flu within a year if the virus follows the pattern of previous pandemics.

    Acting state epidemiologist Dr. Richard Hopkins said Thursday that pandemics are deadly because so many people get sick. He notes that as many as 30 percent or more of the population was infected in previous pandemics.

    Officials at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says they’ve been estimated this pandemic could be along the lines of the 1957 Asian flu outbreak, with similar infection rates.

    Florida has reported that 22 residents infected with the H1N1 virus have died, including 10 in the last three weeks. Officials counts say at least 2,900 Floridians have been sickened from the virus. However, experts say adding in unreported illnesses would make the actual number much higher. Officials expect more cases after public schools open next month.

    Copyright © 2009, South Florida Sun-Sentinel

  15. this is funny

    Obama’s “I was there when that happened” Computer chip fails again

    http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=104703

  16. Sent you some photos UW

  17. Not certain about the following, but Clunker may also have to be 25 years old. And run. And be in regular use.

    In that case, “Clunker” would definitely have to be foreign made. 25 year old American would have already succumbed to growing toadstools under the gas pedal years ago. Would make a good planter though.

  18. I had an SUV from 1995 that got less than 18MPG. But I scrapped my car for the sky high scrap metal rates last summer. Could have kept it and gotten a Hyundai for $8,000.

  19. FF that link about Obama and the Apollo splashdowns is funny. He’s the “Forrest Gump” president. He was personally involved in every major historical event! aka the NPD president, delusional to the core.

  20. love the header,good rant Upp
    now can we have pie??

  21. Did someone mention PIE? 🙂

  22. Yes I would like a nice lemon meringue please.

    I just saw Barack’s “Where is my moon” commercial. WTF?

  23. Yea! Another fantastic, perfectly snarky Uppity post! Just the thing to end the week. FF, loved the forrest barky story & have greatly enjoyed the serial adventures of MKB. I hope he’s having a fab time in Tuscany. BTW, raging has an interesting comment about the lightbulbs on DE’s.

  24. What commercial?

  25. What a lovely way to begin the weekend…thanks UW.

  26. Obamas rent posh property

    By NIA-MALIKA HENDERSON | 07/24/09 11:41 AM (politico)

    The first family’s vacation plans are firming up; the Obamas plan to stay on a 28.5-acre farm on Martha’s Vineyard during the last week of August, according to a local report.

    The price of the Obamas’ rental hasn’t been reported, but nearby properties rent for upwards of $35,000 a week. The White House wouldn’t comment on the report.

  27. UW,
    KimberlyClark – next thing they will be using rocks in the boxes and claim they are new and improved tissues.
    Amazon – expect their OPrinting presses to soon have propaganda spewing forth.
    GE – they will outfit their own GE building in those CFL nite lights, and their workers will be stumbling around trying to work, but will soon go to candellight..
    American Express – soon to be converted into the mandatory national health ID card system, so don’t leave home without it.
    Elective cosmetic surgery and dentistry – a resurgence in taxing it will be imposed throughout the land, to the point where only the very few can afford it. All mirrors will subsequently be hidden from America.

  28. Excellent rant UW.

    Well, I got Galloped today!!! Finally a political poll. Obama, Congress, Pelosi, Palin, issues, the MSM, and Michael Jackson!!!!

    It started off with a free form question (instead of the usual multiple choice). The first question was something like “What is the biggest problem our country needs to deal with?” I said “Obama and Congress” I know they meant the economy, the environment, healthcare etc but I could not help myself!

  29. I hope everyone gets to read this:

    http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203517304574306533556532364.html

    The last few paragraphs are the best – though don’t skip to them as the whole piece is worth the read.

  30. UW at 12:42.
    LOL. I’m so glad you are here!

  31. Uppity…

    *****5 STAR RANT!!!!*****Thank you!!!!

    the girl still got it!

    I love how they can predict massive swine flu population reduction…i mean….”potential deaths”…no planning there…naaah….

    DE…so glad you’re ok….we can’t afford to lose any comrades at this point…be on your toes soldiers!!!

  32. One of the biggest winners this year so far is Apple. Share prices have gone from a low of 78.20 in February to 160 today, a gain of 81.80 in 5 months or 104.6%. They even lowered the price of the iPhone and the Mac portables while maintaining excellent margins above 36%. All this despite rising DRAM prices. Apple’s latest earnings report that came out on Tuesday stated that the June quarter was the best non-holiday quarter in its history.

    If you want to be on the winning side, invest in AAPL but wait until it corrects to around the mid-140s. For the rest of the year, I expect the stock to go to 200. One analyst has a price target of 225 which should be expected in the first quarter of next year when Apple introduces another paradigm-shifting product in the form of a new kind of tablet.

  33. FF,

    Thank you for all the wonderful headers. They make me laugh and bring me joy….

    Since this one has an Autumn theme, just a reminder that the Autumn coming will be full of Tricks and Treats, but mostly Tricks such as pesky viruses and possible bank “holidays”. Current suckers rally will probably lead to an even bigger drop in the market.

    Just remember we’ve survived many turbulent cycles in our history, albeit generated by the puppet masters. Methinks the puppet masters time has come, and our courage and faith will be tested.

    Here’s a wonderful poem written by Amelia Earhart:

    Courage is the price that
    Life exacts for granting peace.

    The soul that knows it not
    Knows no release from little things:
    Knows not the livid loneliness of fear,
    Nor mountain heights where bitter joy can hear the sound of wings.

    Nor can life grant us boon of living, compensate
    For dull gray ugliness and pregnant hate
    Unless we dare
    The soul’s dominion.
    Each time we make a choice, we pay
    With courage to behold the resistless day,
    And count it fair.

  34. Surfergrrl – I love that poem, and pretty much everything Earhart. I have read just about everything I have been able to get my hands on about her and by her and Putnam about her and E. Roosevelt about her. I even started writing a screen play treatment many years ago for a movie about her.

    She certainly had her bad decision moments, but she certainly was one hell of a heroine too.

  35. FF,

    She’s my heroine too! What a woman! When I need guts, I just think of her and that poem…..

    And not to spit in everyone’s cornflakes but just keepin’ an eye on things…

    http://www.latimes.com/features/health/la-sci-swine-flu25-2009jul25,0,3387335.story

    http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-sci-swine-flu18-2009jul18,0,6483644.story

  36. Catsrclean,

    Holy cow! The most amazing thing about that piece at WSJ is that the author is Peggy Noonan, one of the biggest Otards of the campaign.

    Maybe the tide is starting to turn…

  37. About the Peggy Noonan piece, at first I felt that, yeah, she finally gets it! Then my now very cynical side which has developed since this past fraudulent SElection, wonder why an Obot like her would write this?? Could it be that she is trying to soften the blow when Obamacare fails? She did say something like, this is the first time we’ve seen him publicly lose….uhh, not really Peggy, he actually LOST the primaries but was carried over the finish line by the cheating DNC (RBL fiasco), the Superdelegates, ACORN and of course the OMSNBC.

  38. Okay, I have a few words for our “post-racial” president who keeps putting his foot in it and fanning the flames:

    There is a whole cottage industry over race in this country, both blacks and whites, and when they say we need to “have a national conversation about race”, they mean they want us all lectured on how we all, black or white, are supposed to think and feel. A lecture is not a conversation, and their echo chamber is making things worse, not better.

    Let me tell them what a “conversation about race” looks like. Because first off, it doesn’t happen from some podium on a lecture circuit. It happens between real people, where we live and work side by side.

    It happened for me often when I worked night shift as a poorly paid nursing assistant at a nursing home, wiping butts all night long, along with a bunch of other mostly black or poor women. it happened while we talked about our kids, and our families, and our histories and our recipes and our crazy uncles. It happened when some mouthy old racist fart in room 214B decided he didn’t want a “n*gger” taking care of him, and I told him he could just lie there in his own shit, then, because that’s who was assigned.

    And we all laughed. And rolled our eyes, and talked about our grandparents, and how they hurt, and for me how wrong they were, and how they changed, and how the country changed.

    And if I was full of shit about something, these women told me so. And if I had no idea why a black person would think a certain thing, I asked, and they didn’t mind. And if I thought they were full of shit on something, I told them so.

    And we could do that, we could have that conversation, because we were all in the same boat, trying to make a dollar and put food on the table, and we had spent enough time wiping those old butts together to trust and respect each other. Nobody claimed a monopoly on absolute truth, or tried to guilt anybody else, or assumed we knew 100% how the world worked in terms of race, so we learned from each other.

    We weren’t afraid of each other.

    THAT, Mr. President, is a “conversation about race”, and it’s has been happening every day in this country for decades, between real people who have no political agenda, just their lives to share. And it’s done more good than all the lectures and sensitivity training and hogging of the topic by the “racism industry” ever will.

    So STFU and let us talk to one another, why don’t ya.

  39. WMCB

    bravo

  40. Uppity good rant, great to see one up…..way to start the weekend!

    WMCB…good rant too, and very true.

    FF about the swine flu, are there a lot of cases in your area??? I’m north of Jacksonville right on the Georgia border and there are a lot of cases in my area. There have been a couple of deaths and I know of 4 families that are quarantined right now. In fact an entire bank branch was shut down because everyone had the swine flu. Then they reopened with employees that volunteered to come up here from Jacksonville. Gee I gotta get me some of that money that was in their bank huh???

    Just across the border in southern Georgia there are a lot of cases too. My daughter’s co-worker has a relative just over the border that died Tuesday from swine flu they think, they’re doing an autopsy to check. She was a young mother in her 30’s.

    I don’t know it was really sporadic and now it seems to be popping all around me here. I was curious how things were down state???

  41. WMCB – Where near Georgia? I lives in St. Simons and Brunswick for YEARS, as well as Fernandina Beach. My sister and I own property in Woodbine, GA about 20 miles from Yulee.

    As for H1N1 – we are having more and more cases it seems DAILY I hear on the radio, and several deaths in as many days in and around Tampa.

    I live with hand sanitizer in my car. Since I smoke, I use it after I exchange money or am in a public place like the store or something using shopping carts. Don’t want to swallow someones germs. In addition, because I teach, I have some concerns with how things may be when school gets back in session.

    Be prepared. That is all I can say. And keep your eye on Pundita’s H1N1 Reader over at RBO.

    ____

    OK gang – I have to watch a bunch of Indiana Jones movies. I have a nice Indiana Jones mural job to do for the kid of a couple of Coasties and want to have the real feel of what it is all about. I’ll check back in a bit.

  42. Freedom Fairy,
    “Obama’s “I was there when that ha ppened” Computer chip fails again”

    Since his “autobiography” is actually a novel written by William Ayers (and not a very good one), oilsoc doesn’t know what’s in it.

    FF, I assume the computer chip to which you refer is on the circuit board in his robot brain.

  43. Surfergrrl,,

    So they’ve already got it scripted. If you die of the flu, it’s because the vaccine didn’t work, not because we gave you “vaccine” with time-released toxins.

    You don’t suppose that they’re holding off on the killer part of the flu epidemic to panic people into accepting socialized medicine, do you? Nah.

  44. catsrclean,

    Fab link–thank you. It seems that Noonan’s Kool-Aid is wearing off. Some of her best lines;

    “His news conference the other night was bad.”

    “Americans in the most personal, daily ways feel they are less free than they used to be. And they are right, they are less free.”

    And my personal favoritea; “Far more seriously, he didn’t seem to be telling the truth.” Noonan called 0 a liar.

  45. Nope I still think they’re cushioning the blow for Baby Barack. “It’s not his fault….it’s the people, they don’t trust….it’s Bush’s fault!!!!”‘

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/mcclatchy/20090724/pl_mcclatchy/3278757

  46. If you read the Noonan piece, it seems more like an Obot who discovered her god had feet of clay rather than a pundit. I imagined she saw Reagan the same way, as a sort of cult of personality. Ironically, Reagan was all about ideas. He embraced conservatives like few before or since.

    I have yet to be sure of any specific thing Barfy believes.

  47. WMCB,

    As usual, you have written with power, grace, and conviction.

    My “interracial” experience is very close to yours. Conversation in the teachers’ cafeteria or faculty lounge. was color blind. We were sharing life.

  48. Ah, UW. You are the only one who can make me understand even a little bit about business. Thank you so much for this great gold-standard article, written with all the Uppity hallmarks: intelligence, wit, and more than a soupçon of UW snark.

    Re: Kimberly Clark, it is my allergies that keep them solvent. Ah-choo.

  49. HERE’s your moon, barfy!!!!

    (__!__)

    nyah nyah nyah nyah nyaaaaah nyah….

    good one Hal
    scott (DE)

  50. back for a brief update:

    Imust – you just about have it right in yout government trust post…

    Look what the cat at the NYT just drug in to take the heat off of poor racist oilsoc.

    Bush Administration Debated Using Military in Terrorism Arrests

    Top Bush administration officials in 2002 debated testing the
    Constitution by sending American troops into the suburbs of
    Buffalo to arrest a group of men suspected of plotting with
    Al Qaeda, according to former administration officials.

    Some of the advisers to President George W. Bush, including
    Vice President Dick Cheney, argued that a president had the
    power to use the military on domestic soil to sweep up the
    terrorism suspects, who came to be known as the Lackawanna
    Six, and declare them enemy combatants. Mr. Bush ultimately
    decided against the proposal to use military force.

    ok, back to the movies. I’ll be back

  51. Actually, Kimberly-Clark is big in the manufacturing sector. I’ve worked in places that use special disposable cloths for cleaning.

    I think the stock market is going up because Barfy was broken this week, as Sen. DeMint suggested.

  52. FF,

    This is every day on MSNBC. They drag out some “crime” Bush committed to take the heat off Obie.

    By the way, I wrote a blog post about how barfy’s racism may take him down.

    http://daysofchange.wordpress.com/2009/07/24/day-262/

  53. FF it was me that mentioned H1N1 in north Florida and south Georgia. I’m in Fernandina at least that’s my address but I’m off island closer out toward Yulee. The flu is all around this area particularly in the Yulee area. In south Georgia it’s just across the border in the Kingsland and St. Mary’s area which is just south of Woodbine. But I’m sure you know all the areas I’m speaking of so I probably didn’t need to elaborate as to where they were, LOL!

  54. BTW FF St. Simons is beautiful as is Jekyll. My brother lives in Brunswick, small world huh?? When was the last time you were in this area?? The Fernandina…or if you want to be high class, LOL, Amelia Island area has really grown.

  55. Too funny! The Blatherer in Chief has given 4 times as many interviews as Bill Clinton, but has answered less than 1/5 the total questions:

    In their first four months, Mr. Clinton gave 11 interviews and Mr. Bush gave 18, compared with 43 by Mr. Obama, according to Martha Joynt Kumar, a presidential communications scholar at Towson State University.
    Mr. Clinton answered questions 158 times this way in his first six months, compared with Mr. Obama’s 30.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/24/us/politics/24memo.html?ref=politics

  56. “Mr. Clinton answered questions 158 times this way in his first six months, compared with Mr. Obama’s 30.”

    WOULD LOVE LOVE LOVE to be a fly on a wall in Assholerod soffice when oilsoc reads THAT!

    Somebody – sorry

    more on the Marshes of Glynn and surrounds tomorrow

    off to bed. Just watched the first 2 Indiana Jones movies back to back

    research is hell!

  57. FF, that’s around 10 TV interviews a month, or 2.5 per week. Between prep and shooting time, those things take hours.

    WHEN the hell does this man WORK?

  58. WMCB – beautiful post…….wow!…. so glad you’re here……

    Mary,

    Things are obviously escalating…

    am taking 3-5 capsules daily of freshly ground ORGANIC cloves that I’ve put into capsules and am mega-dosing on 2-3 grams per day of Vitamin C. Eating a mostly live raw foods diet and staying away from sugar. Not touching ANY food from a fast food joint or restaurant. I grow my own wheatgrass and make Kombucha which is a live cultured Chinese tea.

    Be careful with the cloves…they are VERY powerful. They kill Candida, parasites, bacteria, viruses, etc……

    Also, a great product is Wobenzym. This is a proteolytic enzyme that is an excellent anti-inflammatory. It is also used for attacking cancer cells and for viral infections. Cancer cells and viruses have a protein or fibrin coating around them, and proteolytic enzymes cleave the coating open so that the diseased cell can be killed.

    An ounce of prevention………just sayin’………

  59. If you are worried about cancer – look into Red Clover. You can take it in pill form, drink it as tea or buy liquid and put drops in your beverages.

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