China decides that shock therapy for internet addicts is probably a bad idea

Much to the relief of Chinese Gen Y’ers, the Chinese government has recently banned the use of shock therapy as treatment for internet addiction.

The  next time an annoying Neo Liberal Regressive starts  handing you some We Are The World bullshit, you might want to remind him that it ain’t a Starbucks world and the thought of a global culture might not be exactly the way their Socialism Sociology professor says it would be.

The Ministry of Health announcement followed recent media reports about a controversial psychiatrist in Linyi, Shandong Province, who administered electric currents to nearly 3,000 teenagers in an attempt to rid them of their Internet habit.

The Chinese government has led a campaign for over a year against Internet addiction, saying young people’s excessive time in Internet cafes, known as Web bars in Chinese, is hurting their studies and damaging family life.

“Electroshock therapy for Internet addiction…has no foundation in clinical research or evidence and therefore is not appropriate for clinical application,” read the notice, posted on the ministry website (www.moh.gov.cn).

The world’s most populous country also has the world’s largest Internet population, with almost 300 million users at the end of last year, according to the China Internet Network Information Center.

Problems caused by Internet over-use are also on the rise, especially among young Chinese seeking an escape from the heavy burden of parental expectations. There are over 200 organizations offering treatment for Internet disorders in China.

You could see where this idea might put a chink in the routines of American teens everywhere who live in their parents’ basements.

Most of them were sent to the hospital by force, the China Youth Daily added.

Whoa. Force.  Kind of like forcing old and disabled people to die because they are a drain on society, right?  But just remember kiddies, ECT is  just as cost effective as killing off expensive old people! Isn’t that a coincidence?  Just imagine: Electro shock therapy only costs the equivalent of $800 a month.  That’s a bargain! So, given the need to cut health care costs, sticking some electrodes on a  young person’s head and frying his or her brain seems equally fair, right?  Instead of End Of Life counseling, we could call it End Of Brain counseling. And the patients will become nice and calm, agreeable and docile just like the government likes them to be. Besides, shock treatments would bring them all out of the basement so that they might try some new and innovative things they never experienced before, such as taking out the trash, looking at their parents,  or having an actual conversation using complete sentences.

This idea wouldn’t be complete without a word about energy efficiency. Now, at first blush, this idea might not appear to be  a very cost effective use of electricity, but have no fear, Cap and Traders! After treatment, the patient continues to glow in the dark without use of any costly energy at all! This is a double advantage, because once the treatment is completed and the patients take on their own glow, so to speak, parents won’t have any trouble knowing where their kids are. We may even be able to recharge our electric cars by plugging them into our own kids!

Obviously, this idea is a win-win. Somebody call Tom Dachle so he can update his book!