Catholics love to celebrate Saints and Patrick is no exception. It’s been a long time since I was a Catholic, and contrary to the belief, it really isn’t like riding a bicycle. So I can’t remember if this is what they call a Holy Day of Obligation or not, but if it is then you are definitely obligated to attend a parade and party.
In fact, some of the parties and parades on this day are so good, they draw in just as many Protestants, agnostics, atheists pickpockets, fall down drunks and freeloaders. Because a St. Paddy and Frank Day parade has little to too with sainthood and everything to do with a good time. I mean, a parade is a parade, right?
Yes, you read right. I said Frank Day. As you all know, our regular Uppityite, Frank, was born on this day and has witnessed many a parade in his honor in NY City. Now I never knew Patrick, but I can attest that Frank is a good dude. However, I also have it on good authority that, unlike Patrick, Frank is no saint.
I’ve attended many fantastic Frank and Patrick Parades in my time. My dog and I particularly love a good parade. So that is why I am doubly proud to know Frank. And from what I understand, Frank is really responsible for all of those parades now, and Patrick is just kind of hopping onto the bandwagon!
Anybody who has attended a big Frank Day parade knows that Frank is one popular guy! So Happy Birthday, Frank! You too, Patrick! If it weren’t for you we would never have pots o’ gold, rainbows, clovers, Lucky Charms and green beer! And who can resist that sticky pavement? But most of all, thank you for corned beef and cabbage. I was wondering, could you maybe arrange it with the Big Guy to see to it that I can find briskets with the little spice packs all year around instead of just around your day? I really like that stuff. Thanks! Amen!
Except for this dog, which resembles a dust mop, I can’t remember much more, because the beer was really cheap and it hit me right between the eyes.
This was particularly odd because I don’t drink beer, so I can only attribute the problem to fumes.
All I can tell you is I suddenly felt much closer to God the next morning.
In closing, I would like to point out that no saints were harmed during this post. But, as a former Catholic whose relatives are all Catholic and regard me as a heathen, I know instinctively that I should duck and run right now.
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