Well by now you ought to be accustomed to ingesting Salmonella and E Coli. Indeed, given the recalls we’ve experienced in the past few years, you should be actually craving these two nutrients by now.
Sometimes, it’s hard to pick which one you want! I personally think E Coli is superior, don’t you? I mean who needs kidneys anyways?
E Coli is at a premium these days so if you are on the receiving end of this puppy, the rest of us envy you. It’s not every day that you have the privilege of ingesting and becoming infected by a bacterium that comes from another living being’s shit. right on your plate.
If you live in California, Nevada or Hawaii, you won’t be disappointed! Your daily allowance is probably in your freezer! All you need to do is eat some of this beef you purchased. Don’t worry! Even though they have recalled a MILLION pounds of it, Valley Meat Co. processed this batch up ahead, so you won’t be left out if you live in a Lucky State. The meat was all processed between October 2009 and January 2010. So if you have a freezer full of the tasty patties, your chances of ingesting this nutrient you crave are good.
You people in California, Nevada and Hawaii have allllllll the luck.
Adding to ongoing national food safety concerns, a Modesto meat processor said it is recalling 1 million pounds of ground beef and bulk ground meat products after their products were linked to seven people falling ill from a rare sub-type of the E. coli bacteria.
Yeah. That’s right. One. Million. Pounds. Being recalled now – well into the summer barbecuing season.
But get this: If you’ve got packages of the recalled meat in your freezer, it probably has been sitting in there for a while.
The beef was distributed by Safeway. So if you stocked up on those burgers for the freezer and you shop there, you won the E Coli lottery! Congratulations!
Now I know some of you will be torn between eating what’s in that freezer, also known as Food Roulette, or throwing it out and not being able to afford to buy more. Well, like they say in Russia, Toughsky Shitsky, because you’re on your own. You don’t expect the company that poisoned your meat to absorb the cost do you? Silly!
Now, for those of you who prefer Salmonella to E Coli, we didn’t want you to feel left out. Lately, Uncle Sal Monella has been the preferred sickening agent of vegetarians. We want you to feel at home, So, if you prefer your food to sicken you with Salmonella in your vegetables rather than E Coli in your meat, then hop over to your closest Taco Bell, whose veggies are suspected as the source of Uncle Sal in 21 states. If your state isn’t one of them, just be patient! I’m sure Uncle Sal is coming to your vicinity soon! We’ll keep you posted—-after the infection breaks out. We wouldn’t want anyone to accuse America of not being an Equal Opportunity Foodborne Killer.
So far, Taco Bell’s Salmonella has sickened 155 people in 21 states. So get yours quickly to avoid the impending rush.
Meanwhile, Here is a list of recalled products from Valley Meat Company. Lotsa lucky people out there!
- BIGGER VALLEY BURGER – 6/5# (73/27) Retail Bag
- BIGGER VALLEY BURGER 12/3# (80/20) Retail Bag
- BLACK ANGUS BEEF BURGER 12/2# RETAIL BOX
- COUNTRY STYLE BEEF PATTIES (WITH SOY) RETAIL 6/5# Bag
- GROUND BEEF CHUCK PATTIES 7 OZ- 21# cs
- GROUND BEEF SMASHBURGER 40/7 OZ. – VAC PACK
- HEARST 80/20 PATTIES 5/1R -10#
- HEARST GROUND BEEF 12/1# RETAIL
- IQF 85/15 GROUND BEEF PATTIES 4/1R
- IQF 80/20 GROUND BEEF PATTIES, sized 2/1 OVAL, 2/1 RND, 3/1 Oval, 3/1 rnd,
- 4/1 rnd, 4/1 thin, 5/1 rnd, 6/1 rnd, 8/1 rnd 10# case
- IQF BEEF PATTIES WITH SOY, sized 4/1, 5/1, and 6/1 10# case
- RPQ 80/20 GROUND BEEF 4/10#
- RPQ 85/15 G B 4/10# CLEAR PACKAGING
- RPQ 85/15 GROUND BEEF 4/10#
- RPQ 85/15 GROUND BEEF PATTIES 160/4 oz, 40/4 oz cases
- RPQ 90/10 GROUND BEEF 4/10# also clear
- SUPREMAS BEEF PATTIES 12/3# Bag
- THE BUITCHER’S CUT 100% GROUND BEEF PATTIES RETAIL BOXES 8#, and 12/2.5# (73/27 )
- THE BUTCHER’S CUT 100% ALL BEEF PATTIES 12/2.5# RETAIL BAG (80/20)
- 100% ALL BEEF PATTIES – 12/3# RETAIL BAG (15% FAT)
- 100% ALL BEEF PATTIES – 12/3#, 6/5#, 8/3# RETAIL BAG (73/27)
- 100% ALL BEEF PATTIES 12/3# RETAIL BAG (7% FAT)
- 100% ALL BEEF PATTIES 12/3# RETAIL BAG (20% FAT)
- 73/27 GROUND BEEF Packaged in: 10/1#, 40/1#, 20/2#, 15/3#, 4/5#, 8/5#, 4/10#
- 80/20 GROUND BEEF Packaged in: 10/1#, 40/1#, 2/5#, 4/5#, 8/5#, and 4/10# fresh and frozen
- 85/15 GROUND BEEF Packaged in: 4/5#, and 8/5#
- 90/10 GROUND BEEF – 8/5#
- 90/10 GROUND BEEF PATTIES 160/4 oz case
- 93/7 GROUND BEEF 4/10#
*Photo of how E Coli can affect a kidney was found here.
For a video on how E Coli can affect you, go here.
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