Good News! In the interest of your baby’s health, Similac has replaces Melamine with beetles

Well, let’s face it. No week is complete without another food recall, is it? And isn’t it wonderful that babies get to participate too?

Gotta love Abbott/Similac. I mean if they tried any harder to sicken babies, it might actually become obvious.

Similac. Trust your child to the company that feeds him. You can’t say they aren’t on top of things! At least there’s no more melamine in their formulas.  This year, it’s beetles, not melamine.

Oh wait! The FDA, in honor of this baby-loving company, issued  “Acceptable Levels of Melamine” standards just for Abbott and our owners,  China. The FDA:  Looking out for you and your baby all the time.

The voluntary recall is taking place because the company believes that their product may contain beetles. For those of you who don’t understand Poisonese,  “May contain beetles” means somebody found bugs in their plant that became filler for formula.

Please note that “Voluntary” means the inspector found the beetles. Damn things just can’t be trained not to be seen.

Yum!  I wonder if they ate least ground the beetles up first. I mean infants can’t chew yet! Later, they can come out with a Jr. food version with little beetle pieces, but this is a no-no for infants, Similac. Otherwise, beetles would be just fine. I’m sure the FDA will issue an “Acceptable Beetle Level” just for you.

Abbott spokeswoman’s Melissa Brotz said in a statement that after small insects were discovered in the cans of milk that are produced at a manufacturing facility in Sturgis, Michigan it was decided to recall several products.

Big of you, Melissa!

Brotz went on to say that the company has decided to stop all production in the building where the bugs were found and that they are the ones who contacted the Food and Drug Administration to initiate the recall of 8-ounce, 12.4-ounce, and 12.9-ounce cans of Similac powder that were sold in the United States, Puerto Rico, Guam and some countries in the Caribbean- please be aware that Abbott liquid formula is not at all part of the recall.

The FDA revealed that the beetles found in the cans can could cause discomfort,irritation of the gastrointestinal tract, causing the infant to lose appetite if they are ingested.

Hey I have an idea, Melissa.

Why don’t you guys get some reptiles for the plant? That way, they could eat the beetles. Maybe you could get the FDA to issue an “Acceptable Reptile Residue” level, just for you and China.

Mommies and Daddies, Similac has a web page addressing this little problem called – not to be confused with recall09, where those pesky illegal plastic bottles were contained in Similac’s Hospital Discharge Kits. But hell, you ingrates, that wasn’t as bad as the Similac Melamine problem in 2008! I mean, beetle parts is an improvement over plastic, isn’t it? But you probably shouldn’t worry this time. The only recalled FIVE MILLION cans. I mean, what are the odds, right? Besides, baby beetles need to eat too, you know.

Having trouble getting to that Similac web page? Me too! Shucks! Similac handed out this web address to the entire press machine. Unfortunately, the page “Cannot be found”.

But don’t worry! Similac really cares! Here’s the real web page, but don’t tell anybody. If  Abbott/Similac wanted everybody to know, they would have given this page to the press instead of the page that doesn’t exist. But try not to blame them. After all, it’s probably very confusing for Similac to keep track of all their recall problems.

Stay with them, though! Who knows what goodies they will bring in 2011?

**Update: “Not Found” page is Found! It’s a miracle I tell you!


23 Responses

  1. Another day, another recall. Beetles in baby food hmmm, need a marketing slogan for that one. How about
    Similac Surprise – protein you didn’t count on.

  2. What the hell is so hard about keeping things clean?
    Kids ingest enough dirt and foreign objects without being given a head start by these pigs.

  3. Bettles are a good source of protein. Next it will be meal worms. What can you expect when the allow 10% of hotdogs to consist of rat droppings.

  4. Now I know there is some crazy man on tv that goes to exotic places and eats bugs- I’ll pass thanks.
    I am sure there are miniscule things I ingest when I stand in the garden munching- but I wouldn’t put a beetle or worm in my mouth on purpose! Guess it gives new meaning to this old song

  5. BeetleJuice! BeetleJuice! BeetleJuice!

  6. Oh look, the Not Found page is Found!!! It’s a miracle!

  7. MORE Beetlejuice, please!

  8. Ha! The real BeetleJuice, not the cartoon!
    OT: Mission Accomplished Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

  9. That is just disgusting.

    I love Beetlejuice – one of my favorite and fun movies!

  10. imust- imo our troops that are left in Iraq got thrown under the bus- “advise and assist”
    “They routinely ride along with Iraqi special forces in counter-terrorism operations but no longer play a direct role”

    So they ride along and that is not a direct role? That’s like saying the teacher has no direct role in the classroom.

  11. Wow and I just heard how they want to give a tax break for breast feeding. Interesting that MECSHELL is on a health kick and thinks breast feeding needs to be promoted and rewarded.

  12. Yes, not only a ‘tax break’ for breasfeeding, but they are going to crank up the cost of breast pumps as part of the “Health care reform”. Get the picture? This is how our government FORCES people to make “decisions” they want them to make. And they LOVE telling women what to do. This is sickening. These people need to be pulled off with a hook and dragged out of government. Breast feeding is NOT their goddamned decision.

  13. One more thing. How are they going to PROOVE somebody bread fed? Well they be sending their goons to watch? I’ll bet plenty of these pigs’ friends would volunteer. Will the IRS want pictures? What? What IS this bullshit????

  14. You know, as I listen to this trial of those two shitbags who killed Dr. Petit’s wife and two daughters, I am just disgusted at this system. We are paying for a trial for two bags of shit who did this for FUN. They raped the mother and 11 year old, killed the mother, tied the 11 year old and 17 year old to beds and then set the frigging house on fire! The 17 year old got free and died at the top of the stairs of smoke inhalation. The 11 year old was tied to her bed when she was overcome with smoke. Can YOU imagine how THAT felt? And the mother was burned beyond recognition. I simply do not understand that, with photos of the scene at various horrendous stages, taken by these animals, and admission of guilt, emails talking about how much fucking FUN it’s going to be when they do it, WHY ARE WE CONTINUING WITH THIS TRIAL? Why do we not just stop the trial and execute these bastards RIGHT NOW? In PUBLIC. I suggest we tie them to a bed and set the place on fire. After we rape them with a broom.

  15. Considering what they put in baby formula, beetles are an improvement. I don’t know if you’ve ever tasted that stuff, but personally I’d prefer to eat a whole plate of bugs.

  16. Sen Landrieu plays hardball. She says she will block Obama’s budget director nomination unless he lifts the moratorium on drilling in the Gulf.

  17. UW: about the TRIAL—who F**king knows why they
    do THIS——-

    Those poor people——–Torture the MF’r’s and be done with it.

    Sometimes with circumstances like this, and eye for an eye, makes a whole lot more sense.

  18. Ok- it’s official- I am sooo confused-
    Why does the White House need a budget director? The Congress isn’t proposing let alone passing any budgets. Or did they pass a budget when I wasn’t looking?

    Good for Sen Landrieu for calling BS on the bastards!

  19. I thought Palosi already deemed the budget passed..

  20. This is just another terrifying brick in the wall provided by our wonderful FDA – protection for corporate and god only knows what consequences for children. This is slightly off topic but since I am personally experiencing – and I don’t think anyone truly understands or “appreciates” what can happen when you are treated with a drug that is part of the fluoroquinolone family – mine was Levaquin but there are others like Cipro. There is a grocery chain offering free antibiotics for children in Florida. I praise them for that but, Cipro is one them are offering free – a known risky drug and should never be prescribed for a child. I got” floxed”(poisoned) in a hospital ER without being consulted with Levaquin(which is black boxed against giving to me plus giving me every drug they say not to use in conjunction with). There was no need for me to be admitted into the hospital when I arrived but after I was “treated” I went into resp. failure, heart failure, became crippled and in excruciating pain. Doctors would not tell me what was happening, new doctors in this terribly repressed hard scrabble area do not want to get involved. The only way I had to find out what was going on was to get my medical records and that was a fight even thought it is my lawful right. It was clear after I read those records. In this area, this particular drug is very popular – they get a permanently disabled, in constant pain patient – and they never tell them what happened. Disingenuous no? When you hear words like “standard of care” or seemly well tolerated – run. Please note that each and every drug description ends with the words “always consult our doctor”. I have had some of the best doctors in the world over the years – not for myself but a grievously ill child. I have been blessed with such good health, very active – have not been in need of medical care nor medications for years. If this drug had been given to one of my children – I don’t know what I would do.

    Children have been known to have spontaneous tendon ruptures, seizures, even deaths. The FDA has known about these “rare” occurrences for decades now, but the manufacturer has ramped up their sales in dubious ways and the numbers of these “rare” occurrences have exponentially exploded. Please be cautious with this class of drugs – the risks involved are not worth it since there are many many other drugs much more effective with small risks if any. It can be life altering and unless you die, no one is held accountable thanks to Bu$hit’s tort legislation and FDA’s heavily lobbied directives. Not everyone has a reaction the first time – if you didn’t – please don’t risk another round.

    What kind of society allows their youngest and oldest to suffer all for the sake of $$$? Well, there really is no safe age for these drugs. I consider any doctor who uses this drug against manufacturers own medicine guidelines , who knows they have a patient who has been “floxed” and does not tell them to be a monster. Standard of care my butt.

    Why do you think so many drug companies are giving them away for free? There is a cycle to being “floxed” – you want to know why you have excruciating pains in places that never hurt before, you go to new doctors, they say they are clueless, they test you – two simple blood tests cost over $1,300, need lots of different specialists. Medicine is BIG business, lots of referrals. Next stop for me is Orthopedic – in another area. All the ones here are on this hospital’s board.

    Yep, this is a rant but it’s based on facts – our health care system is truly off the rails. Please don’t expose yourself or your loved ones to this poison.

  21. Acceptable Levels.


  22. UW I approved the above comment.

  23. DE that comment made me sick. TMI!

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