With all the horrible stuff needing fixing, Jesus apparently is never too busy to show up in important and helpful places. Like a tunnel wall. Or a window in an abandoned building. Or on the bread of a toasted cheese sandwich.
While the Church Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster reports sightings of His Noodleness almost daily, God tends to lag behind when it comes to important earthly appearances, although I do believe I saw Him once after drinking some 40 year-old scotch. But generally, I’d like to think that God is a bit more discerning about where and to whom he appears. I figure he operates on the Less Is More concept.
Not exactly enough of a miracle to feed the starving, which would be kind of nice, Jesus managed his final appearance of the year 2010 on one guy’s piece of Christmas candy. And he brought his mother along too.
I know this will be great comfort to all the homeless and that’s why I really believe He showed up on this guy’s candy before he popped it into his mouth. Good thing this man looks at his candy before eating it. However, I suspect if it had been good candy instead of that cheap hard candy crap –like say, some dark imported chocolate — none of us would have ever known that Jesus showed up as the Candy Man.
Religious people who see God on things are very loyal to Jesus and regard these appearances as Most Holy. They worship the fact that God Picked Them instead of more Holy people, like the Pope or Pat Robertson. They live for God and this is an indicator that they are special to Him and a good Christian. To these special Chosen people, this is a most spiritual experience and a God-compliment of the highest order. That’s why we can expect to see this holy confection show up on Ebay really soon.
This isn’t the first time Jesus has made seriously …um…symbolic, comforting and helpful appearances in 2010. Heaven knows what 2011 shall bring. Before I get struck by the expected lightning, here’s a short list of Jesus cameos from 2010. Unlike aliens, who are very regional-specific, as they only seem to probe farmers in the midwest, Jesus has made some interesting rounds:
Here’s Pub-Door Jesus blessing this guy’s beer. He was a bit disappointed that Jesus didn’t do the Mulitply thing with his beer, though.
Telephone pole/Powerline Jesus wants you to know that he will continue to Let There Be Light.
Naan Bread Jesus. I’m personally a little ticked that He didn’t hop onto some nice crusty Italian bread.
Google Streetview was spying on The Lord when they saw this. This means God loves Google. Or it could mean God has better equipment and was spying back. Rumor has it Google hacked into St. Peter’s unsecure network and stole his email address. So far, nobody at headquarters has attempted to correspond though. They are still looking for an honest man who might get a response that doesn’t electrocute the recipient upon opening.
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