It’s that time of year again. The time to tally up all the people who got past the lifeguards in the gene pool and who finally met up with their own stupidity, hopefully before they spawned.
The Darwin Awards honor Charles Darwin by commemorating those who yield to natural selection and “remove” themselves from the gene pool…thereby ensuring that the next generation is fathered by one less idiot.
“Safety Last!” Of necessity, the award is usually bestowed posthumously.
It appears that this guy is winning, with 91% of the votes. To quote the Chief of Widdershins Herself: Jesu Christe!
(25 August 2010, Daejon, South Korea) VIDEO NEWS! A handicapped man, annoyed that an elevator closed and departed without him, thinks it over before ramming his wheelchair into the doors not once, not twice, but three times in all–only to plunge down the now-empty elevator shaft to his death. Simultaneous success and failure combine to earn the 40-year-old “Angry Wheelchair Man” lasting immortality as a Darwin Award winner.
The other 2010 Darwin Award Nominees: (Click on the links to read the rest of the stories–and voting is still open)
(86%)Textbook Double Double Darwin
Who would park the car on a busy freeway, in the slow lane, in heavy fog, for a quickie?
That’s the whole picture: A young couple, driving along Via Dutra, the largest freeway in Brazil with tons of heavy traffic, at 6AM under heavy fog. The couple decided that this was the time to park (for “dating” according to the charming Google translation) and, yes, they parked on the freeway in….
In the late fall and early winter months, snow-covered mountains become infested with hunters. One ambitious pair climbed high up a mountain in search of their quarry. The trail crossed a small glacier that had crusted over. The lead hunter had to stomp a foot-hold in the snow, one step at a time, in order to cross the glacier.
Somewhere near the middle of the glacier, his next stomp hit not snow but a rock….
(79%)The Burdens Of Our Fathers
A thirty-five-year-old man from Braila was only trying to fix a soil tamper, when the broken tool turned evil. The metal handle of this ‘family heirloom’ had rusted loose and the man was trying to weld it back into position, but unfortunately he was welding the metal rod onto an antique WWII cannon shell….
(79%)Barrel Ride, With Flames!
(19 July 2010, Washington) Thanks to Skagit Raceway, the town of Sedro-Woolley (pop. 10,000) fills with racing folks. During the American Sprint Car Series, two crew members–smart people with a high degree of mechanical ability–were working at a custom machine shop when they dreamed up an unusual thrill ride. The men put a a 55-gallon barrel in the parking lot, poured in four gallons of methanol, sat on top of the barrel, and lit the….
(75%)Ride ‘Em Cowgirl
A cautionary tale for those who can’t spare the time to slow down and do things properly.
14 August 2010, Kentucky | Kelita H. was travelling “at highway speed” in her Chevy, cruising down Country Road 519 with the wind blowing through her hair, when she and her passenger decided to swap seats. In this situation, a less hasty person would stop the car for a “Chinese fire drill” but Kelita was a little more creative than that. Fortunately, you see, her car had an open T-Top….
1 October 2010, ARIZONA | The Grand Canyon, one of the seven wonders of the world, recently welcomed home the soul of one of the witless wonders of the world. The death of a 42-year-old California man named Andrew, who was leaping from outcropping to outcropping on the South Rim near Pipe Creek Vista, reminds me of an incident in March 2000 involving a “financial entrepreneur” visiting the famous National Park….
(74%)Teeming With Crocodiles
South Africa | Let’s see, class. Do you or don’t you go swimming in the crocodile-infested Limpopo? Do or don’t leave the banks of the great grey-green, greasy river and swim in its limpid waters not once, not twice…
(71%)Tiny Elec Fence
An electrical discharge made toast of municipal guard Arthur de Souza Coelho, 47, on Sunday evening. According to police reports, he had installed a tiny electric fence around his car to protect against the frequent
January 2010, Netherlands | Every now and then a completely new window into the world opens before our eyes. Here we have rural Dutch families enjoying their traditional winter sport, carbidschieten, or Carbide Shooting…
You should also know that the Darwin Awards people also maintain a page of “At Risk Survivors“. These are hopelessly stupid people who might have won a Darwin Award, but they they managed to live. Perhaps in the near future, they will succeed. Just remember: They are still out there somewhere….
DARWIN AWARDS FAVORITE QUOTE!
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