The “Up All Night Wondering If My Ass Will Be Raptured” thread.

Listen, I heard that some crackpot says the Rapture date of tomorrow is wrong and it’s Coming at 6 PM tonight. I assume that’s Eastern Time, so you Californians get a couple of extra hours of depravity. Since The Hour is nearly upon me I am writing really fast to get this post up under the wire, just in case. I hate being rushed!

Well, I’m all dressed, in case I fall asleep tonight and get raptured in the morning before I get a chance to get dressed. I’ve always been conscious of looking right. I always get the sense that if I look too scruffy, my late mother will reach down and smack me upside the head, you know?

As I discussed in my Rapture Preparatory Plan post, I am dressed in warm clothing because it does get rather cold starting at about 15,000 feet and I hate being cold. The problem is, it’s hot as hell here, so I had to crank up the AC. Not that I care how much it costs, since I won’t have to pay the bill anyhow, right?

I also have my carry-on packed and am keeping it attached to my body so if I get raptured, it will automatically come with me. Otherwise, having been swept right out of my shoes, I might not have time to grab my bag. I hate going anywhere without  snacks and a bottle of water.  I decided that, in addition to some easy to carry peanut butter crackers, I am bringing a couple of bananas and apples. Most of those church mooches I’ve known roundly reject fruit and vegetables, preferring greasy high-calorie treats, so I figure I won’t have to share with some lazy, unprepared sponger on the way up. And I can give the crackers to any babbling religious pontificators I run into to shut them up. Let’s face it, peanut butter is great for that.

I also packed a bottle of Pinot Noir. I don’t figure they will let me in with that, but I plan to finish it off before I get up there and drop the empty bottle. Hope I don’t hit anybody down here. I also packed my tooth brush and deodorant. Not sure if we will use that stuff up there, but I always pack those things. 

I even put a bra on and I hate those damned things, but I didn’t want to Diss anybody at the Gates, you know? With my luck,  I might get punished and have to spend eternity fighting off Jimmy Swaggert or  that Crystal Cathedral huckster or something.  I packed my hair blower too, don’t ask me why. I mean, I don’t even know if they have electricity up there. I mean, you can’t blow your hair with the power of some light Under a Bushel, as the saying goes. All I know is I’m gonna look like hell if I can’t blow my hair. And that’s another thing. If I’m going, my hair stylist better be going too. I don’t want to have to go looking for another one who pleases me. I hate when that happens.

Also, I have my ID in my carry-on (or “carry-up, as it were), in case I have to prove it’s really me. I wonder if I will need my passport? Anybody? I am bringing my long form birth certificate for sure, because I don’t want any COLB questions. I might have to come back down here to get the real thing and find out I can’t get back in either place, thereby spending eternity floating around in the sky with nothing but peanut butter crackers–until some lazy-assed, overpaid air traffic controller fails to stop me from crashing into some small aircraft.

A towne house next near her, please.

Anyways, I was thinking about who I would like to meet up there and hang out with. I mean, besides my family members, whom I miss terribly. Except for that one Aunt, but I really don’t think she’s up there anyways.

I’ve decided if I could hang out in the sky with one famous person who has passed, it would be Gilda Radner (make sure you click). I’m not usually affected by the death of someone famous, but I was really concurrently bummed out and freaked out when Gilda died. I would definitely share my apples and bananas with that gal.

I wouldn’t mind rubbing up against Patrick Swayze and having some of that dirty dancing with him either, but, as Gilda used to say: Nevermind.

So how about you? You ready?

More Gilda:

Final Update with Jane Curtain

Gilda’s Audition

Bawa Wawa

Commencement speech” at Columbia School of Journalism

Prom Night

173 Responses

  1. I Thought it was supposed to be the rapture once Obama got elected?

  2. LOL – 4.6 just showed up in Western Australia. Could be a fun night after all!

  3. wow that upps is already.igot lots to do yet. 😆

  4. Remember to wear clean underwear!

    (I had a clean pair on when Obama was elected, but then shit myself, so I’m glad the rapture wasn’t then.)

  5. Uppity RRRRRROFLMAO!!!!

    Dying with laughter here!

  6. I ordered take out, so my kitchen would not be a mess and I would have a full stomach for the rapture.
    I told my kids I would meet them at the gate, and to make sure they had on clean underwear.
    I call the companies that I owed money to and told them too bad- soo sad, no check until the first and by then I would be gone.
    I am not sure what I forgot but most likely I forgot something.
    I will spend the next few hours listening to music of the 1950s and singing and dancing.

    WOMEN WITH INTELLIGENCE AND EXPERIENCE,MEN WHO SUPPORT THEM AND COUNTRY BEFORE PARTY ALWAYS

    PUMAS,BUBBAS,EQUALISTS AND THOSE CHATTERING PEOPLE RULE

  7. WHEN THE YEAR 2011 IS OVER, THE 2011 HEADERS SHOULD BE COMPILED INTO AN UW CALENDER FOR 2012. MAYBE WITH A LITTLE HUMOROUS LOOK BACK COMMENTARY?

    I WOULD PAY $15,00 TO BUILD UP THE CATNIP.

  8. HEY
    It is almost 4pm here on the west coast, which makes it almost 7pm on the east coast.
    ARE YOU GUYS STILL THERE??????????

  9. Helen, I just noticed that. 6 pm est has come and gone.

    FF told me on the previous thread that MKB is in the Felix the Cat balloon basket, pretending to be raptured!!! I love that rascal!

  10. HelenK…..crickets from the East Coast!!!!!!

    I think I have some things I’d better get done…fast!

  11. (creeping in to give an update) – nothing happening here, and it’s 7:20, not that I worry about being raptured at all – not the type. Anyone who does get raptured – bon voyage and I’ll miss you.

  12. HT – you’ve been Left Behind! (Join the group and our “I survived the Rapture” party set for Sunday.)

  13. Oh, good – I think I’ve been left behind, like HT!

  14. With my luck I will get ruptured instead of raptured.

  15. Marsha thank you for the invitation, however, I’m only lurking these days, but I will check in to read, as I know for sure I’ll still be here. I am however waiting to see if any of my neighbors will be raptured, as they all have pets.

  16. Damn! Always getting left behind. Guy on the local news said, “Yep, Rapture is about supper time.”
    Another said it would take place over the next several months. (Gee, thanks for nailing down THE date.)

  17. Well, I missed 2 good posts and a new header today as I spent 14 hours on the phone dealing with a water heater that got raptured to the junk yard after leaking all over my dining room carpet from it’s home in the closet. This is an expensive lesson: Replace those old water heaters from time to time. I’m too tired to be Raptured tonight or tomorrow. I think I’ll sleep until noon tomorrow. And you don’t want to know how my cat is handling all these men tracking in and out lugging household appliances and fans that sound like a 747 taking off. She may never recover.

  18. Osama sez “Aw shit! I missed this:”

    http://www.cnn.com/2011/TECH/web/05/20/playboy.issues.online/index.html?eref=mrss_igoogle_cnns

  19. ROLF

  20. This post is so funny I really think I split my side!! Uppity if you get raptured, will you be taking your laptop? Nothing like some live-blogging on Judgement Day I say! Just hope there’s no pushing and shoving on the way up like when Uppity live-blogged the Wal-Mart Black Friday sale!

  21. BCL, I’ve also experienced water heater problems and furnace problems – I wonder if electronic appliances will be raptured? If not, what will one do for showers and most importantly, coffee and toast in the morning? Glad I’m not going.

  22. Hey HT! Don’t worry about electricity, probably can just plug in to a passing lightning bolt or something. Actually, I imagine there will be plenty of solar power up there.
    Did everyone read Hillary is 44’s latest? OMG it’s so good. They have a video up of the prez of Israel schooling Barry for about 7 minutes….and he just sits there! Here’s a WSJ link about it too.
    http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704904604576335071093979138.html?mod=rss_US_News

  23. So I am a lurker to this site and have been for years now. I normally do not comment on blogs but found the below site and just knew it would be well appreciated by the uppity audience and it fit right in with the topic:

    http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/Home_Page.html

  24. imust – really interesting link. Not sure how this will resolve itself, however if the rapture happens tomorrow or tonight or the day after tomorrow, I’m sure Obama and all the world leaders and all of the bankers and insurance company execs et al will be included – they are such righteous beings how could they not be included?
    BTW, how does one know that heaven relies on natural energy such as solar and lightening? After all, isn’t it supposed to be in some special place away from the solar system? Doesn’t matter, I’m not on the A-train, so I’ll still be here wrestling with these metaphysical problems until the next rapture date, which I’m told is 11-11-11 – so next party is November 11, 2011. Of course that is beyond the Mayan calendar so not sure what the rapturists are going to use as rationale,

  25. I know it’s the end of the world – I won $290 on the lottery!

    Also – how are you west coasters feeling after this little rumble?

    Hmmmmmmmm?

    http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/recenteqsus/Maps/US2/33.35.-120.-118.php

  26. Don’t forget to put out some Rapture stockings and sugar cubes for the horses of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

  27. Oh heck yes, Gilda would be my first choice as well. What a gift that woman had. It killed me to learn that she was ill. I don’t cry for much, but I shed tears for Gilda.

  28. Ummmmmm…It’s 9:40 PM East Coast time and Uppity seems to be MIA!

    Crap! I always knew she was too good to be true!

  29. “Lectured Obama” is right….that Israeli leader tore into him and the expression on Zero’s face is priceless. It says “I DON’T WANNA BE HERE!”

    BOzo obviously didn’t pay much attention to Middle East history. The Israelis are right= a pullback to the pre-1967 borders only invites another war.

  30. mcnorman= When Gilda died, Steve Martin was a guest and cried during his monologue.

  31. HURRAY HURRAY

    Way to go FF.
    Take part of the money and buy something that YOU WANT not something that you need.

    WOMEN WITH INTELLIGENCE AND EXPERIENCE,MEN WHO SUPPORT THEM AND COUNTRY BEFORE PARTY ALWAYS

    PUMAS,BUBBAS,EQUALISTS AND THOSE CHATTERING PEOPLE RULE

  32. Hal, I remember that. I think that the world wept when she made her exit. I have a family member who was at the hospital when she was at the end. This person told me that it was one of the saddest times in that place. She was something else.

  33. OK – I don’t care if it is the end of the world tomorrow. I still have to work and meet a client at noon. I’m going to bed!

    GREAT POST UPPITY!

    And remember – you simply cannot trust Penguins.

  34. Agnostic… lesbian…. vegan….

    I’ll get my sleep tonight… I’m not going upwards tomorrow lol

    (But I have to get to Florida!)

  35. Excellent article at His44. Here are some snips I made to bring over. I didn’t realize that Netanyahoo’s (sp?) speech was scheduled first, and then BO decided to whip together a speech to deliver first to mess with him….

    http://www.hillaryis44.org/2011/05/20/obamas-cairo-ii-speech-flim-flam-a-treacherous-pearl-harbor-style-stab-at-israel/

    “Let’s be really honest, Mr. President. The obstacle to peace is the lack of a critical mass of Arabs who will recognize Israel as a Jewish state, and work for a Palestinian state which both guarantees Israel’s security and benefits from the regional prosperity that will accompany peaceful co-existence. To acheive [sic] peace, this is where the real work needs to be done. Until this happens, the rest is a distraction…”

    snip

    This year, Netanyahu received word that Barack Obama planned new treacheries in a speech – the one from yesterday. Netanyahu was invited by Republicans to speak to before a joint session of Congress in order to lay out his plans for Middle East peace. Barack Obama, in order to humiliate Netanyahu then scheduled his treachery speech for yesterday (”So White House officials timed Mr. Obama’s speech on Thursday to make sure he went first.”)

    snip

    Barack Obama did not go to the Middle East to talk to Muslims because he is not interested in upsetting Arabs or Muslims. Barack Obama did not go to the Middle East for his talk because his interest was to attack Israel and Prime Minister Netanyahu….snip…. So Obama went to the State Department to attempt to create the impression that Hillary Clinton is on board with his treachery. [We’ll discuss Hillary in our promised forthcoming article.]

    snip

    What should Obama have said and where? Barack Obama should have gone to a Muslim and Arab country and told them outright that the problems in their societies are of their own making. Their problems are not due to the Jews or the United States or anyone else. Barack Obama should have told the Muslim and Arab world that their fates are in their own hands. They can author an Arab Spring or an Arab Winter. Stop blaming others for your own deficiencies. Stop blaming Israel. Stop blaming the United States. An American president concerned about American interests would have told the Muslim and Arab world that we are allied with Israel and if they want progress they need to stop trying to destroy Israel and put all efforts to building up their own societies. That’s what a president of the United States should have said.

  36. oops! imust beat me to the His44 praise!

    imust, your comment about the UW’s Walmart made me think of something….. UW, one of these raptures, you should write a post as if the rapture is happening…. whether you’d be going up or describing watching others leave – who knows? lol Actually, MKBill could write it!

  37. I loved Gilda, too. My cats have always been strays/shelter cats, except for one. A beautiful golden/white Maine Coon cat. I named her Gilda because Gilda had just passed.

  38. FF – I didn’t feel an earthquake – although I’ve only felt 3 of them. Did I see you mention once that your dad did that for a living – that’s where you get your knowledge and interest in earthquakes?

    Anyway, I think they said tomorrow there will be an EARTH-WIDE earthquake as part of the rapture. So those of us left behind, have to live in a mess? Geez!

  39. HT! Stop lurking! This is your friend talking!

    (and no, I’m not going to make a deal that I’ll take Zeke! lol)

  40. Darn…. you guys are all gone….

    I’m going to run outside to see if I can see your underwear on your way up!

  41. Ack! Another new header! What fun, FF!

  42. Anyone ever see (or read) The Langoliers by Stephen King? (I think it might be part of something longer called One Past Midnight)

    People were flying on an airplane, and the few people who had already fallen asleep woke up to find that everyone else (including the pilots) had disappeared. There was a pilot deadheading on the flight, so he landed it (in Maine, of course, it’s a Stephen King novel), and all the people were gone there, too.

    Sort of feels like that lol

  43. I’m still here. Anyone raptured yet?

  44. Shoot, and no one left me their bank accounts. Darn it.

  45. 35 mins and counting

  46. Oh, no, I just thought of something…. Hillary will CERTAINLY be raptured! We’ll be left down here without her…. and WITH The Fraud!

  47. I’ve been wondering what Hillary is going to do now that BO gave this anti-Israel speech, and did it with her standing there, in her own “house”, the State Dept. Everyone knows that she is Israel’s number one ally.

    But he’ll probably back down from it (you know he’s always changing his “words”), and maybe she’ll stay at State. But if he does NOT back down – I don’t see how she can stay.

    And if he does NOT back down, and she does NOT leave – I wonder what that will mean….

  48. It’s late night and NES isn’t here – I think she’s having her in-house rapture lol

    UW too, eating ribs…

  49. 13 mins and counting

  50. Man I hope my asshole neighbors get raptured.

  51. Lorac, I’m seeing former Hillary supporters saying Obama’s policy toward Israel is Hillary’s policy too because she introduced him at the State Dept. It ‘s painful to see her years of strong support for Israel being tainted by Obama. And you know he did it on purpose to damage her reputation. Grrrrr! I want her to resign, although that probably means Kerry the Klown will be SOS. A lose-lose situation.

  52. My cat just had a “come to Jesus” moment.

  53. 5 mins left

  54. Now she’s jumped on top of the clean dishes as I’m getting them out of the dishwasher. I think she is beyond salvation.

  55. Beata, it sounds like your cat isn’t being raptured, but is under the spell of something much more evil! Better get some garlic – oh that’s vampires – what keeps the devil away? lol

  56. I hear something outside. I think my neighbor is mowing his lawn.

  57. BIG Party planned After the Rapture….see this FB link:

    http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=113038645444901

  58. I’m still here and so is my cat.

  59. Beata – I know…. but what’s the point of her being there, if she can’t stand up for something she feels so strongly about? He lets her talk about women’s issues, which is important to her. But this is, too.

    Some people have projected that something will happen so egregious that she will have the perfect opportunity to quit and speak out against him – some thought it would end up being around Israel. But the thing is, she has stood by him for so many things, and even is photographed laughing with him and hugging him, etc.

    I’m sure she will keep working for Israel, keep trying to get Obama to wisen up. But if she can’t convince him – well, I don’t envy her. She is in a terrible, terrible position. I’ve been holding out hope against hope, that she would run against him. Tonight I lost a lot of that hope. She loves Israel – but can’t say anything publicly against what Obama is doing. And I read that she hugged him after the speech….? If so – yeah, she’ll be in trouble with a lot of her supporters. That’s what is making me think it’s more certain that she’ll never run again (which of course is what she’s been saying….)

    But then again – he usually changes his words. Maybe he won’t push this, and she’ll feel comfortable staying and working for the country.

    Of course, I’d still rather she quit and challenge him lol

  60. I just woke up from a nap on the sofa – I guess I’m not the calibre of the raptured folks. Yay!

  61. Lorac, my fondest political dream is that she resigns, ASAP, and starts running against him in 2012. But I don’t think it will happen, especially now. In fact, I don’t think she will ever run again. She will probably start a foundation to promote women’s and children’s rights internationally. A wonderful project but I still want her as my POTUS. It’s a hard dream to give up.

    As far as her staying at State, she’s damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t. I prefer her there rather than someone like Kerry, but if she has no real power and Obama uses her the way he did during the ME speech, she should leave.

  62. Hillary should just quit. I have room. She can come stay with me 🙂

  63. Anybody seen The Woman?

    I’m hungry.

    Last time I saw her she was sitting on the couch all dressed like it’s February with some stupid carry bag strap around her neck. Her eyes were darting. I see her shoes though.

    I’m hungry.

  64. MKBill, go steal the bottle of liquor from her, and put it by the cat food. She’ll get the message!

  65. Didn’t feel the earthquake, and didn’t see any rapturings as I drove thru my town a while ago.

  66. oh no! Uppity’s been…..[gulp]………who’s gonna take care of MKBill? And the pengys??? We should’ve pitched in and got her that pet care after rapture service! hmm…..where’s karen? I bet we could find a lot of deee-lish-ous grub in her fridge….she won’t be needing it anymore! karrrr-en?

  67. who’s that woman in the header? Looks a lot like Mary Poppins. Is that Uppity? Uppity is Mary Poppins? Or I guess Mary Poppins is “uppity”. Yeah, she stood up to that oaf Mr. Banks in that movie, makes sense.

  68. OUCH!!!!

    Was taking a walk and an empty bottle of Pinot Noir just fell on my head!

  69. Uppity must be having a good time. She’ll be back. Just read the article at the pink place. I missed the news, did anyone hear Netanyahus speech?

  70. I just read the NYT version of the Netanyahu speech. As expected, it read much differently than the His44 piece.

  71. JJ, welcome! Loved your link! 🙂

  72. Uppity’s dropping wine bottles from the sky, MKBill is in charge, no karen, no NES……earthquakes and raptures…..like Gilda used to say, “It’s always something!”

  73. NYSMike – ROFL!

  74. imust, ROFL!

  75. socal, lorac….why are we laughing? UW has been rapturfied and left us all down here picking up peanut butter cracker crumbs…..hmmfff!

  76. WHERE IS UPPITY???

  77. socal, she’s probably setting us up to think she was raptured lol Her next post will probably be from heaven!

  78. From a post at crawdad hole. I think it’s well said.

    …..After Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier in baseball he didn’t accuse the umpires of racism every time he disagreed with a call. Robinson was a superior player and proved that the color of his skin didn’t matter.

    Obama is an inferior player and it has been obvious for a long time that to many of his supporters the color of his skin is the only thing that matters

  79. I’m tryin’ real hard to stay up for the rapture…..but I’m really getting sleepy. I’ll have to just watch it on the news tomorrow……zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  80. MK Bill, you’re an orphan. Who’d have thunk it, but it’s true…Upps has been raptured. Lord help Heaven!

  81. I had Uppity in heaven. (It was devilishly good!) She sends regards.

  82. You rascal!

  83. Roll Call

  84. Bueller……..Bueller………Bueller?!?!

  85. I’m still here, obviously. Checked outside and all my neighbors are as well. Does that mean it happens today?

  86. Okay, I wasn’t picked…my cat ran out of the house. Herding cats now.

  87. I just got back, and there was a phone message from my daughter in AZ saying she knew the Rapture was a fraud because Australia had already passed the date and everyone there was still here. And if the Rapture WAS real, she argued, if SHE wasn’t included (and she is still here) it wasn’t worth going anyhow.

    gotta love those smart young wimminz.

    ps . . . You all are the smartest, funniest posters in the entire universe – or what’s left of it. I am ROFL.

  88. Could somebody feed me, please?

  89. Well it is kind of foggy here this AM. Do not see any people. Still looks like my back yard. Did not meet my kids by the gate. I hope they have on clean underwear .
    Well I guess i will still have to pay bills, cook and clean. I thought those days were over.
    Oh well I guess I will have to keep on truckin.

    WOMEN WITH INTELLIGENCE AND EXPERIENCE,MEN WHO SUPPORT THEM AND COUNTRY BEFORE PARTY ALWAYS

    PUMAS,BUBBAS,EQUALISTS AND THOSE CHATTERING PEOPLE RULE

  90. JJ
    I noticed that there is no post Rapture animal rescue for the state of Ohio. I think I’ve found my new career after retirement, but I don’t think $135 is enough money to go to the house and round up the animals, especially the cats. With the price of gas and I’ll have to get a bigger car – all in all, I will have to charge more.

  91. Alert!!! Does anyone live close to MKBill? He hasn’t been raptured and is hungry. If Upps and Mr Upps were in the house, he’d be okay, but if he’s pleading for food, they aren’t there. I’m too far away – MKBILL NEEDS FOOD!

  92. Or is Bill just suffering from a ‘nip” hangover and Uppity wants him to suffer from his foolish drug addiction after effects – withdrawal so he won’t do it again?

  93. HT I was worried about MKBill too and then I remembered, this is a cat who moderates a blog and steals money from UW…..he’s probably ordering pizza and watching pay-per-view movies on the TV right now!

  94. We didn’t have to be awake for this thing, did we?

    Man, imagine missing your ride to Heaven because you fell asleep.

  95. Just got back. I think I was half raptured. They must have taken me and then in the middle of the abduction they started to put these little electronic probes into my skin. I looked out the curved windows and saw the Grand Canyon! The little grey guys were in the hallway whispering and then gave me back my nightgown. The next thing I know there’s a beam of light and poof I’m back in my bed with only a few hours of missing time. Anybody else have a rapture like this last night?

    PS: I thought I saw a shoeless woman in a heavy coat and overnight bag filled with meatballs pass. She was going UP so it must have been Uppity…

  96. imust, we need to get Bill to the nip clinic. He is going to need rehab after being left alone with the whole bag. He doesn’t do well on the “honor system”.

  97. Just somebody please tell me obama and biden were raptured. And that timmy turbo tax guy who did to our economy what he did to his own damn tax form. Like I always say, the more incompetent you are the faster you rise.

  98. Karen,
    BREATHE

  99. Somebody better see to my needs ASAP or I’m gonna drop the whole crapload of you smelly people in the spam circular file.

    I have no idea where she or that other creature are. They took all the wine off the rack and were dressed like eskimos last time I saw them. I think it went downhill after that.

  100. Like DE says, we all need to relax. MKB wll be fine, look at his latest comment, he’s barking…er…purring orders right and left! We’ll all be fine……

  101. …or uphill.

    I dunno. Cats aren’t allowed in heaven. Go ahead. Be that way. We don’t need yer stinkin’ heaven.

    I got a charge card here and bought pay per view PlayCat channel. So to hell with the whole lot of you. Or to heaven. Eh, Whatever.

  102. Just as I expected- no rapture for me- Guess I am just too damn ornery lol.
    imust is probably correct- MKBill is undoubtedly in charge and purrrfectly capable of ordering anything he needs online. lol
    Great header FF!

  103. Truckin on!

  104. MK Bill – hang tight – I’m sure Uppity made After Rapture Arrangements for you.

    Look…you know how to type, so if UW is gone (as it seems), you can stand in her shoes (as we lawyers like to say). Just remember, you’ll need two pair – hope she has a couple of pair that match!

  105. imust it’s no wonder Michael needs a cheat sheet singing this song.

  106. MK Bill stop whining about yourself. What about us!!!!
    We know you can take care of yourself, but what are we supposed to do without Uppity posts? You must stand in for her or we’ll be lost, non Raptured souls wandering around lost in our own pathetic lives, looking for laughs as well as slaps to straighten us up when we go astray with conspiracy theories. We could even start to fall for media propaganda. Not a pretty sight.

  107. Went and had a HUGE dinner at The Keg last night just in case it was the Last Supper, thought I’d explode. Came home, crawled into bed. The only difference this morning was that Brown Cat was in the guest room this morning smacking his tail against the carpet, blocked in the room by red cat. Saturday as usual here.

    Ho hum.

  108. Wouldn’t it be swell if the people behind Dear Reader knew he was unelectable in 12 and told him to take one for the team and piss off Israel and Hillary to get her to quit SoS and run against him.

    Rapture indeed.

  109. yeah DE. I can’t even sing along when the words are right in front of me!
    I wish you were right about Hillary DE. I can see her being PO’d and maybe even stepping down, but she won’t do it officially because of this….b/c of her position, she has to keep propping him up with praise on his leadership. She can’t run against him now after she’s praised him so much. 😦

  110. New Zealand is still here:
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/8527582/Apocalypse-not-right-now-Rapture-end-of-world-fails-to-materialise.html

    I would have refused to go without my cats. They have not been raptured yet, but wait until I get out the catnip!

    djmm

  111. “The doomsday message has been sent far and wide via broadcasts and web sites by Harold Camping, an 89-year-old retired civil engineer who has built a multi-million-dollar nonprofit ministry based on his apocalyptic prediction.”

    Gee, could it be the multi-million dollar part that spurred this guy to pull this bull. He must have been running out of his last End of the World money from ’94.

  112. guess I will unpack then.I really wanted to be raptured again 😆

  113. MK Bill, keep that credit card handy…..and just in case…..

    http://www.aftertherapturepetcare.com/

  114. Here’s a snippet from CNN detailing how the LA Times broke the story on Arrrnold and the love child. Just good ol’ fashioned footwork on the part of the journalists. Where was this footwork 10 years ago? Or even back in ’07-08?

    Barabak does not say precisely how the paper got the story. He credits old-fashioned “shoe leather” for chasing the lead down.
    “People came forward and were forthcoming in a way that they weren’t previously. And it’s hard to ascribe motives to people, but they gave us the information, it was solid.”
    With the name of the mother came the child’s birth certificate and a file detailing the mother’s divorce from her husband. The Times knocked on the door of Schwarzenegger’s former housekeeper. She denied the former governor was the father of her son.
    Despite the denial, the Times knew it had solid, irrefutable information. “Absolutely, unequivocally we knew it. We knew it to be — as sure as I’m sitting here talking to you, we knew it to be true,” Barabak says, describing the story as “dead-on factual.”

  115. Don’t panic UW, I hear that there is an alternative day!

    One of my friends has invited me to a post Rapture looting party so I guess he figures that I will be going to hell in an handbasket.

  116. I went up and was kicked down. So, here i am.

  117. I left a tin of caviar for you on the front stoop, MKBill.

  118. Bibi lectures Teh Won, at length, in the Oval:
    http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2011/05/20/netanyahu_only_peace_that_will_endure_is_one_based_on_reality.html

    Obama looks like he’s seething with anger, doesn’t he? No grip-and-grin usual Oval photo op this!

  119. Well I tried like hell to get raptured last night, but was unsuccessful. An empty house for once no kids just me and the Mr. I put on some sexy music and start stripping he comes out and asks why I’m not cooking dinner because he’s really, really hungry.

    OK truth we’d already enjoyed some afternoon delight earlier…..but doggone it we were approaching the end of the world no time to stop for food….am I right or am I right???

    MK Bill…..is there room on that couch for me??? I’ll pop open a can a food for you as long as I can enjoy the play cat channel too, LMAO!!

  120. has anyone seen an archangel? Apparently there is supposed to be an archangel who comes to start the fun. Been looking, but it beats me, he hasn’t shown up here.
    MK Bill – take Somebody up on that offer quick, before dinner time pangs made you irrational – oh wait.

    NES, if you were sent back, then Uppity will be bereft so she’ll be coming back, dragging Mr Upps behind her. Curious here – do they really have wings?

  121. Oh uh – I’ll bet UW ran into some Italian chef up there… she might just stay there for the food!

  122. good grief – lorac you don’t appear until much later – have you been raptured and you’ve lost track of time?
    UW is probably better than any Italian chef, but she might have run into Jamie Oliver – he’s quite presentable – damme he’s darned cute.

  123. Gossaner wings, HT.

  124. I think MK Bill should have a party. I mean after all isn’t that what you are supposed to do when your parents are “out of town”?

    He and his buddies can raid the nip, the donation stash, the fridge and then go tom catting or better yet invite the girls over.

    He hasn’t mentioned the dog, did the dog go with UW?? If she’s there he best send her on an errand or she’ll spoil his fun.

  125. Personally I think UW is enjoying a rather large platter of ribs……and as for NES…..well we all know she’s rather saucy so I’m sure she fit right in, LOL!!!

  126. http://www.newsdaily.com/stories/tre74i3ks-us-apocalypse-prediction/

    Don’t know what happened but this guy’s radio station is just playing recorded music. Maybe the contract is up

  127. W

  128. Well the goat fu–er’s did not go. They arrested a woman who posted a video of herself driving.

    WOMEN WITH INTELLIGENCE AND EXPERIENCE,MEN WHO SUPPORT THEM AND COUNTRY BEFORE PARTY ALWAYS

    PUMAS,BUBBAS,EQUALISTS AND THOSE CHATTERING PEOPLE RULE

  129. HelenK – he’s on a plane to a country with no extradition treaty. He’s already transferred the money the folks contributed, so at his age he and his family and friends will have a very comfortable “After Rapture which never happened” life. Scumsucking pigs, as my beloved Mom used to say in difficult circumstances when she thought none of us kids were near.

  130. Well here is someone who should not be raptured but who should be placed in a crate with 1000 hungry rats and cockroaches.

    http://www.wwltv.com/news/strange-news/122371199.html

  131. If this isn’t your BEST MOST FUNNIEST ONE OMG! Rolls off chair laughing and FF”s Banner! I love you guys. Pinot Noir! LOL! Uppity laughing so hard I can’t even breathe what a writer! hugs you! xxoo!

  132. false alarm 😆

  133. foxy, what false alarm?

    BTW, you guys all look really tiny down there!

  134. Didn’t know they had internet service up there lorac otherwise I would have gone.

  135. Yes, DE, it’s called the Ethernet lol

    And I have it on good authority (UW’s) that you’re in the next batch coming up later today…. Angie, too….

  136. I relish the thought of UW, Mr UW, NES (although she has been thrown out by her own admission) lorac, DE and Angie trying to take over. An amazing coup is pending – I just hope they post it on youtube.

  137. Ughhh. Woke up with a truly heinous migraine, the barfing kind. Fortunately, laker was here to take care of me. So where’s the rapture? Anyone gone?

    Mom, good choice for music. Here’s another one:

    Rock on people!

  138. HelenK. I am still here in Pa. Apparently I am not terribly holy. Then again I don’t see any of my neighbors floating past my windows either.
    I think maybe only people in the south are being raptured and us damn Yankees are doomed.

  139. Helenk, interesting link. I kinda feel sorry for these people.

  140. Well, I’ve been Left Behind and I seem to have plenty of company.

  141. Okay, I don’t feel sorry for these people any more:

    http://thestir.cafemom.com/in_the_news/120656/false_prophet_harold_camping_banked

  142. Maybe he forgot to carry the one and add two…..i don’t know.

  143. I’m still here, and Barry is still President…..yup, I’m damned.

  144. I had Uppity in heaven. (It was devilishly good!) She sends regards.

    You weren’t in heaven, NES. You just FELT like you were…

  145. Well, it’s past 8 here and guess what – I’m still around as are all my neighbors. That camping guy is a truly incredible Elmer Gantry. Scam your neighbours, friends and everyone else that is lost and looking for meaning, and you too could become a multi millionaire. I think that all his followers should file a class action suit – misleading advertising and all that, however the followers are equally deluded so they probably won’t think of that.

  146. Welcome back to this hellhole called earth Uppity. Please tell us you fed MK Bill – he’s been very peckish since you went AWOL, but I suspect that’s because you did not leave a supply of nip.

  147. Wow NES! That brought Uppity back down to earth!

    Thanks!

  148. Hey UW!

  149. Tell ya about it in my post in the AM.

  150. Tell ya about it in my post in the AM

    Shoot. UW’s going to blow my story – she’ll tell the truth that I wasn’t up there!

    Wait – I have a certificate which proves I was there. Just ignore all the different Adobe Illustrator layers lol

  151. Good one lorac.

  152. Kissing terra firma here, overjoyed that my matchbook and 8-track tape collections are still intact. Somebody should sue Uppity for bonking her pal with an empty bottle of Pinot Noir. But I hear lawyers didn’t go to heaven, eh NES?

    Ah well, when does the post rapture party start?

  153. Yes Hal where is FF she was supposed to be the bartender.

    BTW lawyers didn’t go to heaven, LMAO!!! I assure you mine won’t!!

  154. Hal I’ll bring the pie.
    devils pie
    A 666 pie for us heathens.

  155. Nnnnot so close, DE—I’m drooling on it. Yes, it looks devilishly good. Whimper….

  156. That looks like hookworm (Ascaris lumbricoides) pie.

  157. Actually more like roundworms than hookworms. It’s been years since I looked at my medical parasitology book.

  158. Mitch Daniels lets the door hit him in the ass.

    Indiana Republican governor Mitch Daniels was hit in the forehead by a swinging door after concluding a workout Friday afternoon, prompting an injury that required 16 stitches.

    Read more: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20064829-503544.html#ixzz1N2wo47QK

  159. Ahem…..as an attorney, I resemble those remarks.

    (Not really – I was one of the “good ones”….I think.)

  160. I think NES and UW both went back up to have another raptur-ific tryst….

    I guess tomorrow UW will let us know if her husband watched as he wanted to lol

  161. Maybe there WAS a ‘Rapture’–but nobody here on Earth made the cut.

    Here’s to another coupla thousand years, my fellow Sinners.

  162. Don’t wake me up, Upps!

  163. Show us the Long Form, lorac!

  164. NES, I know what YOU want! You just want to look under my layers!

    Yeah, that’s it! UW got raptured with all her winter layers on because it’s colder at higher altitudes. You went up after here, and took those layers off. Now you want to peel off my Adobe layers! lol

  165. Mitch is so cartoonish.

  166. PIE! Rapture PIE…..all the more decadent!! Thanks DE!

  167. Oh man that pie is my idea of heaven. Scuse the pun.

  168. Mitch is so cartoonish

    The whole lineup is a cartoon. This is because you have the same moronic crazy-asses who fall for this rapture shit every damned year picking presidential candidates. This election is over.

  169. That looks like hookworm (Ascaris lumbricoides) pie

    And here you are wondering why you got hit with the wine bottle.

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