I pulled this out of a file folder for “fun week” – looks like it was sent to me in an email way back in 1999!
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, “s” will be used instead of the soft “c”. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard “c” will be replaced with “k”. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik akseptanse enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced by “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” twenty persent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which has always been a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent “e”s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would also go. By the fourth year, peopl wil be seseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” and most “s” by “z”, and “w” by “v” for aded zimplisity.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou”, and zimilar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters alzo.
After zis fitz yer, ve vil konkor.. ahem.. ve vil hav a reli zenzibl ritn styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis und evrivun vil find it ezi tu nderstand ech ozer.
Achtung! Ze drem vil finali kum tru!
And now for something completely different!
The above is obviously a joke – but it reminded me of something I saw once (which is NOT filed neatly away in the filing cabinet, and I can’t find it online right now!) But it listed different rates of immigration of Muslims into a country, and with each larger amount of Muslims, more demands were made to the host country, more attempts – not to assimilate – but to change the host country to their own. This is just an example, I’m guessing, but it gave info such as, “as X number of Muslims have moved in, they will start to fly their own flags”, and “as Xx2 Muslims have immigrated, they will start blocking public streets 5 times a day with their (male) prayers”. Anyway, the joke above reminded me of it, because both are based on a kind of slow gradual change heading towards total change. I did find what I’ve pasted below, but it’s not exactly what I was looking for:
All immigrants bring exotic customs and attitudes, but Muslim customs are more troublesome than most. Also, they appear most resistant to assimilation. Elements among the Pakistanis in Britain, Algerians in France, and Turks in Germany seek to turn the host country into an Islamic society by compelling it to adapt to their way of life.
On a small scale, they demand that factories keep to the Islamic calendar, with its distinctive holidays and special rhythms; or that public schools be segregated by sex and teach the principles of Islam. A significant body of Muslims, especially followers of Ayatollah Khomeini, appear to hope they can remake Europe and America in their own image. And they are not shy to say so. The editor of a Bengali-language newspaper in England, Harunur Rashid Tipu, explained that the leaders of the Young Muslim Organisation, seek ultimately “to build an Islamic society here.” In the Rushdie affair, the Muslim diaspora in the West and the regime in Tehran created a cultural and political crisis that struck at the heart of Western values of free speech and secularism, confirming the worst fears of many in the West.
Of course, to build an Islamic society means taking political power. And while this is remote, it is just foreseeable. A French woman of North African origins told a reporter, “Tomorrow I will be mayor, the day after president of the republic.”
And speaking of “stealth jihad”, here’s the incomparable Pat Condell on the subject:
Does anyone else have any fun word “games” or fun word observations? Or, chime in about the Muslim stuff – maybe someone knows the piece I was looking for but couldn’t find. Or we could talk about Uppity while she’s away :) (Hi, UW! :) )