The Onion: More Americans are outsourcing their own jobs

I saw this in the comments section over at crawdad. Reminds me I should check The Onion more often.

Hilarious in a sad kind of way.

88 Responses

  1. Hilarious vid.

  2. Not at all for follow up — out of deference to UW’s very sensible rule — but just wanted to say: XO each to socal, laker, imust and PJ for having my back.

  3. Is Jon Stewart’s job safe with hard hitting reporting like this. I don’t know if it is safe to let the cat out of the bag about outsourcing. They will just decide that the one man in Afghanistan can do all the work and fire everyone else.

  4. but just wanted to say: XO each to socal, laker, imust and PJ for having my back.

    I just love when stellar women use the art of Circling The Wagons, once only the domain of men –and then out-circle them.

  5. I see what you did

  6. You clown!

  7. Stealing from you is what I LIVE for.

  8. The biggest XO, as always, goes to Uppity Woman (who puts me in touch with the uppity inside).

  9. Looks like I missed some excitement! Darn. I was bandaging my toe.

  10. Looks like everyone is busy battening their hatches.

  11. “Looks like everyone is busy battening their hatches.”

    As they SHOULD BE Sophie.

    Possible SUSTAINED WINDS are here:

    http://tinyurl.com/3tl64dn

    10-12 hours of wind speeds 55-75 or higher will do a GREAT deal of damage. These are not GUSTS. Also, they tend to pile the water up and up and up. And remember – New Moon=High Tide.

    Also, Fox just reported that the storm could gather strength again and be a Cat 3 on the way up to the NY Area.

    Anyway = please everyone take care. Barack doesn’t want to have to make other people work.

  12. FF: Are you in the storm path?

  13. I pretty much put anything on the land that can move into the garage. Tomorrow night I will bring all the potted herbs inside and that should make sure nothing goes flying. I suppose my garden will be destoryed, so i’m going ot pick all the tomatoes even if they are green. I see no other way to save them. They are pretty much planted in the open, open sun, so there’s nothing to protect them at all.

  14. Got the cat crate near the door. If the unthinkable happens and we are afloat or some such thing, which would be an unheard of First, We do have roof overhand that we can get to right from a second floor window. I am willing to bet what little is left in my 401 that it just won’t be that bad by the time it gets to me. We shall see. If there is flooding, I ancitipate it will just block roadways. I’ve got the pump hooked up to a hose in the basement and that’s pretty much all I can do. If the power goes out, we will lose everything in 2 freezers and either consder ourselves screwed or have one really great party when it’s over, and feed everyone we know. Fortunately, I have a gas cooktop so i can still cook with electricity out. I will know how bad it is if I start hearing fire rescue horns.

  15. So UW, Fried green tomato and tomato relish party at your place?

  16. I brought in my herbs–the ones that weren’t in pots. They’re in the dehydrator right now.

  17. No Sophie – I am not in the path of a hurricane. I live in Florida!

  18. FF did you schedule that photoshop for the AM, or do you want me to do it.

  19. I am not in the path of a hurricane. I live in Florida!

    At a glance, that is really funny (in an ironic kind of way).

  20. Uppity & Co., I thought you would appreciate this Noo Yawk hurricane advice from Gawker. DYB posted it over at my place. Best advice i’ve ever seen!

    http://gawker.com/5834445/how-to-prepare-for-a-hurricane

    Stock Up

    You’re probably going to want to spend the better part of Sunday indoors, which means you’re going to need things around the house. You’re going to need some food, but don’t buy up all the white bread in the supermarket. You’re not going to be stranded in the wild for months on end. This is just a day with really bad weather. That also means you don’t need to hoard toilet paper. You’re not going to be shitting anymore than usual. Well, you may shit yourself if the storm gets really bad, but you’re going to need paper towels for that. Just have enough food on hand for a couple of days without delivery (if you make someone bring your dinner on a bike in a hurricane, there is a special place in hell reserved for you), and plenty of snacks. Oh, and booze. And maybe some Xanax.

  21. ROFL Madamab. I love you.

  22. Ok here are announced NY Hurricane Watches as of this hour.
    Albany
    Farmingdale
    Glens Falls ( I got arrested for skinny dipping there once, but nevermind)
    Islip
    Montgomery
    New York
    Newburgh
    Poughkeepsie
    Schnectady
    Shirley
    Westhampton
    White Plains.

    This is a list as of this hour. It can get longer, of course.

  23. Love you back Upps!

    Wow, White Plains? Srsly? Rut-roh.

  24. Poughkeepsie? And Bridgeport? At what point is it supposed to be aiming itself at Boston?

  25. Sophie – here’s the latest I’ve seen.

    http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2011/08/26/hurricane-irene-what-to-expect-over-the-next-few-hours/

  26. I don’t know sophie. I only looked up NY. Let me check.

    But first, how funny is this? You hear all the governors begging people to get away from the water, take shelter, etc etc. They all issued heartfelt statements.
    Many people have refused to evacuate. Then there’s New Jersey and Chris Christie’s statement:

    “Get the hell off the beach. You are done working on your tan”.

    You think too many people will be on the beach now?

  27. Sophie honey, here are the current codes for your state.
    http://classic.wunderground.com/US/MA/

  28. Boston
    http://classic.wunderground.com/US/MA/Boston.html#HWW

  29. None of them are saying “hurricane”. It’s “Tropical storm”.

  30. The casinos in Atlantic City have closed. I never thought I’d see THIS day!

  31. I am not in the path of a hurricane. I live in Florida!

    ROFL!

  32. I checked on DE and he’s tooting along posting, so I guess he’s not worried. I thought I read where some guy got thrown into his town. But it was AOL so it was probably bullshit.

  33. madamab and UW, thanks for the links.

    The NJ Gov was pretty funny at his storm press conference today. He was announcing that all roads leading into AC would be closed by 6 PM. “In other words,”” he said, “If you were thinking about going to dinner in AC tonight, make other plans.”

  34. Just got home from work, so I don’t know if this has already been mentioned…. but on the news they’re saying that parts of NYC are mandatory evacuation – AND they’re shutting down public transportation….? How does that work when most people in that city don’t have cars….?

  35. lorac – they’re giving people a lot of time to evacuate. They can use public transportation till tomorrow at 12 pm.

    It’s truly unprecedented.

  36. oh, ok, thx! Madamb!

  37. I wonder how many planes the Obamas will take to wherever their evacuation center is. We’re already up to two planes a few hours apart for one one-way trip. Maybe they’ll go for three expensive planes for the evacuation trip. I guess AF1 just isn’t HUGE ENOUGH to let two bickering love-birds have their distance.

    Or maybe MO had just brought so many dozens of hangers-on close friends and very important make up assistants, that there was just no room for BO and Bo.

  38. The right coast is in danger. I’m here all alone. Too bad I can’t sing – I could sing “The morning after” like in the movie, and make everyone feel at ease (even though the tables are on the “ceilings”….)

  39. Well, since there is no one to play with, I’ll do some housekeeping:

    McNorman – I hope you see this, I’ve been meaning to thank you for that email – very informative – very scary.

    Sophie – you live in CT? I lived in New Canaan for a year when I was younger. All I remember is lots and lots of trees (sorry, UW, I said the “T” word!!!!). I liked it. But I suppose the whole of CT probably is so pretty….

    FF – sounds like Angel is progressing, if she’s tackling cats to lick them again! Woohoo!

  40. I’ve been thinking about MO always taking separate planes. I’ve had several different ideas. Maybe she believes that she is protecting her girls by not flying with BO. After all, those terrorists wouldn’t be interested in the girls – just TehOne. Or maybe they’ve always agreed that if the girls were traveling with them, too, they’d fly apart just in case there might be an accident. (I remember having that conversation with my husband – about “just in case” – when we were traveling by air.)

    Or maybe she really is just as selfish and self absorbed as she seems

  41. I’m sorry, I know that was OT. I’ll be good. It must have been the Poseidon clip that finally triggered my comment. Yep, that’s it.

    BTW: I never did kill that BOOB fly last night. But it hasn’t been around today.

  42. Far as i know, the rules are the president and Vice President Moron can’t travel together, for obvious reasons. There is no provision for Michelle to save her own ass and leave her husband for the wolves. This is getting VERY pricey. It’s MORE likely she brought 40 of her best friends with her like she did in spain.

  43. We do not punish for OT leslie.

  44. Hope everyone is okay! Uppity, I remember your skinny dipping story. Re: the Poseidon clip. We know the guy that falls thru the glass ceiling when the ship turns over. He told us it knocked him colder than a popsicle. He ended up becoming one of the more famous stuntmen in H’wood.

  45. Oh, and TWC is making me nuts! every other comment is so doomsday
    It obviously got to backtrack. He named NY an emergency disaster area and that’s BEFORE Irene hits it. It’s sort of like his Nobel Prize. It was given “just in case” he did something worthwhile.

    I wonder how Texas feels. Didn’t they have fires all over the state during this last very dry summer? And didn’t BO ignore them throughout that time? I guess those D votes in NY are more worth than the D votes in TX.

  46. socal, I always thought stunt men were out of their minds. I do imagine it pays very well to try to kill yourself for The Art on a daily basis.

  47. Uppity, what is it like?

  48. How’s the shoulder leslie?

  49. Upps, he’s Italian. So there you go!

  50. He was very good looking when he was young. He had small speaking parts in a lot of movies, besides his stunts, like Towering Inferno.

  51. I see ESPN told that golfing tweeter to stop picking on poor little Baaaawack.

    I got a look at the Made in China MLK memorial this morning and let me just say that the rumors of its oddness are not exaggerated. It also appears to be out of proportion/totally out of sync with the rest of the mall area. I cannot decide which of the press descriptions fits it best . There is the very popular comparison to Hans Solo being frozen in carbonite? Another is that it looks like the result of a transporter malfunction. There was also the suggestion that it looked like a prop piece from the Twilight Zone.Yet another reporter noted that it might just have been a piece depicting Mao created for the Olympics in China that was not not used and the artist figured he could make a bundle selling it off an an original piece to the group behind this memorial by altering the stature itself to better resemble MLK. Numerous sources mention the similarity to Mao or statues seen of Lenin and the rest of that gang.

    BO was on the news talking again although it may have been just a hey I’m back to save the day in DC kind of thing. MO evidently is coming separately. Again. Just in time to air lift them back out before the storm hits.

    FF
    Glad to hear angel is progressing.

  52. What’s what like, socal?

  53. The hurricane!

  54. There is the very popular comparison to Hans Solo being frozen in carbonite? Another is that it looks like the result of a transporter malfunction. There was also the suggestion that it looked like a prop piece from the Twilight Zone.

    OMG ROFL!

    Yet another reporter noted that it might just have been a piece depicting Mao created for the Olympics in China that was not not used and the artist figured he could make a bundle selling it off an an original piece to the group behind this memorial by altering the stature itself to better resemble MLK.

    This sounds like something the Chinese would do, and then go off and have a big laugh at America’s expense. What the hell, they steal patents and do knockoffs over everything else, because they couldn’t find their own ass with both hands if they actually had to deisgn these things themselves. So this story fits their mold.

  55. socal, it hasn’t hit us yet. We are scheduled for late Saturday thru Sunday.

    At this moment, it’s very calm, kind of cool out, ala tropical breeze, and not just a little eerie.

  56. ROFL @ Han Solo in cryptonite.

  57. The shoulder is still out of whack. And paining me. Who knew (when I was 30) that all that tennis and hauling babies around would have torn my rotator cuff? Heck at 30, I didn’t know what a rotator cuff was! It sounds like it could have been a piece of a car engine.

    Hope all is well with the Uppities on the east coast. Stay safe.

  58. It sounds pretty scary. Is it hitting N Carolina today?

  59. Heck at 30, I didn’t know what a rotator cuff was! It sounds like it could have been a piece of a car engine.

    LOL!

    Well, you know NOW. But then you could’ve been a runner and wrecked your knees instead.

  60. I’m exhausted. I’ve got to get to bed and get some rest…

    take care all east coasters.

  61. THink back, leslie. To all those times you spiked that ball and then found yourself kinda rubbing your shoulder.

  62. Ack, I can’t find any of Carol Lynley “singing” the song (mouthing Maureen’s voice). But here’s something:

  63. Nite leslie.

  64. Yeah socal N Carolina is supposedly getting pummeled.

  65. I’m upstate from the City, so I gotta wait my turn to be freaked out.

  66. Leslie, if you are still here, please look into a product called Salon Pas. Particularly the spray. I’ve used it for decades. My mother used to order it directly from Japan as it wasn’t allowed in the USA. I always suspected the reason was it trounced all over the topicals we had here. Now it’s being sold here, of late, and it’s much more reasonably priced now that it is in the country. Try it.

  67. Will this do?

  68. Aw God, only their mothers could love this.

  69. Little trivia. McGovern didn’t sing that song in the Poseidon Adventure. She released the single, but in the movie, Lynley’s lip sync was to a singer off stage named Renee Armand

  70. Pffftttt! That song is meant for one mature voice. Where’s the voice full of maturity, and experience, and emotion?

    What do a bunch of kids know about Xmas trees hanging upside down?!

  71. lol lorac, it was just plain awful. including their teacher at the piano.

  72. Wow, I never heard that trivia. That first video you posted, even though I’ve seen the movie umpteen times, I still can’t see that Leslie Nielson without expecting some kind of “spoof” crude remark lol

  73. Me too. Leslie Neilson serious. Who knew?

  74. If we can stand one more version, here is the original singer.

  75. Oh, yeah, I’ve seen that video before lol

  76. Well then, there you have it. Hahaha.

    Cleanup Aisle six. lol.

  77. I think Lynley is dead?

  78. Well, if she is, you gotta give her credit, she didn’t go down with the boat and lived a long life after haha

  79. ….she lived to lip-sync another day! ROFL

    (full disclosure – I always liked Carol Lynley!)

  80. Yeah I guess she’s still with us. Looks a little beat up though.

  81. Gonna hit the sack. Hurricane prep. lol. Nite.

  82. You know Uppity, the whole time I was at that memorial all I could think about was that little trick at the State Dinner for China where the music being played was actually a blatant insult to the USA and they spent the night laughing in our faces.

    As to Leslie Neilsen – this is the first thing I recall seeing him in on the Million Dollar Movie when I was a wee one not yet in school:

    Trivia: For those that play the six degrees of separation type games, Forbidden Planet is where Robbie the Robot is introduced. His designer also created the Robot on Lost in Space. Lost in Space was an Irwin Allen production and the music was composed by Johnny Williams. Allen and Williams teamed up numerous times including the Poseidon Adventure.

    We have waivered back to TS Warning (we have been toddering between watch and warning all day/night) so I guess I need to get some shut eye in case things change overnight.

  83. All you east coasters, take care. lorus, I’ve always liked Carol Lynley. First saw her in Blue Denim then Bunny Lake is missing confirmed her talent.
    Fell asleep outside tonight – a truly beautiful night.

  84. You know Uppity, the whole time I was at that memorial all I could think about was that little trick at the State Dinner for China where the music being played was actually a blatant insult to the USA and they spent the night laughing in our faces.

    Kind of makes you wonder if Barack didn’t know about it all along. Nobody is that stupid. If you want to obliterate the USA, Barack will throw you a state dinner. Of course, his protocol people are probably mental infants, anyways, that’s why it’s possible they didn’t catch the meaning of the song. The same people who pick out gifts of DVD’s for blind men that can’t be viewed anyways, toy helicoptors for the children of state leaders. The kind of mental morons who would give an ipod to the queen with their beloved’s speeches on it. Barack’s kinda staff.

  85. Hey Upps, Thanks for the Salon Pas tip . You are the second person to tell me about it. I’m gonna get some today when i finish cleaning the house (and wrecking my shoulder just a wee bit more) lol

    I loved all the references to Carol Lynley. I liked her too. And Leslie Nielsen! who can ever see him without thinking there was a joke just around the next corner.

    Okay… gotta clean (while listening to Aaron Copland for inspiration and energy) and shop and then take a water taxi, while they’re still floating, to Chinatown for the “Moon Festival”.

    Hope all is well and everyone in Uppityville is safe.

    see y’all later

  86. leslie, you won’t regret the salon pas. I have known about the product for about 25 years. It was impossible to get here, but my mother found a way to bypass directly to Japan. So I’ve had that product in my hand for years. It comes in several size patches, spray and in a tube. I remember when a small spray bottle was $20. Not it’s about 5. All I can say it is beats the crap out of its competitors, which is probably why it took so long to bring it to the USA. We stop a Japanese relief product from coming here, and let CHINA dump plastic in baby formula and dog food. That’s how it rolls with politics. For my money, I would trust the Japanese any day before I would trust an “American” company that makes its shit in China, and the knockoffs and forgeries hit the market in a month or two. Get this stuff. You won’t regret it.

  87. Bush played the guitar. What will O’Precious play? His gums?

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