Labor Day. Because there was just too much time between 4th of July and Veteran’s Day and who the heck wants to go that long working without a Monday off with pay? Although if you are a Federal Employee, you do get Columbus Day off, in celebration of Christopher Columbus discovering a land that already had other people living there, but nevermind. But heck, Columbus Day is in October, which would leave September butt nekkid in terms of that Monday off if it weren’t for Labor Day.
Labor Day was created in 1882 by The Central Labor Union in NY City to celebrate….well…
Of course it started in NY. Did you think it would start in Texas? Anyways, the rest of America’s workers got to hop on board too. Even Canada joined in.
Unlike most holidays, it’s the day with a Movable Date. It’s always on the first Monday in September to ensure a long weekend, thanks to an 1884 Act of Congress.
It’s a day when you can have that one last BBQ of the summer, even though most of the burgers you are eating are actually on the salmonella recall list. It’s the day during which kids try really hard to have fun, but the Cloud of School Tomorrow hangs heavily over them. It’s the day when teachers brood a lot about what their new class is going to look like, and will there be a potential serial killer among them like there was last year?
It’s the day when you realize that you are out of cash because you usually go to the bank on Monday, but the damned bank is closed.
It’s the day when ALLLLLLLLLLL the stores are open early and everything is on sale, but you can’t afford to buy a damned thing because you are Unemployed Labor or Employed Labor who is afraid that you will be Unemployed Labor soon. But relax! Party like you are Barack! But don’t try to find any lobster. Even if you could afford it, Michelle has already scarfed so much of it down that it’s scarce. In fact, the Lobster Union is starting to picket the docks with little waterproof signs hooked onto their claws.
Most of all, today is a day to celebrate if you actually still have a job! Especially if it pays more than a bag of rice! Not that it doesn’t look as if your government and their corporate buddies are trying to achieve that goal. Some of you have two jobs! Woot! And together, they pay less than your old job you had back when the USA was a Republic without the word “Banana” in front of it.
For the rest of you, and there ARE a LOT of you, being unemployed means every day is a day off without pay. But have no fear. Bawwaak is going to extend unemployment until you all turn 65 or, if you are a public employee, until you retire with full retirement pension in your early 50s. Except nobody knows where the unemployment money or the pension money is going to come from, but what the hell, it’s Labor Day! Celebrate!
Happy Labor Day! And remember, Barack is going to make jobs tomorrow. No wait, the Republicans are going to make jobs tomorrow. Barack is going to make jobs on Wednesday or Thursday — or one of these days. No matter. By the weekend, there is going to be a whole crapload of jobs available to all of you. That’s why he’s going to announce it in front of a joint session of Congress. The Recession is Over. We’ve Turned The Corner. Again. As a matter of fact, on Wednesday, everything will be just Fine. The New York Times will cover how fine it all is. Newsweek will do a whole Things Are Fine Now section. MSNBC will dedicate the entire day to how Fine Things Are now that Barack read a speech. Everything will be Just Fine. I said Fine. Do you hear me?
Below is a Thomas Edison movie of the Labor Day Parade, 1904, when Labor got to watch the idle rich and Management ride in their brand new touring cars. Try that one today, you Users. You’re lucky if you even get invited to the parade. But we know you don’t care because you will be visiting your plant in China where the workers sleep in cots above the manufacturing floor, right?
Be sure to count up all the offensive American (gasp!) flags. These were the days when people loved America and little pissants were better off seen and not heard. There were no cell phones, there was no texting, and people actually…gasp! Talked To Each Other. Warning: I know it’s a bummer, but you will not see one 18 year old in this video with his pants hanging off his ass and his crack showing. You won’t see a single young couple humping each other against a car or holding up pissant “Save The Whatever” signs. Code Pink wouldn’t have even made it to the street. But then again, watching a bunch of people dressed like it’s New Year’s Eve just for a parade is a bit over the top. But then all that taffeta and stuff did help to cover the bruises on the women, for which there was no recourse.
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