The old days. I mean the really old days. It was a happier time. They didn’t have much. But they were still happy. Here’s why.
Toothaches. Nobody minded having one. In fact, it was easy to fake one too.
If you had a toothache, you could get you some of those nifty Cocaine Toothache Drops. You still had a toothache, but you just didn’t care. No wonder nobody went to a dentist!
Coca Wine, AKA Cocaine! Yum! Said to keep you Happy. Good for Mind and Body. Also for Medicinal Purposes.
A glass with every meal was recommended. Except for children. For them, half a glass. So good it was awarded ten gold medals! Why does this not surprise me?
And here’s His Holiness Himself, Pope Leo XIII, personally blessing Coca Wine. He carried a bottle of it with him wherever he went. Heavenly!
His was Italian wine, so you KNOW it was good wine.
Good for the Body and the Brain! And the Soul! Obviously. That’s why he gave Leo Mariani the Vatican Gold Medal.
It seems that someone at this point figured out that Morphine was addictive. Killjoy!
Bayer to the rescue! Here’s a bottle of Bayer’s Heroin, a “Non Addictive Substitute For Morphine”. Thanks Bayer! You were the best back then too!
For REALLY good customers, here’s a complimentary paperweight.
Nobody is exactly sure how much cocaine “Tonic” one would have to ingest or sell to get one of these babies, but I sure wish I had one listed on Ebay…
Asthma getting you down? try Vapor-Ol Treatment Number 6 (Not to be confused with Numbers 1 thru 5).
Vapor-Ol was Opium. And not dangerous at all!
Guaranteed not to contain more than 40% of alcohol mixed in with 3 grams of opion per fluid ounce. This was important, because alcohol was dangerous.
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