Surprise! It’s Close To Rapture Time Again! And Again! And Again!

There’s a lot to be said about Dry Runs, even if a whole bunch of people Directly Connected to God swear it’s the real thing every time they predict the rapture. That’s why I am all ready for the upcoming   New And Improved End of  The World. Well that, and I just KNOW God hates Unprepared people! I know this because He told me so personally when I was on my way home from Wegmans last week, right after I saw His face in a NY Strip steak. I was so excited that he chose Me that I drove home as fast as I could and dug up my old King Crimson album and played it backwards, because everybody knows if you listen to The Court Of The Crimson King backwards, you will hear God, especially if you are smoking some hashish through a straw off a screen over the pop-up hole on a coke can. But nevermind. I merely read about that in some old hippie book.

Rapture In Pink.

As you recall, I prepared very carefully for the May 21 End Of The World/Rapture/Judgment/Your Ass Is Grass Day. What’s more, the crackpots who predict these things even provided an Alternate Date this time, just in case they were wrong. Nah, that never happens, right? 

It’s not that they were Wrong-Wrong. It’s just that May 21 was “Judgment Day” and now October 21 is the actual enchilada. That’s just three days away! So you don’t have much time! I, on the other hand, am all ready, because I am a Planner and had my Dry Run.

I’m In! Just read the recap below and change the date to October 21. I mean, how cool is this? I hardly have to do any work, which is good! I mean, I hate last-minute packing and crap, don’t you? I mean, how can you ever be sure you are packing right for a Rapture trip anyways? And like, what if your suitcase doesn’t get yanked in the twinkling of an eye along with you? Well, I thought of that too!

And of course, I will be live blogging the Rapture again on October 20. I have to start the night before because, like, if I get snatched up at midnight or something, my Live Blog might be blank if my laptop isn’t channeled with me.  I’m not sure the web is up there anyways. In any event, make sure to tune in if you are Left Behind.

For now, I am just going to recap all the questions I had pre-May 21, because I know they are your questions too! Only this time, I know the answers because I already practiced my May 21 fire drill, if you will. But I’m not telling you the answers till October 21, because God doesn’t like a crowd. You are sooooooo jealous!

The Truth Is, The End Of The world is coming and that’s that. Again. Boy, time flies when you are having fun, doesn’t it? The last End Of The World was just five short months ago. I figure it’s okay for me to rerun this post. I mean these evangelical psychos rerun the End Of The World Date all the time, so why can’t I do a rerun too? This ensures I will Forever be Ready!

Oh, and ignore the Subaru Lady mentioned below. She gave us the May 21 drop dead date (‘scuse the pun). She blew it. Now all she has left is a tacky, painted Subaru. Now she’s just an ordinary crazy instead of a prophet. I bet she’s a blast at parties, though, don’t you? I mean everybody must really think they are going to have a good time when they see her coming at them. It’s people like her who make me so excited at the prospect that her followers would want to pick a President — and I know you feel the same way too!

The End of The World as Predicted. And Predicted. And Predicted.

Don’t let the fact that there have been a couple of hundred dates just like this one put you off. This one is Different. They are all different. But this one is Really Different. Just like the Rapture Day in 2009 was Different. The Soothsayer swears it. Again. You have been warned. Again.

Not that I think I will be going with all those good Christians. For starters, I haven’t been married three or four times. That’s a pre-requisite, isn’t it? Also I don’t hate homosexuals and think of ways to torture them. In fact, I have many gay and lesbian friends, so I’m doomed to hell right there.

Still, I’ve decided to prepare “Just in case”. That’s me! Always planning contingencies!

Now I know that all of this is just my way of hedging a very unlikely bet, as I am obviously a comparative heathen and will be staying right here while all those self righteous Extreme Christians will be floating up to heaven, thereby removing themselves from this earth and leaving the rest of us the hell alone for a change. Once there, they can just pick on each other instead of the rest of us. They can spend their days badgering each other and pointing out which two of the Seven Deadly sins they practiced all their lives, which don’t really count–while focusing on the other five and needling everyone else about them. They will have eternity to point out all the slivers in everyone else’s eyes while ignoring the logs in their own. For eternity, they will get to pray one way and live another and do anything they want to do to each other no matter how cruel or dishonest, just so long as they remember to say “I’m sorry” when they get caught. They can also spend eternity getting married. They love them their marriages. That’s why they get married over and over and over again. The Rapture will be truly heaven for them.

This year's rapture prophet and her Holy Subaru.

I’ve spent years running away from these crackpots and slamming the front door in their faces, and the thought that I might just be spending eternity with them isn’t putting me in a good mood. But you never know, although I’ve known some pastors and congregants who swore they Knew. These same people Know this year. Just like they Knew last year. And the year before. And the year before.

But me? Much as I think I’ll be left here in peace, finally ridding myself of these nutcases who ring my doorbell incessantly when I’m in the shower, I would hate getting caught by surprise! I might be hanging out barefoot and bra-less (which is often) in a ripped T-shirt and my cotton underwear and Poof! I get yanked and look like shit next to all the other people. I mean look at the people in the photo above. They are dressed for church, or at least for dinner at a family values restaurant. Let’s face it, there is nothing worse than being the only under-dressed person in the room. Or the sky. Or wherever.

Okay, help me out, will you? I don’t know what to pack for Doomsday! I try to look at it the way I would look at packing for a trip to Hawaii or something, but it’s just not the same. For one thing, I don’t know where I’ll be staying. And I can’t check the Farmer’s Almanac or Plan the right date. The date is always set for me by somebody I don’t even know or care to know.

I wonder what the weather is like up there and hope that if I am yanked out of my shoes in the twinkling of an eye that my feet won’t be cold. I suppose I could dress warm for the trip because it DOES get cold at around 15,000 feet, and colder the further up you go. So I’ve decided I’m going to dress warm starting at Midnight on May 21, and then if I am sucked upwards, I can just drop my clothes on the remaining people here on earth and they can use them between the gnashing of their teeth. I’ve also decided to wear pants, because I can clearly see by the photo above that somebody left on the ground would easily be able to see my panties. That can’t be right. Of course, since it’s warm here, I might die of heat stroke waiting with all those heavy clothes on and avoid the rush by being sucked up individually before everybody else. Kind of like First Class, you know? That way, I might be able to score a better location where those who epitomize christianity, like Tom Delay, Phyllis Shafly and Rick Santorum, won’t be hanging out. I mean, I like God and everything, but I hardly call hanging out with Pat Robertson and Benny Hinn for eternity my idea of a reward…. Although I might not mind being in Jerry Falwell’s vicinity, considering his Deadly-Sin-That-Didn’t-Count was clearly Gluttony. I mean, good food and wine would be a plus, don’t you think?

Then too, I was thinking: should I pack some food for the trip? You know, something simple, not messy and non-perishable. Some peanut butter crackers, maybe. Stuff like that. And a bottle of water. I mean, you can’t be scarfing a pot roast sandwich at 100,000 feet. That would be messy. I wonder, will I have to share my crackers with some disorganized church gossip? After all, every church has one. Okay, I’ll bring extra crackers.

And that’s another thing: How long does this trip take, anyways? Will I need a change of clothes? Are there bathrooms on the way up, because I KNOW if I get yanked like the story goes, I’m going to need one. It can’t be polite to just lay one on the people Left Behind, can it? And what about the blowback from the wind?

Then there’s the thing with my pets. I mean, if I can’t have pets it ain’t heaven. I don’t care what anybody else says. Still, if I get Yanked, they will be left behind and that would be animal abuse. I hardly call that Getting Right With God, just being sucked up into the ether and leaving your pets with nothing at all. And if you think God likes animal abusers, think again. I mean, you can’t just leave a big bowl of food out for them. So I contacted that atheist group that promises to take care of our pets after the next scheduled Rapture Day . Yeah, I know they are atheists, and they’ve raised their prices now, but golly, according to the rules, they will definitely be left behind gnashing their teeth and things. So they’ll have plenty of time to take care of my pets, although I am not sure my dog isn’t going to digest a few of them before they haul her away.

Okay, let’s face it. Since I strongly believe the Rapture is complete moose poop but very profitable, I’m pretty sure I won’t be going. In fact, who in their right mind, would WANT to go hang out with these people? So, in addition to Preparing Just In Case, I have also decided to make myself helpful to those of you who will be going in the likely event that I am Left Behind. After all, you are going to need someone like me to tie up your loose ends. Face it, you always end up with loose ends when you plan something as big as this, right? That’s where I come in handy!

For starters, I would be more than happy to be the steward of all your bank accounts. It’s a big job but somebody has to do it! Sign here.

If you have any bills, just leave them where they are. Since all of Wall Street won’t be going anywhere except downward, let them worry about it. ACORN has been teaching people to do that for years, so don’t worry about them catching up to you.

Also, there is no sense of wasting your stuff. Waste not, want not! So just leave the key under the mat or that fake rock, and I will be happy to sort through your things. It would be nice if you would itemize what you have for me first as I will be very busy. I also promise to rent storage space for all your mementos in case you get drop-kicked back down here. Knowing how fractious some of you can be, it IS a possibility. So I will store your Stuff. But not your jewelry. I just don’t believe good jewelry should go to waste, do you?

No need to leave me any real estate as I have known plenty of dishonest contractors who will be staying behind, and I will build my own place. I do wonder what Pat Roberston has planned for his diamond mines, though. I mean, you can’t spend years making “charity” flights and stepping over starving bodies in Africa to get to your mines — and then just leave them behind to anybody, you know? I think I’ll fire off an email to Pat about that.

No sense of wasting good automobiles either. I am interested in high-end cars, such as sexy roadsters and high-end SUVs. I mean, since there will be fewer people left here, the gas supply should be no problem. You know what they say……supply and demand. I need to fire off an email to Al Gore about his plane. I could take care of that for him. Anyways, if you have anything made by Chrysler or GM, do not put it on the list.

One more thing: If you are afraid of heights, I simply do not know what to tell you. Just don’t look down.

So get started. You only have a few days. If you have any questions or suggestions, let me know. And just remember, if this Rapture Day doesn’t work out, the profits prophets are prepared to designate May 21 as merely “Judgement Day” instead of Rapture Day, and there’s an alternative Rapture Day scheduled for October 21, so stay on your toes. Then you could consider May 21 a dry run and be all prepared!

For further information, see my September 21, 2009 post, Have A Happy Rapture Day.


126 Responses

  1. How many of these damned things are we gonna have?

  2. If God really loved us, she would have the rapture on a Monday rather than a Friday.

  3. ROFL! I LOVE these posts Uppity! Surely my status as a RAYYYCCIIISSST entitles me to stay right here. (Who knew that would come in handy one day?) But just in case, please make sure NES (if she stays behind) gets the PURPLE whip. Not the black or brown one. Not the riding crops- the PURPLE lunge whip. Oh and I see from the other thread she has not been awarded any Pengy’s. She can have mine- just so long as she realizes they are patriotic penguins and get very upset at any demonstrations demanding the overthrow of the United States. It’s not that I think NES is bad and will therefore be left behind- but she is a RAYCISSST too! AND a lawyer.
    Now who wants a psycho attack rooster?

  4. PMM, are you sure you want to leave NES your penguins? There might be good reason why she doesn’t have any. I’m just sayin.

  5. Vivien- Well I did see that NES did not have any penguins. And Uppity noticed the other day that NES is drifting towards “paisley” The Patriotic Penguins will keep her safe from being assimilated by the Borg.

  6. You think that will help? Sometimes I wonder.

    Well, I’ve decided I’m not going to be raptured. I’ve got to much stuff I need to do this weekend. I’m with jay on this one. Why not wait till Monday? Hopefully the next rapture won’t screw up the weekend.

  7. And I LOVE the Rapture Penguins header!

  8. Interesting ears. …shiver..

  9. Hey, doesn’t that rapture guy look like one of those extras standing around the crib in Rosemary’s Baby?

  10. LOL Uppity. They are all extras in Life. Some just busily try to upstage the rest and ruin it for everybody else.

  11. Will you be throwing your wine bottles down again? Probably should warn NYSmike.

  12. OMG! ROFL! Stop the presses! Declare a national state of emergency! TOTUS has been stolen!

    Talk about the ultimate joy ride.

    A local NBC affiliate in Richmond, Virginia reports that thieves stole a truck carrying hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of equipment that travels with President Obama, including his Teleprompters.

    Or did TOTUS run away? Is it on strike? Has it joined OWS?

  13. How will the puppet speak without TOTUS? Oh wait- that’s a good thing.

  14. LOL PMM!! Maybe TOTUS was kidnapped….er…..prompternapped?

  15. Too funny….TOTUS was staying at…wait for it…..a Holiday Inn!
    Ha! I see a comercial coming up!

  16. Maybe TOTUS was raptured ahead of time?
    Maybe it died of overwork?
    How the hell did that truck get stolen? No guards?
    Maybe it was an inside job? Somebody got sick of listening to him speechify?

  17. OMG. What a statement. No TOTUS = Lost President. WhatEVER will he say????

  18. imust- ROFL! I can see it now!
    Uppity- sorry we went so completely OT so early in the thread- BUT… this is just too damn funny!

  19. imust, I shall try to be more judicious with my pinot noir bottles. I’m thinking of dropping them on the DNC or something. It’s rough to aim since there are no maps.

  20. Headline: President goes mute.

  21. What?? His Teletubby teleprompter was stolen??!

    Guess he’ll have to stop campaigning and give governing a whirl…

  22. DC should be easy to recognize Uppity…it will be the spot on the planet where no one is going UP.

  23. MOM there is no such thing as OT here.

  24. Obama goes mute? Maybe the End is near….

  25. WELLLL in that case- the stolen TOTUS does help explain that news headline I saw- said the Republicans are offering to tow Obama’s bus back to DC for him.BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
    Oh this is just TOOO delicious! If I did not have to go to an appointment I would be busy composing a thread for this.
    Will rewards be offered for the return of Obama’s voice?
    Oh wait. never mind.

  26. Is there a Vice Totus waiting in a bunker somewhere??

  27. Ok I have to go to an appointment in a bit- so off to shower and dress-
    I am SURE you all will be having a blast while I am gone!

  28. It’s hard to believe that there isn’t more security around the equipment!

  29. LOL! I just saw this comment……Asked to comment on the theft Obama said….”Uhh…ummmm…errrrr…uhhhh….”

  30. Looks like it was a practical joke along with a message to a president who can’t put two thoughts together with a string by himself.

  31. Well PMM, things have gone to heck in a handbasket. Is there a reward for finding TOTUS?

  32. The May 21 rapture was postponed because of my birthday on that day. Sorry if you didn’t get the memo.

    As the Oct 21 rain date looms ominously, ecstatic ‘true believers’ are packing all essentials for this rapturous journey.


    1) Shampoos, personal care products and breast milk must be confined to containers of 3 oz or less. The housing crisis has extended far beyond projected geographical limits, and we don’t need any un-necessary clutter

    2) Bring sensible shoes. In the event your iPhone ‘Rapt-o-Matic ©’ app crashes, you might have to walk upwards to make the deadline. In other words: Leave the Louboutons behind.

    3) <b<There is a rumor that is currently circulating that we “true believers” have hijacked a certain truck containing certain electronic devices so that “you-know-who” won’t tag along and bore the shit out of us with his endless and eternal dribble.

    It has been further alleged that this theft was a racist attack. THIS IS NOT TRUE! Do not buy into the hype.
    We are only concerned with preserving the oxygen content in higher altitudes, which could compromise our passengers comfort. It is for that reason alone that we must ensure that any unnecessary hot air emissions do not interfere with our travel plans.

    Thank you so much for your attention, and do enjoy your journey

  33. Thank you for the detail alert Anthony. You always have our backs. ROFLMAO

  34. second laugh of the day
    when I take from you – it is redistribution

    when someone takes from me – it is stealing

  35. Good point Helen…..someone didn’t steal the TOTUS….they redistributed it!


    Authorities tracked TOTUS to a farm just north of Charlottesville, Virginia, where a man had it hooked to his tractor and was using it to spread manure.

  37. Respect for private property unless your government wants to eminent domain it and just take it away from you. Ok, I get it.

  38. “I had my Mac stolen — that was like $5,500.

    Oh boo f*cking hoo. I see you need financial help.

    Every night, something else is gone. Last night, our entire [kitchen] budget for the day was stolen, so the first thing I had to do was . . . get the message out to our supporters that we needed food!”

    You own a $5500 laptop and are begging others for food? Try selling your watch grampa bought you and see how it feels to have YOUR shit redistributed.

  39. Anthony I also think it’s VERy important to warn rapturing women not to wear dresses or skirts.

  40. I’m shocked, shocked to find theft occurring in a group that has hijacked private property it refuses to leave. I can’t imagine that a crowd that demands free higher education and the forgiveness of tens of thousands in student debt would also think of someone’s Mac or an iPhone as equally as communal as a college education


  41. Have your family’s picture taken with meeeeschele for only $10,000.
    not sure how many takers there are.
    most people would not even do that to their family for pay.

  42. Can I dress as Han Solo?

  43. Let’s Face The Music And Dance

  44. Woops: Has embedding changed?

  45. This is the best “Rapture Chronicle” yet, Uppity. ROTFL!!!

  46. Hey Why Not! I know me my Raptures!

  47. “I also think it’s VERy important to warn rapturing women not to wear dresses or skirts.”

    Not to worry, UPPS –

    This rapture’s new iPhone ‘Rapt-o-Matic ©’ app comes with a pre-installed plugin that detects and pixelates all exposed flesh between the neck and mid-knee, as well as the tops of all patent leather shoes

  48. Oh my! Anthony you are a gem!
    This is just such a fun thread!
    Myiq- spreading manure! ROFL!

  49. Thanks for THE whip and the Pengys, MOM! (I prefer, however, that you not be raptured…how’ll we survive without you!)

  50. Some people won’t be joining the Rapture. There has always been too many celebrities speaking their minds and thereby proving that their brain size, besides the part for reading a script, are walnut size.

    Susan Sarandon called the pope a nazi and Sean Penn said the Tea Party want to lynch obama.

    They should just stick to Hollyweird and not be allowed to express political opinions since they are in their own little psycho echo chamber of the rich and egotistically famous.

  51. Cort of the Crimson King bit makes sense to me. That album cover could entertain for hours too. Well, it seemed like hours, might have been a minute or two.

    Does my memory serve me right? Did that “hippie book” explain how to make a water pipe out of that coke can too? I seem to recall that chapter.

  52. Court… not Cort.

  53. Upps,

    A short trip to Italy:

  54. NES- I do hope I will not be raptured- I would much rather stay right here in the great room. One never can tell though. All that food I have given away to hungry people might be enough to get me sucked up. I have a plan though. I am wearing Jeans, a T-shirt and muck boots that day. I am sure to be rejected for not meeting dress code!
    I popped over the TOTUS blog- funny stuff!

  55. I wonder if Bloomburg is negotiating for the rapturing of the OWS crowd. I bet that’s a venture WS would gladly finance. Heck, even Bloomburg may be willing to pay handsomely for the alleviation of the headache.

  56. Karen- that video is a riot!

  57. OWS Chicago wants food before the big day.

  58. I just love Rapture Countdowns not to mention that great header. Mary Poppins and her penguin companions have been getting workout practicing for the accession and it’s not even 2012 yet!

  59. The teleprompter is the responsibility of the Defense Information Systems Agency. Here is the home page.

    TOTUS does not appear to have a very high profile as a demanding and highly sought after position within this agency. Does this meant that the TOTUS and the PSUS (Presidential Seal of the US) are cared for by a bunch of people who’s qualifications primary technical expertise include having been on the Junior HIgh AV Team?

    This would account for the Holiday Inn Express in a world where Imelda and Ferdinand and Friends stay at top of the line resorts.

  60. Mt Laurel- given barky’s absolute inability to speak without TOTUS One would think it would have very high security! And the Seal only he can stand behind! Woe! Woe!

  61. On the radio this morning, John McCain had a soundbite about how Barky’s campaigning in a Canadian bus and touting American jobs… if true, it doesn’t surprise me in the least.

  62. Allie- oh yes it is true- their are two buses- both built in Canada.

  63. Yep… completely unsurprised. Whoopsie to them, the idiots.

  64. GW Bush traveled around the country on a Prevost company, Canadian made bus too. Bush’s slogan on the side of the bus was “Yes, America Can” and it was part of his campaign tour.

    Dylan and other Rock Star Gods own or lease Prevost. They are sleek, shiny and the equivalent of a Rolls Royce.

  65. So tow presidents outsourced American jobs. WRONG WRONG WRONG on all counts.
    Do they mean to tell me that Government Motors does not make a bus?
    I get so damn annoyed. The govt – including ALL branches and departments- should NEVER EVER be buying anything not made in America. From socks for the troops to electronics for TOTUS to planes, buses and automobiles. American made only.
    Why don’t they get it? Lead by example dammit. Stop putting money into foreign economies.

  66. Of course the difference is that barkolounger is using a gov’t owned bus, paid for by the tax payers, for his campaign and is pretending that his tour is not campaign related. Which to even a child it obviously is entirely about his campaign and has nothing to do with creating jobs.

    He could manage to take that bus to a golf course at a resort destination for a week and say he was hard at work and the media would give him the benefit of the doubt and insist he wasn’t using it for vacation or campaigning but was promoting his already dead in the senate jobs bill.

    They are criminal in their compliance with the fraud in chief.

  67. Mom, when I was in Mexico I was surprised to see “made in USA” stickers on everything from shower curtains to hotel sheets to window panes and paint buckets. They have far more “made in USA” items there due to the North American Free Trade agreement, somehow.

    It is impossible to find that label in the USA but everywhere you go south of the border are American made goods. Go figure!

  68. The value of a child in China. Brace yourself. This is the country that has its eye on us. This is the country for whom Obama threw a state dinner.

  69. I don’t know much about the examiner upps, but lately they’ve come under my radar as a CDS corporation hell bent on labeling Hillary as a cold blooded murderer.

    Here’s 10 pages, hundreds of articles on their site, linking her to Gunwalker, each article more deranged than the previous one.

    basically, this one link of all the others on the above page says it all:

  70. two buses- both built in Canada.
    and their names are fast and furious. 😆 😆

  71. That video of the child is horrific! OMG. Oh mercy.

  72. China backs OWS. Frightening. The naive are clueless.

  73. Whichever poster used a photo and named it “Onion and apple pie” please know I received a DMCA takedown notice from wordpress and they were required to remove the photo from their servers. I have no idea which post it was, I know there were some on pie and some comments where photos may have been linked. Just thought I’d let you posters and commenters know that the owner of the photo filed a legal complaint, which in turns mean the file/photo must be removed. Sounds like a tasty recipe though!

  74. Yeah Karen, he ran over her twice because he only has to pay $1500 if she’s dead and it costs more if she lives.

  75. Eh Karen, it’s always the same story. Men with penis problems feeling threatened by women who are smarter than they are.

  76. myiq – sheesh, self-absorbed, just like their leader. They are the nightmare. No child left behind and awards for mediocre work have given us a whole generation of sheeple with no clue.

    Someone called them a flash mob with no clear purpose.

  77. Oh brother what’s that woman in the video on? If she wants a job so badly why isn’t she interviewing instead of looking like an ass with one jean leg up and the other down, expressing love. Maybe those people are afraid to “come and talk” to you. Dismembered bodies. Jaysus. Who dreams of dismembered bodies. Meds. Now.

  78. Shelby Fluffy with a warnage from the future

  79. Warnage. ROFL. John is hilarious.

    If you are dead it will be hard for you to take notes. I’my dying here.

  80. Yup- John is HILARIOUS! And this just fit in with today. I vote everybody go to John’s youtube page and give him hits – and likes if you have a youtube acct!

  81. What’s with the Repeat After Me song? The kid told me that a lot of the Philly kids are trust fund babies. Clueless.

  82. “You are the waiter you’ve been waiting for”. LOLOL.

  83. McNorman, they do that everywhere, the repeat thing. Kind of reminds me of North Korea children doing the Dear Leader thing. And Barack Hussein Obama, Mmmmm Mmmmmmm Mmmmmmmmm song.

  84. Flying monkeys and million manatee march. ROFL. Hell yeah JWS!

  85. That repetition thing is so Mr. Rogers.

  86. The Distant Future – 2013! Poor Shelby is not aging well. He better start hunting down the blogger known as Dorian Gray.

  87. Poor Shelby- it was the shock of finally having to face reality. Hope and change crap. Poor Shelby.

  88. mcnorman- it is actually worse in some of the videos. They have these bizarre hand signals. Remember Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts and the hand signals for silence? Like that only on steroids. Fingers up, fingers down, arms crossed, triangles-
    yup – very very bizarre.

  89. Very bizarre indeed PMM. Distraction is everywhere.
    This is not a good sign.

    Actually, it’s another screw you taxpayers bomb.

  90. There aren’t a million manatees though. They number in the low thousands. They get killed by boat propellers. One of the biggest thrills ever was the day my father called me to the dock and said, look! There was a manatee and her baby manatee. They stuck around for touches and smiles and a head of lettuce too. Never saw one again and probably never will.

    Mom wasn’t thrilled about the romaine though. it was for dinner, but she tolerated it.

    **there is an estimate of approximately 3200 manatees in the southeastern USA.

  91. imustbakeimustprotestaspecialpieforthinkingofusdownherewhenuppitywomandropsherwinebottlesbutnotthatonionandapplepiethatisapparentlycopyrighted!

  92. oh gee i think i need fixit fairy before the rapture!

  93. verycoolnysmike.

  94. imustmakeNYSmikeawidercommentbox!

  95. Rape in a park dominated by spoiled white boys?
    Nah, that can’t be.

  96. myiq2xu at 1017,

  97. Rapture. Ooooooooo, sounds soooo serious.

    Yup. The rest of the world will be at work.

  98. UW, sorry about the pie thing (did I really post an onion and apple pie? uggh!)

    But, it’s not my fault. I wrote that post for imust. Imustblameimust!

  99. That “human mic” thing they do is supposedly so people further back can hear. That woman had a bullhorn, AND it only sounded like ten people were in the audience repeating her words, so it’s just ridiculous that she was doing the human mic thing. I guess it made her seem cool. Well, cooler than she already was, dreaming of dismembered people on her lawn…

  100. Yes Yes! This is CLEARLY imust’s fault!!!!
    That’s settled!

    It happens, lorac. It’s my first, because you are sooooo special! But I do know some fellow bloggers who have it happen all the time. Sometimes it’s really hard to know who the original source of something is, but of course, once we know, we should always give credit or delete. In this case, the owner could have just commented here and I would have saved them the trouble and just deleted it. It probably came from a cookbook or something like that. Who knew a photo of a pie was so special? I looked on google images and found a boatload of onion and apple pies, and you had to pick the one that meant the most to its owner. Like I said, you are just so special that way!

  101. Actually onion and apple pie sounds kind of good to me.

  102. myiq2xu at 1017,

    You do realize that when you do this, you force A holes like me to scroll through a shitload of comments to find out what you are laughing at, right?

  103. lol The yahoo article about Obama’s stolen teleprompters has almost 8,000 comments ROFL

  104. Sorry Ups. Lazy fingers and lazier desire to do blockquotes, etc.

    You had to have laughed the first time you read myiq2xu’s comment though, right?

  105. Bammy’s stolen teleprompters is, as they say, comedy gold.

  106. lorac and NES, just went over to look at the comments on that story and it is great to see all those people realize he is nothing but a joke.

  107. Did someone mention a PIE post

    Wait….did someone mention a PIE and it was my fault???

    Bu…bu….but…..I’m the PIE POLICE!!!!!
    Where’s my one phone call? Who’s reading me my rights??

    I need a pie………..:(

  108. Fun post, Uppity! Whole family enjoyed it.

  109. ROFL NES!!!

  110. Why didn’t I think of that! But I still don’t trust those OWS people….Barry Obama likes PIE too!

  111. Have an Occu-pie, imust!

  112. Wolf. ROFL! Was she feeling hot in the hijab when it happened? I do hope they keep her. She’s a disgrace to all the progress taht was made by the second wave. I still see her flipping her hair and saying Helllloooooooooooo! Barack is New Years and Christmas all rolled into one. Yeah Naomi. You’re useful.

  113. Thanks socal!

  114. I find that most people named Naomi s*ck.

  115. NES you are mistaken in that belief!!!!!

  116. Ha, lorac!

  117. Everyone knows the next rapture opportunity is on the 25th. That is why I am having my mammogram on the 24th. Now, anyone who wants to cn go to your local Presbyterian church after the 24th and snag all the three bean casserole and sugar cookies you carry out with you. Will will leave the doors open.

  118. ROFL! If pizza is the offiicial food of OWS then we can expect meanchelda and the food police along at any moment to shut them down – right?

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