Only one more day!! Ever since Uppity Woman asked me if I could “live blog” from Walmart this year, I’ve had mixed emotions. Excited…but nervous. Uppity’s “Live Blog at Walmart” is, as everyone knows, a classic! Would “Live Blogging Walmart 2” be like painting an “imustache” on the Mona Lisa?
Well, as they say, whoever “they” are, “Quitters never win and winners never quit!” So, if Uppity believes in me….. Imusttry!! Here I go!
I’m eager to get an early start. Retailers know that as the Obamoconomy worsens, they will be vying for fewer consumer dollars. Wait a minute! What am I saying? This is America! Land of the Free….Home of the Consumer!! People will be literally falling over themselves (and everyone else) to score the latest electronic “imusthave” made in Chinese sweat shops. Aside from the huge profits Walmart will make, this is like their “Superbowl”. And the Pre-Game show and all it’s hype keeps getting longer…and longer. Walmart used to open at 6am Friday morning….then their competitors started opening at 5am….okay we’ll open at 4am….Ha! Then WE’LL open at 3am! We’ll show you…Midnight…..whatcha gonna do about that??….Oh yeah?? We’re opening on Thanksgiving Day!! WemustbeFIRST!!!!
Hmm….they sound a lot like Iowa, New Hampshire, Michigan and Florida fighting over caucus and primary dates! Anyway for the executives flying around in their corporate jets to their yachts docked in the Cayman Islands…it’s all good.
More $$$ and more CEO entertainment value, what’s not to like… woo-hoo!!
So the ads have already started……
Where to start? First, the basics, I’ve got to get that song outta my head! Okay, moving on now. As I already feel like “Robin” to Uppity’s “Batman” a Superhero sidekick costume is definitely in order. Okay, so maybe it’s more like “Jimmy Olson” to Uppity’s “Lois Lane”…..but I still want a costume!! Since capes make me look fat, (don’t ask me how I know that) I’ve scoured my closet for the perfect sidekick attire. Lucky for me, I saved my old Girl Scout uniform. The perfect outfit since Girl Scouts are always prepared!! Here I am….how do I look?
Okay, now that I see myself on the blog…..maybe that’s not such a good choice. I know! I’ll consult the experts. There are lots of websites devoted to planning for Black Friday. Here’s a video that helps shoppers plan and find the perfect Black Friday outfit:
Okay, I got it now lady in the “fatwallet.com” t-shirt. 1.) No 4″ platform shoes…check! 2.) No sleeveless shirts or dresses…..check! 3.) And most importantly, no undressing or stripping while shopping….(unless I want a REAL deal from those male sales clerks at Walmart, right ladies..wink-wink!) I do hope our FLOTUS heeds this advice when she goes out to
mingle with the commoners do her shopping at Target, especially number 2….well number 3 too. Okay, so comfy clothes, shoes, (preferably running shoes), and layers. Now, what else do I need? Imustconfess I’ve never been shopping on Black Friday, and I have never set foot in a Walmart in particular….but I have heard rumors. I’ve been told that the shoppers are a lot like ZOMBIES!!!!
So in addition to my not-so “fat wallet” I think I’ll also bring my “Zombie Survival Kit”. I never used to believe in zombies. But then along came the 2008 presidential election season. Those strange Obot creatures chanting…YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! Well, let’s just say it doesn’t hurt to be prepared.
I’ll need a few more things. Time to go to the internet. According to this Slate article, “The Ultimate Black Friday Survival Guide”, the key is to not be a “noob.” I don’t know what a “noob” is….but I don’t think I want to be one:
Don’t be a noob; do your research. If you’re only just now thinking about going shopping on Friday morning, you’re already late to the game. Black Friday enthusiasts have been planning their retail sorties for weeks, if not months. They’ve been monitoring sites like BFads.net and BlackFriday.info for early word on the best deals; they’ve scoped out opening times and crowd-management systems for all their nearby retail meccas; they’ve compiled in-store maps and spreadsheets outlining their Friday morning routines; and they’ve spent hours on online forums discussing Black Friday strategies.
YIKES!!! Spreadsheets? Management systems….research!!! That’s too much work!! I know…I’ll get an app! There’s an app for that! Whew! The app will even make all those pesky decisions for me!!!
Decide.com is kind of like ShopSavvy, but with a focus on electronics. In addition to listing nearby and online prices, this app goes a step further and tells you whether to buy a product or wait for either a new model or a lower price. For example, when I searched for “Eee Pad Transformer,” the app told me to hold off–good advice given that the quad-core Transformer Prime is coming soon. The app is free, but unfortunately, it’s only available for iPhone.
I think I’m ready for my first live blog from Walmart!! Put me in Coach…er…I mean Uppity!!! Wait what’s that you say? ….Uppity, you want me to leave now and hold a place for you in line? Sure! What’s a sidekick for?! I’ll wait, no problem. Besides, the doors are set to open at midnight Thanksgiving night and I want to be one of the first
suckers customers in! You promise that you’ll be there to wait with me in an hour or so? Okay, can you bring me something from Starbucks? Thanks! Yay! Here I go……
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