We’ve been doing Cockroach of The Week as needed for awhile now, but the landscape is rapidly changing. We now need to add a Crackpot of The Week category.
The first recipient of our Crackpot Of The Week award is State lawmaker Bob Morris of Fort Wayne Indiana.
I am slowly beginning to believe in Demonic Possession. I mean, what other explanation can there be for nutcases like this one:
INDIANAPOLIS – A Fort Wayne lawmaker has refused to sign on to a resolution celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts, calling the group a “radicalized organization” that supports abortion and promotes the “homosexual lifestyle.”
The Cookies are a Plot. They have Always been a Plot.
It’s hard to believe that people actually elected this loon, isn’t it? But then it seems to be part of the War On Women pattern the Right Cliff wing of the Republican Party is pursuing zealously. I mean, why not move right into slapping around the Little Girl wing of the gender, you know? They should be home learning to cook and clean, and cleaning up after their superior brothers, and shit like that so they won’t become Lesbians, you know? It’s just so much easier to start in on them at a young age and make them good and submissive little receptacles — so that later we won’t have to go through the trouble of tying a concrete block on their feet, tossing them into the river and seeing if they float or not so we can ferret out the witches.
So how did Bob Morris (R, Complete Crackpot) arrive at these conclusions? Well, Bob found some accusations on the web—so they must be true.
He said he did some web-based research and found allegations that the Girl Scouts are a tactical arm of Planned Parenthood, allows transgender females to join and encourages sex.
Wow, I was in the Girl Scouts for about three minutes when I was a kid and we never even heard of Planned Parenthood then. Who knew? That sneaky Planned Parenthood! They were in charge of the Girl Scouts before Planned Parenthood was even invented! How surrepticious can you be?
Bob also says that since Michelle Obama is Honorary President of the Girl Scouts, it can’t possibly be a good organization. You’re right, Bob. I think Michele Bachmann should be honorary President. No sense of letting these little snots have any fun, you know? They might grow up thinking life is fun for girls and that’s just out of the question.
Furthermore, Bob warns:
“I challenge each of you to examine these matters more closely before you extend your name and your reputation to endorse a group that has been subverted in the name of liberal progressive politics and the destruction of traditional American family values.”
Well Bob, I challenge you to examine your head more closely.
You’re a real prize, Bob. One would almost have to visit the wacky ward of Bellevue to meet up with your doppelgänger.
Oh and one more thing: Bob’s unfortunate children are in the Girl Scouts, but their experience was good because the local Scout Master had his values. It’s just that all the other scout masters in the country are bad. Or some such shit. Obviously, Bob personally knows all other Scout Masters in the US of A and they obviously have really bad values and are radical homosexuals who promote sex, abortions, and lesbianism. Or something.
Ah, the hijacked Republican Party. WhatEVER would our sexual organs do without their official Crotch Watchers peeking inside our shorts and panties at all times????
Rick Santorum’s wise and logical followers find a witch.
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