Crackpots On Parade: He should have stuck with what he knows: Goats

For our next installment of Crackpots On Parade, I give you the story of this throwback to Pithecantropus Erectus.

Make my day, A**hole.

A few weeks ago, in Almeria, on the Spanish coast just across from Africa, a North African illegal turned up for emergency treatment at Torrecárdenas hospital. Some of the bones of his face had been smashed in and he had suffered multiple hematomas.

Later it emerged that the Muslim had suffered these injuries while visiting a farm in El Ejido, intending to have sex with a horse there. But the horse had other ideas. It brutally kicked the lovelorn Muslim in the face. It seems the farmer had caught the same Muslim twice before sneaking into the farm to have sex with the animals (“mainly the horses”) but hadn’t bothered filing charges against him.

The nerve of that horse, running around bare naked, obviously deserving to be raped. The horse was a female, though, so no sin committed. Had the horse been a human, she would be executed by now for prostitution or adultery in some quarters of the Middle East. Make then Many quarters in the Middle East. So in addition to rearranging the face of a borderline human, we should thank the horse for temporarily saving a woman.

Word is that this horse f*cker is in “Stable” and that is directly from the Horse’s Mouth. In spite of the “multiple hematomas,” it’s probably difficult to ascertain if he has more brain damage than he already had before he tried to mount a horse.

The horse is doing fine, Praise The Horse God. However, she is now a suspected  Racist Bigot and will be forced to undergo Progressive-sponsored indoctrination until she learns to chant in Horse Language: “Cultural Diversity is Gooood”.

The borderline human is going to be deported back to where he can have sex with lowly creatures he is more familiar with, such as  7 year-old girls and goats. There is always a goat. Even when Osama Bin Laden got mowed down, there was a goat. I’m sure this defective creature eats whatever he screws, so no sin committed there either. But hey, who knows, maybe he can come to the USA. We let anybody in here now. And there are just so many lonely horses  in the USA seeking love. And we can give him free Viagra to help him along, like we have been doing for years over in Afghanistan, where we regard the importance of woman’s lives as soooooo over-rated.

95 Responses

  1. And the horse goes “NAY!”

  2. Geez a F%#king Bronco.

  3. While your remarks are tongue-in-cheek, I chilled at the realization that had the horse been a woman, she would have been publicly executed for adultery. The farmer/owner of the horse permitted the victim to visit “justice” on her assaulter. Horse Whisperers, can we get a statement from her about how she “lured” her abuser back to the trap and go all vigilante on him?

  4. AnnA, you SHOULD be chilled. Because it’s the truth. I still maintain that in some quarters women are lesser than goats, so why not horses.

  5. We had a Morgan Mare that was very leery of most men. Smart one.
    Busy day today- the husbands cherry and grape tomatoes are way to big- and sucking up all the room in the bed- (he snuck them in with my brandywine and marzanos) so those are going to be ruthlessly culled back today. Have to check and see if I need to do blackberries. Have to get the beans picked. Maybe make dilly beans.
    Oh and maybe I might mow the lawn. and mow some more. and more……

  6. I imagine it must be very heartwarming to know that when you come home to your spouse, it means a lot of extra work for you.

  7. Mom, I know your family bred Rough Collies, and Anthony is now considering one. You might want to read last night’s comments on previous thread to confirm what I have said to him.

  8. UW, I’m there, but to be honest I have to really think about whether my schedule would be good for any dog. Unlike cats who can hang out for a day or two as long as there’s food and litter, dogs have to be walked, and I believe require lots more attention.

    Sometimes I work 18-20 hour days. My cats could care less whether I’m home or not. My male doesn’t even open his eyes if he’s asleep when I come in. He just sticks his arm out (if I don’t “Hi-Five” him while passing by, he gets hysterical, but only for about a minute).

    Its a lot more responsibility than some people might think, and I’m not sure I could meet the obligation. I haven’t abandoned the idea, but am looking into it far more seriously.

  9. Anthony, there is no question that a dog is more work than a cat. But do remember that you can take a collie anywhere, they are extremely polite dogs. Just saying. Anyways, I traveled a bit and couldn’t have a dog and did wait until I could accommodate the needs of a dog. I had to flex a bit but it was well worth it. Collies are not generally destructive dogs but they do love their humans and want to be with them. any time it’s possible. Right now, mine is performing her foot rest task. She is never far from me. I move to another room, she moves with me. She’s not intrusive, but she does want to be near me whenever possible. She’s kind of watchful that way, but she’s not an attention pest or “Busy” like, say a Border Collie. She’s very calm indoors and is hardly ever restless. Just get a sheep to keep her happy when you’re gone. Just kidding.

  10. Mom, that moron was lucky it wasn’t a morgan kicking in his face. He’d be with his 72 Virgins right now.

  11. Hmmm..still didn’t post the latest TL snap. Is it because you don’t want to piss off Bill?

  12. Have I missed something Sophie? I asked last night. Seems everybody has seen something i haven’t seen.

  13. I have done a search on your comments and find nothing If you have a pic of Lily, please email it so i don’t have to plow through the whole forum to find something that may or may not be there.

  14. LOL!! It is in e-mail.

  15. Mutts Rule!
    Zoe is a wonderful American Winger.
    She’s the most low maintenance dog ever.

  16. She’s very cute DE. I don’t deny it.

    Like I said in the other thread, because of the revolving cat door here, I couldn’t take the chance on a mixed breed. I knew I needed a non animal aggressive, sensitive and eager-to-learn breed that would show the best odds of being great with cats and kids, with no past that could get in the way, who would suit my lifestyle and personality and could do both protective and affection tasks. I also admittedly find herding dogs suitable to my temperament.There are some dog groups I really do not want a part of. For example, Hounds. I just do not like their stubbornness, their smell, or there perpetual Nose To The Ground. A dog is very often the sum of its breed characteristics, you can’t get the sum with a mix breed until you just take a chance. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t and I wasn’t willing to experiment, as you can imagine. None of these things can be assured with a mix breed, except through luck. Most times you can’t really tell what the mix is and you have to guess. Temperament and personality are highly hereditary so knowing parentage does help with you want to be as close to certain as possible that you aren’t going to come home to some dead cats. unfortunately I have seen that happen and it’s always a travesty.

    Which reminds me of one characteristic I forgot to mention, Anthony. Collies do not have doggie smell. Seriously, they are very clean and unscented dogs. Rain notwithstanding, in which case they smell like a wet dog. Or more like a wet wool sweater. lol. I wasn’t sure I believed this when I read it, but damn if it isn’t true.

  17. We knew both of Zoe’s parents. Her mom was the most wonderful dog a Black lab mix that was Angi’s brothers dog and her dad was a Shepard mix, she’s a total Heinz 57.

  18. You can see the shepard in her.

  19. Whose mail, Sophie? I do not see it in my mail. Are you sending it to the same place you sent emails when we were exchanging group mails on the Planning for Lily?

  20. Oh shit I see where you sent it. Wrong place. Hardly ever checked.

  21. Collies are the most user friendly dog in the world. All those wonderful talents displayed in “Lassie Come Home” and the “Lassie” series are no exaggeration- at all. My Mom bred Collies when we were kids- one male out of a litter developed and extreme attachment to my younger brother. Mom sold the dog and damned if it did not go right over the new owners fence and make it’s way back to my brother. The story has a very very sad ending- but let’s just say the dog was loyal to death.
    They are smart. Loyal. Non aggressive (unless something threatens “their” people [people including other housepets and any generally weak or helpless life form]) Not as mush trouble to groom as one would think. Good house dogs. Excellent watch dogs. I have never ever known one to bite a child- even children that are overly rough.

  22. It is BEYOND CUTE.

  23. I groom my dog every 2 months and always when she starts the coat blow. I have NEVER given her a bath. I have never had to. And that’s the truth. Even if she played in mud, I leave her alone to dry and then it just brushes off of her. She also grooms herself to white again, with the help of her cat Joe, too. She NEVER looks dirty for long. Dirt just brushes right off, it’s like she’s self cleaning. She LOVES to be raked, brushed, you name it.

  24. YIKES! Picked two baskets of beans already- and have two more rows to go. A full basket of wax and one of green. Still have to pick the purple and the flat Italian. Looks like a lot of beans going to church tomorrow lol.
    Gotta run out and see if the farmer has some dill. BBL
    Oh and I cut back the damn cherry and grape tomatoes- hopefully my San Marzanos and the Brandywines can now grow and ripen their fruit. They both have some fruit set- but were getting no air circulation and were being choked by the other ones.
    And yes Uppity- it sucks to have someone make more work. Passive aggressive to the moon and beyond. Not too much longer though- as soon as I find a job I am DONE. And taking every single thing I pickle or put up too dammit!

  25. Mom, that moron was lucky it wasn’t a morgan kicking in his face. He’d be with his 72 Virgins right now.
    TOO bad. 😆

  26. You know if these guys worked they wouldn’t be so horny😯

  27. I wonder if Obama tells the hard working beavers, “you didn’t build that!” And the birds who spend so much time working, picking up little pieces of nest material one at a time – he probaby says, “you didn’t build that nest!” And the bees who construct those elaborate hives and then fill them with honey – “you didn’t build that!”

    Cue the commercial: “We’re American creatures. We build!”

    lol Obama you are so screwed (yippeeee!)

  28. Baby those marzanos, girl! They are Gold.

    I also planted brandys. GMTA.

  29. If you guys here want to see pics of Needlenose, go to yesterday’s thread. I posted Four pics.

  30. If they want to see that sweet puppy, they could also go look in my photos file on my desktop lol

  31. Gasp! She stoled Needle Nose!

  32. Lorac you want a puppy pic?

  33. A needlenose puppy pic? Heck, yeah! Then I’ll have five needlenose photos in my file!

    First time in my life (other than living in the dorms) I don’t have a dog. I miss having a dog 😦 One of these days, the time will be right again!

  34. Wow what a dick head.

  35. I’ve been following the Zimmerman / Martincase on two blogs – a left wing and a right wing. Both have a lot of attorneys posting on them – one is highly controlled, the other has some conspiracy folks. Since 2008 I’ve just learned to always read both sides lol

    Right now one of them, TalkLeft, which is run by a criminal defense attorney (who also happens to be very beautful lol). This case has made her views a little different than some of her regular posters, who are still fooled by the still-being-used-by-media (who says they have an agenda? LOL) photos of Martin as a 12 year old and think the other guy. She is very focused on the truth and on evidence (makes sense for an attorney, ifyou ask me!)

    I’d never gone to that site before but I seem to recall during the primaries – people were always referring to sites I had never been to – I seem to recall someone said that Jeralyn liked Hillary, but big dog democrat squashed her out? But isn’t it HER blog??? Anyway, anyone know if that is true? Was she a Hillary supporter?

    Here’s a post from today – most of the far left there don’t want any guns, but she is bringing up some important stats:

    by Jeralyn on Sat Jul 21, 2012 at 12:50:10 AM EST

    If 95% of the guns used in violent crimes are acquired illegally, gun laws are pretty much irrelevant.

    If you have a statistic to cite to show our local news is wrong on that statistic, I’m happy to check it out. (And please cite a government statistic, not that of a gun control group.)

    Also consider that violent crime has been steadily declining in recent years. That includes murder, rape and robbery.

    Why not spend your time addressing what causes people to have such rage or encourage greater availability of mental health treatment?

  36. We can negotiate a release! Give Karen all the (non-meat) food in your fridge, have her bring it to me, then I will release your doggies!

  37. I’ll mail you some soon as I get a chamce.

    Yes I know Talk Left. A very bright blogger.

  38. Wait till you see lil Tiger Lilly as gets of honor tomorrow. She is so ooooooooooooooooooo cute. And smart! And her mommy can sure use a camera!

  39. You aren’t kidding me! I know you don’t really have my doggie because you still have arms.

  40. Besides, I am sure Karen will be pleased to know she can’t have the left over pot roast. Or the salami.

  41. Gun control laws can never work because it pushes out the law abiding people who just want to protect their homes and lives from shitbags. The shitbags will ALWAYS get guns and they don’t bother doing it within the legal system anyways. So all ‘taking away guns’ achieves is a big huge picnic for thieves, rapists and killers. And crazy people in movie theaters. Back to square one. Only with more dead victims and terrorized people.

  42. When you consider that it would have taken only one armed person with a Glock 19 in that theater to empty a clip shoot that shitbag in the back of the head, and stop his ass dead, how does this make you feel about people owning guns when they aren’t criminals.

  43. LMAO Uppity . Hubby and I were talking about that last night. If that had happened here most likely half the folks in the theater would be packing heat and mayhap a few would have caught a stray but that asshole would have had to have a mop to clean him up. Almost everyone I know here is armed and carrying at all times.

  44. Heck half our teachers are packing. It is to my way of thinking a great idea. If an idiot knows the majority of citizens are carrying guns and not afraid to use them crime would drop.
    Utah has crime sure but fact is most often in a home invasion or robbery it is the criminal going out in a body bag.

  45. Utah has crime sure but fact is most often in a home invasion or robbery it is the criminal going out in a body bag.
    Eggzactly where they belong. 🙂

  46. Anthony

    Mom and Uppity have covered a lot of ground. Here is my two cents.

    I grew up with Rough Collies and Shetland Sheep dogs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shetland_Sheepdog).

    Shetland Sheep Dogs are not miniature collies (they just look that way) but are from the herding group and do have similar traits. In my experience they tend to be bit busier than Roughs but nothing close to Border Collies. Not pests. Very loyal. Good with kids and cats. Very protective of their humans, kids and cats.They are a good choice for condo/apartments where there are weight restrictions without having to go with typical small dog breeds.

    As it stands, my work schedule is not dog friendly but if it were to change a Rough Collie would be my first choice. They are very calming to the spirit and they do talk to you (and will respond to Timmy in the Well – very aware of even the slightest change in the tone of your voice). I find them – well empathetic. They seem to sense changes in mood and know when something is out of sync.

    I would agree with Uppity, when you have foster kitties going in and out you need to do your best to pick a dog that is going to go with the flow. We lived near a college campus and every spring, well you know the drill, those cute kittens were now young adults and were left behind and often pregnant so we had a revolving door even then.

    A lot of mutts would be fine with a cat or two in the household but would not handle the in and out of fostering. I think herding dogs, by their very nature, are more open to changes in “livestock” mix. They will try to herd the cats. Some cats humor the poor things. Others boss the dog about. Some ignore them. Collies seem fine with letting cats be cats.

    Uppity
    Loved needle noses pic. Brings back fond memories.

  47. Cats being cats…..http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/20/cats-playing-in-boxes-videos_n_1690080.html?icid=maing-grid10%7Chtmlws-sb-bb%7Cdl17%7Csec3_lnk2%26pLid%3D182171#slide=1234433

    I am cat sitting for a neighbor, and I swear that I will be getting a call from a parole officer. Kitty has been breaking and entering again–using dog doors to get inside and eat other’s food. Considering that he is mostly an outdoor cat, I am afraid if I lock him in his house, he will punish his people.

  48. Re: Gun Laws- I think guns should be given to female victims of violence since women are so easily targeted by men.

    Re: Dudebro trying to fuck a horse- You have a very excellent point about whether or not the victim would be a human female. I am for animal rights and all but it is sad that an animal has a higher status than females!

  49. Uppity Woman, on July 21, 2012 at 12:07 AM said:

    To show you how sweet and cute she really is..
    *************
    Just saw this fabulous picture from the last thread — your oversized puppy is the sweetest!!! 🙂

  50. Ani – congrats on your book being used as a textbook in two departments at that Pasadena College!!! I am SO impressed!

    I mailed a copy to the women’s studies and journalism departments at one of the large schools here – but it was just when they were ending for summer. Pretty soon here I’m going to be following up, when the official departmental head people are around! And I’m going to send them to the other schools here, too – decided to wait after that first mailing when I realized my timing was so bad! We have lots of colleges and universities right in my area!

    But I read that news in your newsletter, and I can’t tell you how impressed I was! Obama can warp young minds, but YOU can educate them!

  51. Ani glad the university sale worked out for you. And it’s good that young people read this book.

  52. Yes bedelia I am all for arming women and seniors. I cheer every time one of them gets the best of a shitbag.

  53. Mt. Laurel, thanks for confirming what I said about herders and Collies in particular. You know exactly what I mean and that was an interesting take on why…eg. livestock changes. That surely must be a big part of it. Give me a herder any day of the week. They match to me perfectly. And Collies in particular. They are so graceful and so benevolent. Of good cheer, flexible, and so loyal to their “stock”.

  54. I started watching Michael Caine in “Harry Brown” on epixHD on my computer. It looks like a senior citizen revenge movie. Anyone can sign up for a free trial. A lot of good movies are available. http://www.epixhd.com/

  55. Hey Lyn, epix looks pretty good. What does it cost, do you know?

  56. I don’t know. I just sign up for the free trials, because I don’t have cable. You don’t have to give much information to sign up for the free trial.

  57. MtLaurel – between you and Uppity, I’m going to quit my job and get a Rough Collie……

    Still dubious about the work schedule. Just getting in now (9:22pm) from this morning. Thanks for the info.

    UPPITY – Hilarious emailing with you

  58. Yeah that was fun Anthony.

  59. You have to pick free trial from the drop-down when you sign in.

  60. Had to share this…

    Volt

  61. Wow! “Harry Brown” was good.

  62. I think I’ve found Horseface’s brother… in Utah…

    ’Goat man’ spotted in mountains of northern Utah’

    SALT LAKE CITY — A man spotted dressed in a goat suit among a herd of wild goats in the mountains of northern Utah has wildlife officials worried he could be in danger as hunting season approaches.

    :snip:

    There’s no telling what his intentions are, Douglass said, but it is believed he could just be an extreme wildlife enthusiast.

    http://timesfreepress.com/news/2012/jul/20/goat-man-spotted-mountains-northern-utah/

    “extreme wildlife enthusiast” – in a goat suit – stalking goats.😯

  63. Talk about crackpots! People screamed in agony after walking on hot coals…..
    http://news.yahoo.com/21-burned-walk-over-hot-coals-robbins-event-202003508.html

  64. Why not I posted that yesterday. I tell you if this weirdo does not get off my hill when hunting season starts next month I might bag myself a goat humper lmao.
    If anyone knows anything about these creatures ( mountain goats not the human) most likely a male will take his sorry ass out before a hunter bags him.

  65. Upps did you get the peaches ? I just finished canning for the day. Phew………. what a job but oh so worth the time. Walked out in the garden and cripes I will be back at it Wednesday.

    About herders…. I love them and have owned many including a Collie. She was the Sable. Sweet dog but as Uppity knows I love my ACDs and the reason is they more fit my life style. I need a dog that is sturdy enough to keep up with me. Also with a bit more brass in their ass.
    Collies and cats ? Mine was harassed by 13 cats lol. They all took turns using her for a pillow, played the stalking and attack game and stole her food. She whined about it sometimes but mostly just took it in stride. ACDs will do fine with cats too provided they are young when introduced. Whiskey loved my ferrets they in turn loved to ride around on him.

  66. Goat man is probably just a jihadist looking for love.

  67. Yup we got our delicious peaches, Utah. I wait all year for this. Peaches are my weakness. I will OD on them. Eat them all day, peach shortcake, peach cobbler, peach peach peach!!!!

  68. If anyone knows anything about these creatures ( mountain goats not the human) most likely a male will take his sorry ass out before a hunter bags him

    Whatchu call “On the horns of a dilemma”.

  69. “extreme wildlife enthusiast”

    ROFL. I tell you, eventually they all go mad.

  70. They walked on coals for that carnival barker con man Tony Robbins? Unbelievable. Anybody with grey matter can see he’s nothing but a blowass modern-day hypnotist. Jesu Christe! Are there any people with brains left in this stupid country? How Effing STUPID can you be????

  71. Walking across hot coals on lanes measuring 10 feet long and heated to between 1,200 to 2,000 degrees provides attendees an opportunity to “understand that there is absolutely nothing you can’t overcome,” according to the motivational speaker’s website.

    YOu Effing asshole. Too bad nobody threw you on the coals face down.

    Let’s see them overcome THIS. I hope your ass gets sued to the next planet you con artist.

  72. NES – did you read what I did? You just need to take a water board to Utah, and you can get the answer you want most in the world!!! lol

  73. lorac did you get my puppygram?

  74. YES!!! What beautiful photos! And I didn’t know – their noses start out kind of regular sized when they’re puppies, huh? Then they “needle out” with age, I guess lol Thanks for sharing those – they’re going in the Needlenose folder lol

  75. Yes they kind of look like beagles when they are born. lol

  76. Hate to cause a collective eyeroll, but guess who is going to visit Aurora tomorrow?

  77. The A-hole-In-Chief, of course, because he doesn’t let a crisis go to waste if it gets him more votes.

  78. Someone say Peaches!

  79. How the heck is this guy going to explain his injuries to his goats…..I mean wives?

  80. Reblogged this on theconservativehillbilly and commented:
    How the heck is this guy going to explain his injuries to his goats…..I mean wives?

  81. How does he explain his wives to his goats?

  82. It is a joke…His wives are probably goats!🙂

  83. Hell no Hillbilly. The wives are there to clean up after the goats. They keep the wives so they don’t have to beat the goats.

  84. “Keep the wives, so they don’t beat the goats”? That is an instant classic that makes you an honorary hillbillyette!

  85. Long as i don’t have to drink cheap beer, I’m IN, Hillbilly!

  86. Of course not…boxed wine, and green Tobasco soaked pork rinds!

  87. Actually Hillbilly, pork rinds are pretty good, but pass on the tabasco. Not that I mind tabasco, but noton pork rinds.

  88. Whoa….sounds like you are warmin up to the boxed wine:)

  89. Hillbilly, I will NEVER warm up to boxed wine. It must might start to look good if I’m hanging out with a bunch of beer drunks.

  90. I want to invent a back pack wine or beer box that has a hose running from the pack to the mouth! Then, I could wear a Depends and be fully self contained!

  91. Hillbilly why spend money on depends when you can use a cath.

  92. Maybe that horse tale inspired Sarah Silverman to campaign for Obama by humping a half blind dog.

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