I keep warning you. Don’t Eff with elderly women.

First we had this.

But I tell you, the elderly are just warming up!  They didn’t get to their age taking crap from you!

You’ve been warned.

103 Responses

  1. The fun part is this guy is going to be the witness for these ladies now that the guy left the scene.

  2. Inspired by this note on the hand dryer he noticed in the men’s room….

    …DE has designed a special sticker for you to bring with you next time you have the urge.

  3. How about old white guys who try to sound like black preachers?
    (“sermon” starts at about 1:30 into feed)

    http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7416142n

  4. How about elitest black snobs who pretend they are black preachers when they are talking to the poor blacks he’s screwing?

  5. I just think its curious that Joe is using an inflection that I’ve never heard him use before. Wondering if its an order from the Axelwhore Headquarters?

  6. That Onion vid is awesome.
    Oh in other news John McCain is still alive…Sarah still wouldn’t have the keys to our nuclear arsenal.

  7. I’m of the belief that Joe is an idiot in any language or accent.

  8. When they put Joe’s hairplugs in they drilled the holes too deep.

  9. he had a cerebral hem. too.

    In any event, if ever there is a strong reason to keep Obama healthy, it’s Joe Biden. He never was what I would choose to be a heartbeat from the Presidency.

  10. Ha Anthony, I almost put that vid in the post too.

  11. I love her! Couldn’t imagine bringing my mother to a range w/a machine gun though….. she’d faint!😆

  12. My cats and I are playing our favorite game. It’s called “Open door!”

    It starts when I open a door. The cats promptly run through it. Once they are on the other side they look around and wonder “What am I doing in here?” Then they pester me to let them out. So I open the door again, only this time they stand in the doorway and ponder “Do I really want to go out again?”

    We spend a lot of time playing this game every day.

  13. OT but as good as any granny with a gun: Check out #ObamaHasBeedSwiftQuoted

    Lots of folks are quoting him word for word in proper context, and the list of insults that came out of his mouth verbatim is growing and growing…….

    https://twitter.com/#!/search/%23ObamaHasBeenSwiftQuoted

  14. Sometimes we play a variation I call “Shift change.”

    That’s where one cat is inside and the other is out. When I open a door they change places.

    Then there is “Holland Tunnel.” That’s where they come in one side of the house and immediately run to the door on the other side and ask me to let them out.

    Last but not least is “The door into Summer.” We play that in bad weather. That’s where they insist on looking out every door before going outside, hoping for warm weather outside one of them.

  15. Safety tip:

    Never call a woman with a gun “stupid.”

  16. Wow, that’s two threads in less than 12 hours. I’m on a roll!

  17. Must be a virus.

  18. I don’t know where HELENK gets these, but I hope she never stops

  19. 😆 😆

  20. FF love the new header!!!! 🙂

  21. Yeah Oswald is trying to shut the place down so he can reroute you to the crawdad hole. You buyin’???

  22. A UW favorite topic, CFLs:

    “”In the past two years some disturbing reports have surfaced mostly in the European Union literature, which indicate that exposure to CFL bulbs might be responsible for exacerbating certain skin conditions, such as photodermatoses and skin cancer in humans,” says the paper, published last month in the journal Photochemistry and Photobiology.”
    ****
    “Rafailovich explained that at close range, around a foot or so, CFL exposure is “the equivalent of sunbathing at the equator.”

    http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=can-compact-fluorescent-lightbulbs-damage-skin

  23. Hey Ossie, does the cat thing look like this?

  24. Anthony that video his so funny. That song, “We Built this City” has been running through my head since that whole “You didn’t build that…” started.

  25. ……and here’s the newest Simon’s Cat..

  26. 😆

    Simon’s cat is EVERY cat….. and we all love that part of them.

    Viewing these should be a pre-requisite for any prospective cat owner

  27. Okay, who broke Twitter?

  28. This post is a hoot! Love it!

  29. Incidentally, SHV deserves the full hat tip for that audio in the post. When you see him, tell him how totally cute he is.

  30. We snatched a beautiful white cat last night, a few miles away from me, with a heart of gold. Problem is, she’s been outside every day, rain or shine. She clearly belongs to someone as she is VERY friendly, so whomever owned her doesn’t PHYSICALLY abuse her. However, she was trying to get into everyone’s house. She’s a house cat and she just doesn’t like it out there. You just look at her and she has something to say. She will go with anybody, and that’s what scares me. She’s a perfect target for an animal abusing shitbag. So we assessed her at about 8 months old, have no idea if she’s spayed, and if not, she’s a pregnancy waiting to happen. So after much discussion (and kitty belly rubs), we decided to take her off the street. The person who lives nearby will watch for signs of a lost cat and then we will assess further. After a week of indoors, where she wants to be, and then a vet assessment, and a hold to see if she goes into any heat. If she does, then we know we have a cat who needs to be spayed. After all of this, we will find her a better home than the one that lets her run around loose as fair game to some little shitbag kid or adult. She is truly a lover with these perfectly round eyes and eager expression. And GREAT with kids. I do hope somebody misses her and she is just lost and will be Found.

  31. Speaking of spaying, I believe Smokey Bones was to be fixed today.

    Mom?

  32. Miss America 1944 wipes out some burgerlers.

  33. 71 year old woman knocks intruder out with frying pan over his shitbag head.

  34. School Counselor kills home intruder who met her as she got out of the shower. He attempted to sexually assault her and she emptied a 22 in the bastard.

  35. A military judge today told the accused Ft. Hood goatfucker shooter to shave his beard or get forcibly shaved. I’ll bet the MP’s are hoping he picks option 2.

    BTW – I used to be an MP

  36. I LOVE the Miss America video!

  37. Hahahah They’re making the sleazebag shave. I hope the razor slips.

  38. I just love how they use words like ‘alleged’ and ‘accused’ on slime who killed people in front of a zillion witnesses.

  39. Just look at the sick fuck.
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/judge-fort-hood-suspect-must-shave-beard-before-trial-or-be-forcibly-shaved/2012/07/25/gJQAJPBE9W_story.html

  40. Maj. Nidal Hasan appeared in court Wednesday sporting a beard as he did during a court appearance last month. The beard violates Army regulations, but Hasan said it is an expression of his Muslim faith.

    F*ck you, you POS. You should have been executed and sent to your 72 virgin goats on the same day you killed all those people. Scumwad.

  41. Hey myiq, bet you would love to come out of MP retirement and volunteer to shave him.

    Look at him. He looks like the missing link FCS. I bet he has hair all over his back and ass.

  42. Watch obama intervene for him.

    Suddenly he’s expressing his religious faith with a beard against military regulations. He didn’t exercise it when he was getting his FREE MD education and his army perks.

    I just do not understand why all those armed people didn’t just fill his ass full of holes and turn him into a strawberry barrel.

  43. Maj. Nidal Hasan is still in the military and receiving his paychecks.

  44. Well then the beard goes. You want your pay or you want to “express your faith” with a beard you didn’t have when you were getting all that free education and promotions?

    If this freak isn’t ordered executed, there is something seriously wrong going on.

  45. If it was up to me he would be getting pork 3 meals a day. Cooked by Jewish women.

  46. I bet he has hair all over his back and ass.

    “Wax on, wax off.”

  47. His paycheck should be suspended or designated for room and board while in the brig or donated to the families of the victims.

  48. […] For a whole bunch of LMAO’s check out Uppity’s latest post. […]

  49. Oh yeah. Hot wax. Rrrripppppppppp!!!

  50. Also show him pics of beautiful females that he wants badly. Like the pretty little number here:

  51. OT: This woman was raped while she was trying to set rowing record and raising awareness for breast cancer.
    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/indefatigable-rower-jenn-gibbons-sexually-assaulted-boat-back-article-1.1121456?loc

  52. Was that picture taken at a strip club?

  53. No oswald, that was Achmed’s Brothel and Eatery.

    Dual purpose, ya know…

  54. Bozo battling the 2nd amendment? Big DUH= The CO massacre wasn’t with an AK-47!
    http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10000872396390444840104577549783920947706.html?mod=googlenews_wsj

  55. here’s the AK-47 references, also in Huffblow.=
    http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2012/07/25/obama-takes-on-gun-violence-in-new-orleans-speech/

  56. myiq2xu
    Thought of this with you comments about kitties and doors.

    Simon’s got this behavior pegged.

    FF
    Great header

  57. Man arrested for playing with his drumstick while driving

    http://articles.orlandosentinel.com/2012-06-21/news/os-sex-act-driving-drummer-arrested-20120621_1_steering-wheel-jacksonville-man-chevrolet-astro-van

  58. What a fun day at Uppity’s! Lots of good laughs here.

  59. We’re having a major storm pass through. If the power goes out, it will likely be six days like it was in October and like it was for Irene. I sure hope the power doesn’t go out.

  60. Its getting pretty scary here too, Sophie. Hope all goes well for you there. We “Campanians” need to look after our kindred “companions” (sorry – couldn’t help it, but after the Benevento, Avellino and Caserta stuff last night, I just had to😆 )

  61. Anthony–Campanians works! Oh, and in real life, I’m a New Yawker…I just live in CT by accident.

  62. Connecticut is lovely, Sophie. I first discovered it when I used to buy Quaaludes there years ago….. Still have friends in Westport.

    Game of nine pins just began in the NYC sky

  63. Funny Anthony, when you emailed me and said Son was going crazy, I meant to answer you. YOu must always pay attention to when your cat gets wierd. They are very good at predicting weather shifts.

  64. think they’re any good with the stock market?

  65. Anthony, did you ever go to the Brook (when it was still open)?

  66. Yes well ladies, an expert psychologist has spoken and if you are pregnant and want to avoid morning sickness, you should perform oral sex in the AM. Coincidentally, the expert is a guy. Just saying.
    http://www.yourtango.com/2012156896/oral-sex-morning-sickness

  67. To hell with that In and Out for cats. If a cat moves here permanently, he stays inside. And that’s that.

  68. Yes I did, Sophie. I would go there to sober up before coming back to NY😆 (you can dance anything out of you with good music) but there were a couple of times that I was such a mess I wandered into Crazy Vinnies (or what ever it was called). THAT sobered me up in about 2 seconds….

    Haven’t been there in years, though. My friend and his wife both work here, and we often meet in Midtown for a visit

  69. I picked up peaches earlier today and just had my first one of the season. And would you believe, Lily like peaches! There is nothing I can eat that she doesn’t also want. FCS.

  70. Vinny’s was the women’s bar! It’s a Starbucks now. But I would go there quite a bit as well. (Late 70s.)

  71. OMG – Really? I thought it was a strip joint! How I’ve managed to stay alive after those days is beyond me… WTF did I think I was seeing???? I’m laughing so hard about that there are tears coming down my face. I must have been a big ol’ mess…..

  72. Upps, you DID answer me, but I think my clothesline distracted you

  73. Yeah Anthony, imagine that. lol.

  74. Lily is obviously an ominivore.

  75. The most decadent wedding I ever attended was in Greenwich Ct. With a night before party in Rye.

  76. They need to send some of the Uppity Older Women to this daycare – this is disgusting

  77. What that little freak! He needs juvenile hall right now. That poor little kid!

  78. WTF is up with the description of this video at youtube. They are looking to raise funds for the “infants”? Yeah let’s write a check to a complete stranger. They don’t need a fundraiser, they need the cops to haul that little shit’s ass away and indict the ‘daycare’ owner.

  79. He abuses the girl and then acts as if he’s attending to them in a comforting way. Little bastard.

  80. Little criminal in training

  81. Those elderly women are all a hoot! Good for them.

  82. Oh lorac! That video is shocking. CPS needs to be called in. Why were those little ones left without adult supervision? The one baby that the kid kept tormenting was left against the wall in some kind of jumper. Why was a nine year old in the same area with toddlers? The daycare itself looks like a hallway. How sad for those poor babies.

  83. I don’t know why that accident reminds me of one I had once. Had my mother in the car. It was a slippery wintery day and I came to a cross road and some lady sailed right through her stop sign. My ABS kicked in but not enough to miss her as she continued driving like nothing happened. She was really on another planet, so she kept moving and my grill scraped across the entire side of her car before she even woke up. lol. I was driving a lincoln with a big assed grill and got no damage whatsoever. But her car had a major crease in it. She gets out of the car really pissed off that I hit her car. Unfortunately for her, there were five boys around 14-15 years old standing there on the corner with their mouths agape. They saw the whole thing. The woman was so irate I had to call the police, who promptly took the boys’ statements and gave her a ticket for failure to stop. Then my mother and I continued on and left her ass righ there in the middle of the road. The kids were magnificent and it took months before the insurer called them and they just up and told the truth. Sometimes people just raise their kids right. I never even filed a claim. lol. I did get a letter from her insurer though, asking me if I had any damage. I didn’t. I mean when you’re wrong. You’re wrong.

  84. I was so concerned I might have offended Sophie with my comment about mistaking Krazy Vins for a strip joint. I googled (well, binged) the name and found out that I had indeed wandered into exactly what I thought it was.

    Sad part is that I actually crossed the street without realizing it…

    http://06880danwoog.com/2010/06/15/the-brook-bites-the-dust/

  85. Lincoln, eh? That tank has a sofa for a front seat.

    Or at last they used to.

  86. re: the video with the violent kid – I suspect a lot of this type of behavior we’re seeing is due to kids being born to drug addicted mothers. They’re born with a strike against them, and then their drug addicted mothers (who, even if they quit, likely still had no good role model and have little education about mothering) do not know enough to stimulate the kid’s intelligence. They just plop the kid down and don’t interact much with them. Then as a result, the neurons don’t develop properly, and the kid grows up to have no compassion because those neurons basically don’t exist. It’s really scary – there’s a huge crop of anti-social (no empathy, violent tendencies) kids flooding our country now.

  87. Nah it was a Continental not a towne car. I think it was an 89. Not overly large but had a mean grille.

  88. Well Ant, I think you should do a dedication to Sophie on your terrace to make amends.

  89. Tank cars. Good for protection. Bad for gas mileage.

  90. Well at the time, gas was cheap and we had a normal president.

  91. Thanks, Upps, for the best laughs of the day!

  92. Yeah this thread was a fun ride.

  93. ……….proving once again that no matter how bad the world is around us, there is alwawys room for a good time.

  94. Anthony, I never heard it called Crazy Vin’s–just Vinny’s. Is it possible they “evolved” into a strip joint over time? Because it was a fairly low-key bar with a juke box in 78 and while there were guys there, mostly women would go over from the Brook. I’m not offended if it was a strip club but it seriously wasn’t when I went there. I’d like to think I’d notice something like that!

  95. Hi Sophie – I was there in the early 70’s (maybe even 1970). I guess it changed a lot in that decade? Believe me, it was anything but low key… You would have definitely noticed. Sorry if I offended you

  96. lorac, on July 27, 2012 at 1:31 AM said

    re: the video with the violent kid – I suspect a lot of this type of behavior we’re seeing is due to kids being born to drug addicted mothers. They’re born with a strike against them, and then their drug addicted mothers (who, even if they quit, likely still had no good role model and have little education about mothering) do not know enough to stimulate the kid’s intelligence. They just plop the kid down and don’t interact much with them. Then as a result, the neurons don’t develop properly, and the kid grows up to have no compassion because those neurons basically don’t exist. It’s really scary – there’s a huge crop of anti-social (no empathy, violent tendencies) kids flooding our country now.

    It almost sounds like you’re saying this kid was immaculately conceived. Where lies the responsibility of the fathers/sperm donors?

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