Molting dog

When I die, the autopsy will show a massive furball. It’s as simple as that.

Here is a shot of the fur I removed from my molting dog in roughly five minutes. Weapons used: My hands. Yes, that’s right I just plucked her furry globular ejections right off of her. Trust me, she didn’t feel it.

This is by no means my only ‘catch’. It’s like this every night while she blows her coat. Note the maple leaf, bottom left of the photo. Missing from the photo: The Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup paper I found.

The scary part about all this is I don’t mind. She’s that much of a joy. And, after all, she has to shed that wooly undercoat that hides beneath her soft outer coat — so she can grow a newer, stronger one for winter, when she will romp around in the deep snow, chasing This and then That,  never feeling a thing against the cold, and then return inside encrusted in the white stuff, acting like she just corralled the sheep. And while I brush it all off and it drips onto the floor, and I blow-dry her and  then symmetrically place her horse blankey on her, ‘just so,” she smiles – and I am reminded of how much work this all is – until the wrong person walks onto my property and she scares the living crap out of him, or until the  insanely pesky Jehovah’s Witnesses forget to check their  Warning Notes and try to show up at the front door. Briefly. Very briefly.

When my dog blows her coat, it always reminds me of the movie, Gremlins, when Billy accidentally got the Mogwai wet and all these balls of fur fly off  him, rapidly transitioning into new little Mogwais. Thank Goodness my dog’s blow balls don’t turn into little reproductions of her own self, especially not a reproduction with an interesting stripe on its head like in the video clip below.

Alas, she is scheduled to be groomed on Thursday, so the groomer will have to worry about the stern warning:

“…don’t feed him after midnight, and whatever you do, don’t get him wet”.



40 Responses

  1. I apologize if you’ve already seen this link but I thought y’all would be interested:

  2. She is such a pretty girl Upps.

  3. She has a beautiful heart too, Fredster. A real catch.

  4. Well that’s sure gonna tick off the pope, Churl.

  5. A renowned expert on papyrus antiquities and this is what the fuckwad who wrote this piece has to say

    Three months later, she carried the fragment in her red handbag to New York to show it to two colleagues, both papyrologists:

    Yes. her red handbag. relevant.

  6. She has a beautiful heart too, Fredster. A real catch.

    Yeah, but just don’t mess with Mamma. 😆

  7. Gorgeous girl…our Needlenose.

  8. Hahahaha…Viagra Review Board.

  9. Yeah I kinda figure if a guy wants viagra he should have to explain why and bring a note from his doctor. And from the poor soul he’s trying to have sex with, to confirm. Also proof that it will be used for procreation only. The board will be a go between for insurance companies so it can be determined if it should be covered or not.

  10. Pottery porn of DE – lol, omg, too funny.

    Needlenose has enough extra fur to build several sturdy puppies.

  11. I know. Pottery Pornography. ROFL.

  12. Angi says you’re all crazy.

  13. HAHAHAH I was wondering when she would weigh in!

  14. She says I should shave my legs for the next vid so I don’t look like harry potter.

  15. Bahahahahaha!!!!

  16. We using Slow Hand in the background, are we?

  17. If you title the post Pottery Porn, I bet traffic kicks up instantly!


  19. Has two, both rescues — An Akita who blows the whole undercoat and BoyBoy, who is supposed to be a Golden but? Mixed with Newfie! Can tug it out, too. Omg. I missed you so much. O my god. Needed my Uppity dose over the last week. Hugs.

  20. TY Valentine. Love your breeds. Twas a friend’s Akita that convinced me I needed a dog. Now.

    As for Victory Gardens, that’s a little hard in three feet of snow. You shall have to send me sustenance.

  21. Ups, what a pretty pup! You could make throw pillows.

  22. I just plucked her furry globular ejections right off of her. Trust me, she didn’t feel it.

    Hmmm. What other assorted items have you found in these daily canine beautification rituals aside from hair and Reese’s wrappers?

    Judging by that amount, the kitchen sink maybe trapped in there. A suitcase too. A bag of doggies treats maybe.

  23. I’m just so glad you are back I am beside myself.

  24. Crier, I admittedly have found variously odd items stuck between her coats. There is always a leaf or two, and usually some cellophane. I hope it’s not from a cigarette pack when I see it, because there ARE places on the land where she could hide and smoke. Once I found a lollipop stuck to her but that was actually caused by an overly exuberant kid. The cobwebs are often interesting though. Occasionally there are bits of kleenex, something she often enjoys chewing on but only if it’s used. She did come inside one day and I actually found a piece of ham on her upper back. But that was easy to figure out, as the old fellow who lives behind the property adores her and tosses her ham. There was an occasion where she actually jumped the fence to visit him. Ham is very powerful. He phoned me to tell me he was coming around the bend. With my dog. He’s a nice old fellow and sometimes I think he only buys the ham for her. Back to the ham on her back….she was trying to reach back there but just couldn’t get it so it hitched a ride inside on her back. lol.

  25. Well I’m KINDA back, Valentine. I’m leaving the serious postings to Occupy Uppitywoman. Namely Sophie, who simply committed an act of Occupy and started posting. I just figured she had the guts to occupy the place or it would still be shut down, so she deserved a coupla days off.

  26. WLM there actually is a website out there where they will make stuffed animals and pillows and things from your pet’s shed fur. No kidding.

  27. One of the primary reasons why my new 501c3 is called “Ohio Hound Rescue, Inc.”

    And not “Ohio Collie Rescue, Inc.”

  28. upps, it is wonderful to come here and see discussions on old socks or a pile of used dog fur. When the spirit strikes you we know you will let out a long stream of perfect howling at the moon here and we will all nod and smile and say “yep, me too” to you.

  29. Okay but the molting is a good trade off for no doggie odor. Yes that’s right gang. They are stinkless dogs.
    And if she gets muddy all I have to do is brush the dry mud off her outer coat, give her a towel to lie on and leave her alone for an hour and she’s self-cleaning. Unless it’s quicksand. lol. They are VERY clean dogs. I have never personally had to give my dog a bath, she get’s groomed 4 times a year because she’s vain and shallow about her furs. Which is good because I dread the day a skunk gets her. I will have to sell the house. But you see, double coated dogs are partially self-cleaning. And if they get all soaked outside in the snow or rain, they aren’t cold or wet below their outer coat. And they don’t stink. In addition, my dog cooks dinner and cleans the bathrooms. So there.

  30. Uppity is 110% right about the no stink of a double coat dog. ACDs have no ” wet dog smell” either. NEEDLENOSE !!!! Loves ya.

  31. Damn right, Utah!

  32. Utah, as you may have read, Freedom Fairy lost her Angel. And she recently acquired an ACD mix!

  33. it is wonderful to come here and see discussions on old socks or a pile of used dog fur.

    She gets it!

    It’s needed! You can say all the crap you want about me, I’ve had worse said, but you can’t say I don’t know what’s needed! Even unto my own peril!

  34. Our Occupier of UW Blog has one issue that is out of keeping with the Occupy theme. She works! Can you imagine the nerve! So I’m giving her a break. After all, a person who has the nerve to Occupy my blog is a Keeper.

  35. GoatFing freak show.

    Why the so called left supports this is beyond my understanding. And why the so called “right” wants their own special version pisses me off.

    Also Zoe smells like corn chips when she needs a bath.

  36. DE I remember you mentioning Zoe smells like corn chips. LOLOL Hilarious.

  37. Why does my dog smell like Fritos?
    Maybe too much corn in the Clomeister’s food?

  38. My mutley mutt tends to be a smelly dog, maybe I need to buy her a coat.
    Nice to see you posting again Uppity. (Hugs)

Comments are closed.