Let’s face it, they are far more honest than the revolting two-legged creepy critters we have now. Cats are more intelligent than these cretins, which, Bill admits, isn’t hard to be. And they certainly know all about Entitlements vs. Rights.
Witness what a **Cat Congress would look like when a sunbeam hits the room. They understand. They understand.
“We’ve come up against an unforeseen circumstance, but we’ll resume deliberation and voting as quickly as is reasonably possible,” said majority leader and Budget Committee chaircat Sen. Creamsicle (D-ND), stretching out to his entire length and repeatedly kneading the chamber carpet. “I think I speak for most of my colleagues when I say that, while it is extremely important we continue the legislative work at hand, we must first give this warm and bright beam of light the due consideration it deserves.”
“And we should, er, debate this for as long as it takes,” added Creamsicle, softly swishing his tail back and forth. “Perhaps all day, if we have to.”
A majority of senators seemed to agree with Creamsicle. Eighty-nine of the 100 congresscats present immediately joined the new Sunbeam Investigative Committee, and a number of subcommittees are also reported to have been created, the largest of which has been tasked with determining the value of lazily batting at rising dust motes while half-asleep.
A small minority of feline senators, however, took issue with the procedural delay. Sen. Poppy (D-DE) was especially vocal, claiming that the Senate should ignore the seemingly intractable sunbeam issue and continue with other, more pressing matters.
“This irresponsible stoppage is absolutely unacceptable,” Poppy said. “Frivolous distractions like these are robbing our constituents of the soft, cozy shafts of…I mean, the reforms they so desperately need…so desperately need… I yield my remaining time.”
A number of animals have run for office through the years, and some have been successful in the long term as well. Of them all, cats are truly the best choice. They learn from their mistakes for starters. I had a cat who loved to sit atop the front door whenever it was open — and he would ‘greet” people with his long-legs. This worked out well for him until the day I closed the door and didn’t realize he was up there. His tail lived on to tell the….tale, but I can assure you he never sat atop that door again. Ever. Wouldn’t it be nice if our elected officials and candidates understood the intelligence of not repeating the same bad bullshit ideas over and over again?There is also the issue of male vs. female cats. I have always maintained that if you have ten cats in a room and only one of them is a female, you can pick her out. She’s the one in charge. And believe me, things run VERY smoothly.
Dogs are a bit laid back and probably would have their version of “Golf” if elected, and sometimes they are a bit too eager to please their masters, say for example, really rich puppet-masters.
It is also very easy to shame a dog. In fact there’s a whole photo site dedicated to Dog Shaming.
We can’t have some dog sucking up to, begging, and apologizing to a bunch of savages over in other ends of the planet, can we now?
I mean we already have that degrading shit going on right now.
Then there are barnyard animals.
They also tend to rut indiscriminately. Let’s face it, they do it whenever they get the chance.
I am sure you will agree, we already have enough pigs in office. Including at the trough.
So cats, it is. DO feel free to nominate your cat for President. I am sure he/she is far superior to the Creme de la Crappe we have for choices right now. Watching people try to polish these two-party turds is simply too embarrassing to bear.
Bill forgives Henri for stealing his idea–insofar as a cat can forgive. Which isn’t much. But I am not sure Henri is the best choice. His French is horrific. Still….
**Photo from “The Onion,” Cats in Congress Mired in Sunbeam
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