Keep checking in so we know where you are when you disintegrate

CUBA-MAYAN_CEREMON_2421941bToday is the first day of Winter, AKA Solstice, and I have to delay my Vivaldi for this bullshit.

Doesn’t it just figure, considering the religious hacks in this country could screw up a free lunch, and furthermore, never have time to enjoy the beauty that is Life because they are busy with their yearly moronic Doom and Gloom bullcrap.

Seriously, I just wish they would all go rapture themselves and leave the rest of us the Hell alone. But make no mistake: These are the same people you would see running and hiding, shivering in their makeshift bunkers with their canned beef heart, urine purification systems, dried meals, and mystery meat Jerky — if it looked like anything was actually going to happen. Because that would be the time these hypocrites all realized that they Can’t Fool God by praying one way and living another way on the sly.

The photo above is of a typical 2012 Mayan Ritual. This particular ceremony occurred in Cuba. I am not sure WTF the umbrellas signify, but there you have it. I somehow suspect a lot of rum is involved with these ceremonies but hey, what do I know? I live in reality.

This is the big day, folks.  Just like all the other Big Days.

This is the big day for which people have spent billions preparing, because they believe the predictions of a culture that wasn’t even capable of predicting its own demise. Just saying. Let’s just say that their calendar ran out a long time ago. However, a good time was had by all the online survivalist vendors, and I am sure plenty of bizarro equipment was purchased at Market Prices.

This is the big day when all religious crackpots fuck up their children and tell them Christmas is canceled because it’s the End Of The World. Ten years from now, the taxpayers will be paying for their kids’ mental therapy program. But for now, they will be eating MREs for a long time to come–so that the bunker provisions can be rotated with fresher dried meals for next year’s End Of World.

The important thing to remember today is not that you will be incinerated along with the rest of Earth. No that is not the important thing to remember. The real important thing to remember is– if you see a bunch of yahoos doing what is being done in the above photo, run like your hair is on fire, for you are truly in the company of some of America’s Most Crazy.

It will be good to know where people who do these things are though, so they can be avoided like plague in the future.

Personally, I am getting sick of this shit every year and I just think we ought to round up all these End-Of-Lifer and Rapture people and examine their grey matter before  allowing them to walk among us any longer. I don’t care what anybody else says, I say these people are batshit crazy.

Even the Pope says this is all baloney and if he says so, it must be so, since God is so busy He speaks through a guy in a dress who lives in extreme opulence and wears gold in his crown, surrounding himself with overly-fed guys with perfect manicures who wear red beanies and expect no one to laugh.  How can he be wrong?  How could anyone possibly mistake him of anything other than God’s Spokesman? Besides, if the Pope bought this story, he would just modify it to include women only.

Let us know in comments what you are doing in your last moments. And be sure to check in frequently today, so we know where you are when you are incinerated or swallowed up or whatever the hell is supposed to happen to you.

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90 Responses

  1. Why can’t Barack Obama at least have a sense of humor like this fine lady?

  2. Just a FYI, we have “ice pellets” predicted for today. It’s a little hard to incinerate an entire planet that way. Perhaps if some of them hit the local End Of World crackpots on the head, it might cure them.

  3. Well…it may not be the End of the World (there’s about 4 minutes to go and I am a slow typist, so if I don’t finish this….) but we’ve had beautiful weather here for weeks and weeks, and last night the storm front came through. The wind is blowing at 30MPH this morning and it’s 56 and I have a huge mural to start today. Go figure.

  4. Local Weather Guy:
    Paul Dellegatto ‏@PaulFox13

    This “end of world” hype is silly, unless you see something like this. Then I may be a bit concerned. pic.twitter.com/cbHINMdA

  5. Obviously not the end of the world. I still cannot post pictures properly anymore.

  6. The Picture Fairy is obviously punishing you!

  7. FF you can do a mural in the rain and just tell them it’s Van Gogh inspired.

    I think our weather radar is on something. Says 100% change of snow, every hour. I am not so sure they can pull this off considering the temp is in the 40s. So it’s raining. Lots. Eh! At least we don’t have to shovel it.

    And to think I bought new UGGs for this winter. Haven’t had an accumulation yet.

  8. “you can do a mural in the rain and just tell them it’s Van Gogh inspired.”

    more like Rocky Horror

  9. Yesterday’s warm temps, heavy rain, and strong winds very quickly turned into last night’s snow. I’d say we have several inches of the white stuff on the ground now. So people east of Indiana get ready for snow. Of course, I am not ready for anything. I’m stuck in the house with nothing but two cans of Fancy Feast. So I will have to try to get to the grocery store soon unless I disappear first. In the meantime, I am cleaning the cat’s litter box while singing the “It’s Howdy Poopy Time” song. Exciting, huh? Some things never change. I’ll try to check in later with more fascinating updates.

  10. Still here. Loaded up on Mexican food for dinner and skipped the Prilosec–big mistake. Acid reflux is the only burn going on around here.

  11. Irlandese has chosen to incinerate herself from within.

  12. Beata, ever notice how they watch you clean the box, not without some sinister glee, and then hop right on for a Big One right after you are done cleaning it.

  13. OMG nobody’s here! They………..They…… Gasp!!!!

  14. Well there goes yet another chance to go to the great beyond. Here I was , all set to go and nothing. Now I figured that since I have missed ummm how many raptures this raining fireball thing had to have my name on it but no ! Was it a mistake or am I unwelcome in both places ??
    Oh well guess this world is stuck with me until the next big doomsday thing. Guess I am stuck going to work today after all. Shucks some people never get a break.

  15. checking in….just bought a new calendar.
    Wait! I was sitting at my desk when this photo was takkk…………………………………

  16. Well we dodged the bullet again. 😆 😆

  17. Suck it, Mayans!

  18. It was touch and go in my area. The state capital and surrounding area went dark after what appeared to be explosions that lit up the sky. No power this am, but it’s back and things look same as yesterday.

    Except that Senator Barb Milkulski is reportedly going to head the Senate Appropriations Committee. Love her. She’s a real person and friend of HIllary.

  19. Sorry I’ve been missing this morning. I was raptured. I was quite upset when they told me there was no food up there and it took me the whole morning to find my way back home through the clouds to my good old fridge and pantry. No coffee? WTF? They aren’t going to get anybody to stay there. They do NOT have pie. Warning: NO PIE.

    I said let me go back to earth and scrounge up a meal. Not even a baloney sandwich. What kind of place is that? Not paradise, for sure.

  20. Anybody having trouble commenting here? NES is getting freezes.

  21. The day isn’t over yet gang. Let’s not get smug because it……

  22. Halp.

  23. Welp, looks like we lost imust.

    Eh. More pie for us.

  24. Gotta run, I imagine the roads will be empty.

  25. Kerry nomination will be around 1:30. Full circle from when Kerry picked obama for that keynote address in 2004. It is about time that man was able to cash in on all his wheeling and dealing all these years.

    Don’t you all just feel so warm and fuzzy over his easy to be installed appointment? Elilte? No, he’s just one of us. Pass the grey poupon.

  26. Yeah Ups:
    We have to wait until midnight…
    Was the PM Julia Gillard for real? WTF?

  27. IMUST < IMUST you just have to check this out. It will warm you. It concerns your beloved PIE !
    http://www.middletownpress.com/articles/2012/12/19/news/doc50d27d9dbec42278778867.txt

  28. Uppity I have been having issues with firefox for about a month. It is them not me. I unloaded it and reloaded it etc. Used to love it but seems they are going like everything else.

  29. Oh crap…it IS the end times! Bozo nominates Kerry for SOS?! Eh, slight comedown and insult to Hillary.

  30. Well Hugo reported in for Maryland. Virginia is still here as well. I am sure they are hoping the comet prediction will win out since they would like a new crater. The others are so old.

    DC appears to be in place as well.Maybe next time. There is always Planet X.

    I also read that the Donner Party (yes THAT Donner Party) left a time capsule with a catastrophic prediction for 2016. And dd not Jean Dixon predicted the end for 2020. Plenty of option still open.

  31. HAHAHAHA imust!

  32. Condolences to the world leaders and diplomats who have had the pleasure and honor of working with a witty, lively, brilliant SOS with a backbone and who will now have to deal with…yawn…Kerry. a round of anti-depressants for all of them.

  33. utah, that Newton pie story is a tear jerker. Wonderful.

    Peace on Earth, Goodwill to men. And pie.

  34. Jake Tapper is going to CNN. I liked that Tapper often asked serious questions and did investigations. His political punch blog was often filled with things that needed to be discussed but were ignored by the media.

    http://cnnpressroom.blogs.cnn.com/2012/12/20/jake-tapper-joins-cnn-as-anchor-and-chief-washington-correspondent/

  35. Don’t worry, Tapper will turn into a CNN asshole just like the rest of them. I’m sure the money will be worth it for him.

  36. Kerry is such a dud. You can’t fix Dud. And nobody will convince me that his goombahs eg McCain etc didn’t deliberately clear the way for him by dispatching Rice. Otherwise they wouldn’t have run over her with a steamroller. I mean John McCain did the same thing she did all over TeeVee lying about WMDs. He should talk. And he did. he fixed it for his buddy. They are all a bunch of whores at the same trough.

  37. Ah, posting problem gone, NES?

  38. It does appear that imust has been ….um……assimilated. The least she can do is live blog it.

  39. Imust is likely having a hard time finding her way back home without proper nourishment. Penguins, imust, follow them back down. They bolted as soon as they heard there were no fish.

  40. No Upps, it’s still there if I try to post from my iPad (that wasn’t the case before), which is what I usually do. Turns out that posting comments from the iPhone and the desktop is working fine. It’s probably just a newly-developed connectivity problem with my iPad, darn it.

  41. I like Tapper too, karen. Let’s hope CNN doesn’t ruin him.

  42. a round of anti-depressants for all of them.

    ROFL, Hugo. Add NoDoze to that round!

  43. It’s odd that Kerry gets announced before Clinton tenders her resignation, formally. Is that normal?

  44. Yeah Chit like that happens, NES.

  45. Hi all, still here. 😀

  46. Imustreportinfrom ALIEN spaceship!! Yes, it’s true! But you’ll never guess who’s here with me………….

  47. But look who they sent to save me……..

    I’m doomed!

  48. Imust. You’re clearly on your own. Find a penthouse. It will be more helpful than either of those two.

  49. Hahaha. Spell checker on this damnable kindle changed pengy to penthouse!

    Finding a penthouse would be a good reason to not return!

  50. Kerry is announced in time for confirmation before actually taking over next month. There shouldn’t be objection but if he was not confirmed there would be time for another selection.

  51. Well, we’re still here, and hubbie just drove through Hollywood, and its still here. Would think that would be one of the first places to go up.

    My battery was dead this morning though, and its new. Does that count?

  52. Thats disgusting that they announced Kerry before Hill’s formal announcement. Creeps.

    Well, I guess nude truck guy must be licking his chops. He “broke ranks” yesterday to announce he is for automatic weapons ban or something.

  53. imust, LOLOL!

  54. Upps @ 3:28pm, Soooo true! Ha!

  55. Hilarious comments today. You guys are all on top of your game!

  56. Well, I’m still here and as far as I can tell, the Nibiruneans are not. Bummer–I was really hoping to meet them. Maybe they took one look at our Congress, got disgusted, and turned back.

  57. Socal, Hillary had announced many times and is well involved with Kerry’s nomination and transition. Hillary tendered her one term notice upon taking office – daily it seems sometimes. She sounds fine.

    http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/274347-hillary-clinton-susan-rice-congratulate-kerry-on-state-nomination

  58. Man fires woman employee for being “Too hot and irresistable”. Iowa court holds he was within his legal rights.
    http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2012/12/man-fires-assistant-being-hot-and-irresistible-iowa-courts-says-he-legally-can?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Motherjones%2Fmojoblog+%28MotherJones.com+%7C+MoJoBlog%29

    Perhaps a burqa?

  59. Barack probably spent the day in the presidential bunker.

  60. That story about the hot assistant is unreal. Discrimination. Sexual. Is it too much to ask men to learn to be civilized? What if the male assistant he replaces her with is attractive to his wife? What if they just grow up and live in the real world?

  61. Isn’t Obama heading off to Hawaii? He made a statement, (not a presser b/c he didn’t appear to take any questions) telling congress to go home, have some egg nog and cookies. Wow! What.A.Leader!!!

  62. Hillary has class, as always. Kerry has big shoes to fill.

  63. Yes, the story about the juvenile dentist is ridiculous. The young woman should move to CA anyway. Here you are more likely to get hired if you’re good looking. I’ve never been to Iowa, but I have friends that are from, they don’t miss it.

  64. I have a Q. If they have a special election in MA & Scott Brown wins, who would be the Senior Senator, him or Elizabeth Warren?

  65. wow, socal. That’s a good question.

  66. The winter solstice. What a great day! Now the days slowly start getting longer…

  67. Let me pretend to be shocked that McCain and Graham approve of Kerry. Asswipes.

  68. Yeah Sophie and not to mention the Rs now have a shot at Kerry’s seat.

  69. socal probably Brown because he’s the man.

  70. Karen, I think if that woman appeals she will win. That was discrimiation and harassment all rolled into one.

  71. Upps, LOL!

  72. My brother is in the hospital with blood clots in his lungs. He will probably be there a few days. They are trying drugs on it first, and running a bunch of tests. He is a hyperactive person and works like a dog (in construction), and then works out and does sports even. We can’t figure out how he got this.

  73. Wow that’s a bit scary, socal. WTF.

  74. Everyone wants that seat: Mrs Kennedy, Kennedy’s son, Barney Frank, Ben Affleck, and more. Republicans are complaining donors are tapped, having spent $78M for Brown to lose to Warren.

  75. I don’t know why an R would want to be a congresscritter from MA. No one in the state delegation wants to talk to you and all of the other Rs in congress don’t trust you because you’re from Liberal Massachusetts.

  76. None of that matters to an egomaniac, Sophie. It’s the Title. And the Entitlemennt. And that nifty full salary at retirement after serving two terms.

  77. Well if Brown needs money he can always do a centerfold again. Most of the women in nursing homes would take a look.

  78. I’m sorry, but Barney Frank has reached the level of Coyote Ugly. I can’t even look at him much less vote for him.

  79. Lee Dorman, bass player for Iron Butterfly died today at 70 years old.
    Rest In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.

  80. A lot of rockers & other famous musicians of our lifetime have died the past couple of years. Our gen is getting old! 😦

  81. Well I kind of look at it this way: You have two choices. You get old. Or you die.

  82. Thanks for the opening.

  83. I watched people smoke a lot of dope to that song. Of course I didn’t do it myself….

  84. You know, to be honest, I don’t mind my age at all. I think you get to a good place. Hard to explain. I know more. I understand more. I don’t fester over things. I pick my fights. I get away with things. It’s hard to explain but on some level, I actually like it. Can anybody relate to this?

  85. Yep I can. Man I used to listen to that song a lot. That is all I did is listen to it . Good times back then but heck I like my life now maybe more in many ways.

  86. That song was a little before my time.

  87. This is more my speed.

  88. Seals and Crofts….first 8 track tape I owned. Played it over and over in my 65 VW bug.

  89. Older is way better for me.Sorry it took so long to get here tho. 🙂

  90. Ancient Alien Guy

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