Winter! Broken Shovels! Heart Attacks! And……Pure Beauty.

FoxDoomsdayI was grudgingly forced to delay my yearly Solstice post because once again the crazy religious zealot bastards in the USA demanded attention. The amazing thing about these freaks is they don’t even have enough grey matter to feel embarrassed every time their ridiculous End of World prediction fails. We can blame the media, such as the asshole in this “Countdown To Doomsday” photo, for helping to perpetuate this abject stupidity every single year.

What’s even more annoying is, it never ends. Currently, there is a nutbag out there already who says the date was wrong. It’s really Sunday. Just like they did last year. And the year before. And the year before. And….

Truth is……..Zealots and Mayans Lose!

Winter Wins! Yayyyyyyyyyy!

Go dig up a Mayan and give him a brand new calendar, and then slam the lid shut again while screaming, “You’re still dead! And I’m still here!”.

We celebrate Winter, unless, of course, we live in California, where we celebrate the four seasons of Hot, Road Construction, Hot and Hot.

You are obligated to listen to Vivaldi at the change of each season. An obligation that is a pleasuure. Today we will listen to  Winter, The Third Movement (The part where you find your neighbor on the ground in his driveway, still clutching his shovel):

Hey! I think I saw my house in here!

……….and for you Purists, here is the Full Version


91 Responses

  1. Haha! Good post…however, its been freezing here the past week! In the 60s!

  2. ROF you call that freezing Socal lol. When I get in from work it is 13 degrees. At least I am not ass deep in snow yet. Hear Christmas Eve we are going to get pounded with it though.
    Any one ever wounder what all these basket cases do when their big event never pans out ? I mean what happens to their heads when they are all so convinced something is going to happen then they wait and wait and nothing. Reminds me of Linus in the Pumpkin patch waiting for the great pumpkin.

  3. Linus is probably 1000 x smarter than the nut jobs.

  4. btw…what are these things you call “shovels”???

  5. FTR, it is currently 39 degrees and the forecast high for tomorrow is 57 degrees and a chance of rain!

  6. Yes, it is butt-kicking cold here. The doods just got home from the Clippers game and they’re like popsicles.

  7. Texas loses its case to take federal money for “womens programs”, but exclude Planned Parenthood:

    WACO, Texas — Texas’ request to force the U.S. Health and Human Services to continue funding its Women’s Health Program was denied Friday, as a judge sided with federal authorities who say the state’s exclusion of Planned Parenthood violates HHS guidelines

  8. Good! Who the fuck do these people think they are. They want to abuse women, throw them in back alleys again for abortions just like the old days? Well now what are they going to do? You know what scares me about them? They probably don’t care if they lose ALL funding, that way they can kill even more women. For every woman who gets breast cancer thanks to them, I hope one of them gets cancer of the balls.

  9. 25 degrees is a winter heat wave up here. 39 is Spring.

  10. btw…what are these things you call “shovels”???

    You know them, imust. They’re the things you drag out when Obama starts tossing out the bullshit and somebody yells, Get The Shovels!

  11. More on the Islamification of Egypt, or you can’t polish a turd.
    Egyptian Brotherhood and their poodle Morsi are crafting a new law governing protests.

  12. The Flu type A is going around this area. It snowed yesterday and today and will continue tomorrow. Icy patches and deer jumping out in front of cars make driving fun.

    Florida dreaming. Shovel reality.

  13. socal, serves them right. The attack against planned parenthood is an attack against our own daughters and grand daughters. They detect disease in young women. They help women with other problems that are not related to abortions. They prevent unwanted pregnancies with birth control so there are less abortions. FCS leave this organization alone.

  14. Well, the Vivaldi clip worked–we got a dusting this morning. Funny, but every time I hear that, I think of the scene in the movie with Carol Burnett when the Mercedes goes in the lake.

  15. Same here, we got just enough snow to be lovely. I hope we don’t end up sounding like the “Diary of A Snow Shoveler”. Looks like we will have a white christmas and still be able to get out of our driveways. I was beginning to think I wasted my money on new UGGs, but I guess I was spot on. I won’t be driving today, though. It seems that, no matter how long some people live in the Northeast, they still smash into things driving in the first snow. I kind of think it’s a good idea to stay away from them.

    My dog is absolutely ecstatic! I turned her loose on the land about an hour ago and she ran around everywhere like she was heading out to bring in the sheep. It only took a half hour to completely exhaust her. But not enough to be starving when she came back. She was covered in the white stuff like only a sheepdog would want to do. Of course I had to brush her furst off, which is easy with her double coat. It’s amazing how these dogs can be out in the rain and snow and not get their bodies wet. SHe didn’t want to wait for the blowdryer for her outer coat, she was that hungry. And happy. Happy! Happy! Happy!. I’m going to let her go out there as much as she wants today. SHe deserves it for putting up with summer, which she hates. It’s also not very cold out, just cold enough to bring the snow without melting it. I plan a big walk with my puppy. Tonight, she will be unconscious. lol.

    LOL on the Carol/Mercedes scene!

  16. For those who don’t remember Diary of A Snow Shoveler, here’s a rerun.


    The Diary of a Snow Shoveler

    December 8
    6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

    December 9
    We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

    December 12
    The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s our neighbor.

    December 14
    Snow lovely snow! 8″ last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!

    The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way.

    December 15
    20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer.

    The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.

    December 16
    Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like heck. The wife laughed for one hour, which I think was very cruel.

    December 17
    Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.

    Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

    December 20
    Electricity’s back on, but had another 14″ of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Darn snowplow came by twice.

    Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.

    December 22
    Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to poop. By the time I got undressed, pooped and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy. I think the jerk is lying.

    December 23
    Only 2″ of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she’s lying.

    December 24
    6″. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the man who drives that snowplow I’ll drag him through the snow by his nose and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been!

    Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the snowplow.

    December 25
    Merry -bleeping- Christmas! 20 more inches of the slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s a fricking idiot. If I have to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.

    December 26
    Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.

    December 27
    Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1400 to replace all my pipes.

    December 28
    Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE WITCH is driving me crazy!!!

    December 29
    10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

    December 30
    Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver he is now suing me for a million dollars not only the beating I gave him but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up where the sun don’t shine. The wife went home to her mother. 9″ predicted.

    December 31
    I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

    January 8
    Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

  17. socal ~ you reminded me of when my daughter called a couple of years ago from her home in Phoenix. She said she was “freezing my a&& off. It’s 65 in here!” I told her “That’s what the heat is for. Turn it on.” I think it was 34 here at home.
    Fast forward a couple of years…. She just moved back here (chicago) a month ago. It is currently 21 degrees here. She is asking for “warm clothes – but no acrylic, please”, for Christmas. I’m laughing. (But I’m secretly smiling in my heart to have my most wonderful daughter home again after 17 years.)

    Welcome to Winter!!!

  18. I’m off to target but bbl.

  19. Love the Snow Shoveler Diary! Karen, nice story about your daughter, I’m glad she’s home.

  20. Love the “The Diary of a Snow Shoveler”. One of my upstate NY relatives actually did set fire to his house during the winter. Claimed it was “an accident”. Yeah, right. Now all the upstate NY relatives have moved to warmer climates. Wussies.

  21. War on Math

  22. It figures. It requires them to think. Americans hate to think.

  23. Hahahah Beata.

  24. And the headline writer didn’t like to think either.

  25. Loved the Diary. It was like watching this lovely guy morph into The Shining’s Jack Nicholson. I’m glad his wife escaped before it was too late!
    Here, in NE Ohio, it snowed all day, yesterday, and it was beautiful.
    Then again, we do have a plow service.

  26. AHAHAH I didn’t even look at that. OMG, obviously he’s one of the 4 in 10.

  27. I used to collect dumb stories with errors, kind of a library of the absurd. I still remember the most pathetic and funny of all, that was a congressman who was announcing his “Stop Literacy” program.

  28. Let’s see if I can join you, after a fashion…

  29. Sue I do know how that guy feels about the plow, though. It’s happened to me plenty of times. A huge cliff at the end of my driveway, impossible to back over.

  30. I dearly Love the “The Diary of a Snow Shoveler” ;lol: 😆

  31. I think snow plow drivers are demonic seriously. I swear the bastage that does my road hates the hell out of me. I am sure he hides somewhere and waits it out. I just get my driveway clear and go back inside to change clothes and leave only to come out and find a larger bank of snow blocking me in. Thing is it is not snow it is ice !! You need a pick to break it up and a bull dozer to move it !!
    Oh and try walking along a road with a plow coming. I know for a fact they speed up and aim the blade so the largest amount of that crap will hit you.

  32. Those cats are so cute. I remember we had them here some time ago.

    Yes, it serves Texas right. Hilarious that they thought they could demand the $ from the Feds but not use it for what it was intended for. They say they are going to fund their own program. Whatever. The women there should move.

  33. I lived 5 years in Washington State, right on the coast, which is mostly rain, but we usually got some snow which I very much enjoyed. I learned to put chains on when it would get heavy, and the weather didn’t bother me. Hubbie and I tried living there for a couple of years, but he really hated the constant rain, so we moved back here.

  34. The Snow Shoveler bit is hysterical.

  35. Gawd my dog burned out two people out there today. Run! Run! Fetch! Run! Fetch! Snow! Yay! Oh boy! Snowballs! I wanna catch snowballs! Again! Again! Again! Run! Run Runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!! Yay! Snow!!!! Throw more snow!!!!! Come on!!! More snow!!!!

  36. Yeah the patty cake kittehs. And then these guys too:

    1. Original

    2.Translation into English

  37. Texas doing their own funding for women’s health. I’d laugh if I didn’t think women are going to die.

  38. Yup Utah, your snowplow guy must be related to mine. They come late at night when everything has frozen over and drop boulders at the end of the driveway.

  39. Don’t know about you but I am giving up salmon unless it’s labeled NOT GENETICALLY ENGINEERED. FDA gives you Frankenfish.

  40. Farm raised salmon tastes like shit already without tossing frankenfish in the mix.

    Stick to wild caught or no salmon at all. That way they can’t tamper with the fish or your life.

  41. Look. The header. It is Santa! And reindeer. Rudolf?

    *cleans glasses and squints*

  42. From the bottom of my Heart, and to the tip of my tippy toes
    ohhh night, Divine

    Merry Everything , Love, Papoose

    for you ~

    ever so proud to be an American uppity Woman 2013

  43. imust, that Slate piece is great. It sums up the clod perfectly. He is always going on about himself, even in his add-on bit on that Hillary tribute, he managed to praise her but said way too much about himself as well. The obot commentors have provided the lame excuses. They are too young to know how important those truly historical moments in Inouye’s life were and why obama is not capable of giving anyone else a tribute.

    Reminds me of Mel Brooks playing Hitler when he says “Heil myself!”

  44. I really hope this works…

    From a Facebook page called Women Hold Up Half the Sky

  45. Ah looks to me like header Santa has ReinPenguins.

  46. Papoose! So good to see you, girl! Wait till NES sees you’ve been here!

  47. love you so. til my deadenders days.

    caught NES’ recent insight on Pockeestahn,

  48. Hey Papoooooose!!!!! Miss you!

  49. Damn! My broadband went down so I missed papoose

  50. lol another one of America’s geniuses. Here’s a search line I find in statistics

    jules cesar portrait

    Spelling is sooooooooooo overrated

  51. From Sophie’s link:

    Hillary: “Women are the largest untapped reservoir of talent in the world,” she says. “It is past time for women to take their rightful place, side by side with men, in the rooms where the fates of peoples, where their children’s and grandchildren’s fates, are decided.”

  52. Oh My! Edible Pengies! Are we allowed to discuss that here?

  53. ……..sputter!

  54. Like we’ve been saying all along, Soph. Karen will eat anything.

  55. Three words: tomato soup cake. Tis the season.

  56. eww..tomato soup cake?

  57. Ok..I know that was rude, considering I have never ever seen it much less tried it. What does it taste like? Look like?

  58. Wash it down with a nice expensive cuppa coffee…

  59. Okay–it doesn’t look that bad…you can make almost any cake or bread with cinnamon/nutmeg/cloves or cinnamon/allspice/cloves and a cream cheese frosting and it will taste good. The first one looks better because it has eggs, not water.

  60. LOL, imust–you got into NES’s coffee supply!

    Say, are you going to do 12 pies of Christmas?

  61. 12 pies of Christmas?? Is that a real song?

  62. I think I explain that coffee better than wiki, at least more honest. A Must Click.

  63. After having linked to that post I did and after finding myself laughing my ass off, knowing that this is similar to laughing at your own jokes, I have to say I simply cannot believe the….um…….shit i have covered on this blog.

  64. Gives new meaning to Good to the Last Drop.

    Gee…NES never used to have a second cup…

  65. Say Upps, do you happen to have a recipe for the Italian sesame seed cookies? The bakery near me does not have the cookie flavor profile quite right–I like them Arthur Ave style.

  66. I’ll never be able to eat another PayDay candy bar again.

  67. Poor imust is scarred for life!

  68. I am thankfully drinking tea right now.

    Nice to see a econmed Ruthie tribute in the coffee-pooopy thread. He was good as gold to her till the end. So heartwarming. RIP Ruthie.

  69. It’s true….

  70. I noticed that too karen. I miss Ruthie!!

  71. imust, what about milk duds, malted milk balls and sugar babies?

  72. That’s just crazy talk karen! Of course I’ll still eat those!

  73. Sophie, I’ll look in my Mother’s recipe box to see if I have it. I know my cousin makes them but I’m not a baker so I am not sure what cookies are in Mom’s box by memory. I have a zillion family recipes. So I’ll check tomorrow, please remind me if I forget. They’re not my favorite myself but I think they are kind of simple.

  74. Yes Ruthie! And Econsmed. I miss that dude. I think her death was hard on econs.

  75. Aw Shit! (Literally) I LOVE Paydays.

  76. I appreciate the cat translatons above — I am convinced that when we are out of the house, the kitties are sitting on the table eating guacamole and guzzling margueritas!

    Big hugs and smooches to you all!!!!

  77. You mean Catgaritas! 😉

  78. Now dog gone it Uppity what have I told you about Salmon ???

  79. Why do I feel hungry at 11:30 at night?

  80. Ruthie wasn’t the blogger with the hamster was she?

  81. No socal, Ruthie was econsmed’s Mom. She did video clips of one liners to Obama. And she didn’t hold back.

  82. I miss her. 🙂

  83. Ohhh, yeah! Of course I remember her!

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