A Wish To Live Forever



I met a fairy who said she would grant me one wish.

Immediately I said, “I want to live forever.”

“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant eternal life.”

“OK,” I said, “Then, I want to die after Congress gets its head out of its ass!”

“You crafty bastard,” said the fairy.


87 Responses

  1. Okay uppityites. I recharged my camera and was able to pull the pic of my beef barley soup off of it. If you think it’s something you want to make, I’ll post the recipe for you. This is a great winter soup and you can add all kinds of things to it, like corn, or green beans, you name it. Most beef and barley soup does not look very good because it’s brown. So I add some diced tomatoes in it to give it some color, kind of half way to minestrone but not quite.

  2. Looks good. I would top mine off with hot sauce and habanero peppers. My second bowl I would dump a splash of A-1 sauce to satisfy the Hilbilly’s gut worm:)

  3. This looks so delicious, Upps!

    I depend a lot on soups because I haven’t been able to swallow solid food for more than a decade as a result of damage to my cranial nerves. I have to liquefy the soups in a blender and then put them through a strainer so they are completely smooth. Otherwise I choke on them. Do you think this soup would liquefy? I wonder because it looks very hearty. I would love to try it. I’m always looking for liquid foods I can swallow. Ensure gets really boring.

  4. How big is that bowl? 😀

    Grab some Pepto Uppity:

    AIG Is Thinking About Suing the Government for Bailing It Out


  5. With this:

    Got milk? Breast pump industry booming thanks to Obamacare as new moms take advantage of new laws
    As part of the Affordable Care Act, breast pumps and other supplies must be covered by insurance companies
    Breast pump suppliers now facing influx of demand
    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2258105/Got-milk-Breast-pump-industry-booming-thanks-Obamacare-new-moms-advantage-new-laws.html#ixzz2HPn7y8zp

    and my own recent discovery that in addition to being boneless and skinless, chicken breasts can be “15% enhanced,” I have reached a deplorable state of dejection lol.

    Stop this world. I want to get off. Although your soup is looking mighty good, uw.

  6. What, no free diapers?

  7. Frigging AIG thieves. Stiffed their clients and stole our money and now they want more. Shoulda let them tank, they screwed their customers anyways. That sleazebag CEO should be in jail.

    Why Not, it’s a pasta bowl with a wide brim is all. Fiestaware, to be exact. I use them for soups and stews. Saves the worry of Seconds, which you know you are going to want. Also good for resting some nice garlic bread on the rim.

  8. Pamela, I eat a lot of chicken breast so picked up a large bag-o-frozen-skinless-breast-filets at a store for a price I pay for uncleaned pounds normally. When I cooked it I realized it was already “spiced” with something. The package said it was injected with broth – water and spice. So how many pounds of water did I pay for? UGH, read labels…

  9. YUMMY delicious, Upps! 🙂

  10. Dear Jesus, Hillbilly, your taste buds have been completely obliterated! Ah well, at least you didn’t stick some beer in it.

    Beata, sure it would, you could stick it in a blender or food processor. Add some beef broth.

  11. That is one very handsome bowl of soup. Kudos to the chef.

  12. Karen: it was injected with broth – water and spice.
    yep. I asked . This was awhile back. Yesterday I HAD to find some for cat. The enhanced was on sale. Killed me to get regular at 4.79 per pound. Everything was high at Weis’s yesterday. When I got out of there, it felt like my pocket had been picked.

    What are the odds that a women suffering for 22 years from IBS would rescue a cat which may have IBS?

  13. UW: Free diapers.
    Cannot leave the thought unrecognized, yet don’t have a good comeback.

  14. Okay, so where’s the recipe for the beef and barley soup? I’m hungry!

  15. Great idea, then I can drink my meal from a mason jar, and drink a beer from a can:)…and wine from a box.

  16. Look at it this way, Pamela, If you’ve had IBS for 22 years, you know what to do for your cat.

  17. Beata I will have to pull it out of my head and write it up. I sometimes don’t need to write recipes down for myself if I’ve made the dish long enough. SO hand in there. I will put it in the Recipe tab at the top of the main screen.

  18. … I was wondering… where the bread was in that pic of YOUR Soup.

    And, yes, with the ‘extra wide brim of that pasta bowl’ – I could smell the bread – lots of bread on that brim for thirds. lol.

    Looks fantastic! I’ll definitely be going after that recipe! Thanks!

  19. Look at it this way, Pamela, If you’ve had IBS for 22 years, you know what to do for your cat.
    So correct, uppity. But may I interject that what I’m doing for the cat (and myself) I learned from the vet caring for a dog I had in the 1990’s. lololol

  20. Great idea, then I can drink my meal from a mason jar, and drink a beer from a can:)…and wine from a box.

    Dear God, this man can easily marry the worst cook on earth so long as there is hot sauce in the fridge.

  21. Imagine if we all lived near one another. We could feed each other. Except Karen, she could just troll from house to house and eat.

  22. … I was wondering… where the bread was in that pic of YOUR Soup.

    We did have some nice garlic/romano bread brushed with olive oil, and a salad, but I took that photo about an hour before we ate it, so the bread wasn’t done yet. Sorry.

  23. Yum! That soup looks mighty tasty!

    I think Vitter has the corner on the diaper market.

    I want to live forever too! So far, so good!

  24. Hahaa! Vitter, that scheevy pervert.

  25. Hey Why Not. Garlic knots look good on those brims too.

  26. and A-1 sauce. A union between beer and A-1 sauce would bring world peace!

  27. Karen, I buy the thin sliced and regular boneless chicken breasts from a shop that belongs to a free range chicken farmer. He prepacks them fresh and individually, air tight, and I don’t even care anymore what they cost anymore because they are delicious and they don’t have all that fat and grizzle on them that seems to be present these days in badly fed supermarket chickens. In the end, it’s not all that more expensive because I’m not paying for tons of fat under the skin and hanging off the chicken. You add up all that fat and weigh it and you are paying a lot for those sale chicken breasts. When I buy whole chickens from him they aren’t full of all that fat and extra necks stuffed in their cavities for weight. I think I posted a few pics of the fat I took off of supermarket chickens. Wait, I’ll find it

  28. Here’s the fat I cut off a supermarket chicken I had to buy in a hurry. I paid the ‘sale’ price and it included this disgusting fat in a suspiciously heavily weighted container. The kind they use for expensive things like scallops to rip you off more by the pound. So how much did that chicken really cost me when I got down to the good parts? What on earth are they feeding them to produce such fatty meat?

  29. “Yesterday I HAD to find some for cat. The enhanced was on sale. Killed me to get regular at 4.79 per pound.”
    I’s too bad that you can’t buy whole frozen skinned rats on-line. I suspect that a lot of the feline GI diseases would go away if they were fed a diet that is natural for them.

  30. SHV: whole frozen skinned rats on-line
    probably someone somewhere doing that. wonder where the rat capitol of the world is.

  31. SHV a huge cause of GI illnesses in cats is also scoopable litter that contains Sodium Bentonite. They lick their paws for cleanup and that shit clumps in their gut. It is a major illness-creator. The only national brand clumping litter I know of that doesn’t contain it is Cat’s Pride. It doesn’t clump as hard but small price to pay for a healthier cat.

    Did you ever notice a cat only eats a Mouse-Worth at a time?

    But i daresay if i offered my cats a mouse or a chunk of ham they would go for the ham.

  32. where the rat capitol of the world is.

    NY City subway.

  33. Too funny to miss.

  34. That picture looks far better than any barley soup I have ever been served. i was so put off by barley as a child I have avoided for years. This just may be enough to get me to try it again. Tomatoes are wonderful to add some appetizing color to a dish.

  35. I am not sure why I even clicked on a rodent video but the one with the rat and slice of pizza made me laugh.

  36. Mt Laurel, agree the rat with the pizza was hilarious. Busy little guy!

    I put a whole tomato in chicken soup too. I learned this from my mother and share it with anyone who will listen. The purpose is not flavor, the purpose is to give the soup a true golden color. Try it. Not a big tomato. Just one Roma or two cherry tomatoes cut in quarters, remove the seeds before adding them………and watch that broth turn golden.

    The soup is as good as it looks. I recommend it.

  37. You don’t have to use barley, you know. You can substitute, but I would give it a try with the barley, you might be surprised.

  38. The rat is probably a doomsday prepper and is stocking his bunker to protect himself from the homeless human rats!

  39. Yes Hillbilly, but how ever did he fit an AK in his hole?

  40. I love the AK’s. I wish we could get more of them into the hands of women in these turdworld countries so they could protect themselves from the sub-human rapist.

  41. In Goatfuckistan, that could mean ALL the men.

  42. That would make the women and goats happy!

  43. It would make me happy too! I’m all for removing these defective throwbacks to pithecanthropus Erectus from the gene pool.

  44. Now sit down over there and fold your hands while I get you a bowl of soupy.

  45. Will you listen to this frigging pig announcer? What an asshole.

  46. Upps, I eat leftovers and am not picky, if we were all neighbors I could survive on doggie bags and table scraps.

    That rat is such a ginzo NYer. His name is probably Tony or Joey.

  47. And Buzzfeed Andrew never stopped to think that some countries are living primitively in comparison. We are what we are due to progress!

    Remember Nancy and “just say no” when it should have been just a little bit more efficent plan than that. If we’d really done something about the drug culture back then and kept it up without giving in to it, we’d be in better shape. But we just put a band-aid on the problem and it kept right on bleeding and festering.

  48. I am lying on a couch with my laptop. I now have a very very long nose resting under my chin, reminding me it’s time for her biscotti. That’s biscuits around here.

  49. Karen, if you lived nearby I wouldn’t be giving you scraps. I would sit you right at the children’s table.

  50. OOOHHHHH. Ripley’s kittens. John got 5 and a mama. adorable, natch. http://new.livestream.com/FosterKittenCam/RipleysKittens

  51. And Ripley is clealy the mama and Bill is clearly the daddy since she is just.his.type.

  52. I am in love. They are so freaking adorable. Even nice to see chickenfish back in action. The black headed grey kitten is a character.

  53. Wow they’re big for their age.

    One of them isn’t feeding. That’s odd.

  54. ROFL. All grey with a tuxie head!

    The grey and white tabby has a great face.

  55. oh so adorable. their mews are so squeaky.


  56. Mom has a REALLY long tail. And her coat is in beautiful condition. Her side profile and long tail suggests some oriental in her family tree.

  57. They are the “Alien” kittens, from the movie by that name. Not a big scifi fan/


    Either the tuxie headed grey is a piglet when it comes to milk time, or he is just all fluffy fur with a little body underneath. He is so interesting. John said they were weird looking little things and he’s had 34 litters before this group.

    Ripley’s face is so exotic it looks different as she moves due to all the patches. This sure IS an interesting batch. What a great man John is.

  58. The traitor speaks….
    sorry for the huff n puff….I’ll delete if you don’t want it here.

  59. I put Huffblow up all the time, mostly for entertainment. lol.

    I have no interest in anything that traiter mole has to say. I will agree with her on one thing. I hope Hillary runs. I also hope Hillary skewers her like she deserves. I wish her everything in life she deserves just so long as it isn’t good.

  60. Upps, your soup looks divine, I love beef barley & I also add tomato. Can’t wait to try out your recipe.

    I buy Mary’s Air Chilled Natural Chicken at Whole Foods in the value packs. Really good quality, and very decent price (considerably cheaper than Gelsons); also, they are humane and natural farmers. If you live in Socal I recommend it. I have never had a problem with it.

  61. Air Chilled?

  62. Another lunatic threatens to shoot up L.A. kindergartens, is arrested, but let go:


    I’m glad I don’t have school aged kids anymore.

  63. Upps, this explains it:


  64. WND is crazy.

  65. Ah they let him go and gave him another chance. Yup, we’re in the USA, where crazy bastards always get another chance to do what they said they were going to do. I don’t care what their excuse is, that shithead should be locked up. This kind of shit is NOT a joke.

  66. Its terrifying. There’s no justice here anymore.

  67. Are they saying they don’t wash their chickens after they slaughter them?

  68. Eliz Warren on AIG skanks:

    “Beginning in 2008, the federal government poured billions of dollars into AIG to save it from bankruptcy. AIG’s reckless bets nearly crashed our entire economy. Taxpayers across this country saved AIG from ruin, and it would be outrageous for this company to turn around and sue the federal government because they think the deal wasn’t generous enough,” said Warren in a statement. “Even today, the government provides an ongoing, stealth bailout, propping up AIG with special tax breaks — tax breaks that Congress should stop. AIG should thank American taxpayers for their help, not bite the hand that fed them for helping them out in a crisis.”


  69. Giving AIG ONE DOLLAR was too generous. THIS is a losing law suit. America didn’t owe them SHIT.

  70. Upps, I’m not sure, but their stuff certainly looks and smells very clean. I always rinse chicken anyway. They probably wash it and hang it. When my mom & step dad slaughtered chickens, or cleaned fish, they always rinsed in water, but didn’t soak them in water & bleach, cuz they were natural and not exposed to all the gunk mass produced chickens are.

  71. Yeah most organic farmers who sell to customers wash it. I would expect that.

    But their websit indicated they were saving 32,000 gallons of water and I thought, what? They don’t use water to wash the chickens? And yeah, i think anybody who doesn’t wash ANY chicken before cooking is a complete fool. I remember Julia Child talking about how filthy chicken processing is and how she washes them REALLLLLLLLLY good. I would imagine big agra bleaches the hell out of them and worse things we don’t even know about.

  72. “OOOHHHHH. Ripley’s kittens. John got 5 and a mama. adorable, natch. ”
    Those kittens are pretty worthless; they just eat and sleep. Mom leaves to go to the shitter and they move around and then it’s back to eat and sleep.

  73. At three weeks that’s all you expect them to do. They only just opened their eyes last week.

    At least one of the toms this gal slept with was a longhair. Kittens can be pretty fuzzy at 3 weeks, but not THAT fuzzy.

    Female cats are superfecund, meaning more than one male can father cats in a litter, and that is likely why we see two grey tabbies in with these apparent longhairs. This girl got around. She’s got some ‘splainin’ to do.

  74. “At three weeks that’s all you expect them to do.”
    My cats opened their eyes 1 1/2 and 4 years ago and all they do is eat and sleep…..are my expectations too high??? :>)

  75. lol I was going to ask you what your cat’s excuse was. lolol.

    They do more than eat and sleep I would think. They use the litter box, right?

  76. ……..and do they not come when you use a can opener? How unobservant can you get? I’ll also bet they chatter at birds thru windows. And sleep on your head. And wake you up at 4 AM. What more do you want?

  77. “Female cats are superfecund, meaning more than one male can father cats in a litter,”
    There was a study from, IIRC, England that showed ~2.5% of human fraternal twins are 1/2 siblings.

  78. There was a study from, IIRC, England that showed ~2.5% of human fraternal twins are 1/2 siblings.

    Thus confirming the divorce rate between parents of fraternal twins.

  79. Did you know that the first male who mates with a cat during her heat is The Biggest Loser? That is, he is rarely the father of any of her kittens. His only job is to scrape her with his backward burrs on the way out, in order to start her ovulation. The other cats that come after him, scuse the pun, get to have all the fun. What a loser.

  80. Wow! Do I feel stupid…I did not know that about more than one male in a litter. We had a really bizarrely beautiful Mann Island Manx in the 70s/80s. Pure white, silky hair, one vivid blue eye, one vivid green eye. No tail. We would let him go outside for brief periods and I always wondered if he fathered any unusual kittehs.

    Upps, good Q about the chicken & I will email them & ask them. But I think they must wash them, becuz they sell them in a variety of ways, skinless, boneless, pkgs of breasts, thighs, legs, wings, whole, whatever you want. When you open the pkg (see thru) its just pure raw meat. I would think there would be blood & feathers if they didn’t do some kind of washing.

  81. Upps, re the chicken, they said they wash it, but keep it cold before selling by the air chilling. Apparently, big agra keeps their chicken cold by soaking it in cold water with bleach (and who know what else). This serves three purposes for them, keeps the chix cold, plump them up with water, and the bleach is supposed to kill bacteria, but they are soaked together in huge vats, so there is lots of bacteria from the contaminated birds.

  82. Okay that makes good sense, socal.

  83. It’s what the local butchers do. Hang the meat in a cold locker. As it should be.

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