Winter has not been fun in the past month. Snow, cold. Then warmup and slush. Then night-time freeze, making for an interesting skating rink on the road, especially if there’s been a dusting that hides what’s underneath. Quick! Call Al Gore. We’re having Winter, but it’s not really Winter, it’s something sinister, a horrible Omen of Things To Come! Around here, Things To Come means Summer, which apparently is also bad now too. To be honest, what I have been seeing in the past few years kind of reminds me of the winters of my youth, followed by Actual Spring, so we must have been through Global Warming AKA Climate Change AKA Whatever more than once.
So far, nobody I care about has been found face-down in their driveway, for as we in the North East know, Winter snow shoveling can be a great way to reduce population of those nasty old people our government and youth wish so fervently to get rid of.
The guy who does our shoveling brought a boatload of rock salt and an ice pick today. Personally, I don’t know why, since things are expected to warm up in a day or two. But then Ray is just a conscientious fellow and swears that shoveling keeps him fit. I think he’s right. He’s in his 70s and can haul some serious ass. I’ve seen him walking in the coldest of weather and he has a car. If you try to offer him a ride, he laughs and says he’s just keeping in shape. Sorry, pissants, you aren’t getting rid of his ass anytime too soon. But then he worked his ass off all his life since he was 12 or so, unlike some of you plan on doing.
Ray has a cell phone with no camera (“what the hell do I want to stop and take a picture of?”and limited monthly minutes — and he never runs out of minutes. This is because he’s too busy acting like a human and he actually talks to people face to face. Yeah he collects social security. I mean he only paid into it for 60 years or so — Unlike you little pissants who will be poverty-riddled at his age because you actually believed you were going to be rich all on your own after investing your social security money with the same Wall Street that snatched your grandparents’ and parents’ retirement investments. Nobody can accuse you little Sitting Ducks of Learning By Experience, can they now? And nobody can accuse the guy who shovels my snow in winter and keeps my land well-trimmed in summer of “stealing” jobs from young people, since most of them wouldn’t think of getting off their asses to shovel snow. They are waiting instead for a CEO of a Fortune 500 company to tap them on the shoulders and invite them to be Lord Of The Company.
Funny, but I remember a time that is not so long ago when young people walked up and down the road with a shovel, ringing door bells and offering to shovel for a little money that didn’t add up to a Union Wage in cash. I haven’t seen one of those elusive creatures in more than a decade. When the occasional one does show up, they always do it when there’s been a little dusting you can blow off your sidewalk, and they want $20 for the pleasure of watching them make a quick push-pass in front of your home with their parents’ brand new shovel. Funny how the Nincompoop Generation can’t seem to distinguish between skilled labor and shoveling snow or mowing a lawn with your lawn mower and your gasoline. They DO suit up well for ice hockey and snow-boarding, though. They are also really good at things like this. They learned it from their slightly older siblings like this one. Just think: These are the people who might be caring for you in a skilled nursing home one day. Heart-warming, isn’t it?
Okay we need a lighter note.
On a lighter note (for humans, not for cats), here’s poor Bill trying to get him a little something in the snow, much to the glee of the horrid crows that are just mean enough to hang out here in Winter. All Poor Bill can get is an occasional squirrel thumbing its nose at him from the garage roof.
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