WTF are you talking about, Uppity? You ask!
Well, Manuela had a great life as a family pet – Until one day she disappeared.
The family looked and looked for Manuela, but she was nowhere to be found in the house or on the property. Gone. Little Lenita, the young daughter who was given the tortoise as a gift was particularly upset over losing her Manuela. The family speculated that she got out of the house when some workmen left the door open — and went wherever tortoises who leave home go. So the family eventually gave up on Manuela.
……..and time went on. And on. And on. Thirty years went by, to be exact. Manuela was a faded memory. Until Lenita’s father passed away.
Apparently, the old man was a major packrat and had a locked storage room that nobody entered. Upon his death, Lenita’s brother went about the business of cleaning out that storage room.
He found all kinds of things crammed into that storage room. ….
The thing is, Manuela wasn’t a tortoise corpse. In fact, Manuela was very alive and well in a box containing an old record player. Manuela lived for 30 years in that storage room with all that shit the father pack-ratted.
The family is thrilled to have Manuela back, especially Lenita. I’m sure Manuela was probably glad to see them again too. On the other hand, maybe she didn’t give a crap at all. I mean, she survived very nicely for 30 years without them.
But wait! How the H did Manuela survive in that store-room without any tortoise food or water? you ask. Well, Manuela, as you probably already guessed, is no ordinary tortoise:
Rio de Janeiro vet Jeferson Pires explained that Manuela’s red-footed species of tortoise, can go for long periods without eating.
He said: “They are particularly resilient and can survive for two to three years without food. In the wild they eat fruit, leaves, dead animals, even faeces.”
He said Manuela may have survived by eating termites from the wooden floor.
If Manuela was eating termites, the family ought to be really grateful she was there, else the floor would have been eaten up and caved in by now. But let’s face it. None of us could have lived for 30 years in that room like Manuela did. So who’s smarter, again?
Now I have more ammunition the next time my dog slaps me with her leash, demanding I walk her at midnight when it’s -5 degrees outside. I can just threaten to trade her in for a low-maintenance tortoise.