Talk about a low maintenance pet!

Tortoise1This tortoise’s name is Manuela. Manuela is a family pet. Well, not exactly. Manuela WAS a family pet……….but then she wasn’t………… and now she is.

WTF are you talking about, Uppity? You ask!

Well, Manuela had a great life as a family pet  – Until one day she disappeared.

The family looked and looked for Manuela, but she was nowhere to be found in the house or on the property. Gone. Little Lenita, the young daughter who was given the tortoise as a gift was particularly upset over losing her Manuela. The family speculated that she got out of the house when some workmen left the door open — and went wherever tortoises who leave home go. So the family eventually gave up on Manuela.

……..and time went on. And on. And on.  Thirty years went by, to be exact. Manuela was a faded memory. Until Lenita’s father passed away.

Apparently, the old man was a major packrat and had a locked storage room that nobody entered. Upon his death, Lenita’s brother went about the business of cleaning out that storage room.

He found all kinds of things crammed into that storage room. ….

Manuela in her storage room.

Manuela in her store room.

…….Including Manuela.

The thing is, Manuela wasn’t a tortoise corpse. In fact, Manuela was very alive and well in a box containing an old record player.  Manuela lived for 30 years in that storage room with all that shit the father pack-ratted.

The family is thrilled to have Manuela back, especially Lenita. I’m sure Manuela was probably glad to see them again too. On the other hand, maybe she didn’t give a crap at all. I mean, she survived very nicely for 30 years without them.

But wait! How the H did Manuela survive in that store-room without any tortoise food or water? you ask. Well, Manuela, as you probably already guessed, is no ordinary tortoise:

Rio de Janeiro vet Jeferson Pires explained that Manuela’s red-footed species of tortoise, can go for long periods without eating.

He said: “They are particularly resilient and can survive for two to three years without food. In the wild they eat fruit, leaves, dead animals, even faeces.”

He said Manuela may have survived by eating termites from the wooden floor.

If Manuela was eating termites, the family ought to be really grateful she was there, else the floor would have been eaten up and caved in by now. But let’s face it. None of us could have lived for 30 years in that room like Manuela did. So who’s smarter, again?

Now I have more ammunition the next time my dog slaps me with her leash, demanding I walk her at midnight when it’s -5 degrees outside. I can just threaten to trade her in for a low-maintenance tortoise.


76 Responses

  1. 30 years in solitary? Sounds cruel and unusual. The turtle needs to get Gloria Allred to represent her.

  2. I wonder how tortoises left alone for 30 years keep themselves occupied? I mean no spousal tortoise, no TV, no books or anythng. She doesn’t see the worse for wear.

  3. That is amazing!!! I’ll have to show Al; she is a Testudophile, she will stop in the middle of the fucking freeway to rescue a turtle from traffic.

  4. Then she’s gonna love this one, SHV.

  5. I once saw a turtle the size of Brooklyn cause a major traffic stoppage on the NYS thruway. Took the thing forever to get to the center island to the opposite traffic lanes. Don’t know if it fared as well on the other side, though.

  6. Hey SHV, you might want to also show her this 98 year old tortoise that was smuggled from Gallipoli during WWI….he just outlived his owner.

  7. And then there was Lonesome George, last remaining giant tortoise of his kind from Gallapagos who, oddly, had no interest in the opposite sex and couldn’t reproduce….and unfortunately he passed on without producing any offspring.

  8. “smuggled from Gallipoli during WWI..”
    She will like that one also, she was born in the UK and has a brother Blake. We need to start a petition to keep Blake in the UK, the damn Turks will eat him!!

  9. I previously watched FOX a good bit, but they really seem to have gotten nuttier, so I steer clear now. But, why they ever let Morris talk was always beyond my understanding. Who wants to hear from a shrill little man? That voice!!

  10. I live on a waterfront and every year, turtles come on land, dig holes and lay eggs. When the eggs hatch, the tiny turtles have to make their way to water or swamps. Sometimes they have to cross roads. I’ve learned to look for them and pull over to give them a lift to the swamp. Not sure what they are because there are quite a few species in this neck of the woods.

  11. Morris is another ingrate who would have been selling shoes at Payless for a living if it weren’t for the Clintons. The fact that they had to dump him because he got caught sucking toes from Prostitutes seems to be lost on him, the sweaty pig.


  13. Hugo that’s nice what you do for the baby turt-lets. I saw a docu on that once and it was so endearing to see them crack out of the shell and head instinctively straight for the water.

  14. Turtles sure make shitty parents. They lay the eggs and run.

    ** As fast as a turtle can run, that is.

  15. I’m sure that not many of them live long given the predators in the area–foxes, racoons, and raptors. But some do make it and I see them basking in the sun on a little island.

    They do lack parenting skills, but some of them are big, smelly, nasty critters, so I’m happy that they don’t hang around. I don’t want one biting my dogs. But sometimes, they get lost on the way back to the swamp. I will not pick up one of those, but have used a stick or my foot to get them headed in the right direction. I’m not sure what species those are, but they swim, eat fish, and burrough in mud. Not cute like a box turtle.

  16. Reptiles all have a stink.

    I think they lay eggs like some of the species in prehistoric periods. Volume, on the hopes that maybe a few survive.

  17. Ever seen a croc with her hatchling? It’s amazing how they pick it up and let it hitch a ride in her mouth and never harm it, not even accidentally.

  18. A whole post on the “perfect pet” and it’s not about MKBill?……hmmm…[casually moves a safe distance from Uppity].

  19. Whoa! Turtles. Respect.

  20. Upps, great tweets.

  21. Upps, I love those photos of you as a kiddywinks. They’re saved!

  22. I knew NES would archive those photos Uppity!

  23. Bien Sur, imust!

  24. Whoa! Turtles. Respect

    Hahahaha. No kidding!

    Glad you liked my cute little self. j/k

    You can compare them to child pics of famous people and discover me in your mind.

  25. I was asleep. My dog barked me awake to go outside. You think a tortoise would do that to me?

  26. A whole post on the “perfect pet” and it’s not about MKBill?……hmmm…[casually moves a safe distance from Uppity].


  27. Where’s Sophie??

    The largest prime number yet has been discovered — and it’s 17,425,170 digits long. The new prime number crushes the last one discovered in 2008, which was a paltry 12,978,189 digits long.
    The number — 2 raised to the 57,885,161 power minus 1 — was discovered by University of Central Missouri mathematician Curtis Cooper as part of a giant network of volunteer computers devoted to finding primes, similar to projects like SETI@Home…

  28. I do hope we didn’t pay for that discovery with tax money.

  29. It’s a project by an organization called GIMPS that is volunteers and is privately funded I think. Their only reward is a slice of pi.

  30. Their only reward is a slice of pi


  31. I guess

    I R Being Square.

  32. Ah, a refresher after that depressing last post! I had a tortoise when I was young and it also disappeared. When laker was a little boy, & we were home one day and it was pouring rain, a tortoise dug under our fence and came into our little backyard. We watched him walk the perimeter of our yard, then he crawled back through the hole and went on his way.

  33. There’s a beautiful pic of Chelsea, Hillary, & Bill on Still4Hill.

  34. Cool.

    Imaginary Friend

    P.S. Prime numbers are used for encryption and random number generation which makes it a more worthwhile expenditure of tax dollars than many. Even if there were absolutely no practical application, consider it mental exercise for the really smart people, which keeps them busy until we as a society decide to start using the gifts of the really smart people.

  35. That’s our government dividing what they didn’t steal from the social security pot by 6.

  36. Uppity Woman, on February 5, 2013 at 11:15 PM said:

    Turtles sure make shitty parents. They lay the eggs and run.

    ** As fast as a turtle can run, that is.

    😆 And he won that race against the Hare 😆

  37. The hare probably wasn’t going to be forced to be a parent.

  38. Postal service will be ending Saturday deliveray on Aug 1, providing yet another argument for electronic bill pay, autopay and UPS/FEDEX. They just Don’t Get It.

  39. UW, years ago I was driving from my high school to the golf course. The course being about a mile from my house, I was familiar with the roads. As I was crossing a small overpass I heard a thud under my truck’s tire. I stopped, and went back. It looked like I had run over a small, green army helmet. NOPE! It was a freaking tortoise. I picked him up, and with in a few seconds, he popped his head out. He was unharmed. I tossed him in my duck pen, and about 6 months later, somebody at school was talking about their lost pet. You can guess the rest. 🙂

  40. America Has an Incest Problem

    Last year offered plenty of moments to have a sustained national conversation about child sexual abuse: the Jerry Sandusky verdict, the BBC’s Jimmy Savile, Horace Mann’s faculty members, and a slew of slightly less publicized incidents. President Obama missed the opportunity to put this issue on his second-term agenda in his inaugural speech.

    Child sexual abuse impacts more Americans annually than cancer, AIDS, gun violence, LGBT inequality, and the mortgage crisis combined—subjects that Obama did cover.

    BTW: If just the word “Incest” makes you squirm, the article points out that you’re not alone. When perpetrators are family members, the crime usually doesn’t make the News.

    Interesting, given the number of victims, why it’s such hush-hush dirty word, isn’t it?

    Incest is a subject that makes people recoil. The word alone causes many to squirm, and it’s telling that of all of the individual and groups of perpetrators who’ve made national headlines to date, virtually none have been related to their victims.

  41. They just Don’t Get It.

    I recall the postal gang floating a five day week a while back. However, that proposal cut out the weekday with the lowest volume (Tuesday?) and kept Saturday since that is one of their main ways to stay competitive as the competition does not deliver on weekends in most areas. That proposal just included cutting Saturday delivery to office buildings/businesses without regular Saturday hours. I think that made more sense.

    I have to say I have far fewer problems with the post office than I do with FedEx. Overnight letter service is excellent but package/ground service is very uneven. UPS is good at home (Maryland) but has really become iffy at work (Virginia). They are all awful in DC.

  42. We have quite a few turtles in Maryland (well this is the land of the UM Terrapins). There are even a few places with Turtle Crossing signs. Some are so large, they look like tires lying in the road from afar. There are groups that go out and move some of the larger ones when they are in danger. It’s interesting to watch them work.

  43. I’ve taken care of a lot of different kinds of animals, but never a turtle.

    I cannot imagine it was locked away in a storage room for 30 years. It just doesn’t seem possible.

  44. Holy cow! There’s going to be a blizzard in New England on Fri/Sat!

  45. Well the vet did say they could go for years without food. What I’m thinking here is, in that climate, there are plenty of ants and spiders and other creepy crawly things that show up in homes, I am sure. Maybe even a cockroach or two. So she may have sustained herself on the normal critterage (yeah I know, I made up a word) that hangs out in homes of the area, including termites and carpenter ants, maybe a beetle or two, fly larvae, a whole host of things.

    Hillbilly, see? It’s when you do sweet things like this that I cannot help overload your rightwing nutbagness! j/k.
    Kind of amazing you didn’t crush that bugger with the truck, though. tough buggers. Resiiant and resourceful. No wonder they managed to survive all the prehistoric eras. Like Crocs did.

  46. Sophie we got hit with a minimum of six inches yesterday and the day before, especially the day before. We still keep seeing some snow come down off and on and the wind is horrific. I went to my hair person today and the wind was downright frightening, causes blowing snow and harming visibility at times. There was an actual moment when I thought I might need a brick tied around my neck to keep me from getting whipped around.

    Tried to get my trunk open last evening and it was frozen solid. Got up this morning and the trunk was up. lol. Now it’s frozen again and I still didn’t get what I was after, which is a case of bottled water, now frozen.

  47. What’s with guns and nuts and schools? Today in my county, a 25 year old nut sneeked into a high school through a loading dock. He was stopped by security and police found and empty holster in his vehicle. Thankfully, police did not stop at charging him with trespassing, but also got a search warrant and found multiple high powered weapons, including an AK-47 and big-ass magazine in his home. He has it legally, but they seized it and sent him to the local psych ward for eval.

    Meanwhile, just about 10 miles away, gun people were protesting at the state capital because the Governor introduced new gun control legislation.


  48. And speaking of turtles, obama was in my zip code today. He visited the Dem Congressional Caucus retreat. Free lunch on the taxpayers!!

    The turtle post reminded my of the post turtle story that made the rounds when obama was a candidate in 2008. He’s still a post turtle.

  49. Uppity, The Big Blizzard is projected to come right when I’ll be landing and trying to get home! I’ll be coming from 84 degrees to THAT!

  50. More turtles in the news. Today, more than 1,000 scientists are meeting in Baltimore to develop plans to save sea turtles from extinction.

  51. Sophie, you must endure a few more days of palm trees and sunshine. Your flight is going to be an issue. Stay tropical if you can.

    Lily’s first blizzard?

  52. Doesn’t matter about the weather for you, Sophie. Lily is gonna punish the hell out of you for leaving anyways.

  53. This is a popular gas station in San Juan!!

    Puma Gas

  54. I am sure I have been punished already. I’ll be surprised if there is any toilet paper left on the rolls.

    Still, she will run to the door to greet me when I come home because she is that kind of a kitty. 🙂

  55. Hahaha she’s a toilet paper puller. That can be rough when it’s the last roll.

  56. Ack my mouth is killing me. Had the last leg of a root canal day before yesterday and been sore for two days. Need booze.

  57. She is also part opossum. She hides her “treasures” in one of four caches.

  58. Hey at least you know where the caches are and don’t have to put your food in a shoe and find one of your watches that way.

  59. I am SO done with winter.

  60. Putting food in shoes is sacrilege. I see you started the “liquid toothache remedy” program already. Sleep it off – the toothache and the storm will pass faster if you are under the covers and oblivious.

  61. Hee hee Karen! I think she meant foot!

  62. Booze is a great pain killer. 🙂

  63. If my Kitteh pulled the toilet paper off I would stop putting it on for awhile. 😆

  64. Uppity Woman, on February 7, 2013 at 1:26 AM said:

    I am SO done with winter.

    Me too Upps I think I saw a Robin this morning. 🙂

  65. Lucky you, seeing a robin, foxy. All I see is crows the size of chickens.

    Doesn’t matter where you put the toilet paper, foxy, they find it. I know this for a fact.

  66. Only Lily does it and only when I’m gone overnight or more.(the TP unrolling)

  67. Of course she does it while you’re gone. No disturbances of her project. And she doesn’t get caught. Not that she cares. lol.

    I always laugh my ass off when someone tells me that their cat is ‘trained’ not to go on the couch. Or the countertops, etc etc blah blah blah. Sure he’s trained. He’s trained to do it when you’re not home. Anybody who actually thinks they can keep a cat out of or off of anything he wants to get on or in…….is a complete fool.

  68. Booze is a great pain killer

    I proved that last night.

  69. Yes I’ll bet she would love the attention Why Not. And I might just give it to her.

  70. Manuela. A hearty tortoise who survived well in her storage room abode.

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