The Pop Tart Caper Or……….Lo, We Have Lost Our Marbles

Principal: Hello Mrs. ******? This is the school Principal. Please come and pick up your son, he’s been suspended.

Mrs. ******: OMG! What did he do?

Principal: He brought a pop tart to school.

Mrs. ******: And, so?

Principal: He chewed on it and formed it into the shape of a Pop Tart gun.

Mrs ******: (Crickets)

Principal: Then he yelled Bang! Bang!

Mrs ******: (More Crickets)

Principal: It gets worse. He pointed it at a student.

I know. You think I’m making this shit up.

A dreaded Pop Tart gun.

A dreaded Pop Tart gun.

A 7-year-old Anne Arundel County boy was suspended Friday for chewing his breakfast pastry into the shape of a gun and saying, “bang, bang”— an offense that the school described as a threat to other students, according to his family.
The pastry “gun” was a rectangular strawberry-filled bar, akin to a Pop-Tart, that the second-grader had tried to nibble into the shape of a mountain, but then found it looked more like a gun, said his father, William “B.J.” Welch.

Shoulda stuck with the mountain idea, kid. Because your teacher and administration are out of their fucking minds.

Besides, you can’t fool me. They were really pissed because he had a pop tart, which is now a felony in some school quarters. If he had pointed a carrot, he might have gotten away with it.


67 Responses

  1. Remember the bubble gum gun. IDIOTS all of them. 👿

  2. That’s exactly what zero tolerance policies get you.

  3. Oh FCS. Nothing like taking an idea well beyond its logical extreme.

  4. Wow…irony twisting in on itself…

    For years (literally), the “professional left” has been railing against Obama’s use of drones (see Glenzilla, Sirota, Vast Left, et al).

    Last night, the junior Senator Crackpot from Kentucky filibustered the nomination of the CIA director to draw attention to the use of drones on American citizens on American soil (in cafes). Bazillions of right-wingers inspired a #StandWithRand Twitter trend. Wow! Who knew the Right was against drones until yesterday?! Rand certainly never mentioned that this program is a continuation of the Bush/Cheney/Rummy program (where presumably the targeted American citizens had names like Ahmad Something, which was perfectly okay).

    Co-incidentally (or not), Ted Cruz grilled Holder on this very subject yesterday as well.

    This morning, the Dynamic Duo of McCain and Lady Lindsey took to the airwaves to call Rand Paul a moron. And to subtly remind everyone that the original right-wing position was PRO-drone. And now the Twitter Right is calling them RINOs!

    We are either in an alternate reality or Obama was right when he said all he has to do is be for something to get the Republicans to be against it.

    P.S. I am against Obama, against drones, and against Obama’s use of drones. My opinion on all three has not changed ever.

  5. What caliber is the pastry? It could be lethal.

    Agree with Sophie. They are obviously being contrary and what is humorous about the shenanigans is that the silly season was supposed to end after the election. Pretzel logic all around. Are they going to continue to shoot at their own feet right through till 16? If those dufflebags don’t stop tripping themselves they will be extinct.

    Upps, I went to the critter room and caught up on the new homes and the last day view and the new videos. I am so in love with Ash. That little floofy boy just stole my heart away. He has a great home. All of them are in great homes. John got a hero of the month award and has 20k followers. The new kits mom is already in love with him and so comfy. The man is an inspiration. So moving. Litter 36!
    Lucky Washingtonians adopting his kits – they are all so sweet.

  6. That Ted Cruz is making a name for himself and not in a good way. High profile newbie jerkoff. Didn’t see the grilling you mention but he has been on stage waving his arms since he got into the office.

  7. Gentle reminder: we are one week away from Pi Day. (3/14)

    Eat some pie on 3/14 at 1:59 and increase both your circumference and diameter.

  8. Ted Cruz is quite an accomplished man and we know this because he never misses an opportunity to point out all of his credentials. Too bad common sense isn’t among them.

  9. Well gosh I’m kind of in favor of the President not thinking he can kill an American sitting in their house with a drone. I guess that makes me some kind of right wing nut job???

    Up is down and down is up.

    You know you don’t have to agree with someone on every issue, but if they’re right, they’re right and nothing changes the fact that they’re right.

    The support for Paul’s stance came from all across the country, NOT just from the right, code pink and the ACLU were among those supporting his stance last night. Why? Because he was right or should I say correct or maybe being all constitutional??? I didn’t participate as I dont have a twitter account, but I personally found it inspiring that people from such diverse points of view could coalesce around this issue. Our rights shouldn’t be a partisan issue.

    I’m not a Paul bot and have plenty of issues with some of his beliefs, but the drone thing is definitely not one of them. I would have felt the same way if it was ___________ fill in the blank Democrat taking the same stand last night.

  10. Agree Sophie. Right , left or in between this drone thing is an invasion of our rights and I do not care which side stands up against it they have my support. It is dangerous and wrong period. This country is so filled with which side is right or wrong that we are watching our human rights being eroded at a pace now that is almost unstoppable. I do not want to be told what I have to eat, believe or any other thing. This pop tart thing just illustrates just how over the top we have gone in leftist control and then we have the extreme right control. I know many here would love to see the Republicans go down into a sink hole but what then when you have one party ? You have no way of ever stopping a dictator . Think about it and do not wish it to happen because life as you knew it will never be again.I fear the republicans losing the house in 14. Nancy at the helm again will mean total disaster. This is Obummers mission not fixing the issues at hand but blasting the Pubs and getting folks to vote them out then he has two years to complete his destruction unstopped.

  11. I’ll just bet there is more to the story with that 7 year old kid and the gun pastry. And given the fact that there have been multiple gun-in-school events in Maryland just so far this year, the parents ought to tell the little brat that guns in school are not a joke and that he needs to obey rules.

    Just last week, the State of Maryland sentenced a 15 year old to 35 years in prison for bringing a gun to school on the first day of this current school year and shooting a special needs child. He intended to shoot more, but a teacher disarmed him. So maybe this 7 year old will learn a lesson and not end up in prison.

  12. Gee Somebody, thanks for responding to what I wrote and not what you thought I meant. Not. (Usually that happens at other blogs.)

    I wasn’t commenting on whether or not Rand Paul was right. I was observing that ALL OF A SUDDEN, the Right doesn’t like drones. I was commenting that this WOULD BE the Left position, but the Left is otherwise enamored, except for the Professional Left, which has been vocal and outspoken all along. My comment was an observation of the irony twisting into deeper irony.

    Rand Paul has been right (meaning correct) on a number of issues and I do credit him when he is right. Nonetheless, even when a wing nut is right about something, they are still a wing nut. But my comment had nothing to do with him being right on the issue and everything to do with the weirdness of it all.

  13. UTAH!!! Funny you should pop in! I am starting the brining of my brisket tonight in the hopes of having corned beef on St. Patty’s day. I already have my cabbage set up to ferment its way to sauerkraut and hopefully that will be done by then as well.

    Wanna come over for St. Patty’s dinner?!

  14. I know many here would love to see the Republicans go down into a sink hole but what then when you have one party ?

    I would love to see the majority of the current Republicans rot in hell. That being said, I am not looking for the demise of the party. I want there to be two strong parties, arguing the merits of their ideas, and winning the hearts and minds of the voters. I believe those days are gone as our “leaders” on both sides of the aisle are wholly owned by their sponsors. (In fact, I think that’s the only reason McCain and Lady Lindsey admonished Rand–to satisfy their benefactors.)

    I don’t want either party controlling me. If I liked soda, I’d drink 32 oz at once out of civil disobedience. I am curious why we never heard a peep about the control that befell us during the Bush years. Oh right–to complain was to be unpatriotic and soft on terror.

    Frankly, I think Republicans would be better off going back to being the party they were before the “Southern Strategy” and “Reagan Democrats.” Frankly, that group of people never did the Dems any good and they’ve all but ruined the Repubs.

  15. I wonder what would have happened if he chewed his Pop Tart into the shape of a bong, or an IUD, or a vajayjay, or phallic symbol….

    See, Pop Tarts ought to be banned from schools. /s

  16. We see comedians make bad jokes about serious things all the time and nobody arrests them. The kid was being a kid. Apparently he hasn’t had the shit scared out of him enough to be completely neurotic yet, but I imagine today he’s closer to the goal. It was a freakiing pop tart, FCS. Any fool could see it was a pop tart. If he bit into it and looked at it and it looked like his penis, would he be considered a danger to the girls? In case we haven’t noticed, kids can have wierd sense of humor. They are not always appropriate, nor do the think much beyond their own amusements. That’s because they are kids and don’t have the same processing mechanism as most adults. Notice I said Most adults. At 7 years old, he hasn’t even reached the concrete operational phase of his life to even put together in his head the major implications of a pop tart pointed at someone, and why would he? To me, this is like looking up at the clouds and seeing a bunny. I don’t even think the kid was thinking any further than bunnies in clouds as kids are wont to do. Therefore, they should probably only imprison him for five years, which I imagine would be long enough to make him neurotic enough and unable to see bunnies in clouds so that he might fit in. Only in America do we treat a pop tart bitten into a gun more seriously than a president who kills people with drones, anyways.

  17. As I mentioned, there has been a rash of gun incidents in Maryland schools and parents are boohooing about the safety of their children in schools. The kid who was shot was seriously injured and almost died. So there’s a zero tolerance and the parents should ensure kids know what that means. The teacher said this kid pointed the poptart and said, “Bang bang.” The letter issued to parents said he used it to threaten. It’s unfortunate that his parents choose to defend him in the media instead of telling him why he needs to follow rules.

    That’s just my opinion based on knowing the current climate in this sate.

  18. Hugo, I see your point but I also see why this is all so over the top. Zero tolerancefor actual threats is one thing but for lunch room silly jokes — it is making a big deal of a little silliness.

    If the republican party ceased to exist (like that could ever happen) then the donkeys would still control each other in debate as factions. There are the far left wing nutjobs, the moderate centrists, the fiscal conservatives, the Reagan dems, the almost Republicans who are rebelling against their country club parents, independent unaffiliated types and etc.

    Come to think of it we have more than two parties now. We just have two very vocal groups in charge and they rarely do what we sent them there to do in the first place.

    We should have no parties. We should just have people run, people vote and elected officials who do their own thinking and acting with out pressure. They could work for their constituents for a change and not for the GOP power structure. The tea party is corrupted. All parties are. Get rid of the old boys clubs entirely and work for us.

  19. I know many here would love to see the Republicans go down into a sink hole but what then when you have one party ?

    We already do have one party. Watch what happens to social security.

    That having been said, I would like to see the far right go down a sinkhole and then concrete dumped on it. This would occur concurrently with teh far left going down a sick hole right next to them, so only one concrete delivery is necessary. I am sick of extremes that have done nothing for America but take chances apiece ruining the country using their own brand.

  20. Just one question. Do we really think that no other president in history had a hit list and carried it out? I’ll bet every president who was president since drones were developed has used them. And before that, they used whatever other means there was available to ………disposition people.

  21. Is that a pop tart in your pocket or are you trying to kill me?

  22. Yeah, you can’t have a pop tart in school, but you can have a knife on an airplane. That makes sense if you are the kind of people who strip search disabled children in wheelchairs and make them cry.

    Not sure if this Alice in Wonderland territory or Lord of the Flies. Can someone clarify that?

  23. What kind of clip did the pop tart have and how many rounds did it hold?

  24. You can have a pop tart in school. You just can’t bite it into the shape of a gun and say, “Bang, Bang.”

    I want to know why you can have a Pop tart though. Nuthin but GMOs and HFCS in there.

    Eat a Pie instead. A homemade pie.

  25. Better yet I should have asked if it was a revolver or semi-auto.

  26. I’m guessing you can’t have one of these either.
    Choco Gun

    It’s all fun and games until somebody gets a zit.

  27. Here’s the special needs child who was shot on the first day of this school year and his parents discussing what he has gone through.

  28. Speaking as someone who has a degree in education, I can assure you that for decades the field has been full of people who are absolutely nuts. They are now able to take their insanity to new levels because the current crop of middle-class helicopter parents are equally nuts.

  29. Former high school English teacher here Jen. I second that emotion.

  30. Fredster, it was my understanding that, in addition to an extended mag, the pop tart had a hair trigger. Well not really, but there was a hair in the strawberry jam.

  31. See the thing is, considering the nutbag factory schools have become, the kid would have probably been suspended for having the pop tart even if he didn’t bite it into a gun. i mean pop tarts have got to be a felony in schools at this point, aren’t they?

  32. The kid took a couple of bites, looked at the thing and said, wow that looks like a gun, bang bang. For this he has mark in his permanent record file. This is a great way to help him grow up pissed off and thinking about guns round about the time he figures out he can’t get into college, or the army or anywhere else useful because of his pop tart shape.

  33. Hugo, sister, nobody wants to take away from any real violence in schools. That boy was not shot in the face by a pop tart that emerged into the shape of a strawberry gun after a few bites.

  34. Oddly, I am wishing for a pop tart now.

  35. Uppity put down the pop tart and step away from the toaster.

    We want you to live a long life. No twinkies, no peeps, no tarts.

  36. If I see a pie chewed into the shape of a gun, I’ll call the cops on imust.

  37. Killing me softly
    With your…[pop tart],

  38. Breaking: Man Eating Pop Tart Killed By Drone!

  39. The shooting of this child has been and continues to be a dominant news story in this state, so that and about five other gun-in-school incidents after the shooting have heightened sensitivity to the issue. Five or six incidents in this tiny state in just a few months. I can understand why the schools are enforcing zero tolerance. I recognize I stand alone here, but just want to ensure that this story is placed in its proper context. The only point of view represented in the press is that of the pop tart boy and his father. That’s it from me on the topic. Carry on.

  40. Breaking: North Korea threatens preemptive Nuclear Strike against the United States. The U.N. Security Council votes unanimously to expand its sanctions on North Korea.

    The resolution specifies some luxury items North Korea’s elite is not allowed to import, such as yachts, racing cars, luxury automobiles and certain types of jewelry.

    After three weeks of negotiations with the U.S., China agreed to the sanctions be a little more discreet in laughing its ass off all the way to the bank.

  41. Pop Tarts don’t kill people…people kill people.

  42. Use a pop tart….go to prison.

  43. If they bring a twinkie to a fight…..we bring a pop tart.

  44. Hahahahaha. All of you. Just hahahahaha.

  45. “Now they’re tryin’ to take my pop tarts away
    And that would be just fine
    If you take ‘em away from the criminals first
    I’d gladly give you mine”

  46. I have a very strict pop tart control policy: if there’s a pop tart around, I want to be in control of it.
    Clint Eastwood

  47. Another couple of nibbles on the lower left corner and the kid could have had a pop-tart Drone and none of this would have happened.

  48. Hugo, I know we are irritating you, but the truth is, schools have become absurd with their actions and reactions and this is just one more escalated example. It. Was. A. Pop. Tart. It’s a wonder he got in that school with that pop tart to begin with, since schools absurdly police what kids eat now too. It was a double whammy and I simply could not resist it. Apparently, neither can anyone else here.

  49. Yeah Why Not….I heard Eric Holder wanted to do a Fast & Furious Pop Tart running operation in Mexico but Michelle Obama put her foot down.

  50. When I see kids playing “guns” on the playground with their index fingers I warn them and tell them that we don’t play that game at school. I don’t suspend them. Now if I saw a child with a real gun, or even a realistic looking toy gun, that would be a different matter.

  51. I think any kindergartner heard singing “Pop goes the weasel” should be required to get a Psyche evaluation.

  52. lol, imust! Well, I heard that Susan Rice was making the rounds on the Sunday News shows blaming some fanatical Pop Tart documentary.

  53. I agree with you on the psych eval for the popping the weasel song. What about a lot of nursery rhymes?? Consider the violence in this one:

    Three blind mice, three blind mice.
    See how they run! See how they run!
    They all ran after a farmer’s wife,
    Who cut off their tails with a carving knife.
    Did you ever see such a thing in your life,
    As three blind mice?

  54. I hear they are still looking for the Pop Tarts of Mass Destruction (PTMD) in Iraq.

  55. It’s hard to know what to make of all this weird stuff going on in this country, isn’t it?


  56. LOL, imust.

    I think I’ll open a pop tart eating range. One can never be too creative.

  57. Most of Aesop was very violent stuff, it was toned down into fairy tales.

    And Cinderella was major violent in its original form. In fact, her foot was lopped off to fit the shoe.

  58. Ring Around the Rosey was about dying from the plague.

  59. The jokes about that pop tarts just write themselves, don’t they?

  60. There was a reason why the original Brothers Grimm were called “Grimm”.

  61. I hear they are still looking for the Pop Tarts of Mass Destruction (PTMD) in Iraq.



  62. I see I missed a really funny night! You people are hysterical…still laughing!

    What kind of ice is in your Scotch?

  63. Happy International Women’s Day, Uppityites!

  64. Nope, I’m not irritated, Uppity.

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