UPDATE: Teh Holy Smoke has risen. They have a Pope.
You asked for it, so here it is. Written by a Heretic in the Galileo Camp. You can blame the Papal Peeps photo on imustprotest.
This thread will be placed on top at various “Breaking News” times during the Vatican seance of self-impressed mortal men who got where they are by Playing The Game and Not Getting Caught At Anything.
Yesterday, they blew black smoke and then everybody went and ate and drank and hung out in the opulence of their quarters, taking time out now and then to Politic over who The Winner should be, ever mindful of what position they will acquire based on who is selected. Jesus is not invited to these events because of His history of throwing a tantrum over Moneychangers. And then there’s that thing about how hard it is to pass a camel through a needle, not to mention the Log In Your Own Eye thang.
As yet, the guys in the Beanies have not selected the next Head Woman Oppressor and Bearer of Crippling Guilt and Hopeless Unworthiness in the name of God. To be sure, Catholic productivity must suffer immeasurably during times such as this, as all eyes are glued to the smokestack affixed to the top corner of cable news channel screens. Bless their hearts, it has to be a bit of hell to be all excited about a New Pope, while knowing all along nothing is going to change. It must be even more painful to be forced to ignore a Byzantine Pope once he (and it will always be a He) is selected by a bunch of sexist old men of questionable virtue themselves.
It is widely reported that the Discarded Pope Emeritus Benedict is watching the entire process from a TV in his quarters as he prepares to be locked away like a Crazy Uncle in the former home of the Vatican head gardener.
For those of you who are convinced that women play no part in important things such as selecting the Pope, please know you are way off base. It has been reported that nuns are cooking for the Cardinals during this important time.
In any event, you can bet this entire process will be wrapped up before Good Friday.