As usual, The Ritual Was The Thing. The Votes were cast and recast, placed in a special Vessel, then tied together with Special String and stored in a Special Place, and blah blah blah.
Then the white smoke cascaded out of The Royal Chimney.
Little did anyone know that a Real Pope had been selected by default by a bunch of small, self-impressed, long out-of-touch and overly-privileged men in beanies — who fancy themselves nearer to God than you are, exempting themselves from all those rules that apply to the flock, while the nuns clean up after them. Possibly plied with too much wine, and knowing they had better pretend to clean up their own act while finding a way not to clean up their own act, they forgot that the guy they were forced by default to select is a humble Jesuit. Now who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor?
Now I already know I won’t agree with a single Rule affecting women that he will continue “enforcing” and the majority of his faithful will continue to ignore. That’s just not going to happen. He’ll continue to pick on women, gays and lesbians as if they are the scourge of the earth, but in a much nicer way, as if that will make a difference. All of this ensures I will never consider Catholicism as a welcome thing in my life, even though my DNA designated me a Catholic before anybody even asked me what I thought about it. All of this is true. But I do have to admit I am enjoying myself watching him make the Bureaucracy twitch. It couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of guys.
The first thing he did after his win was refuse to wear the pompously gauche red cape trimmed in ermine. Then he had the audacity to refuse to ride in the special limousine suitable for Royalty, and instead he rode with the others on the bus. When shown his Papal suite, he remarked,
“There’s room for 300 people here —I don’t need all this space”.
The next day, he left the Vatican through a back door, went to the priest’s hotel he was staying at before he was chosen as Pope, paid his bill and picked up his bags, which he carried himself.
Then he strolled right past the Basilica and said a couple of masses in a church hardly anybody has ever heard of.
He made a couple of phone calls. Himself. Identifying himself as Pope Francis, he met with responses such as, “Yeah and I’m Napoleon”.
Then came another blow to the Vatican ego: He wouldn’t allow the pharisees to hoist him upon the hand-carried throne his predecessors reveled in when moving among the dirty masses of peasants. He chose to ride in an open jeep, forcing Vatican’s security people’s eyes to pop out of their heads. “Miraculously,” nothing happened to Francis, unless you include an ear-assault from the roaring crowd who loved his accessible attitude. To make matters worse, he invited a person to come before him so he could bless his dog. All of this just has to be disturbing to a bunch of guys who didn’t get around to publicly admitting until the year 2000 that Galileo was right and the earth really wasn’t flat.
Oh, there’s no doubt about it Francis is bad for the The Company, but good for the Consumer. Probably the most common noise emanating from the Vatican these past few weeks is a horrified gasping sound as the residents meet up with Pope Francis. Not Francis IX. Not even Francis The First. Just Francis. He insisted. He chose the name of a guy who was the champion of the poor and the guardian of the least among us: The animals.
Things have been getting
better worse ever since, too.
Just when the Boys In The Band started to think he couldn’t shock them more than he already has, Pope Francis went and made a mockery out of yet another silly ritual where a pope pretends he’s Jesus. That darn Pope Francis actually ……….Gasp!!!!……..washed some wimminz feet! Everybody knows Jesus doesn’t like that kind of stuff!.That’s reserved for men.
Enough is enough! This just can’t work in a world of archaic pharisees who find great joy in brocade and staffs, opulent living arrangements, silly two-foot-high crowns, and vestments of silk and embroidery, all designed for their self-edification and to ensure that you all understand they are above you at all times.
Refusing to be pre-occupied with silly primpo rituals, convenient rules, and pomp and circumstance, Pope Francis-With-No-Roman-Numeral is not too popular among the church popinjays, also known as “Traditionalists”. No sir. This guy won’t even wear that red cape with the ermine collar for God’s sake (excuse the pun). He doesn’t do red shoes made of the carcasses of slaughtered newborn calves. What has the world come to when a guy gets put in charge of the largest corporation in the world under the cover of religion —and chooses to Lead By Example instead of ungodly arrogance and privilege?
Pope Francis has done what so many believed would be impossible. He has forced the RCC to catch itself in its own snotty, disgraceful unChristian irony. He cares more about the poor and the regular people than he cares about some preening men in red beanies and pointy crowns and their next promotions. He cares more about touching the people and walking among them than being carried around perched in a Pharoah’s throne. He is also annoyingly preoccupied with two really, really horrific thoughts which are previously unknown to the Vatican and the church hierarchy: Simplicity and Humility.
In other words, Francis is behaving like Jesus would behave. That makes him New and Novel. And Unacceptable to the mortified Big Shots and the outrageous impersonal bureaucracy that has become the Catholic Church. What horror!And quite frankly, I am thrilled. Thrilled, I tell you. Of course, I can’t forget that Benedict was an easy act to follow. Any Pope who would remark that ordaining women is as bad as pedophilia isn’t exactly a church leader who inspires the desire to bang on the door and join up.
Having left the Catholic Church years ago, tired of the ritualistic bullcrap, pettiness, arrogance, hocus-pocus, the crippling guilt and hopeless sense of unworthiness reigned upon the faithful, the justification of the unjustifiable, and the complete disregard of women as anything other than servants to a gaggle of mediocre men masquerading as little gods, surely you will agree that I have earned the right to my opinion. In spite of all that, let me just say, may Pope Francis live long and make permanent impact, clean up the mess that has been escalated for centuries, and make the Catholic Church something that actually reflects the words, What Would Jesus Do.
There’s no mistaking the grumbles: The arrogant, self-glorifying hierarchy and Keepers of the Rituals and Symbols are not pleased. For once, just maybe the God they purport to follow is pleased. Truly, there is a sense of humor at play here.
To the rest of the Epic Failures who have run the Catholic Church into the ground while living the lives of mini-pharoahs, even unto protecting the Worst among you at the expense of the Little Children Jesus Himself said you should Suffer Unto Him, I think Francis is On To You. God has been Onto you for a long, long time, and hopefully this pope will be protected from you and your “Last Straws”. Time will tell, but until then, I would just like to say to you:
Alas, you Pharisees! Hypocrites All!
Wait a second!: Somebody else said that first…….