Republican Presidential Debate #1

The GOP Clown Car is taking their show on the road!

In case you’re just tuning in, there are A LOT of Republican candidates–too many to have an effective debate (17). So Fox, the host of the first debate, said they would take the top 10 in national polls and let them debate each other (the Serious Debate™) and the remainder would be be relegated to the Kid’s Table Debate. Fox kept their poll sources a secret all this time, but now we finally know: “Fox News’ Decision Desk said the five polls included in Fox’s average were conducted by Bloomberg, CBS News, Fox News, Monmouth University and Quinnipiac University.”

Iowa and New Hampshire haven’t been happy about this turn of events because, after all, it’s their role to decide who makes the cut and who doesn’t. I guess the RNC Rules and Bylaws committee has a weird set of roolz too.

The Serious Debate begins at Thursday, August 5, 2015 at 8:50 PM, east coast time and shall include: Donald Trump, Jeb Bush, Scott Walker, Mike Huckabee, Ben Carson, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Rand Paul, Chris Christie and John Kasich.


This runs until 11 PM, at which point, it will be just in time to tune in to the last edition of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (#JonVoyage). The star-studded Grand Finale will be 52 minutes long. Don’t ask me why 52 minutes. (He will have to come up with something superb to beat Colbert’s Finale. Not that was really grand.)

The Kiddie Hour is from 5-6 PM, where the remaining guys will attempt to make the case that they belonged in the Serious Debate, if only Trump didn’t swoop in and take their place at the podium: Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Bobby Jindal, Carly Fiorina, Lindsey Graham, George Pataki, and Jim Gilmore. (Who the heck is Jim Gilmore?)

Ohhh, I’m so excited, I can hardly wait!! I’ve got my popcorn, but more importantly, my Scotch ready and this Rolling Stone drinking game.

So, join in for the live blogging fun—Mystery Science Theater 3000 style.


109 Responses

  1. I have no idea if Fox is looking at this hashtag for questions, but…

  2. On the last comments thread, imust recommended an article at Huff ‘n Puff but wouldn’t provide link. I recommend an article at the Daily Beast and won’t link for same reason. It’s called, “I’m Not Ridin’with Biden” by Michael Tomasky. Easy to find with that info. Just google Daily Beast/Tomasky.

  3. He actually goes THERE. There being the Clarence Thomas hearings.

  4. I must confess I am most definitely going to watch the debate tonight. Pure Comedy Gold.

  5. I see the B string is on at 5!

  6. Did anyone see that several weeks before he announced he was running for prez, Trump called Bill? I’ll bet his debate opponents will bring that up! He apparently wanted general advice. Never brought up running for prez.

  7. A debate with ten people is inane on its face, of course.

    Beyond that, we know that the Republican candidates basically differ on very little, except in how clever they might try to be in hiding their real intentions behind patriotic platitudes. They will tell us how they want to improve the lives of all people by cutting taxes on the wealthy, eliminating the safety net, outsourcing jobs, getting rid of all environmental regulations. They will tell us this while insisting how much they love this country and the American spirit. Over and over.

    Then of course, since there are so many candidates with so little support, they will strive for what the marketers call “product placement.” And they will try to do this by trying to come up with the most quotable anti-Hillary line. I think that much of the debate will consist of such comments: “As opposed to Hillary Clinton’s radical ideas, I am going to…”

    And we will hear about how much they love god and country; And how they are going to return American to a better time, by which I think they mean 1870. I am afraid I do not have the stomach for two hours of this, but I will read the comments from everybody here. I will predict that one of the major post-debate headlines will be, “Republican candidates denounce Hillary Clinton’s character and ideas in spirited debate.” Hillary is always a much bigger draw than any of them.

  8. Lest you think that only the GOP is having all the fun, Wasserman finally shared the Dem schedule.

  9. Getting the popcorn ready. 😆

  10. #TBT Debate

  11. I hear Fox is calling this one the Happy Hour debate. lolol.

    That crooked mouthed thief Pataki has a lot of nerve showing his face. He’d probably put that mafioso Al D’Amato in as Secty of State.

  12. Link works fine for me, Soph. Both times.

  13. LOL Jindal. Where’s Fredster when you need him?

    I do note that if Bobby’s eyes got any closer together, he’d have one.

  14. This is so exciting I can hardly wait for 9PM. *Passes out*

  15. Pataki you Effing Liar!!!! You reduced the state workforce and spent more on special contracts to do the work. I know it was just a coinkydink that those contracts were your friends and relatives.

  16. LOL! You go Uppity! Beat the crap out of Pataki. My favorite joke when he was running was “Wow, Pataki’s getting really good at delivering speeches–we could barely see D’Amato’s lips moving.”

    Never, ever let someone from Peekskill run anything!

  17. “Psychologists at the University of Minnesota have issued a research study recommending that people suffering from low self-esteem watch Thursday night’s nationally televised Republican debate.”

    It’s satire from

  18. Yup, Sophie, you Knew George for sure.

    One thing you could be sure of was knowing where his latest mistress was living. You could tell where she was by the grant money rolling into town, and George rolling into town with it. I mean why worry about hiding who you’re bonking this week when you can use taxpayer money for cover?

    D’Amato was a pink eyed scheeve. You can’t even imagine how profusely he sweated all the time. What a disgusting little man. He’s the reason we are stuck with that phony Schumer. A cockroach could have beaten Al that year. NY has Al to thank for changing the marital laws to Non Community Property. He did that because he was engaged to be married and wanted to make sure if it didn’t work out he would still be able to keep most of the money he robbed from taxpayers. Karma did catch up to him on that one, though. She dumped him, but not before she declared that he was a very wierd man sexually. Thank God I never heard details.

  19. Of course I knew George. He was my governor! The terrorists bombed NY on his watch.

  20. I am enjoying reading Uppity’s and Sophie’s inside comments on various New York political figures.

  21. We (NY) have (had) a fairly impressive list of governors. Among them:
    John Jay
    Martin Van Buren
    Grover Cleveland
    Theodore Roosevelt
    Franklin D. Roosevelt
    W. Averell Harriman
    Nelson Rockefeller
    Mario Cuomo

  22. William, the best in my life was this junior Senator we elected in 2000.

  23. Fiorina is DEAD to me. She called Hillary a liar 3 times on Hardball. That failure has some nerve.
    Tweet and Retweet:

  24. Undoubtedly, Sophie!

    For CA governors, all I can think of as notably good ones were
    Hiram Johnson
    Pat Brown
    Jerry Brown first edition
    Jerry Brown second edition

  25. Sophie, Fiorina was vicious in attacking Barbara Boxer in the senatorial election here. She was truly unpleasant in all respects, and she plummeted in the polls. She is in this race as a set-up, of course, the one woman who shows that the GOP is so inclusive, and who also can apparently call Hillary names because Fiorina is a woman. I wonder who put her up to this; she is too stupid to think of it herself.

  26. She’s making a shitload of money to run as the anti-Hillary.

  27. I missed Happy Hour! I heard Carly won? The demon sheep lady??

    Here she is dishin’ on Barbara Boxer’s hair. She’s the stereotypical “mean girl”.

  28. Whatever she “won” in the loser debate, she lost on Hardball.

  29. William, I would add Gray Davis to that list. I know he wasn’t Mr. Personality, but I think he did a great job. I was totally against the recall.

  30. Oh, I agree, Imust. I thought of putting him in, but he wasn’t in office very long. The recall was abhorrent; engineered by that slimy Darryl Issa. Actually, I thought about putting my name on the free-for-all ballot, and seeing if I could have beaten a few of the 50 or so candidates. Maybe the stripper, and a couple of others. 🙂 Then I could have always listed myself as, “former gubernatorial candidate.”

  31. Give him some re-tweet love:

  32. Hillary Clinton trolls the Republican candidates on the night of their debate

  33. The thing about this line up is that they have 17 candidates and only one of them is different from the others.

  34. The varsity team just entered. Awkward beginning. Sophie, the Bingo card is all squished up on my computer. Am I the only one?

  35. In the Happy Hour debate, Fiorina mopped the floor with those other losers.

    Cripes that opening just looked like a big police lineup.

  36. What “can” did Carly unleash???

  37. So, now, all the pundits on CNN have a crush on Carly (I broke Hewlett Packard) Fiorina?
    Why? Because she didn’t make moose hands over her ears and scream “Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah?”

  38. Carly could really be the holder of the line: “you’re fired”

    Kashish seems to have home field advantage.

    Booing of Donald…
    Rand goes after him….

  39. Wow, this is already out of control! And Dandy Randy just HAD to stick his little face in there!

  40. LOL! Dandy Randy has nothing to lose.

  41. Sponge Bob Rubio needs water again.
    Who would they talk about if they didn’t have Hillary?

  42. Rubio, if it’s about the future, sweetie, you’re toast.

  43. In Florida they called me Jeb!
    They called me Veto Corliene…….

  44. Lucky Hillary is in this race or these guys wouldn’t have any talking points.

  45. Sue, so thet can say that they really like and admire women in politics, it’s just Hillary they don’t like.

  46. Mods seem to be ignoring Trump.

    Okay, so they stopped ignoring him…! Trump called the leaders stupid. He got boos instead of his usual applause. I don’t think Trump is used to a hostile audience. Should get interesting if this keeps up.

  47. Wow. I can’t stand Christie but really enjoyed him taking down Dandy Randy

  48. Whoa!!! Chistie and Randy goin’ at it!!!

    I don’t want to see Christie taking anyone down. I hope people saw him for the bully that he is. I can’t stand Christie with a passion.

  49. Bwahahahahaha!

  50. I don’t like either one of them and I hope they both play scorched earth with each other. I think I detest Randy Dandy more because of what he said to Hillary at the Senate Benghazi hearing.

  51. True Sophie. I can’t stand Christie for what he’s said to teachers.

  52. Yeah I love when the eat their own.

  53. Lucky Hillary is in this race or these guys wouldn’t have any talking points.


  54. How many think Trump will drop out after this debate? He’s not doing well with this crowd. I don’t think he likes to lose.

    GEEZ!! The Chris Wallace question….how will you answer Hillary Clinton?

  55. Wow, now we’re up to The Hillary Category. Hmmm.

  56. Yeah where’s Trump. Gone pee pee?

  57. Haha! Sophie! I’ll take Hillary Clinton for $700 Alex…

  58. The doctor just called us useless idiots.

  59. Fox, and the Republican “coaches” (you could say Kochs, but there are more of them, too), have apparently told the candidates that may the best man win the nomination, but that you all have to help our party by attacking Hillary Clinton every chance each of you gets. So as I suggested this morning, this debate is apparently all about Hillary, and their whole primary is going to be all about her. It is really disgraceful that the media not only allows them to do it, but encourages them.

  60. imust, agree about Gray Davis. I liked him.

  61. Gray Davis was set up to take the fall for those Enron thieves who laughed during recorded phone conversations over how they were bilking old ladies of their food money.

    Davis got it in the neck and the people fell for it. And look what CA ended up with for a governor.

  62. Wasn’t Darrell Issa behind that recall?

  63. Sophie @ 9:42, FANTASTIC!

  64. Yeah Uppity, and like William said, the recall was a set up by that cry baby Issa. He thought he was setting HIMSELF up for governor! Then cried when the Terminator stole his cookie.

  65. Hillary watching the debates:

  66. Issa should be sucked down bodily into hell without dying for that. But then there are a bunch of reasons why that POS should be sucked down bodily. By now, there might even be a special ring in hell just for him.

  67. Rand Paul is a loser just like his old man.

  68. The crying game begins at about 1:26.

    Sophie at 10:23 love the photo!!

  69. Hillary laughing for 10 hours. Yes, hours.

  70. I do think that the Republicans spending all their time attacking Hillary will ultimately work against them. It is like all the bad giys getting together for a meeting to try to figure out how to defeat the heroic sheriff, and squabbling among themselves. It makes them all look petty, I am hoping.

  71. William, she’s going to mop the floor with the last man standing.

  72. Love the pix of Hillary laughing! Did you guys hear how Trump was asked about all the demeaning things he said about women? And how he fudged the answer? I was wondering how he would like it if (god forbid), he became prez, and people found out about the full frontal nudity pix of his current wife on the internet, and all the nasty stuff the teapubs will say about her. He has no respect for women whatsoever, the gossip rags have always said he constantly cheats on all his wives.

  73. Well, said, Sophie!

  74. Is he ever going to say, “Yoooge.” That’s my drinking word and at this rate, can go to work tomorrow.

  75. The 12-Step version of the drinking game: take a drink any time one of them tells the truth.

  76. Sophie @ 10:44, So true! LOL!

  77. Wow, Christie. Looks like your all-nighter memorizing military numbers really worked out for you. Like anyone wanted that kind of detail tonite?!

  78. Last paragraphs from Hillary men:

    On issue after issue, from LGBT rights to foreign policy, Hillary puts the Republican field to shame, advocating policies that are so much smarter for America, so much saner, so much more in line with American values, that voters have an easy choice should Hillary get the Democratic nomination.

    Trump bloviating, Jeb stumbling, Christie yelling, make for interesting television. But we’re deciding the future of our nation and the only takeaway to remember on debate night is that Hillary would make a far better president than any of the Republicans. That’s precisely why Republicans have spent decades trying, in vain, to “Stop Hillary.

    BAM! mic drop

  79. imust, I loved that post by HillaryMen! This:

    ten men mustering every ounce of negative energy they have to stop one woman from making history.

  80. Golden Sophie! I heart hillary men!

  81. Ted Cruz receives word from God. Is Satan a god?

  82. God wouldn’t be caught standing next to these hypocrites.

  83. Carson just said everyone of us has to fight for freedom every day. What a ridiculous platitude. I can’t stand these guys. Kasich is clearly the closest to being sane, but the rethugs will never have him.

  84. Yeah Socal, Trump said he was just having fun. I know I always think it’s fun when some dickhead says he’d like to see me on my knees blowing his pencil dick.

  85. I agree Kasich is the only mentally stable man in that police lineup. They will never pick him.

  86. Upps, I know, I loathe him more than ever.

  87. Overall, the shit slinging between Christie and Randy made listening to the rest of the drivel worthwhile.

  88. Meaning trump.

  89. Upps @ 11:10, LOL! We all got a kick out that!

  90. Kasich is a very strong possibility for VP, though. Rubio, too, of course; but Kasich is from Ohio, and he is more credible. I actually would imagine that Kasich is running for VP.

  91. I’ll tell you this…Jeb Bush is about as unimpressive as anyone can be. Even W had better communication skills than he has, and W was a borderline moron. Jeb has the interpersonal skills of a yak.

  92. Boy they’re fast!

    Uppity, that’s why Jeb! has to put an exclamation mark after his name. He thinks it makes him look exciting.

  93. HA, Uppity at 11:17!!

  94. After hearing his closing statement, I thought Rubio was trying to position himself for the veep slot.

  95. Socal, CNN was slobbering all over Rubio tonight. One talking head, in referring to his “youth” said he was “fresh!”

  96. Well, Donald Trump weighs in on his own performance. Surprise, he thinks he did great!

    “I am very proud of my great performance tonight. I am not a debater, but I am a winner. If I am elected I will make this country a total winner — I will Make America Great Again,” Trump said.

  97. Holy crap.

  98. One never knows how it will progress, but from what I’ve seen of Rubio, he is not very bright, and has extreme views. Somehow the media and even the public let this go, in favor of the fact that he is telegenic and speaks passionately. And that he is a Latino. “Young and fresh,” sounds like they the actor in a new TV series. But that’s the media, always ignoring the actual art of governance, or even philosphy, in favor of superficiality. By all means, let’s get a President who is young and fresh and wants to end Social Security. Maybe we can pair him up with a sidekick who is paunchy, and always good for a joke or quip. They can argue about whether to have pancakes or oatmeal for breakfast in the office.

  99. .

    They can argue about whether to have pancakes or oatmeal for breakfast in the office.

    Or PIE????


  101. I just thought I’d monitor FOX and apparently they think Trump won that one. Go figure. I though K…however you spell it did the best, and Mr. I Got Rhythm Method did well if only because he ate Rand Paul for lunch. I thought Rubio came across with all the sincerity of an Iranian Cleric promising to be nice to Christians. He might as well have poured maple syrup all over himself. This guy is a Phony. Cruz came across very mean. I mean Mean. Very very very Mean. And narrow minded. I think he’d do much better as a warden in a prison. Just my opinion. He’s scary. Huckabee presented very well. If you are a right wing complete Jesus-freaking crackpot, you should be very proud of his message. It’s too bad he’s so messed up, I think he has some great speaking skills. He would do REALLY well as the pastor of one of those churches where everybody gets slain in the spirit if the pastor so much as breathes on them. Jindal was completely not memorable. I almost didn’t remember he was there. Walker is a bore. I bet he doesn’t even inspire himself much less anyone else. Jeb was disappointing. I think it’s a family trait.

    Not sure what it is with Rand Paul’s hair but he is starting to look like Medusa. THis is one temperamental guy, let me tell you. Time bomb. Tic Toc.

  102. LOL! Excellent analysis Uppity. You should be on the TEE VEE! You’re much better than all those bobble heads we’ve got now!

  103. Thanks imust. They make it so easy! I posted that comment in the new thread too

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