Behind high fences with a TV tuned to CNN, dog panics, knowing he Must Escape this punishment and run for his life.
I know how ya feel, boy!
I was unable to find a usable copy of the Muppets singing Another Opening, Another Show any longer, so I found an even better opening song for this carnival:
I think we could safely say we can all become sloshed if we downed something 100-proof every time one of these kooks mentions Hillary. Two drinks if they add the word “Stop” before “Hillary”.
Now wait………….why am I putting this thread up early you ask. You are asking that, right? Well because your predictions count! Who’s gonna win? Who will be the Winning Loser tonight? Come on! What are your predictions? Here are mine!
Rand Paul will bite the head off a puppy right on National Tee Vee! And, given the nature of the Paulies, his numbers will go up!
Donald will go out into the audience and ‘cherish’ and touch as many women’s breasts and crotches as possible–but not the ugly ones! His numbers will go Up, especially among the Christian Right! And as a bonus….Tomorrow, Bernie Sanders will Scream………”So he touched a buncha women! So What?To hell with all this political correctness!!!!” Bernie’s numbers will go up too.
Mike Huckabee will tearfully discuss the epiphany he has received since returning to his Gluttony For Jesus Program.
Bobby Jindal will talk about how he doesn’t want his numbers to peak too soon, but you just Watch!
Carly Fiorina will look Donald square in the face and tell him he looks like he has a dead squirrel on his head and she heard he can’t get it up.
Scott Walker will…………….zzzzzzzzz……oh sorry, I fell asleep in the middle of thinking of what he will say.
Not to be outdone, Ted Cruz will bite the heads off of TWO puppies. He will then stroll across the stage and passionately French Kiss his Friend, Donald Trump, so that Trump’s supporters remember to switch to him if someone would just figure out how to get rid of the guy. He will also promise to give women permission to leave the home un-escorted during select times of the year.
Rubio will force himself to pretend he actually gives a shit about Latinos, and he will finally admit he got a boatload of money from Nestle for gulping Poland Springs water in the middle of his Important Speech about……..um…….about…
John Kascich, or however you spell it, will try to say something stupid like maybe we should all work together, and he will be pelted with tomatoes by the audience.
?Jeb will finally admit that, if his old man weren’t filthy rich, he and his brothers would be pumping gas for a living.
George Pataki will demonstrate one more time that he can talk out of the side of his crooked mouth almost as well as Dick Cheney. He will categorically deny that he is so crooked he can hide behind a corkscew.
Finally, Ben Carson will deconstruct an Oreo Cookie and explain the correlation between it and himself, while further discussing how stem cell research made his success as a neurosurgeon possible — and that is why we must stop doing it.
I know there are probably more of them. I just keep forgetting who they are.
OOOoooo! Wait! I forgot Rick Sanitarium! Rick is going to discuss the importance of a stable family, with a slideshow of his family album. Preview:
UPDATE: OMG I forgot Chris Christie! How could I miss something that big!?
I also forgot Lindsey Graham! He’s going to admit tonight that he’s gay.
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