Yes, that’s right, folks. I, Uppity Woman, registered Democrat, got an invitation to send money to Carly Fiorina. No wonder HP nearly went under with her at the helm.
Carly is so obsessed with Hillary’s popularity compared to her own, that she mentioned Hillary perpetually in her 4-page rant. Hillary is such a threat that she even mentioned her on the mailing envelope! No kidding. I am not making this shit up. Here’s the back of her mailing envelope:
She doesn’t forget to mention that Hillary “Has no accomplishments”. Whereas, Carly has accomplished much — such as nearly tanking Hewlett Packard before they fired her and losing badly to Barbara Boxer.
She also declared herself America’s Iron Lady. No kidding. Because a blogger said she just might be an American Iron Lady. Well that’s enough for Carly and So It Shall Be! As a result, I am disappointed to report that Margaret Thatcher got mentioned in her lengthy essay even more times than Hillary! But hey, Hillary made it to the mailing envelope! You can’t beat that, Maggie!
Okay I lied. Why should I be different, right? Maggie made it to the front of the envelope, because Carly is channeling her dead self even as we speak:
Carly talks about how America is basically going to hell without her in charge and she’s going to fix it by addressing the important things that need to be done. Like de-funding Planned Parenthood and other nasty things that endanger our economy or National Security–or jobs that will fall out of the sky once she’s Pressy–, such as getting rid of all those old people by slashing the ‘budget’ because we’re “Out of other people’s money,” or how that nasty health care we are making available to all those lowlifes people like Carly have exploited must come to an end. I mean if these people were worth anything they’d have health insurance fully paid for by taxpayers the legitimate way: By being elected to Congress. Because health care is not a right like death is. It is therefore absolutely paramount that, when we force raped women and girls with leering uncles to have babies, the Born will have the Right to die as horrible a death as possible without health insurance.
Carly also brags that if the election were held today, she maintains a ‘small lead’ over That Woman Who Shall Not Be Named But She Names Her Anyways. Too bad she cites a September poll. The Liar who calls Hillary a Liar is Lying. Again. She’s practically got the key to the White House right now, she that good at……simply everything!. Unlike That Other Woman and all those silly boys. In fact, according to the most recent Republican National Primary Poll, Iron Lady is running with 3% of her own party’s confidence votes, tied with Lardass Christie and Jesus Huckabee — and ahead of Cardinal Santorum, Al D’Amato’s concubine George Pataki and the now conspicuously absent twit, Bobby Jindal. Even that moron Jeb?! is beating her. But no nevermind. Nothing to see here. Send Carly some money so she can complete her move into the White House as soon as Haley’s Comet rolls around.
So I ask you: Who in his or her right mind would send this loser money so she can suspend her candidacy at will and ride off into the sunset with her bucket of unspent campaign money? Just asking!
When America learns more about Fiorina’s business record and “mean” spirit, she will no longer be riding high in the polls. -Barbara Boxer
Welp, Boxer got that one right.
Carly also treated me to a photo of her snarly self trying to smile, which resulted in her characteristic grimace:
So tell me, what should I do with Carly’s invitation to send this loser some money before she drops out of the race? After all, I was invited to return her self-addressed envelope…..
…….And somebody please tell me WTF was this solicitous piece of trash doing in my mailbox?
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