Never has this carnival version of Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite been more meaningful. “Down The Rabbit Hole!”
Since the venue is The Venetian, which was specifically designed for the long-running production of The Phantom of The Opera, I think this is the night when Jeb!?? can finally break ahead! How could this boring, lazy, dullard do this, you ask? You are asking, right? Well, take a look at him, if you can possibly bring yourself to do that. So I am thinking if he were to come on stage dressed as The Phantom, jump up onto the chandelier above him, and yell in his naturally condescending tone, YOUR CHAINS ARE STILL MINE! YOU WILL SING FOR ME!!!! he will finally get the kind of attention he deserves. And he’ll get some actual applause for the first time since he dragged his lazy condescending ass into this Primary.
Do it Jeb!???!!! You can’t look like any bigger a fool than your brother looked as President. Now I recognize that, since Jeb!?? slouches more every single day and would be more suitable to playing Quasimodo with Dick Cheney leading him onto the stage on a leash, the venue IS the Venetian, and Jeb!?? fervently hopes to appear relevant, so tonight he will need to be The Phantom if he wants any attention at all. $25 million dollars spent on this Nothing candidate. I’m speechless.
If Jeb!?? doesn’t come through with my idea, we will be forced to watch the Trump and Cruz show. In that case, we’ll have to play Word Bingo. Every time Trump says “Great” or “Terrific” you get to drink. I’d like to add that you can drink every time Cruz tries to hide his real personality, but in that case you would have to hook your scotch up to an IV line, because that guy is one nasty creature just waiting to gain the power to unleash himself upon America. Unleashed, this man would make Donald look like Mr. Nice Guy. I predict he WILL win Iowa. Why wouldn’t he win a state riddled with crackpot evangelicals who previously awarded wins to Pat Robertson and Mike Huckleberry.
I think Marco Rubio deserves some mention here. You get to drink every time he tells you his old man was a bartender. You get to drink every time he’s asked a question and he brings up that his mother was a maid in the answer.
Here’s Marco doing his Poland Springs commercial-Which is actually an inadvertent Public Service Announcement on the condition of America’s waterways, compliments of our Big Agra and Corporate America, neither of whom bear watching according to Republicans. So what if the Hudson River comes in two types: Creamy and Chunky? No tap water for Marco! But it’s just fine for you.
Of course we can’t miss Governor Chris Christie. Nobody can miss him. Okay, my bad. People struggle with their weight every single day, but most of them aren’t hypocrites about it or mean to others with the same struggle like Chris Christie is. Here’s a photo of Chris Christie with New Jersey National Guard Brig. Gen. Michael Cunniff, whom Christie has reprimanded and publicly embarrassed for repeatedly dodging mandatory Pentagon physical-fitness tests. This is a sign of a For Thee Not For Me attitude. If a man is a hypocrite and mean in one way, he’s very likely a mean hypocrite, period.
Let’s see now……..who else is running? Huckleberry doesn’t have a prayer in Iowa (Scuse the Pun) because Cruz is secretly even more religiously crazy than he is. Carly is now at least as irrelevant as she almost made HP become. She probably ran out of bald-faced lies. Kas…..Kash….how do you spell it again? Rand Paul is only there to make a spot for his old man’s whacko supporters to hang out, even though there aren’t many of them left — because most of them are hanging out with seedy Bernie Sanders now. And just to confirm what a religious whackjob Cruz is, even Rick Santorum isn’t getting any Iowa Evangelical traction. Unless he or Mike start speaking in tongues, Cruz has got the Iowa fruitcakes sewed up. It’s too bad, really. Who wouldn’t want this wholesome, God-Fearing normal-looking family in the White House?
I probably left somebody out. Who cares.
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