I’m been thinking that Donald Trump has pretty much exhausted talking about body fluids. I mean he’s discussed how Megyn Kelly bleeds from everywhere and Hillary pees (and doesn’t give opponents’ staff an opportunity to get an audio and quick phone shot of her doing so–so that Donald could post it on twitter). And there was also that breast pumping meltdown. I don’t even know what the hell that was all about, and I’m not even sure I want to know.
I started to really worry about Donald’s fixation with Body Fluids, particularly those associated with Ewwwwwy women. But then he redeemed himself. I am so grateful he mixed it up a bit with bodily solids, having recently tweeted a photoshop of Jeb?!! picking snot out of his nose. I found that particularly Presidential and I’m sure you did too!
All told, one could almost ‘misconstrue’ that Donald finds women kind of Ewwwwy. How dare you imagine such a thing! Except for women with ugly faces, like Carly, and except for fat women, Donald simply lovessssss women. That is why he marries them all the time. Pretty ones! Because he’s hand$ome! So don’t you dare imply that he sees wives as trophies. You misconstrue things all the time! This is a guy who could conceivably enter the White House with one wife and leave with another. But nevermind. Newt still has him beat. But only so far. Like Donald said, “Nobody respects women more than me, Donald Trump”. Well, that settles it, hey?
As you know, I was once a tenured teacher. I was/am New York State Certified in Secondary Education. I taught every grade from 7 through 12 (but not all at once!). Therefore, I think I am at least slightly qualified to identify a mental 7th grader when I see one. And Donald is a mental 7th grader.
What I am saying here is, in spite of his billions, his ego is very very frayed to the point of being adolescent. Which is why he desperately needs to continuously validate himself as an adult….as in I’ve- Convinced- Myself, Now- I have- To- Convince- You. A visual of his home yields a Saudi Palace with chunks of gold in some form or another….everywhere…. to remind you how very rich
his father was he is. He discusses his wealth at every turn, even when it’s not relevant to the discussion. It’s almost as if he can’t come up with anything else about himself that matters. I am Rich. Really Rich. And Smart. Really Smart. Do You Understand? Let me Repeat Myself. I Am Rich. Really Rich. I am Smart. Really Smart. You’re Stupid. And you Smell.
Just like a 7th grader.
Let’s face it folks. Considering the shit Donald has been flinging at the walls, the bar of common decency has now been moved so low that you can’t even get under it gyrating to a Limbo Rock. Or as the song goes, **How Lowwww Can You Go?
This is why I think, now that he has exhausted all his bodily fluid punch lines, he needs to complete the job of making a mockery of the Presidential election and move directly into the art of Armpit Farts. His audience will love it, don’t you think? Especially if he precedes it with “This is for YOU, Hillary!”. They will ROAR!
Just to help out, and in the spirit of Education, I am offering up a training video:
I don’t know how Donald is going to take it if he loses Iowa. Donald has huge tantrum potential. Losing is something I don’t think he can endure. You can’t tweak America’s bankruptcy system and declare a loss as a win in politics. His twitter account will be inundated with “You’re Fired!!” and “You’ve been schlonged”. This will enrage him. He will use all of the seven or eight perpetually repeated adjectives located in his oddly limited vocabulary. He will call Iowa Stupid. For the second time. In capital letters. He will say they are Terrible People. In capital letters. He will declare them Morons who don’t understand he’s rich and Successful and Terrific. In capital letters. He would make Iowa Great Again too!
The meltdown will be concurrently entertaining, hilarious and frightening. The truth is, even if he goes all the way, he is going to lose a state sooner or later. But I’m not so sure Donald understands that You Can’t Win Them All. Especially with that typical sneaky Evangelical Ted Cruz hovering over Trump’s flock like a vulture, waiting to pick their bones.
I need to digress a bit to make my next point. I can do that. It’s my blog. My father was an industrial general contractor. I remember him saying often that a certain contractor “Buys his brains”. What he meant was, brains are a commodity that can be acquired if you don’t have any of your own. You hire someone who knows what you don’t know. Everybody does that. But some people know nothing about what they are doing, so they hire ALL their brains. I think Donald hires his brains. And lucky for him he’s good at it. I think he’s worked on that all of his life. However, I am not so confident that this policy will translate well into running an entire country and being the leader of the free world, especially if the President is given to public tantrums. We’ve had good presidents and bad presidents, and if we have learned one thing it’s that the perception of the USA is heavily hinged upon how a President handles him or herself. Some may say that perception doesn’t matter to them. The truth is, in the real world, perception is everything. But that’s one for a post all by itself. Suffice it to say that the Office of The President Of The United States begs at all times for at least a reasonable amount of dignity. Say what you want, but I believe that the vast majority of Americans do not appreciate being embarrassed by a President.
**In closing, and in keeping with the current bar height, How Low Can You Go?
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