Say hello to Al Bundy’s third cousin, Ammon.
He planned a takeover of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge. He brought reallllllly big guns with him — but he forgot food.
This man is too dumb to save.
In fact, the Twitterverse has dubbed Ammon and his lemmings YALL QAEDA.
The Bundy family hates government interference. Except when they are enjoying those $500,000 loans they got from the government. Now they say they are not leaving the Reserve until the Federal Government releases the sanctuary for logging, mining and whatever the fuck those nimrods feel like doing with it, up to and including killing each other off. Oh, and they also want the release of two imprisoned arsonists who set fire to 130 acres of federal land. Also they want snacks……Yes. Snacks. Because they didn’t bring any food to their Takeover Party.
Bundy says the last thing he wants is violence, while fondling his automatic weapon. I think that was exactly what Bundy wanted. He figured his own particular WACO example would be over on Day 1 and he could mow a couple of people down. Either that or he figured the government would back down in fear of a WACO-type encounter. He wanted a showdown at the OK Corral like he almost got in 2014 when the Government backed down. That was a mistake because that’s why Ammon is being a big asshole now. He thinks he can shove the government around again.
What Ammon got instead was the government ignoring him, starvation and a frozen ass.
I hope this gaggle of morons all have health insurance, because if they stay there long enough without food, their organs will start to fail. Ah well. When I heard that these big brave boys were begging for someone to give them snacks, I thought, the jokes just write themselves. They asked that people mail snacks to them. Silly boys! Don’t you know you have to fill out an official Change Of Address with the USPS before you can get mail there? Tell you what: I’ll mail you the form. It should take 7-10 days for you to get it and then another week or two for processing.
This food begging thing got me to thinking I need to have some fun. So I noticed a twitter account in Bundy’s name, on it and I realized that I couldn’t care less if the account was real or not. Fun is Fun. Especially when you have the perfect accomplice!
At first, I was very angry that the Bureau of Land Management didn’t just go there and blow these morons’ asses up and let the Refuge birds eat what’s left of them. Then I realized that wiser and more clever ideas were prevailing.
Nobody’s listening to Ammon Bundy and the suckers he rounded up to go watch birds with. As I realize how many birds there are residing on that sanctuary land, all I can think of is Where’s Alfred Hitchcock when you need him?
As Al Bundy’s third cousin reaches his fifth day with no food or heat (The Feds cut the power, heh heh), all I can say is Boy! You sure showed everybody! You’re the King, Al!
I thought you might like to see some of the Twitter graphics dedicated to these assclowns:
Today, Ammon said that he heard from a little Refuge birdie that the FBI is planning a raid on his important ass.
According to Bundy, the source said authorities were gathering “their equipment and their goons” at a local high school, where classes have been suspended, and “they were planning on coming in and raiding the refuge.”
No irony here, is there?
Translation: Goddammit, you Fed bastards! I want some attention and some gunfire now!!!! Also I want this land. And snacks. We need snacks.
Personally if the FBI did go in there and flatten the whole lot of these thugs, it wouldn’t bother me in the least. Because calling a bunch of white thugs demanding free land in Bumfuck Oregon a “Militia” is never going to change the fact that they are Domestic Terrorists and Big Fucking Thugs who need a dose of humility. Stat.
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