“If I Were President”

Ok let’s have some damned fun for a change!

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WhatNoWhiteBroPresident

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skinnyjeansonmen

OK….Now for Mine:

MineUnicorn Poop spotted in Oklahoma

Your turn.

76 Responses

  1. Now all I can think of is a Cabinet full of Cats: dreamy!
    Make them all calicos (girls, you know) and my life will not have been lived in vain.

  2. The creator of the gif format pronounces it jif.

    and I did steal your unicorn poop thing!

  3. If I were president, I would outlaw the use of “panels” on cable news.

  4. Please don’t everyone attack me because I do love cats. But a Cabinet full of cats? I don”t think so! Being president is hard enough without having to herd cats AND Congress.

  5. If I were president, every cabinet pick, appointment, adviser, administrative help, Supreme Court pick, every concert artist to perform at the White House, every whatever! would be a woman (qualified of course). Just a small start to balance the scales that have been so out of balance for 240 years! WTH, we’ve mostly had to put up with it all the other way for this many years!

  6. I would have the surgeon general name “peeps” as a food group on the food pyramid.
    https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/lifestyle/peeps-diorama-contest/2016/

  7. Every time someone uttered the word “like” not as a verb, or as part of a legitimate simile, but as a placeholder, he or she would have to pay $50. And like the national debt would like be gone in like about a month.

  8. according to RealClear Politics stats, Hillary needs 692 delegates to win…
    Let´s make some predictions and numbers…

  9. William, add “you know” to that and Caroline Kennedy alone could wipe out our debt.

  10. 13 Hilarious Pictures That Prove Why Women Live Longer Than Men

  11. Very long link, but has a video…maybe I need to learn a trick or two?

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/03/23/sorry-bernie-supporters-your-candidate-is-not-currently-winning-the-democratic-primary-race/?hpid=hp_hp-more-top-stories_thefix-sanders-230am%3Ahomepage%2Fstory

  12. oops!, I have the same problem with the “you know”.
    Maybe because in my youth I spent too much time in the Massachusetts?
    How can I get rid off it?
    don’t wanna sound too Keneddy…

  13. Everyone who uttered the words “Feel the Bern” actually would.

  14. Yet another religious zealot in elected office and voted for by God hisself, gets caught playing Bury The Salami.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/24/us/alabama-governor-robert-bentley-accused-of-affair-by-fired-official.html?smprod=nytcore-ipad&smid=nytcore-ipad-share&_r=0

  15. ROFL Caroline Kennedy. What a dumbshit. Sorry, but she has the IQ of a baloney sandwich. Thank GOD Gov Patterson refused to be bullied into putting her into the Family Senate seat and instead chose Gillibrand!!!!

    Some of you might recall that I was on a Post Roll on that subject when the whole thing was unfolding.

  16. Everyone who uttered the words “Feel the Bern” actually would.

    Preferably in their shorts.

  17. Meh. I withdraw my example of Like to William as he DID mention simile.

  18. If I were president, I would outlaw the use of “panels” on cable news.

    Specifically all-male panels discussing Women’s Issues. Or Women, period.

  19. and I did steal your unicorn poop thing!

    THIEF!!!!!

    *Throws tantrum*

  20. Peeps as food.

    Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo !!!!

  21. You KNOW I have to do it!

  22. Peeps recipes.

    https://uppitywoman08.wordpress.com/2010/05/09/so-what-do-you-do-with-month-old-peeps/

  23. God, imust, we have a couple of dozen peeps posts on this blog and you are guilty of posting some of them!

    Give peeps a chance.

  24. Peeps On Earth, of course.

  25. Speaking of articulateness or lack thereof, I happened to turn on CSPAN 3 on primary day, hoping to see a Hillary rally from the night before. But even though I never watch such things, I actually became engrossed in watching some of a hearing of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee questioning a Deputy Secretary of State for Management and Resources, whose name is Heather Higginbottom. She was superb. She knew everything, had an answer for everything; stared down a couple of right-wing Republicans who kept hammering at her for having allocated $500 million to an International Green Fund; and spoke in complete and well formed sentences. She is a potential star if I have ever seen one. I’d make her Secretary of State, except that she may not have sufficient foreign relations background. And what I also liked is that she did not seem like one of those rather cold and efficient business types, but had some charm and warmth. She was as impressive as anyone I have ever seen in a similar capacity, or any of those occasional TV pundits.

  26. God, imust, we have a couple of dozen peeps posts on this blog and you are guilty of posting some of them!

    Guilty as charged! I’ll have my peeps call your peeps!

    Sophie, did you steal Uppity’s unicorn joke? Then you know what you must do, right? Take a page from the Sandman and SUE her! Yes, when you steal from someone, you get to sue THEM!

  27. If I were President:

    1- Women would have full, equal rights to all American Men, in pay, opportunities and justice.

    2- Elections – Candidates would have to submit their full resume, pass an above average IQ test, and only a set amount of money would be required to run, no campaign donations accepted under the law, and equal, free tv time for final two candidates of each party. All caucus elections would be ended.

    3- All apartments would have reasonable rent control and allow, well taken care of pets…especially black labs.

  28. Peeps, Peeps, Peeps, PEEPS!!!!

    I’ve already eaten two little boxes and Easter basket time isn’t even here yet.

  29. Uppity Woman, on March 24, 2016 at 3:19

    You KNOW I have to do it!

    ———OMG, this is great. I Peep bombed all my friends with this.

  30. RIP Gary Shandling

  31. I just got around to reading this article and found it to be spot on regarding the Bernie Gals. I don’t know if it was posted here or linked here before but in case it wasn’t below is the link. Please read if you haven’t yet done so.

    The author did a great articulating what we all know

    http://www.salon.com/2016/03/03/my_gen_x_hillary_problem_i_know_why_we_dont_like_clinton/

  32. Hillary will be on Jimmy Kimmel tonight. (ABC)

  33. Upps:
    How in the hell did you get the peeps in Hitchcok´s the Birds?
    So funny, and yes so cute…
    You are soo …gifted? or wicked?…

  34. Wicked disguised as gifted, Belle.

    That was first posted here in 2010. Back when we were Prolific Peeps Posters. Say that 10 times fast.

  35. NICE article FLVoter!!!! If someone doesn’t click on that link (and believe me, a lot of good links go unclicked here), they have no one to blame but themselves.

  36. UW, I flagged that article to read a while ago and I was so impressed with how the author conveyed her thoughts and how she was able to identify the sexism she experienced. I kept thinking to myself Yes, Yes, Yes throughout the entire article. She nailed it when she explained so well why all women should be backing Clinton. I think one of the best lines in the article was when she said:

    “Because nothing says “sexism is dead” like a woman voting for Bernie.”

  37. I liked that she picked up and honed in on that brat in the town hall’s “question” which was really a statement meant to be a dig. She went into detail on his “tone” and how it wasn’t fitting for someone who was talking to a former FLOTUS, Senator and SOS. I remember that comment very well. “Berned” into my memory.

  38. That’s what I was thinking, imust. I remember that scuzzy guy, he stuck in my mind. He was unkempt, looked like he just rolled out of bed, flabby and pretty much a gross looking thing with dirty stubble, who didn’t disappoint in matching his tone to his grossness. Yet, he was oddly smug, as if he were really none of those things and he was quite impressed with himself. And there he was, poster boy for losers, talking down to Hillary. He really bothered me because he was so odious. I am glad he had impact on women, albeit not the impact his undeserved narcissist self expected.

  39. Oh, Shandling died. I confess i never found him particularly funny, but he seems to have died rather young. Apparently, he died of what they only call “Natural Causes” but do not plan an autopsy, but instead will check his medical records to figure out what it is he could die of. I just thought that was rather odd, but what do I know. They said he had no known illnesses. Best guess is probably Sudden Cardiac Arrest.

  40. Sophie, did you steal Uppity’s unicorn joke? Then you know what you must do, right? Take a page from the Sandman and SUE her! Yes, when you steal from someone, you get to sue THEM!

    Who said Bernie hasn’t taught us what to do when you are guilty.

  41. She was superb. She knew everything, had an answer for everything; stared down a couple of right-wing Republicans who kept hammering at her for having allocated $500 million to an International Green Fund; and spoke in complete and well formed sentences. She is a potential star if I have ever seen one. I’d make her Secretary of State, except that she may not have sufficient foreign relations background. And what I also liked is that she did not seem like one of those rather cold and efficient business types, but had some charm and warmth. She was as impressive as anyone I have ever seen in a similar capacity, or any of those occasional TV pundits.

    Obviously these qualities are so rare for a woman that it bears Notation. Sorry, I just couldn’t resist, thinking if she were a guy one would just say he was “impressive” without the analysis. It is nice that once in awhile we find that rare capable woman, they are so uncommon.

    *Ducking and running*

  42. Hahahah Lindsey. Why don’t you tell us how you really feel?

    Just because it’s true….

  43. Does this mean Uppity is going to sue me the next time she steals all my Scotch?

    I read that Hana Schank article a few weeks ago. Right on the money. I too had a visceral reaction to that snot nosed “I haven’t done one fucking thing but I’m a millennial with a dick so I can talk down to a former Secretary of State with a vagina” loser. We need one of him the night before every single primary to coalesce the women’s vote. Lots of women who are doing well today forget moments like those that are all too common.

  44. I’m tellin’ ya–Lindsey’s voting for Hillary!

  45. Caught those two smug dipshits, Heilemann and Halperin on MSNBC assuring everyone that Bernie still has a very good shot at the nomination.
    Oh, and Bernie is pretty sure to take New York.
    Dipshits!

  46. This is an Onion piece that has absolutely perfectly factual sentences–the parody is that it’s true. We are truly living in absurd times.

    Female Presidential Candidate Who Was United States Senator, Secretary Of State Told To Be More Inspiring

  47. flvoter, thanks for the link. Needless to say, I skipped the comments section because Salon and its imbecile readers enjoy prominent places on my shit list.
    Hard to believe, though, that the writer of this good article had no idea that sexism still existed in this country, until she personally felt its sting.
    What a paucity of imagination.

  48. Brace yourself for some unicorn poop.

  49. “Because nothing says “sexism is dead” like a woman voting for Bernie.”

    I’m printing that out on a sticker and wearing it to my caucus this Saturday.
    Right next to my “Hillary” button from 2008.😀

  50. Does this mean Uppity is going to sue me the next time she steals all my Scotch?

    Well you left the data….um I mean…..the scotch out in the open, so I just checked it to make sure everything was okay…

    *Runs off to NES to file a claim*

  51. Hillary just killed it on Jimmy Kimmel. Hope to bring some video later for those who missed it.

  52. At Voting, can’t wait to see it. Thanks for the heads up!

  53. Because I just couldn’t NOT post this:

  54. Or this….

  55. I think a lot of the problems that we as women experience with sexism is because we really don’t have time to waste with Neanderthals who would never admit what they do is sexist. We just move forward. We are generations of doers. And the clueless women who just don’t want to admit sexism exists until it effects personally are selfish. Lucky for them that it’s still prevalent so eventually every woman will experience some degree. But the trailblazers they get the worst of it and our job is to help them by refusing to stay silent and supporting them. Yes I will vote for Hillary Clinton because she is a woman.

  56. Yeah! And don’t tell me I can’t vote with my Vagina when men have been voting with their dicks for centuries!

  57. UW very very true!

  58. Voting I meant to give you five stars but I hit four by mistake. Sorry

  59. Upps, I believe you meant FOR their dicks. LOL! 🙂

  60. Regarding the recent horror in North Carolina:

    Would anyone with clout say the cold truth: That the roll backs in LGB rights are often the cause of damaging trans-activism that does not speak for the gay community, and has often hijacked the movement.

    One of the things Human Rights Campaign decries is that the NC decision “Denies Trans Youth Access to Appropriate Facilities In School” (i.e. Straight guys with a autogynephile fetish can’t use the women’s rest room). The whole public-bathroom brouhaha was the fulcrum that got ALL LGB rights legislation removed in the state.

  61. It’s ridiculous that legal protections against anti-gay discrimination can be denied in 2016. But that just demonstrates why it’s important that gay people should be allowed to fight their own battles without having to deal with the baggage surrounding trans rights. From what I’ve read, conservatives pushed the issue of allowing bio males into women’s spaces in order to gain support for the law.

    Religious types suddenly become very concerned about the rights of women and children when it suits their agenda. Look at Michelle Duggar’s robocall about how supporting LGBT rights means allowing male sex offenders into women’s bathrooms, and how this made her worry about her daughters’ safety. We now know that she couldn’t give a flying fuck about allowing sex offenders access to her daughters – she was happy to let them LIVE with one who’d already molested four of them. She’s admitted that she doesn’t even see sexual assault as a big deal as long as the victim is too young to understand what’s happened, or they’re touched “through the clothes”. But she was more than happy to play the concerned mother in order to support Anti-LGBT laws. In this respect, the trans rights movement has been a gift to homophobes – it makes it easier for them to attack gay rights.

  62. Hillary and Jimmy Kimmel did a great skit on “mansplaining”. Ripped open the misogyny in the media BIG TIME. When vid is available, hope everyone gets to see it.

  63. Up, I was flummoxed ( nice word for what I really was) by William’s comment too. God love him, he meant well!

  64. And to think–unisex bathrooms were the reason we couldn’t have the ERA.

  65. And as a result of our shiny new pro-discrimination law in NC, Caitlyn Jenner must use the men’s restroom and Chaz Bono the women’s. Worked out well, don’t you think?

  66. I am astonished by the news that Ted Cruz had multiple sexual affairs. Astonished that anyone would want to fuck him.

  67. That would make Hillary the only candidate who has not cheated on a spouse or been divorced.

  68. Oh yeah! The girl killed it on Jimmy Kimmel last night. Thing is… you just know the steely-eyed exasperation is her real reaction to all of this misogynistic bs. I wonder if anyone saw her as well on Kimmel a few months back where she interacted with kids on his “Out of Focus Group”? It was funny, but sad too to see how even kids aren’t escaping these tired old memes. Just watch it (the Kids, Politics… one) and tell me you don’t want to (lightly) smack the smug, macho little boy who dominates the group. https://www.willhillarywin.com/tagged/now-showing/page/12/

  69. I am astonished by the news that Ted Cruz had multiple sexual affairs. Astonished that anyone would want to fuck him.

    OMG ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL my thoughts exactly!

  70. Jules, if they have a dick they belong in the men’s room.

  71. I hear ya, Rebel!!!

  72. NEW POST UP

  73. There are rumors spreading by the Enquirer of the Big Dawg having health issues. I hope to God it isn’t true.

  74. Bill has not looked good to me.

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