No you may not. And everybody knows why except you. We will, however, be happy to sponsor your Frontal Lobe evaluation.
After tonight, Ron Paul’s loaners to Bernie can return to their roots, having had the tasteless fights, fake polls, youtube trolling opportunities and all the chances to call people cunts they could ever dream of. Thank goodness for Gary Johnson. We will see them again in four years, of course. They are like the Haley’s Comet of Politics.
After tonight, people will be safer from the severe injury they could incur by accidentally standing in the path between Bernie Sanders and a microphone.
After tonight, beer-pongers across the nation will comprehend that nobody wants to pay their bills for them for life.
After tonight, Bernie Groupies AKA White Frat Boys across the nation will no longer get to enjoy the box lunch on the bus to the next rally, compliments of Karl Rove.
After tonight, a large portion of the nation’s Millennials will have finally realized that, in the real world, second place does not mean The Winner and you do not get a trophy just for showing up. Most importantly, they will learn that there is no such thing as an entire generation of Special Snowflakes.
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