NSF requests $3 billion in “Stimulus” money for more employee self-stimulation

pornguyThe National Science Foundation needs some of that stimulus money. They just can’t keep up with the salaries of all those government funded employees who self- stimulate  all over government owned computers. After all, it’s in the name of Science.

In fact, the problem appears to be pretty common over at NSF. We need to help them now. One guy spent 20% of his work day downloading porn, much to the pride of his mother. And he’s a senior official, leading by example.  I mean, we can’t keep this up unless we give these pigs $3 billion to help them stimulate themselves on taxpayer money. After all, they are doing it for Science!

The “it,” of course, is pornography. And Grassley has seen it deep in a demurely titled section of a report from the National Science Foundation — a report that says NSF employees have been spending significant amounts of company time on smut sites and in other explicit pursuits.

Grassley, the ranking member of the Senate Finance Committee, on Tuesday fired off a letter to the NSF’s inspector general requesting all documents related to the “numerous reports” and seven investigations into “Abuse of NSF IT Resources” cited in the foundation’s 68-page semiannual report.

Despite the less-than-lurid sound of the probes, the employees in question weren’t just logging onto their Facebook accounts or buying birthday gifts on Amazon.com. The report says they were watching, downloading and e-mailing porn, sometimes for significant portions of their workdays, and over periods of months or even years.

In one particularly egregious case, the report says one NSF “senior official” was discovered to have spent as much as 20 percent of his working hours over a two-year interval “viewing sexually explicit images and engaging in sexually explicit online ‘chats’ with various women.”

Investigators calculated the value of the time lost at more than $58,000 — for that employee alone. 

Hey how about that “Senior Official?”. I mean, he needs love too!  A bargain at twice the price, wouldn’t you say? One day all of his minions will be able to spend 20% of their government salaried time on porn too if they play their cards right. I do hope this pig doesn’t have a wife and kids. I also hope that half of his “chats” with “Various Women” turn out to be guys in online drag. That should shut his testosterone down for a bit. I also wonder if  any of them were minors, but nevermind. After all, it’s for Science!

How much do you want to bet that these pigs  STILL get the $3 billion? After all, they can pull a Geithner and just call it an honest mistake. Hell, if that guy could deliberately evade paying taxes that were already pre-paid to him by somebody else,  and still be appointed Secretary of the Treasury of all things, then why can’t the NSF get their Stimulating Stimulus money? Afterall, it’s supposed to “stimulate the economy” and we all know that the porn industry is seeking a bailout to “rejuvinate”, having been “Hard” hit by the economy. NSF could help them out during their work day!

Incidentally, Mr. Grassley sure has come a long way. So many have forgotten when he thought it was a good idea to legalize prostitution and pimping –so we could tax them. So please excuse me if I see this guy as a blowass when it comes to matters of morality.

Oh and one more thing: Avoid buying any surplus computer equipment that hails from NSF. We wouldn’t want you to touch anything they’ve handled.